time is such an exquisite yet atrocious concept.

 

there's a beauty to how it's one of the most important things in life yet it can also turn bitter when it outpaces you.

time is an idea that is never going to be concrete yet essential to everybody's existence.

and most of all, the most uncanny importance of time is how it heals scars in various unpredictable ways.

 

the heat of the sun trickled against his skin as the light sheen of sweat coated his body, along with the welcome throbbing of his veins as his legs work their way to carry his weight as he jogs. the breeze was barely there, but he knew the difference of japan's wind like the back of his hand; don't get him wrong, hinata loved and enjoyed his time in brazil. the sand in between his toes, the scorching heat that beat down on him while playing at the beach, along with the smell of the sea that has always calmed his mind on nights when he's restless, mind running faster than how he runs in his early morning runs.

and yet, here he was closing his eyes, basking in the rather welcome japan winds that seemed to be enveloping him into an embrace saying, 'welcome back.' the music in his ears almost fading in the background as he once again opened his eyes to look at the familiar trees, a warm smile on his lips.

hinata shoyo is no stranger to starting from scratch, thus when he decided to train for beach volleyball in a country so far from his comfort zone, he knew he'd be able to come home with a bunch of learning and he'd be able to apply for his own good. the two years he spent in the foreign country will never be forgotten, it was a time he wisely used to find himself and to actually see what else he can do with the set of talent presented to him.

 

however, hinata shoyo isn't a liar either. he knew that it wasn't just for self development that he went away.

 

'this is the part where we go our own ways.' it painfully echoed in his head, time suddenly suspended as his mind raced faster than his current physical speed.

 

as sudden as it came, it passed like a bullet and it was gone. shaking his head, he deeply sighs, there's no use thinking about it now. not now that he's managed to convince himself that it's time to pace himself and get back on track.

 

 

curled up in his little bed that he seems to finally outgrew, he spent some time staring into the ceiling blankly, willing himself to detach all fond memories of high school from a particular point of his life that pushed him so hard he decided to move to another country.

playing with karasuno was a blessing in his life, a revelation, a turning point and most of all, the reason why he needs to go on. he cannot let the efforts of the people who gave him the push to fly high go to waste, he was much better than that.

 

no, really.

he's doing what's right. he has nothing to fear. nothing to worry about.

 

he kept repeating it inside his head as if holding onto an invisible prayer hoping if he chants it enough, it'll actually come true.

as the night falls, shoyo lets his eyes fall close, trying to ignore the screaming insistent voice at the back of his head whispering, 'i'm sorry.'

 

despite the disturbing things that flooded his mind as soon as he came back to japan, the reality of his comeback had finally sunk in the moment tanaka's deadly hug around his body drained all the oxygen he had, as he choked from the older male's arms. "s-senpai-'' he managed to choke out, his face contorting into an obscure expression. his eyes turned to sugawara who's laughing at the very enthusiastic younger male's grand gesture.

"help-" he rasped out and finally daichi peels off a sobbing tanaka away from shoyo's limp body. "hey come on now. we're getting nowhere." the older male grinned and nagged. getting back on his feet properly, shoyo finally finds a fond and wide grin on his lips as he finally gets a good look at the three males in front of him.

"it's been a while, hasn't it?" he nudged tanaka by the arm. "i'm sorry i took too long before reaching out, things have been really hectic there." he scratches the back of his head, embarrassed at the long time that he hasn't contacted any of his senpai's,

at first, he really was busy. he was trying to make ends meet, running deliveries, balancing proper training and learning about beach volleyball in a country that was anything but comfortable. eventually, when he settled into a routine with the help of pedro and the friends he had made in brazil, it felt like he just shied away from the life he had in japan. it was as if he was scared the facade he had worked hard on forming would crack the moment he heard the older males' stories and the things they wanted to tell him.

"that's okay," sugawara's comforting voice soothed hinata's guilt as they settled back into the seats of the restaurant they decided to meet up at. "we all had lives that we cannot put on hold. and what matters is you're back now!" he continued, enthusiastically.

daichi then grabs the younger male by the shoulders, as if unable to register how much the shorty of karasuno has changed over the few years they didn't get to see each other. "you really are a different man now, hinata. you're…"

 

for a moment, he was at a loss for words. "larger."

