Without purpose. Meaningless. Ganyan ilarawan ni Joy ang buhay niya.

 

Napaka-contradicting di ba? Joy ang pangalan niya, pero bakit ang lungkot?

 

She used to be quite a lively one, napaka-pasaway nga niya nung bata. Kung anong kina-bait ng ate niyang si Irene, sya namang kina-likot nito. Batang matigas ang ulo marahil sa paningin ng iba, pero sya naman ang happiness ng pamilya nila. Noon.

 

She rarely smile these days though. Mas madalas na nga niyang makitang nakangiti ang kanyang ate niya na siyang napaka-cold dati. Fake smiles na nga lang din ang sagot niya sa jokes ng mga kaibigang si Yeri at Seulgi. Nothing could make her smile nowadays. Except for Haetnim, her dog. Ngunit may mga bagay din na hindi kayang punan ni Haetnim.

 

Ano nga bang nangyari? Kelan to nagsimula? Yan din ang mga tanong na umiikot sa utak ni Joy. At twenty-four, akala niya maiintindihan na niya lahat. Akala niya may sagot na siya sa lahat.

 

May mga kaibigan naman siya. Meron ding magandang trabaho. Dahil kaya sa hindi magandang relasyon nito sa mga magulang? But that’s irrelevant kasi andyan naman ang ate niya na sinusuportahan siya, at saka pati naman si Irene ay di maayos ang relasyon sa magulang nila pero she looks happier compared to her these days.

 

So why was she empty?

 

 

 

 

 

Napatingin na lang siya sa paligid, as she usually does. While she can’t contain the sadness and jealousy that she feels kapag nakakakita siya ng mga taong nakangiti, hindi din naman niya maiwasang tignan sila. Nagbabaka-sakali rin kasi siyang baka mahawa siya sa saya na nararamdaman nila.

 

Wala bang tutorial kung paano maging masaya? Nakakapagod na kasing maging malungkot.

 

Aware naman siyang may mga kaibigan siyang pwedeng dumamay sa kanya, but the thought of burdening them with her problems burdens her more. May mga problema din ang mga ‘yon, bakit pa nga ba siya makikidagdag?

 

Sometimes, she wished life was so much simpler.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lumingon siya sa gawing kaliwa niya nang may maramdaman siyang tatlong marahang tapik sa kanyang balikat. If there’s one thing that she dislikes, that’s when someone invades her space, may pandemic man o wala.

 

Handa na sana niyang murahin kung sino man ang tumapik sa kanya, but she was mesmerized by this person’s blue eyes which was so obvious kahit na naka-salamin ito. Lahat ng problemang iniisip ni Joy kanina, pati ang lungkot na nararamdaman niya’y tila napawi ng asul na mata ng kaharap. Because it wasn’t just the normal shade of blue, it was something else.

 

Hindi naman na bago sa ‘kanya ang makakita ng asul na mata, kaya nagtataka si Joy dahil ang mga mata nito’y breath of fresh air sa kanyang paningin, sa kanyang existence. In those blue eyes that stared back at her, she saw a bright, swirling patterns that heavily contrasted the dullness of her world.

 

She slowly felt a smile creeping across her face. What the hell?

 

“Yes, ano yun?” she said in the softest tone of her voice that anyone has ever heard.

 

Joy is lost in her thoughts. Nagtataka siya kung paano naging posible na magkaroon ang isang tao ng ganito kagandang kulay ng mata that it even surpassed her own green ones. Mind you, marami ring nagbibigay ng compliments sa berde niyang mga mata. Pero iba ‘to eh. It reminded her of the beach, the waves, the water, and calmness.

 

Thankfully, hindi naman pinansin ng kaharap niya ang obvious na pagtitig niya at paghanga sa mga mata nito.

 

“U-uhm.. hello! Pwede ko ba mahiram yung ballpen mo? Naiwan ko kasi yung akin eh.” Sabi ng kaharap niya na medyo nahihiya pa pero nakangiti ito sa kanya kaya hindi na rin niya napigilan ang ngumiti pabalik dito.

 

It was the first time in a long time that she felt so flustered. It was the first time in a long time that she smiled.

 

Joy let out a giggle to ease the awkward tension between them. Awkward nga ba? O siya lang nakakaramdam?

 

Inabot naman ni Joy ang hawak na ballpen sa kaharap. At nagsimula naman itong mag-fill out sa registration form while letting out a small “thank you” that Joy barely heard.

