You should've been there, Jisoo

It was supposed to be at six o’clock in the evening when she was going to arrive. 

But as I went through the hallway, feeling everyone’s eyes on me, I knew I should have been happy, but how could I be happy when, as I sat down, I didn’t see the figure of the person I’d been waiting for?

I shake my head off, focusing as I smile at my friends, whom I’m sure have been talking about things I barely know about. 

"-- And, then, he kneeled down on one knee. Then, then," The owner of the medium-pitch voice raised her hand, showing a shiny gold ring that had a minimalist design on it." Then he asked me to marry him! Marry him!" 

And they all laughed, saying how adorable and gorgeous Hyo-jong, Hyun-ah’s now fiancé, proposed to Hyun-ah.

"You shouldn’t have invited her here," A voice whispered beside me.

I looked at the person beside me and saw my one and only best friend, Lisa. Lisa was the first person I met during my first solo journey to Thailand, which was a huge mistake at first, because I hadn’t met anyone who could speak English that well until Lisa. After she offered me to tour all around, we then became friends and have been inseparable since, and after seven years passed, she’s been my best friend.

I tried to suppress a smile before I went back to watch my friends gushing about how amazing Hyo-jong’s proposal to Hyun-ah was. 

"I actually find her entertaining," I say, restraining myself from looking at the door that isn't too far away from me.

"She’s stealing your spotlight," Lisa said, frowning as she glared at the group of friends in front of us. "I mean, it’s your birthday. The birthday girl is supposed to be the center of attention. Not some girl who literally got engaged a month ago and hasn't stopped talking about it since."

I laughed at what she said, hitting her on the shoulder in the process, which earned a whine from her. 

"Just let her be, Liz."

"I’m getting sick of it." I can sense the bitterness in her voice. "Do you want a drink?"

"I’m fine."

"You sure?"

I didn’t say anything. Instead, I just hummed in response and continued to look at my friends who were now drinking liquor from the shelves. Lisa is now away from my sight, which I’m glad of. At that moment, I would have joined them, but I wasn’t in the mood. I don’t know why, but I wasn’t just in the mood to be drunk.

And so I stayed still in my seat. I tried my best not to glance at the door that wasn’t so far away from me, but I just couldn’t help it. She was supposed to be here, but then she wasn’t. How long do I have to wait?

I tried to open my phone, hoping for a text that perhaps– just maybe– saying she’ll be arriving at any minute, but I didn’t. Not even a single text, not even a small hi or anything– even a dot– was not there.

"Here," I glance to find the owner of the voice. Lisa was standing beside me, handing me a drink.

"I told you that I didn’t want one," I say, taking the drink anyway. 

Lisa seemed to ignore what I’d said. Instead, she sat beside me in silence and took a sip of her beer before speaking up. "She’s not coming, isn’t she?" 

Instead of answering her question by telling her that Jisoo was going to come, I couldn’t say anything at that moment. The only thing I could do was stare at the glass of scotch she had just handed me a while ago. Jisoo had promised me that she’d be coming early for my birthday. She promised, and even though I knew damn well that she wasn’t good at keeping her promises to me, I still wanted to hold onto that hope—that perhaps she was going to come and she was just running late. After all, a promise is a promise, and I knew Jisoo wouldn’t break her promise... right?

And so I told Lisa and myself that a thousand times as Lisa went to fetch herself another beer.

"Hey!" 

Hearing another familiar voice, I looked up only to find my other best friend, Jennie Kim. 

"Jennie," I say, before being engulfed in a tight hug. "I can’t breathe, Jen."

"I missed you!" Jennie giggled, barely letting go of her arms around me.

"We just literally saw each other like last week, Jen." 

"Where’s Jisoo? You should be having the time of your life, girl!"

"She’s running late."

Jennie’s face fell down. "Again?"

I didn’t say anything back. Instead, I glanced at myself in the mirror, and noticed my dress was kind of wrinkled from the hug. I could still see my red lipstick present on my lips, which I’m glad of, because I don’t think I’ll be able to come back here once I’ve gotten into my room. 

The dress I wore was the one Jisoo brought a few days ago, and I could clearly remember how she told me she would have loved to see me in this dress. And so I wore it today to impress her with how pretty I was, because I knew she would love to see me. 

"I’m sorry," I heard Jennie. "That was a stupid response. I shouldn’t have said that."

"It’s okay."

