Final

"Seul I know its our anniversary tonight but I cant make it, I'm with shin kasi you are ok with that right?" 

"Of course go on okay lang naman you know you dont need to ask enjoy your night" sagot ko sa kanya. 

"Owki love you happy 1st anniversary" 

"Love you too happy 1st anniversary"

I cried silently in my bed nag prepare pa naman ako ng dinner akala ko kasi mag cecelebrate kami, kasalanan ko din naman kasi pumayag ako sa gusto nya, pumayag ako na open relationship kami, wala eh mahal ko, mahal na mahal ko. 

I'm not like her hindi ako nakikipag date or except sa kanya, ilang beses nya ako nireject hanggang napapayag ko sya pero in one condition dapat open relationship kami she said she cant settle with me alone and I agreed, oo na tanga na pero I wanted to be with her. 

Nag seselos ba ako? Oo naman pero hindi ko pwedeng ipakita sa kanya yon I entered this kailangan ko panindigan, I tried to date other women pero no avail I cant feel anything there's no joy, hell I dont even feel aroused kahit may maganda babae na nakahubad sa harap ko. 

Its been a year irene is a great partner, were open to each other I know everything about who she with alam ko lahat she tells me everything.

Back then I'm serial dater and been cheating multiple times until I met this beautiful girl who made my heart crazy.

Eventually I fell in love with her irene is the one who tamed me, I can say back then I'm a jelous type of gf a possesive one pero nung naging kami ni Irene I learned to control it yes I did feel jelous inside me yes its stressing me out pero I need to hold this facade that I'm not affected karma ko ata to eh.

*tok tok tok* 

Binuksan ko yung pinto 

"Hi love happy anniversary!" Sinalubong ako ng yakap ni irene.

"I thought you're with shin bakit ka andito?" Di naman sa hindi ko gusto na nandito sya but she said kasi 

"I wouldnt miss our anniversary noh its our first I wanted to surprise you" 

"Ah i see surprise pala ha" 

"Wait did you cry?" Pinunasan ko yung mata ko 

"Yes I'm watching reply 1988 panoorin mo din promise nakakaiyak" pag eexcuse ko.

"Really we should watch it together love, here this is my gift for you" she handed me a paper bag binuksan ko she gave me a cartier watch 

"Wow mahal to noh?" 

"It doesnt matter may couple watch yan"

"Ah kaya pala binili kasi couple watch"

"Hey nagandahan kasi ako did you like it?"

"Yes of course thankyou love" hinalikan ko sya sa lips agad naman akong humiwalay 

"You're so annoying i hope you know that" 

"Kasi I prepared dinner halika na kumain na tayo" hinawakan ko kamay nya at hinili papunta sa kitchen.

"Did you prepare? Wow pano kung hindi ako sumipot?" 

"Edi ireref ko nalang  bukas natin kakainin as if naman na iiwan mo ko dun sa lalaki na yon, sakin ka padin naman uuwi" 

"You're so confident noh? Well you're right sayo padin ako uuwi" 

"So hows your day?" Pagsisimula ko simple lang naman hinanda ko just steak I cooked her fav pasta then I bake a cake.

"I didnt lie na kasama ko si shin kanina, he's so full of himself I dont like him" nakasimangot nyang sabi.

"Laki nun eh isang suntok lang ako nun mamemeet ko na si san pedro" 

"One of the reasons din kaya iniwan ko"

"We kala ko ba you like big guys na" were like this casually talking about her flings and hook ups.

"I change my mind naawa ako sa sarili ko baka mawasak" natawa naman ako sa sinabi nya pero deep inside I wanted to scream at myself why am I still doing this .

"Really pinatry mo nga sakin yung 10 inches" panloloko ko sa kanya

"But his big and you're not halos same frame lang tayo noh, saka I love you kaya pumayag ako do you remember how hard to walk after that" she always say she loves me nararamdaman ko naman it is just she didnt want to commit herself to me, she wants to explore, feel things pa,  before we met she just broke up from her long term relationship ang I think she was traumatized because of it and until now she's not ready.

"Oo na sige na so any plans tomorrow? Wala ka naman na sigurong date?" I need to ask first baka kasi may kikitain sya

"I reserved my week for you, saka I wanted to be with you muna no dates for a while" napangiti ako, solo time with her.

"Baka ala kalang makakadate" 

"Hindi ah sa ganda kong to pls" 

"Ok lets have a date tomorrow" aya ko 

"Sure I cant wait, anyways enough na sakin ikaw hows your day love?" 