 

sure enough, hinata did finally catch up on the growth he missed back when the older members were still active with him in karasuno. he at least grew a few inches, and was now wider, stronger-looking, not to forget the tan that the sun in brazil contributed to the change.

he strikes his trademark embarrassed smile that was so familiar to the three, to the point that they couldn't help but laugh and chatter away as they shared drinks and caught up on the updates each and one of them has.

"yeah, i am planning to go to a tryout." he confirms when daichi inquired about his plans of going pro. they've caught up on daichi's current status as a policeman, suga's ever so charming students at the elementary school and tanaka's wedding with kiyoko, now, it's his turn to detail the future plans he has for returning to japan.

listening intently, tanaka moves and leans over, "MSBY Black Jackals, right?" he launches into a boisterous sound of appreciation, very much aware of the strength of the mentioned team. "you're going to make it, i'm sure, hinata!" he turns to sugawara, "what's up with our scrawny first years? hinata trying out for the Jackals and tsukishima is with Sendai Frogs and even kageyama is with the Adlers!"

 

 

the silence that followed carried a heavy change in the atmosphere. the tick of the clock seems to be a lot louder than it was hours before when they arrived.

the older males shared wary glances at each other, as if trying to gauge the depth of damage tanaka had poked into hinata. letting out a chuckle, hinata finally breaks the ice. "i know, right?" he lets himself sigh, "we all went our own ways."

 

 

the ringing continued to echo on the other side of the line endlessly, with furrowed brows, he looked down on his wrist watch and checked the time. 'was i too early?' hinata tilted his head and exhaled, no, he definitely wasn't. he was actually punctual and was just on time. the sun shone brightly in the busy streets that faced the train station.

it had been a long time since he last visited osaka and yet it's still the same brightly lit and busy city that daunted him before when he was younger. however, the only difference is, the uneasiness he's feeling right now isn't because of the actual image of the city.

it was more of what osaka has in store for him now that he's decided to get back to the career he has always dreamed of dipping his toes into.

 

"called for a car service?" a voice made him jump out of his reverie, accompanied by a large boom of honking. hinata couldn't help but strike a wide smile at the face that welcomed him as the window of the car rolled down.

"it's been a while hasn't it, bokuto-san?"

 

with the time that has passed from the time they last met up, hinata's chest was filled with relief and warmth the moment he got into the car; bokuto hasn't changed at all. the way he'd converse with the younger, his top-of-the-world energy, his comical gestures and larger than life expressions. it brought so much reassurance that even if the whole world was changing every minute and second that passed, there's still something hinata could hold onto that wouldn't change.

akaashi sat on the driver's seat calmly driving, chiming in and out on their conversation, accommodating hinata's ever so fast inquiries about the things he has missed during the few years that has passed.

 

if there's one thing that hinata appreciated most is the fact that akaashi is always going to be there for bokuto. to the younger male, bokuto is one of the strongest supports that keeps him grounded. in brazil, there's so much that makes him empty, making him feel little and isolated.

bokuto's spam-like messages gave him so much strength whenever he'd open his eyes from sleep and end up finding out that the older male has sent him over 50 plus messages about how the other's day went. hinata even spent an hour or so of his weekends video calling bokuto, a touch of home that felt like an embrace from japan, urging him to continue on.

hinata wanted to be some kind of home to the other male too, however, looking at the two right now, his lips are curled into a smile that he can't even get off.

 

how could he ever miss it?

how could he have missed how in love they were with each other?

 

he watches as akaashi scolds bokuto for burning this morning's breakfast in amusement; and bokuto retorts that he was too distracted preparing to welcome the younger male back by cleaning up their place.

"you really didn't have to, bokuto-san!" hinata exclaimed, nudging the older male's shoulder. "you know i'm not picky with places i stay at. besides, i'm just going to be there until i finalize the contract for the place i'll be renting if i happen to pass the tryouts."

akaashi glances at the younger male and shrugged, "it's actually a lot easier if you stay with us instead." his calm demeanor adding up to his even tone. "it's not a big deal, we have an extra room since we share a bed anyway. you can just share a bit of the chores, hinata."

to be fair, hinata really got along with akaashi well. even back in high school and the few times they got to meet up outside of tournaments, akaashi has always regarded him like a younger brother. which is why he's not going to take advantage of the fond affections of the two and opted to find his own place instead.

