I always wonder how lucky I saw you for the first time 5 years ago. I always thought my feelings towards you would fade soon but it increases every time we talk and how we used to share songs from each other's playlist. But I decided to ignore the unsettling feeling in my heart not to admit that I really do like you and I have/had a serious interest in you.

I’m okay.
Everything is okay.
I know exactly what to write.
Things will be fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m definitely not okay.
Everything is not okay.
I definitely don’t know what exactly I am going to write.
Things were not fine.

 

Meet Mina, Myoui Mina is the girl Nayeon likes or you can say love as Nayeon is some kind of a whipped puppy on a leash. Mina is the girl that Nayeon cried a tear for, listed all her favourite chocolates for a bittersweet day called Valentine's Day, and last but not least, Nayeon is some kind of a love guru advisor in which Mina has a shoulder to cry on whenever her heart gets vanquished by a playboy.

Nayeon sometimes asks herself why her own very self doesn’t stop for a moment to figure out that she doesn’t have a single chance to steal Mina's heart! Come to think of it, she’s straight, a close friend of hers, only has eyes for the boy that repetitively squashes her heart to pieces. The fact that is always the one who catches the sight of Mina lending out desperate heart eyes and signals and it obviously gets better and better as Nayeon’s heart is feeling that warming, hurtful sensation in her chest that she keeps ignoring up until the day she doesn’t anymore.

 

November 21, 2019

A lot has happened in the past month and I really can’t write it all because one, I don’t remember much but I’ll try anyway.

This day was the day we were given some time to practice for our yearly foundation day. But some were not cooperating in our team but we still made quite a progress. It was probably around 5 PM when I bought some snacks due to the fact that I ran out of food and the dance team had cancelled their practice. Most of my friends had gone home and I stayed outside to take a glimpse of the afternoon sun and the view of the afternoon sight of our school campus. I heard someone called me out and it was no other than the one and only Mina.

“Nayeon! Thank goodness you’re here. I was starting to feel lonely since our friends left school early due to them canceling their dance practices.” Mina frowned.

“Well guess what, we’re alone together” (gee NAYEON COULDN’T YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY OTHER THAN THAT?!)

“I guess we are but do you perhaps know where Jedrick might be?” Mina whispered.

Aish, here she is being a lovesick fool once again,I wish I was the one who she’s looking for too. Nayeon thought.

“Well, he’s part of the dance team and I’m sad to announce that he went home along with the others,” Nayeon emphasized the word sad but Nah she’s thanking the Heavens that guy left ahead because he’s a total douchebag.

“What a bummer, I was supposed to have a chat with him right now due to things we considered last month,” Mina muttered.

“Are you perhaps getting over him or you want to think that he’s just playing with you so you’d get over him already-.” Nayeon questioned.

“You aren’t wrong on that part bro. I want myself to think that so maybe just maybe I’d get over this intoxicating drowning feeling whenever I am with him.” She stated.

“Yikes, the bro one hurt but a little word won’t do much harm." (Keep believing that stupid) *Internally rolls my eyes* (Shut up self! You aren’t helping you know that?)

“Mina, you know that you’ve given the boy a lot of chances. Don’t keep doing this to yourself. Please don’t make me count to 4, what is this, 4th time a charm? You just can’t keep hurting yourself over some boy that doesn’t know how to treat you and your feelings well. I am worried about you okay?”

“Nayeonnie,” Mina’s voice sounded weary even to her own ears. “My head says no while my heart says the opposite.”

“If you ever need a shoulder to cry or lean on, you know, I’d always be there for you and you know that right?”

“I got you.”

“You got me.”

“We got us.” The pair chanted together.

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December 22, 2019

Oh my, oh my, I remember the sensation I felt that midnight when our first late-night talk happened. What I felt really felt real. One is because we were so connected that night and I felt like I was the luckiest person. The way you talked about your future and your dreams in life made me want to admit these unsettling feelings and spend my life and time with you.

But I guess I have to ignore again, my stupid feelings… for me to not be distracted by your dazzling eyes.

I love how you rant even the smallest things because honestly, I find it cute and it captures me more. What must I do to make you notice my gazes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 20, 2020

 

“DUDEEEEE you got to help me out of this endless pithole of emotions!!!!” Nayeon screamed.

“Let me guess, Nayeon, you’re a thousand times whipped for Mina over and over again the same as how she doesn’t get tired giving heart eyes to that Jedrick guy.” Jihyo, my best pal/grandma/friend assumed.

“WELLLLLLL IT DOESN’T EVER CHANGE. I'M READY TO LIVE IN A REALITY EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN’T EVEN CONFESSED YET, SHE WON’T BE MINE!!!!” Nayeon shrieks this time.

“Maybe she has a thing for guys to be playboys or whatsoever?” Jihyo questioned.

“Would it be a good idea if I turned out to be a playgirl and she’d end up liking me in the end?”

“Nu uh I’m just kidding, loyal or not loyal, she’d only have eyes for that certain boy and won’t change the fact that she won’t like you back--.” Jihyo roasts.

“YAHHHHHHH you better run in a second later or else I’ll be kicking your so hard this time JIHYOOOOO!! If only we weren’t best friends, you’d be long gone right now, nerd.” Nayeon jokingly threatened.

“How about this, you plan over this upcoming summer to tell her how you feel over the past 3 years you’ve been with her,” Jihyo suggested.

“But it’s COVID season as well as 2020 is cancelled….How am I supposed to make a grand confession to her in this situation?”

“Through poems and long paragraphs you used to make for her in secret duh? She even appreciated how you complimented her through your short lines.” Jihyo proposed.

“You know I’d never have the strength to do that because one, I am a coward in the first place, two, she might change how she sees me, and, lastly, she might be even uncomfortable with me after I decide to confess! It’s stupid, horrifying, and a total of a suicide mission and it feels like a soldier preparing for a World War III but to end up dead and not to reunite with her lover waiting for her to come back!” Nayeon denoted in one whole breath.

“Aish you loser, you know Mina would never do that to you, she’d gladly accept for who you are, will understand why you fell for her, and you guys will be closer than ever considering the fact that no secrets are left behind!”

“Yes yes, I’m Mina’s loser….” The loser starts to daydream.

“Get your whipped out of my house ewwwww!! You’re gonna infect the whole house with your lovesick emotions Nayeon-unnie!” Jihyo, fake vomited.

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April 12, 2020

*Nayeon Typing in Notes*

-Stop waiting for her name to pop up on your notifications. (P.S I was used to seeing her text me first and it ended up me getting used to waiting for her name to pop up by itself.)
-But at least try t