The first time i saw her i was shocked.

When I tell that to people, they think it’s because I was shocked by her beauty or her cute smile but they are wrong.

I was at the mall going to buy a milkshake when I saw the girl alone in the table with a lot of food in front of her. There were two burgers, a huge amount of fries and a cup of soda that I could swear it had a least 500mL of liquid.

I was shocked by the way she was eating, like it was her last meal or something. She was attacking the burgers and the fries with such a voracity that I found the scene quite amusing. I wasn’t the only one watching the girl, there were people around her table looking at her as if she was an alien, but I don’t think she saw the judging stares on her and, if she did, she didn’t even flinch.

She smiled at her food as if it was the most beautiful thing in the world. There was ketchup in the corner of and on her nose and I think I also saw a little piece of bacon on her hair. I laughed to myself, the girl wasn’t even doing anything extraordinary, but it was nice to watch her. Back then I didn’t know if she was pretty or not, I mean, there was too much food in the way for me to notice, but I did find her cute.

She had doe eyes that were really… alluring and I really wanted to pinch her cute cheeks. Her hair was short and black and it was pulled back in an attempt of ponytail. She could be considered intimidating if she wasn’t so cute.

I had had an awful day at college, but the simple act to watch that girl eating happily made me feel better, she looked so content with her food, like nothing else mattered, like life was that simple, and, in that moment, she made me believe it was.

After some minutes only looking at her, I realized I was being creepy, I gave her one last glance and suddenly she was looking at me, directly at my eyes, she smiled at me and I felt extremely shy, her smile was really beautiful, but I couldn’t return it, I was more preoccupied in get out of there very fast. I went to but my milkshake scolding myself for being caught staring.

-
The second time I saw her she was crying.

I was going back to my apartment after spending the whole day on college. It was my first year and it was being more tiring than I expected college would be. I was going through the longer way because I wanted to go to the park next to the campus. It was a quiet and beautiful place, not many people went there at night and I could have my alone time. It was something I wasn’t having lately since my cousin, Yizhou, came to live with me when her parents went to work abroad. I love Yizhou, but sometimes she was loud and I like to have some time to myself.

I spent some minutes just sitting on the grass and listening to a soft song and I decided to leave, it was getting late and I didn’t want to worry Yizhou. I was cleaning some dust from my jeans when I heard a sob, it wasn’t loud, for a second, I thought I was just my imagination, but then I heard another one, a little louder this time. I didn’t know if I should look for the source of the sobbing sounds, I had watched too many horror movies to know that’s how the characters died, they always go check out some noise and end up being murder and well, I didn’t want to die so soon.

After some time arguing with myself, I decided to check. The sobs were coming from the trees in front of me and whoever was crying must be close. I was praying to all the gods that behind these trees a murderer wasn’t hiding and I picked up a stone from the floor, just in case. I walked to where the sobs were coming and I saw her.

The girl from the mall, the one I watched eating weeks ago. She was sitting behind a big tree and her clothes seemed to be all dirty, I got closer and I saw that her eyes were all puffy and her face was swollen, she was probably crying for a long time.

I didn’t know what to do. I’ve always on comforting people, I never know the right thing to say and do, I’m just extremely awkward on these situations. But the girl looked helpless, she was crying so much that she didn’t even notice my presence and I was almost in front of her. I kneeled beside her and she finally saw me. She tried to hide her crying face with her hair, an action that, despite of the situation, was very cute.

“Are you okay?” I asked putting a hand on her shoulder and giving a light squeeze. I wasn’t expecting her to hug me, but she did. I felt her arms encircling my waist her face buried on the crock of my neck, tears wetting my shirt. I was frozen for a second, I’m very fond of skinship but I don’t usually do it with strangers.

After the initial shock I hugged her back and patted her shoulder, a baby powder scent invaded my nostrils and I felt myself breathing it all in so I could smell it more, she tightened her embrace and I started to ask myself what happened to that girl that made her get like this and I got to the conclusion that whoever did this to her was an awful person, I didn’t know her, but I had a feeling that she was a great girl and didn’t deserve this. I kind of wanted to protect her “You’ll be fine, cry all you need to”

We stayed in that position for some minutes until she stopped crying. She distanced herself from me a little and looked at the floor doing the same cute thing hiding her face with her hair. This girl was seriously cute.

“I’m sorry” I heard her soft voice say. She was still looking down as if there was something really interesting on the floor.

“You don’t have to apologize for crying, I'm sure you had a reason” I thought about giving her some tissues that I have my bag but then realized I left my bag where I was when I heard her crying. It may not even be there anymore, nice Jimin! You’re very dumb! I scold myself. “Stay here, I’ll be right back”

Before I could get up, she held my hand, I looked at her eyes and they were almost asking me something, I just couldn’t figure out what. “Thank you” She said with a small smile. I was glad she wasn’t crying anymore and I was even more glad she smiled at me. “You didn’t have to do anything, but you did, thank you”

“You don’t need to thank me… Stay here, okay? I will pick up my bag and I’ll be right back”

No one had stolen my bag, thank God. But when I got back, the girl wasn’t there anymore. I felt disappointed, I told her to stay there and she left without even saying goodbye or her name, she didn’t even asked my name. After three minutes staring at the tree the girl previously was, I decided to go home.