besides, bokuto and akaashi are officially together, hinata can imagine how uncomfortable it'd be if there's someone else at home with them when they have things they'd want to do together on their own.

he can feel his face heating up before he could respond to the older male, "really, it's okay, you two. i still might drop by at your place if i don't get drafted to the Black Jackals." he says, lightening up the mood and never forgetting the what if's that came along with his decision to try out for bokuto's team.

even with the experience he had in brazil, he's still considering the what if's; of course, he has been gone from the scene for two years, things might've changed.

maybe he wasn't enough.

no.

he stopped himself before he began doubting the things he forged to be his foundation. hinata has always strived to suppress the doubt and the worries inside his head, and he's not going to let it mess him up now.

he has too much to lose.

 

finally, the drive came to an end and they arrived at the older males' shared apartment. it was cozy, not too small, not too big. just enough for a couple that likes sharing everything together. he couldn't help but smile at how perfect the two moved together.

"and what are you smiling at?" bokuto notes as he plops down the couch beside hinata, akaashi far inside the kitchen, starting to cook for their dinner like the responsible man that he is. hinata shook his head, a smile on his lips. "i'm just happy for you, bokuto-san. you seem really content. and happy." he responds, eyes softly gazing at the other male. "well of course, i'm happy because you're here!"

"i am too," he whispered under his breath, as tilts his head down, trying to suppress the question that echoed after his response.

"you haven't seen him yet, have you?" bokuto's question didn't come as a surprise. after all, the other male was one of the people who helped hinata to gather up the bits and pieces of his broken heart when it shattered. "no," was his breathless answer. "i have no intention to." he adds, looking up and striking a small smile at bokuto, the most that he could.

 

"yeah, you don't have to." the other male agreed, exhaling loudly. "you've got us awesome buddies here, you don't need anyone else!" the other's obnoxiously loud voice pierced through the younger's ears, and he broke into a large grin. "seriously, if you didn't choose to go pro, you would've done something with that loud voice of yours as a job!" hinata teased.

 

and the night continued on with the loud and lighthearted chatter the three engaged in over dinner. it was relieving for the orange-haired boy, it was normal. something he hasn't experienced in a long time, the longing evident. soon after dinner, it was time to hit the hay.

akaashi apparently has to go to the office early in the morning the next day and bokuto and hinata have to be at the tryouts early to give a head start at practicing before being introduced into the tryout proper. they have quite a busy morning ahead of them and fatigue begins to creep over hinata's shoulder, thus, he waves the two good nights and closes the door behind him.

the room was actually spacious, the bed was incredibly comfortable that as soon as he laid down on the mattress, fatigue began to loom over his head like a shadow. yet, his eyes lingered open, eyes watching the ceiling as the moon gave a bit of light in the darkness of the room.

he lets his hand rub the sheet under him, and all of a sudden, a particular memory he buried at the back of his mind was back, flashing violently right in front of his eyes.

 

 

he tugged at the soft material of the taller male's shirt, his chest feeling constricted as the words left the other's mouth. his ears were ringing, his breathing slowed down and hinata's left in a dumbfounded daze. excruciatingly slow, he lifts his head, eyes searching kageyama's, complete confusion carved in every single curve of his face. "what're you- why?" he couldn't even form the full thought, nor deliver it in a way the other would understand what he's asking.

 

why is he saying this?

 

"there's nothing left for us to stay where we are now." kageyama's words pierced through his ears like a bullet, curving to hit back into his heart. after a brief pause, he gazed into hinata's eyes, his gaze void of any feeling. "it's simple," he shrugs. "there's no reason for us to go forward together. this is where we part ways."

 

"just what the hell are you saying?" hinata found his voice, yet this voice wasn't how he truly felt. his heart was crippled with fear, longing and disappointment, yet he sounded so angry and filled with distaste.

 

"we have different paths to take. " kageyama whispered before he turned his back, as if in slow motion, hinata's time seems to have begun to take an extra slow pace. "you're not a part of my plans."

 

"be well."

 

 

curling up into a fetal position, hinata let himself break. in a long time, he has endured not thinking about it, now, in this dark room, back in the country where everything ended, he has let himself be unguarded. letting his walls down to release every little thing that reminded him of it.

 

and he fell apart, falling into a slumber as the tears dried on his face.