The airport is awfully busy on a Tuesday morning. 

After successfully escaping a fifteen person crowd and signing object after object after limb, Seungwan taps at her phone to text her manager – wincing lightly as her fingers painfully hit the screen because of the icy temperature. 

I’ve arrived.

She stuffs her phone back in her pocket, arms crossing across her chest while she waits. As she lets herself gaze around; at the people rushing to terminals and checking in their flights, Seungwan can’t help but feel weird.

She still can’t really believe she’s here. In Seoul.

The twelve hour flight across the North Pacific Ocean was a whole blur, but now – now, she’s really feeling it creep under her skin. Because, it was here. Here, where her acting career stemmed from and she was finally back after three full years.

“Oh my god, look, it’s so pretty!”

Seungwan cranes her head to see a group of young girls fangirling over something showing on the large digital screen above them. It makes the sides of curl up in amusement, watching the excitement shine from their faces, so, out of curiosity, her eyes follow their pointing fingers and—

(IN CINEMAS NOW: Double Patty, starring Bae Joohyun and Shin Seungho)

Her breath gets caught up in .

The movie poster is being displayed brightly and her line of vision gravitates towards a particular crinkled smile. 

Beautiful.

It’s just as Seungwan imagined, on days she found herself sometimes thinking about the endless what if’s.

Beautiful, because there’s really no other way to describe it. No other word that even comes close.

Beautiful beautiful beautiful – and it’s jarring to Seungwan that she hasn’t completely forgotten that, hasn’t erased it out enough for her body to stop reacting innately.

Immediately, the feeling that’s been uncomfortably hanging on her ribcage for as long as she can remember kickstarts. She crawls her way back into her heart and comes alive; embers that the blonde once convinced herself were dead glowing up again, slow and careful, because it’s been here before – but it’s also the first time in a long time that Seungwan is letting it happen. 

The woman’s mouth is dry when she forces herself to look away, hand gripping more tightly onto her suitcase to stop the shaking.

Three full years, but she didn’t expect to see her – intangible, but very much her – so soon.

It’s then that her back pocket buzzes, and she doesn’t hesitate to push the thoughts away, taking it as her cue to keep an eye out for an oncoming vehicle. The blonde shudders underneath her leather jacket, deeply regretting not choosing a more winter appropriate airport outfit.

Forget Toronto – Seoul’s winters were always harsh to Seungwan.

(—but, of course, they were much harsher to her.)

•••

It’s only been a few days into the shooting of her first big film, and Joohyun already feels herself being physically drained.

It doesn’t help that her trailer is terribly insulated – the dark-haired woman can’t go over the script without her teeth chattering every few minutes. So, she often finds herself in the catering food area, standing close to the electric heater as she practices her lines.

“The weather’s really chilly these days, isn’t it?”

Joohyun jumps in her spot, swallowing her yelp in time to turn around and meet the eyes of an unfamiliar woman beside her.

Long brown hair, sharp jaw and high cheeks. She must’ve had her makeup done not too long ago, because her lashes are curled in a way that makes her pretty eyes stand out. Joohyun thinks she’s seen this person walking to the trailers on her way to the set, but this is the first time she’s really seen her, aside from those instances.

“Hi. Son Seungwan,” she says, voice gliding past her ears. The dark-haired woman steps back with a small smile and a nod, pulling her padded jacket closer to herself. She didn’t mean to be caught staring.

Seungwan continues, “Sorry if I scared you. I know we haven’t formally met yet, but I have a scene with you in a couple hours and I thought I’d personally introduce myself.”

Joohyun’s eyes light up in recognition. She recalls reading the name on the cast lineup; not really sparing more than a few seconds on what she assumed was a man’s name – a printed name-tag on the empty seat opposite to her as they went through the script reading – but she did not at all expect Son Seungwan to be a woman.

(And, a very attractive one at that—)

“Ah, right. Hello,” She clears , before quickly bowing. “It’s, uh, nice to finally meet you in person. I’m Bae Joohyun.”

She offers a hand and the woman takes it firmly. Joohyun tries to ignore the way the heat of her skin lingers after.