For some reason, I was glad for finding the girl there, I was glad I could help her even though I didn’t do much. I went home wondering if I would ever see her again. Little did I know that I would. Earlier than I expected.

-

The third time I saw her I was crying.

I was at a café next to Yizhou's school, she was supposed to meet me there, but she had to cancel because the school’s principal made her stay in detention for “no reason”, her words, not mine. I went there anyway, I was very tired, both physically and mentally, earlier that day one of my teachers said I was probably going to fail her class, and she did it in front of everyone, I felt so humiliated that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

It was so unfair! I was trying everything I could to learn the subject and I still on it, it had been days since I did something fun and I was starting to get really sad, what was the point of studying when even the teacher laughs at your face saying you’re going to fail?

I felt something on my cheek and I realized I was crying, I tried to blink the tears away but they kept coming. How pathetic of me crying like this in public because I can’t handle the pressure of college. I looked around to see if there was anyone seeing me crying and luckily the corner I choose to sit was hidden enough to someone pay attention to it and the waitress seemed to have forgotten I was even here so I just let the tears come out.

I put my head on the table and spent some minutes just feeling my tears wet my face and the table. I let out a loud sob and I looked up to see if someone had seen what was happening. I didn’t want anyone to see me in such a weak state, I liked people to see me as a strong person and not someone who cries in the middle of a café alone.

To my surprise, the table in front of me wasn’t empty anymore, there was someone there and the person was looking at me. I didn’t even look who it was, but I felt embarrassed and my first reaction was take my bag and try to get up to leave, fast. I was about to get up when I heard the person, a girl, talk “Please, don’t leave, you can cry, you’re pretty even doing it, I swear I won’t bother you”

I thought that her voice was a little familiar, but what made I look at the girl forgetting the embarrassment was her sudden compliment you can cry you’re pretty even doing it.

And then I saw her. The girl from the other day. It looks like the tables had turned now, I was the one crying, how ironic. I would’ve’ laughed if I wasn’t trying to hide my face with my hands. I wanted to say something, but say what exactly? She was still looking at me with careful eyes, I felt the urge to look at her too, I realized I hadn’t looked at her face properly.

“I’d go sit with you, but I think you don’t want anyone to see you up close, right?

I was going to answer her, but I didn’t trust my voice so I shook my head many times saying that no, I don’t want anyone to see me up close and I heard her giggling, I looked at her between my fingers and the sight of her beautiful smile was really adorable. I felt like my heart was melting, but I quickly brushed it off because what the hell? This definitely isn’t the time for it, not when I was hiding my crying face with my hands and the girl in front of me probably was thinking I was a weirdo.

“Don’t you think this is a little unfair? I mean you saw me crying and I was much worse than you, I'm sorry I disappeared that day by the way... I got shy” Oh, she knew it was me. I struggled with my shoulders still hiding my face. I saw her searching for something on her pocket and taking a pencil out of there. She started sketching something on a napkin. I got a little curious so I put my hands a little down to see what she was doing, she looked so focused with her serious face and poking her tongue a little out. Without noticing, I was smiling, I didn’t know if she saw it but she looked at me and said “I will show you when I’m finish”

“Okay” It came huskier than I intended. She gave me a big smile in return, with her doe eyes disappearing into crescent orbs, if I knew that would be my reward I would’ve talked I long time ago. She was so cute!

“I'm done! Do you want to come here or should I go to your table?”

“You… can sit with me”

She quickly took the sit beside me and I could feel the baby powder scent that I felt that day in the park. It was… addictive. She put the napkin on the table and I put my hands down and I finally could see what she was sketching. A fox. Not any fox, but a bunny covering it’s face with the two paws. It was a very adorable drawing. But then I realized…It was me!

She must have seen my surprised face because she quickly said “Yeah, it’s you! You remind me of a cute fox”

I didn’t know why but I felt the urge to answer her statement saying she reminded me of some animal. I looked at her for some seconds and I couldn’t help but thinking she was the definition of cute and huggable then I decided which animal I would call her “Well, you remind me of a puppy!” She laughed and it was the most adorable sound that I heard that day. She was about to say something when her phone rang.

“Hey, where are you? I'm at the café” Judging by the face she was making the person who she was talking was giving her some kind of excuse for not being there. “Did he really do this? Okay, okay, I will go help you get out of there, bye”

“Now that you saw my ruined face you’re leaving, right?” I said that as a joke but I saw the panic and that was telling me she thought I was being serious.

“No! My friend needs help with something, your face is beautiful I swear I could look at it forever and oh my god I’m talking too much, I need to go! Bye!”

She ran out of the café and I was left there half shocked