 

Gusto man ni Joy na chikahin ito pero di niya alam saan siya huhugot ng lakas ng loob. Bakit ba siya nagkakaganito? She usually minds her own business and wouldn’t bother socializing with anyone, pero she feels different towards this girl. There’s something in her that makes Joy want to be close to her.

 

Fate says otherwise though, dahil tinawag na siya ng volunteer nurse sa harap para sa first step ng main reason kung bakit siya nandito. Muntik na nga niyang makalimutan ang pakay. Vaccination.

 

Nang matapos na siya sa registration, inakay na siya ng volunteer papunta sa pangalawang step: health declaration, kaya hindi na niya nalingon pa ang babaeng humiram ng ballpen niya.

 

Could this be it? Tanong ni Joy sa sarili. Well, hbw pen lang naman yun so no big deal kung hindi man maisoli. Ballpen nga ba talaga ang inaalala niya? O dahil she has this sudden urge inside her to know more about that girl?

 

 

 

 

 

Nang matapos na siyang mabakunahan ay nagtungo na siya sa briefing area. Just a few minutes later, she felt three light taps just like earlier. At tama nga ang hinala niya, si ate blue eyes ulit.

 

The stranger just giggled at her while inaabot ang pen niya sa kanya. She inched closer to Joy and said, “Wanna know a secret?” to which Joy responded with a “Huh?” and a puzzled face.

 

“Hindi ko talaga naiwan yung pen ko.” Sagot ni ate blue eyes habang papalaki ang ngiti sa labi nito. “I’m Wendy, by the way!”

 

“O-okay..” Joy’s face looks more puzzled now. Kung hindi pala nito kelangan ng pen, e bakit siya nanghiram?

 

Tila narinig naman ng kaharap ang tanong sa utak niya at sumagot ito, “I just felt that you needed company.. Joy.”

 

What a strange lady. Joy mused to herself and asked “What made you think that I needed one? Also, pano mo nalaman pangalan ko?”

 

Medyo naghihinala na siya sa kaharap. Hindi kaya’y stalker niya to? But how?

 

“Hindi ako stalker. Nakita ko lang pangalan mo dyan sa vaccine card mo.” Natatawang sagot ni Wendy. Nahihiya na tuloy si Joy sa kaharap, pinag-isipan pa nga niya ng masama.

 

 

 

 

 

Wendy is kind and modest. It was evident with the way she carried herself, how she timidly asked Joy if it was okay to ask her personal questions, or how she bashfully denied it when Joy told her she was kind of cute.

 

But the mere fact that Wendy had taken her time, sat down with her, and carried out half an hour of playful, sweet conversation with her proved to contradict her claim. She didn’t have to. After all, this could be their first and last encounter.

 

During that short time though, she concluded that Wendy was everything but a stalker.

 

And for the longest moment, Joy felt pure joy in Wendy’s presence.

 

 

 

 

 

Napaghiwalay lang sila nang kailangan na sila for the 1-on-1 briefing. Even after that, they went out of the venue together and strolled inside Technohub hanggang marating nila ang sakayan sa labas.

 

It was evident on both of their faces that neither wants to say goodbye just yet.

 

Kelan nga ba ulit makakaramdam si Joy ng ganitong happiness at rush sa buhay nya? So, it.

 

“Gusto mo kumain? Let’s head to SM North! My treat!” Joy made the first move. For the first time in a long time, she chose to see where this would lead her. She chose happiness.

 

 

 

 

 

Giddy laughter, playful banter, and light conversations were what made up the most of their trip papuntang SM North, and it didn’t even stopped kahit kumakain na sila.

 

It was easy being around Wendy, Joy thought wistfully. It was almost as if they had already established a connection between each other, kahit ito yung first time na magkita at magkakilala sila. Although, Joy still found it quite surprising that Wendy seemed so comfortable around her as well.

 

It was definitely a pleasant distraction from her thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

Napasimangot na lang bigla si Joy nang may ma-realize siya. That this was temporary. Pagkatapos ng araw na ito, babalik na siya sa boring at malungkot na routine ng buhay niya.

 

Hindi ito nakawala sa mata ni Wendy. After all, the girl seems to know her all too well.

 

“What’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything, Joy.” She asked worriedly, takot siyang baka may nasabi siyang offensive sa kasama.