“Yes, I know.” Seungwan chuckles lightly. Joohyun must’ve been giving her a stunned look, because she then adds, “Actually, that’s completely not true. I didn’t, at first. But I figured a pretty woman would have a pretty name, so I just connected the dots.”

“Oh.” Joohyun is open-mouthed, unsure if she’s misinterpreting the situation or thinking too far ahead because it sounds a lot like the brunette is flirting with her. “I mean, yeah… that makes sense.”

The dark-haired woman’s face turns slightly pink. She lowers her head a little, hoping Seungwan doesn’t notice so she can play it off and blame it on the ridiculously low temperatures in this studio. Before she can manage to respond back with compliments of her own – I didn’t expect you to be this pretty either getting lost somewhere between them – the director’s voice suddenly echoes.

“Positions, everybody! From the top.”

The two women give each other knowing looks, a little awkward as they exchange silent goodbyes. It isn’t until Joohyun is bowing once more to leave for makeup touch-ups that she feels fingers reach for her wrist.

“Wait, before you go—”

There’s a sudden surge of warmth settling on her palms. Joohyun looks down to see a heat pack being pushed into her hands. Seungwan is looking straight into her eyes, when she mutters out, “You kinda looked like you needed this more than me so… here.”

Joohyun bites her lip, slightly embarrassed that she had noticed. Her mind is closing in on the fact that the other woman’s hand is still over hers, but she manages to ask, “Are you sure?”

“Never been more certain.” Seungwan says, sending the dark-haired woman a rosy smile that makes her fingertips and toes tingle. “I look forward to working with you in the future, Bae Joohyun.”

The black-haired woman returns the smile, fingers pressing into the heat beads. She hears herself saying, in a similar flirtatious tone that rarely comes out of her, “So do I, Son Seungwan.”

•••

The days gradually get warmer.

It’s been a little over three months into filming, and black-haired woman realises this because her visits to the electric heater in the catering area become less frequent.

She’s currently monitoring a scene they just shot from a recording on her manager’s phone, when there’s scuffling beside her, too familiar to startle her. Then, a coat is being placed over her shoulders, hands gentle in their touch.

“Damn,” The brunette says, peering over at the screen. “You really come out amazing on camera.”

Joohyun has gotten used to her greasy comments, rolling her eyes with her usual nonchalance, but it doesn’t make her cheeks heat up any less. She lifts her head up, “Hey, you. Did you just finish up?”

Seungwan nods, hands still busily adjusting the coat on the older woman. “Yeah, just earlier. I’m a little hungry, though.” She takes the seat beside Joohyun and they continue to monitor the scene in silence, occasionally pointing out little mistakes they made.

A few minutes later, the brunette leans in and says, in a low whisper, “Wait, do you still have that fruit bowl in your trailer? Because I have been eyeing that orange for days.”

Joohyun laughs, a real hearty one that echoes in the studio. Nobody turns their heads because it’s such a regular occurrence and it’s been like that ever since they’ve met – she finds it so amusing that Seungwan takes in details like that.

“I think so.” She bites her lip, a little nervous. “Should we… go check?”

It’s silly of her, really, because the younger woman never says no. It takes her that charming smile to know.

The days gradually get warmer.

All the staff pretend like they don’t notice how close Son Seungwan and Bae Joohyun have gotten during these past few months.

•••

“Is that alright for you, ma’am?”

Seungwan doesn’t bother opening her eyes, she knows the driver is referring to the temperature of the car heater. She adjusts in her seat, voice gruff because she hasn’t had to speak in hours, “Yeah, that’s fine. Thank you.”

The blonde had barely slept on the flight – phone flooded with emails about her attending the 57th Baeksang Arts Awards Show and what outfit she was going to be wearing on the red carpet and reading them all kept her well awake for most of the duration – so she figures she’ll try to get some rest on the ride to the hotel.

It’s only successful for a minute, before something she never considered crashes down on her.

She’s going to be there too she’s going to be there too she’s going to be there too—

“Hey, sorry. Could you please play some music?” Seungwan asks, rushing to sit up so she’s properly heard. She winces a bit because it comes out desperate and the driver looks slightly surprised by her sudden request.

“Uh – sure, ma’am.”

The blonde sighs when she hears the radio play loudly in the background and she falls back on the seat, head leaning against the window. It drowns out her thoughts enough until she hears a familiar melody faintly begin to play.