"Nanood lang ako ng kdrama maghapon I'm not in the mood going out" 

"Di ka inaya ni krystal?" 

"She did but I'm not in the mood" the thing is she didnt know krystal is just a friend akala nya were buddies, krystal have a boyfriend loyal dun yun, everytime na lalabas kami lagi nya akong sinesermunan about sa relationship namin ni irene I dont blame her though I know this kind of arrangement is unusual.

"Wow you're not? Bakit pag sakin lagi kang nasa mood favorite mo ko noh?" How can I say this uhm we have a healthy life Irene and I we always have an amazing , saka anong favorite sya lang naman ka ko lagi.

"Eh were making love not just saka I love you kaya kita favorite"

"Just admit I'm that just great" pang aasar nya sakin.

"Bottom yeah a great bottom" 

"You wont let me top you kainis ka" 

"I did kaya di mo na aapreciate? Kasi pagod ka agad ngawit kaba sabi ko kasi sayo mahirap maging top"

"Yeah oo na bwisit ka, sarap nitong cake ha kaninong recipe to?"

"Its from mina binigay nya sakin yung recipe ng grandmother nya"

"Mina who's that?"

"Halatang di nakikinig sa kwento ko ah"

"What do you expect from me? Matandaan lahat ng kwento mo? Grabe ha"

"Well anyways I met her in their pastry shop I complemented their products then ayun nag kausap na kami" 

"Is this new fling?" Tanong sakin ni Irene dude ikaw lang 

"No were friends saka di nya trip maging "kabit" noh"

"Were not cheating to each other naman diba, bakit di mo sinabi na were in a open relationship, you should have fun" how come can I have fun when I'm with someone else and not you. I wanted to tell her that pero I can't.

"Well I'm having fun with you naman so whats the point"

"Cheesy naman favorite talaga you make me feel special"

"Twice lang yon" pambabara ko sa kanya 

"Panget mo, hmm Seul when can I meet your friends? 1 yr na din tayo" pano kung sabihin ko sayo na ayaw nila sayo kasi you're making me sad, di ko na nga sila masyadong kinakausap kasi laging ako ang topic, they can't understand my explanation about us di naman kasi normal. They said it was so stupid how come a person cannot be loyal wala naman daw akong makukuhang benefits don 

"Ah they're busy kasi eh pero si wendy available wanna meet her? I'll set a date" si wendy pinaka most understanding sa barkada open minded di judger di ko naman sinasabi ni di open minded at judger yung iba kong friends pero kasi di nila ko maintindihan, I know they care for me pero nakalimutan nila yung respeto sa pinili ko.

"Really? Sige I badly want to meet your friends seul" 

"Yeah? I'll inform her right away baka bukas lang pumayag yun date naman natin eh bat di nalang sya sumunod? What can you say?" 

"Okay, thanks seul"

"For what?" 

"For everything i love you" 

"I love you too, well mag huhugas na ako ng pinagkainan natin then lets have a movie marathon gusto mo?" 

"Yes I would love too bilisan mo ha I'll prepare yung mga snacks natin" tumayo sya at hinalikan ako sa pisngi.

 

 

 

-
Maaga akong nagising but mas maaga si irene she's a morning person, well she's like a mom thats how she acts, lahat ng needs ko prinoprovide nya.

"Hey love kain na" nakapag luto na pala sya ng breakfast 

"Hey goodmorning" 

"Morning, lets eat"

Nagsimula na kami kumain

"So what's your plan today?" She asked

"Lets meet wendy first sa moon's resto lunch" 

"I cant wait she's your bestfriend right? You said she likes to cook huh maybe I can ask her some recipes para marami pa kong madagdag sa menu ko" 

"Yes that's her hobby eh"

"Para mas madami pa kong mailuto para sayo, feel ko bored kana sa mga niluluto ko eh" 

"Why would I? Sarap kaya ng luto mo I dont mind kahit paulit ulit"

"Sige isang linggo mong ulam ang adobo" 

"Hey that's not what I meant" 

"Hahaha I'm just joking love" 

I love the days like this yung kami lang walang umeepal, walang distraction, walang other, walang fling, walang buddies, can I be selfish? Kung pwede lang matagal na kitang pinagkait sa iba, kung pwede lang kita itali sakin, kaso hindi eh, hindi ako makasarili I love you so much to the point I'm willing to lose myself para lang sumaya ka. Who am I to decieve myself alam kong nag susuffer na ko I'm very aware na sobrang depressed ko na, my brother drag me in to the psychiatrist three months ago I'm secretly going there for months, I pretend to be okay when I'm with you. 