Jennie held my hand and guided me somewhere. I knew she didn’t buy any of the words I’d said. I know this because my best friends would always know what was wrong, even though I didn’t have to say it. I didn’t know where she was taking me, but when I realized we were going into a secluded area with her, the sinking feeling in my stomach started to worsen. Before I knew it, I was now crying in the arms of my best friend.

"She said she'd be here, Jen," I choked out. "She said she’d be here. She… She promised."

"I don’t know why she’s not coming right now, Rosie. I don’t know why, but I’m going to beat her later." I heard her hiss as she circled her finger around my back.

I didn’t say anything back. Instead, I just wept until I finally got tired. Jennie was holding my arm to support me.

"Let’s go. Everyone is waiting for the birthday girl."

Since then, Jennie hasn't left me alone. She was at my side, trying to ease the atmosphere and talking about the things that have been happening to her lately. 

In this situation, normally I would have listened to all of her stories. But I wasn’t, because my eyes weren’t focused on her, they were focused on the door located just a short distance away from us. 

Just what made Jisoo so busy that she couldn’t even show up to her girlfriend’s birthday party for once? 

I tried to play with the rim of my glass. At this point, I just wanted to be alone and perhaps drown myself in misery in my room. And I've been going on like that until three hours had passed. 

I knew my party was about to end. Because the next thing that happened was that they were now singing me a happy birthday song. 

If only the person I wanted was here. I would have been so happy. My happiness would have skyrocketed, but then, she wasn’t. As they sang me a happy birthday song, I felt my stomach curling up into disappointment until I heard a door click behind Lisa.

I could see Lisa smiling at that person before letting them in. My hopes were getting high, my happiness was ready to jump, but when I finally got to take a look at the figure, my face fell down. Yeri shows up, and I know Yeri was a busy woman whose original big line is located in Switzerland, yet she managed to come here. 

"Rosie, happy birthday!" Yeri cheered, raising her hands to greet me.

I smiled a little, trying to ease the disappointment building up inside me. 

"Here," Yeri handed me something, which I guessed was a gift. "Since you’re a big Saint Laurent fan, I figured out you want to have their latest limited edition model." 

With a big smile across her face, I knew Yeri was proud of what she had gotten for me. And I am too, but the disappointment was strong enough to not let me fully show, and I guessed she noticed it. I swear I tried.

"What’s wrong? You didn’t like it?" She asked, looking into my eyes.

I shook my head, trying to smile so brightly that my cheeks were starting to hurt. 

"No, no, no. It’s not like that. I mean, I love it, Yeri-ah." I say, checking the gift she had gotten for me.

"That’s great. I’m happy you like it. I had to fight the manager in order to get one of those." Yeri says, chuckling at herself. "Anyway, where’s the girlie Jisoo?"

"I don’t know. She said she’d be here," Jennie replied, caressing my back with her hand. 

Yeri seemed to get the situation, because she stiffened for a moment before looking at me softly. 

"I’m sure she’ll be here, Rosie." 

I didn’t say anything further. I’ve been repeating that sentence to myself for thousands already, and until now, she wasn’t still here. I felt stupid for hoping she'd show up.

Another hour passed, and it was almost eleven o’clock in the evening. I knew the party was almost done because some of my friends were now starting to leave. And as every minute passed, my stomach was starting to feel sick. 

Even just a minute, even just a slight moment, or probably a glimpse of her face, I wanted to see Jisoo, but she wasn’t here.

She never came in the end. And as much as I wanted to give in to Jennie and Lisa’s insistence on staying with me, I know I couldn’t do that, because that would be selfish of me. 

And now I am left alone in my room. I entangled myself with the cold sheets as I cried silently. First, the meeting with my parents; Second, the meeting with my friends; and lastly, my birthday.

It was now one o’clock in the morning, and I know I should have just gone to sleep instead, but how can I sleep when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show up at your party? 

Honestly, I don’t know anymore. All I ever wanted was for her to show up, even for just a minute. Did I ask for too much?

All of a sudden, a loud chime echoed in my room. I didn’t bother to view it, I was too swallowed in my sadness, and when that loud chime turned to a familiar ringtone, I knew that it was her.

"Hey," Jisoo’s voice was apologetic, but I don’t know if she truly meant it. "I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your party. Work was busy and I was needed."

"I’m sorry too…" I said as I hung up the phone and curled up with my sheets.

Jisoo probably didn’t know, but that was the excuse she used last time she didn’t get to come. And that was the moment I knew.