“Welcome to Throwback Tuesday. Next up: Jeong Eunji’s Moisturising.”

Oh, for ’s sake—

•••

Joohyun freezes up during one of the last scenes, two consecutive times, so the director calls for a ten minute break.

It’s a crucial scene, too – they’re nearing the ending of the film and her character has to tell the main male protagonist that she loves him.

Seungwan follows after her right when the slate hits. 

The two women are in Joohyun’s trailer, again, sharing a blanket on the couch made for one. The radio is switched on as they relish the silence; no longer awkward because it’s now routine, until the older woman frustratedly groans, leaning her head back as she stares up at the fire exit.

“I just can’t get it right. No matter how much I do it, I always stuff it up.”

There’s a sweet melody playing now in the distance – Seungwan recognises it because the song is going to be the soundtrack for their film and it’s been repeatedly playing in the studio for days on end. 

♫My shy hands that are hiding behind / Will they hold yours when they can’t hold back?

There’s a comforting hum, as the brunette shuffles closer beside her. “You mean your lines?” Seungwan asks. Her hand is spread out on her lap, palm inviting, and Joohyun doesn’t even have to think twice when she’s interlacing their fingers and falling back against the woman’s shoulder.

“Yes. And not even once. Twice, Wan. In a row.” The dark-haired woman mumbles.

“Come on, Joohyun. We all have our off-days. Besides, I think— well, everyone thinks you’ve outdone yourself this whole week. It just so happens that today isn’t so great, and honestly, so what? I’m sure after a couple more reads, you’ll have it memorised. You always do.” The brunette is gently playing with her hair, nails scratching against her scalp, and Joohyun lets out a relaxed sigh despite Seungwan’s sincerity making her chest swell.

♫If our eyes meet, don’t look at me too closely / My heart that’s strange before I know it

“Yeah, I sure hope so. The director didn’t look too happy calling the break and I’d hate to disappoint.” Her voice falls quiet. “I don’t know, I normally don’t… It’s just – for some reason, I keep struggling with this scene in particular. Even with capturing the emotion.”

There’s a line forming on Seungwan’s lips. She hates hearing how defeated Joohyun is feeling for one mistake.

♫On a night like today, I want to give you everything

“Well, then, maybe you just need a partner.” Joohyun looks up to see the younger woman smiling at her. “I can revise your lines with you, Hyun.”

Joohyun immediately sits up. “You’d do that?”

“Of course,” Seungwan bashfully grins, picking up the script from the table. She flicks through it carefully – Joohyun biting her lip nervously as she watches her – before saying, “Try hitting me with your starting line. I think I have an idea of what our main guy says.”

“Okay.” Joohyun stands, nodding as she faces her properly. She straightens her spine, looking the younger woman in the eyes, trying to get into character. Seungwan is already setting the mood, which takes her by surprise, though she doesn’t show it. At the back of her mind, Joohyun can’t help but wonder how attentive the brunette is during her scenes.

♫We quietly face each other / Without knowing who did it first

She clears .

“So, it’s like that. You’re just going to leave?”

Seungwan has the script in her hands but she’s not looking at it. “Irene, they need me. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Joohyun’s eyes are glowing back at her. She imagines it – trying to convey the pain, the grief of parting with someone she feels greatly for, visualising the scene until it’s alive in her mind. When she looks at the brunette, she imagines it again – as if it were just Joohyun and Seungwan, like they’re the only two people standing on Earth and they’re living life by this script.

“And, what if I need you? What if— What if I need you here, with me?”

Seungwan is showing a pained frown, and the older woman tries to hide how impressed she is. She’s so strikingly beautiful like this, doing what she does best with such passion, and Joohyun really can’t help but be in awe. The brunette is composed, her expressions controlled, and she’s playing this part of the script like it’s her own role, even though it isn’t. She doesn’t even know the lines by heart, nor does she need to, but it only took a couple minutes for her to recite them without a second glance, to say them like she means them – as though she really shares the same pain of the protagonist, as though the role was written for her – and it completely takes Joohyun's breath away. 

The older woman’s head feels like it’s buzzing, heart up in . She doesn’t remember it being like this during the actual shooting but she’s looking at Seungwan, admiring the way her face alone speaks a million words when she’s acting, and she can’t help but think about how she should’ve been the main character. 