"Hey love you're spacing out" 

"I'm just thinking san kita dadalhin"

"Ganun what if kung san lang tayo dalhin ng paa natin? I heard mas maganda yung unplanned na lakad eh mas masaya" 

"Okay if thats what you want" 

Nag ring naman yung cellphone ni Irene 

"Hi" tumayo sya 

Di ko maiwasang hindi mapatulala nakatitig lang ako sa pagkain ko nawalan ako ng gana, kasi for sure kung hindi nya ka fling yan buddy nya yung tumawag. 

After five minutes bumalik sya at umupo ulit tumingin lang ako sa kanya 

"Its minho he asked if we can meet pero sinabi ko naman na I'm not available for the entire week eh"

"Ah sya ba tagal nya nang hindi nag paramdam sayo ah"

"Hmmm yes I kinda miss him na nga eh kala ko after ng pag alis nya dito di na sya babalik"

Minho the guy na trip ni irene like he really likes minho parehas sila ng trip dati talagang kahati ko yun sa oras he's a great guy naman talaga, he's rich, handsome, and gentleman akala ko hindi na sya babalik, sa isang iglap bumalik nanaman insecurities ko hindi ko maiwasan maisip na baka mas maging gusto ni Irene si minho sakin, at iwan nya ako, ang bigat sa dibdib gusto kong umiyak, everytime na magsasama sila ni irene hindi ako mapakali, kasi alam kong mas better sa akin si Minho.

"Love punta lang ako sa cr" pag papalaam ko sa kanya 

Sinara ko ang pinto ng cr at saka binuksan ang gripo kasabay nito ang mga luha ko na kanina ko pa pinipigilan ang sakit, ang sakit sakit, umiyak lang ako ng umiyak nilabas ko lahat ng luha ko kailangan ko harapin si Irene, ginusto ko to tama ginusto ko to.

Matapos kong hilamusan ang aking mukha muli akong ngumiti na parang walang iyakan na naganap.

"Hey love tagal mo naman"

"Sumakit tyan ko eh" mukhang ok naman yung excuse ko 

"Maliligo na ako ha" tumango ako aalis na din pala kami maya maya. 

-
"Uy seul hey kamusta" bati sakin ni wendy 

"Hey wends uhm this is my girlfriend Irene" nakipag shakehands naman si wendy sa kanya.

"So you're seulgi's girlfriend.....pretty" 

"Nice to meet you wendy, seulgi told me stories about you" 

"Hope na magaganda yung kinwento nya sayo"

"She said you like cooking, I do too" 

"Really? Thats good!"

"Yes uhm can you share your other recipes to me? If thats ok with you"

"Sure sure para ka naman iba you're my bestfriend's girlfriend, so kamusta kayong dalawa"

"Were doing great" masayang sabi ni irene tinignan ako ni wendy tumango lang ako.

"So after this where you up to?" Tanong ni wendy

"Hmm maybe were gonna stroll around wala kaming exact na pupuntahan eh" 

"Unplanned date neat"

"Yeah" 

"Excuse me" may biglang lumapit sa table namin isang lalaki matangkad maputi gwapo.

"Yes?" Tanong ni irene

"Uhm can I get your number" mukhang nagulat si wendy pero ako sanay na sanay na ako sa ganyan. 

"Sure akina phone mo" tinype ni irene yung number nya 

Sarap maging ganito lasang tanga concern na tumingin sakin si wendy nginitian ko lang sya.

"Are you free after your lunch with your friends?" Tanong nung  guy.

"Sadly no i have plans eh" 

"Actually you can go with him irene, matagal na kaming hindi nakakapag buddy date ng bestfriend ko eh"

"Really are you sure?"

"Oo naman sige na"

"Oh ok" tumayo sya at hinalikan ako sa pisngi nag paalam na din sya kay wendy

"What the hell is that" sabi ni wendy pag ka alis na pagka alis ni irene.

"Its ok" 

"No you're not ok maybe to her its ok pero hindi sayo, i support you pero nung nasaksihan ko kung papaano yung set up nyo putangina seul ang lala, ang lala tangina seul ayos kapa ba? Wag naman ganyan brad kitang kita kong nasasaktan ka" 

"Wendy ok lang ako" 

"Seulgi sana naman wag mong ubusin yung sarili mo sa kanya, you clearly dont like this ano ba?! Tama na pls tama na"

"Sinabing ok lang ako wendy! Okay lang sakin yon kasi mahal ko sya! Ayos lang, ayos lang kahit may kahati akong iba, ayos lang na hindi ako lagi kasama nya ayos lang kahit sobrang sakit na, a-ayos lang, a-ayos lang ako *sob* b-basta sakin sya uuwi" 

"Seulgi naman, wag mo naman saktan sarili mo, oo given na pumayag ka kaso you wanted something more pero hindi nya kayang ibigay sayo, you were commited to her, only to her kilala kita seulgi tangina tama na tigil na, tigilan mo na hindi kita pinangungunahan pinopretektahan lang kita pls tama na kahibangan mo" 

Do I need to stop? Paano? Mahal ko sya eh, kaso nawawala na ako sa sarili ko, sobra sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko na anytime gusto kong mag breakdown. 

"Mahalin mo naman sarili mo this time alam kong pagod ka na, alam ko din na hindi ka na mentally stable your brother told me kaya pls tigil na"

Niyakap ako ni wendy, umiyak lang ako ng umiyak sa balikat nya.

-
"Seulgi nakauwi kana pala" sabi ni irene nauna ako umuwi sa kanya its already 10pm nanatili akong nakaupo nakatingin sa screen ng tv.

Lumapit sya sakin at hinalikan ako sa pisngi 

"Bat namamaga mata mo?" 

"Si wendy kasi" 

"Hmm ano ginawa ni wendy"

"We just talk" 

"About?"

"Us"

"Huh?" Taka nyang tanong 

"Irene what if, what if I want more pano kung gusto ko na ng close relationship?

"napag usapan na natin to diba? Sabi mo okay lang"

"I-i di na ba talaga mag babago isip mo?" 

"Seulgi"

"I've been only comitted to you irene, hindi ako naghanap ng iba, krystal and I were not buddies were just friends pinalabas ko lang na ganun para maniwala ka na ayos lang ako sa relasyon nating dalawa, I-i hate to see you with someone who's not me, I hate to hear yung mga stories mo sa mga nakaka date at fling mo, i hate sharing you with someone pero pumayag ako sa gusto mo"

"S-seul i- im not ready for this, I'm not ready for this emotionally you know that right?" 

"Yeah I know pero nasasaktan na ko irene ang sakit sakit na mahal kita, mahal na mahal pero mas maganda muna sigurong mas mahalin ko ang sarili ko, hindi kita sinisisi sa nangyari sa akin, I decided na itry yung gusto mo kaso hindi ko talaga kaya pasensya ka na sumuko ako..... wag mong sisihin ang sarili mo ha nag mahal lang ako" 

"S-seulgi" 

"Lets break up, thank you for giving me chance to love you, pero hanggang dito nalang siguro"

"Seulgi i love you too pero hindi ko kaya ibigay ang gusto mo.......... not now" nakayuko mong sabi umiiyak kana din.

"Hmm I know thank you for loving me back, so eto na i dont know if we will meet anymore goodluck sa magiging journey mo mag iingat ka lagi, mahal kita" for the last time hinalikan kita eto na bibitaw na ko I need to do this for myself kung makikita ulit kita sana ayos na, ayos na yung timing, sana pwede na, sana kaya mo na, sana pwede pa.

"I'm sorry" 

Nginitian kita nung gabi na yon yun yung last na pagkikita natin. 

 

 

 

 

Its been years naalala ko nanaman hays most painful years of my life pero atleast I didnt give up on myself atleast naayos ko yung buhay ko five years have passed I'm still single pero I never been happy like this masaya ako sa buhay ko ngayon yun naman ang mahalaga diba? Masaya.

"Seulgi ano ready kana umuwi?" After we broke up sinama ako ni wendy sa canada I decided to migrate there para makaiwas sayo, after we broke up I didnt hear anything from you kaya wala na kong balita.

"Yes lets go home" 

 

 

-
"Ahh nakauwi din namiss ko to ah namiss ko ung poluted na hangin" 

"Sus kaya lang naman tayo umuwi kasi nandito girlfriend mo" asar ko kay wendy 

"Hanap kana din kasi sa jowa mo"

"Pag may dumating go" 

"Pano kung may sumundo?"

"Huh?" Tinuro naman ni wendy yung exit nakita kita nakatayo

"W-wendy bakit sya nandito?"

"Sinusundo ka, enough na siguro yung five years sa pag ayos sa sarili nyong dalawa go on, alam kong si irene padin hanggang ngayon"

"Wendy"

"I did contact her, dati pa she fixed herself and personal problems hindi na sya katulad ng dati seul she changed now go with her" niyakap ko si wendy 

"Go now Seulgi be happy!"