Seungwan is stepping closer, continuing, “Irene, please don’t try to convince me. You and I both know it’s not that easy. And we just—”

(♫Because I fell for you—)

“I think I might be in love with you.”

“Wait, what?”

It’s nothing more than a whisper of syllables but Joohyun says the line way too soon into the scene, and it leaves them both flustered.

Seungwan glances back and forth at the script to make sure she didn’t miss the timing. The older woman can feel blood instantly rushing to her face, having enough conscience to pretend to check the clock.

“I… um,” Joohyun stammers, struggling to find the words to speak. “The break! It must be over by now. I have to go, I’m so sorry.”

The air between the two is suddenly tense, the soft guitar of Jeong Eunji’s song ringing in their ears. Seungwan watches her collect her things and Joohyun feels like her body is burning as she exits the trailer, not sparing the brunette another glance.

When the film slate claps again and the cameras are rolling, Joohyun nails the scene in a single go.

Word for word.

•••

Mornings are usually Seungwan’s thing. She particularly enjoys waking up early; always ready for the sunlight to start peeking out from the clouds, but for some reason, she can’t say the same for today.

It’s barely four, the sky still dim, and the blonde barely managed to squeeze in some sleep – her mind running wild everytime she had closed her eyes – but she gets through the last minute fittings and attends the scheduled rehearsal. She’s going to be emceeing a portion of tonight’s show, as actress Wendy Son, so she tries her best not to stumble over her pronunciation, all whilst keeping a smile on her face. The category she’ll be introducing is Best Actress – one of the most anticipated awards of the night.

As the mics are being checked, Seungwan scans through the speech cards in her hands and her eyes gaze down at her name in silver lettering under the nominee list. Her fingers brush against the surface of the card, absentmindedly. The feeling comes again; like a small flicker of heat, only this time less painful to swallow.

She had made it true.

The blonde tiredly feels her lip lift in a small smile, one she can’t really help and bother blaming on her sleep deprivation, because it comes too naturally. 

Seungwan never once searched her up, never caught up with her projects once their relationship ended – she couldn’t bring it within herself to test her curiosity that far, afraid it’ll affect her and honestly how could it not – but she isn’t completely oblivious to the woman’s name circling around every now and then. Though the details of it being a casual movie night or scheduled dinner date is blurry, Seungwan even remembers talking about it with her once. About what they want to see out of their career, one thing that would make them realise that they’ve finally made it.

“What do you want at the end of this journey?”

It was a weighty question – one that took minutes of pondering to answer, but there were a lot of those that day, as they were comfortable in each other’s embraces and riding the mood of wherever their conversations took them.

A rather normal day for Seungwan and Joohyun.

“It might be ambitious of me, but I think being nominated for Best Actress would be the only way for me to understand I’m good at what I do. Until then, I still have to work hard.”

The younger woman recalls falling sullen upon knowing she hadn’t recognised her own talent and showering her with endless reassurance, but Bae Joohyun was loud and clear that day. 

And, to no surprise, she had made it true.

The feeling comes as fast as it goes – just a small flicker of pride arising. It’s a little strange to her because the woman normally brings bitterness in and they’re exes, but Seungwan had never doubted that Joohyun would reach for the stars.

She always thought she was made for them.

•••

There’s a premiere for their film that’s held in a fancy hall, with alcohol and hors d'oeuvres.

The black-haired woman does the red carpet walk, the flashing cameras and teeth-baring smiles that make her cheeks hurt. It isn’t until she’s on her third interview that she’s reminded of it all again.

“Out of the whole cast, who do you think you’ve gotten closest to while working on this film?”

There’s only one person that immediately comes to mind, someone Joohyun hasn’t thought about in days, but she feigns wonder like she has to think about it anyway.

“I think I was extremely lucky to be surrounded by such hardworking people and I have definitely made some great friends. As for who I’ve gotten closest to, I’d have to say,” She stalls for only a second, because there’s really no point in lying, trying not to let her voice crack when she lets the name escape her, “Perhaps… Seungwan?”

The black-haired woman catches the reporter’s eyes glinting as he nods, and she suddenly feels nervous about her answer.

“That’s interesting. We actually interviewed Son Seungwan not too long ago and she also mentioned your name, for a different question.”

“She did?” The actress asks, almost breathlessly. She’s suddenly glad the camera isn’t angled in a way that captures her shakiness, hands clutching onto her dress tightly.

A nod. “Well, we first asked her whether she had a crush on set.” Joohyun’s lungs feel like they’re closing off, as her brow lifts. “She brushed off that question but said a few things about how it was a dream to work with you. You two seem to have really kicked it off!”

She finally allows herself to breathe.

There’s a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, when she says, “Yes… I suppose we have.”

The actress catches her manager gesturing from the side to start heading inside, and there’s a rush of relief she feels as she bows to the reporters to excuse herself. She poses elegantly for any last shots and waves as she’s escorted in, but the bitterness on her tongue that lingers is unexplainable. As she wanders around, now a little dazed as some people come up to greet her, Joohyun can’t help but feel extremely conscious of how Seungwan is also here too; somewhere in this crowded hall, breathing the same air again, and the two of them haven’t really spoken since that day. 

Or, rather, Joohyun has been trying to steer clear from Seungwan each chance she gets.

Every time she sees the brunette approach from the corner of her eye, she’s already busying herself with another co-actor or clarifying something with the director or making her manager lie about how she isn’t in her trailer when she really is.

She tries to tell herself it’s not on purpose, but the panic she feels rise in her chest says otherwise.

And it doesn’t help that the last time they were fine with each other, Joohyun told her that she was—

“Care for a drink, ma’am?”

There’s a tray of expensive champagne held in front of her and Joohyun sighs, fingers instantly wrapping around the stem of a glass, because it’s exactly what she needs right now to calm her nerves.

The alcohol manages to convince the actress that she just needs to get through tonight.

•••

In her hotel room, Seungwan sips on her third cup of diluted coffee for the day. There’s someone surrounding her on every side – three styling her hair, two helping her into her heels and one zipping up her dress.

The firm knock on the door suggests another addition to the team.

“In here!” The blonde yells out. She’s unable to move from her position but she can see from the reflection of the mirror that it’s her makeup artist, Sooyoung.

The woman places down her bag, with a grin. “Geez, you look like you didn’t get a wink of sleep. Excited for the big day?” 

“If you could even consider it excitement,” Seungwan sighs. The stylists eventually disperse, leaving her to get her makeup ready. The blonde looks up at the woman, as she analyses her face. “Is it that obvious though?”

Sooyoung just shrugs, rolling a seat in front of her for the woman to sit. “Well, yes – but it's nothing I can’t help out with. Sit down and look up for me please.” Seungwan does as she’s told with a small pout. The makeup artist leans in, starting to apply concealer under the blonde’s eyes with a small brush, lips curled up as she comments, “You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

Seungwan shrugs. “It’s the Baeksang Arts Awards and I’m expected to present Best Actress, Sooyoung. Who wouldn’t be nervous?”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

The blonde falls still, the words curling around her spine.

Sooyoung leans back. “It’s been three years, Wendy. I know you don’t like to talk about it but – don’t you think it’s time to stop running away from her?” The woman knows not to push any further than that.

Seungwan can only muster a hum for a response.

•••

The premiere after party is overflowing with talented people and a whole lot of press. The movie screening flies by quicker than she expects and Joohyun still hasn’t quite adjusted to it all.

Avoiding Son Seungwan like the plague is a lot harder than she thought it would be, too.

First, there’s the mandatory group picture taken amongst the cast. The black-haired woman thinks she sees her from the corner of her eye, so she makes sure she’s sandwiched between two other staff before she can comfortably smile for the shot.

Next, there’s the dinner. Joohyun arrives at the table earlier, sees her name tag right beside hers and rushes to arrange her seat to the very far end. She engages in small conversations with her co-stars as she eats and it distracts her enough to stop feeling the brunette’s eyes constantly glancing over at her.

She also learns that the woman sitting on her right side, who had kindly passed down the salt, is a singer-songwriter that worked on the soundtrack album for their film. Her name is Chorong and they’re the same age.

While they wait for dessert, Joohyun asks, curiously, “So, then how do you come up with the melodies?”