 

“Wala to.” Panimula ni Joy. “You do realize that we’re technically strangers, right?”

 

“Uhm, yes? So what?”

 

“Wala naman. Naaaliw lang ako. Para kasing you can read me.” Nilihis nalang niya ang usapan kesa aminin pa niyang tila naeenjoy na niya ang company ni Wendy, at natatakot siyang ito ang una at huli.

 

“I can actually read you. Like a book. Napaka-expressive kaya ng mata mo.” Wendy quipped which made Joy think. Can she really read me? “Yes. And I know that you like me more than you let on.”

 

Muntik nang maibuga ni Joy ang tubig na iniinom dahil sa narinig.

 

“I also think that you’re brave.” Joy looked up to Wendy nang marinig ito. “You’re brave for getting up in the morning even though you feel weary. You’re brave that you continue living even if you don’t know how to anymore. Alam ko din na may mga araw that you’ve felt like giving up. But I am so happy that you never did.”

 

Hirap sa pagpigil ng luha si Joy. Hindi niya alam kung paano nalaman ito ni Wendy, but she’s glad to hear it from someone na worth it pala ang paglaban niya, ang araw-araw na pagharap niya sa hamon ng buhay kahit ang totoo’y ayaw na niya.

 

Inabutan siya ni Wendy ng tissue nang mapansing patulo na ang luha nito.

 

“Bakit ka ba nagpipigil umiyak? Hindi kahinaan ang pag-iyak, Joy, hindi kahinaan ang paghingi ng tulong.”

 

Damn it. Kung hindi pa siya hulog kay Wendy kanina, ngayon sigurado na siya. Wendy says the right words that she needed to hear. Wendy makes her feel things that she didn’t before.

 

“Let’s get out of here. Can we go somewhere where you can comfortably let it all out?” tanong ni Wendy. “How about sa workplace mo? There’s an area there where we can lounge di ba?”

 

Sino ba naman si Joy para tumanggi lalo na’t sinamahan nito ang pagtatanong ng isang ngiti.

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Wendy said out of nowhere after a few minutes of silence between them. They are just sitting at the faux grass, surrounded by crowds of strangers who, like them, are minding their own business.

 

Hindi alam ni Joy ang isasagot sa kaharap. Kung kanina ay kaya pa niyang biruin si Wendy at tawagin itong cute, ngayon ay hindi na. Hindi na niya kayang ibalik ang compliment na iyon without slipping up and confessing her feelings towards Wendy.

 

“You don’t have to say it back. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na ang ganda ganda mo.” Wendy added.

 

How is she supposed to react to that? Kung sa mga kaibigan ay isang “I know right?” lang ang katapat, kay Wendy ay tila gusto na niyang ialay lahat ng meron siya para lang maiparamdam sa kaharap how thankful she is for coming to her life, for letting her know na posible pa pala siyang makaramdam ng saya.

 

 

 

 

 

Night came as more time passed, and the two girls fell silent, watching all those around them begin to pack up and leave. Both of them wants to prolong this moment, na para bang hindi na ito mauulit.

 

“So?” Wendy started softly as she leaned in closer. “Did you enjoy this day?”

 

Joy smiled. “With you? Definitely.” She bit her lip timidly before continuing. “You make me happy.” For the first time, naamin din niya.

 

“Thank you,” Humingang malalim si Joy bago tumuloy, “You honestly made my day, my life even, a thousand times better and I don’t know kung paano kita babayaran.”

 

Joy’s day had started out dark, but it ended with a night brighter than the sun itself. How ironic. Now that she had experienced it, she wondered how will she be able to live without this bliss.

 

Joy scooted closer to Wendy at medyo awkward man dahil mas matangkad siya kesa kay Wendy, pinatong nito ang ulo sa balikat ng katabi. A content sigh fell from her lips as Wendy reached out to her hand and held it like she’s never letting it go.

 

 

 

 

 

“Ang swerte ko Joy.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I just had a date with the most amazing person.”

 

“Edi sana all. I’d date myself din kung pwede lang.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Thank you, Wendy. For making me happy today.”

 

“Kung masaya ka, imagine what I’m feeling right now. Ten-fold ng happiness mo.”

 

“Aba dapat lang, Joy Park to no. Di ka na lugi, may sukli pa.”

 

“Believe me, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted this.”

 

 

 

 

 

Joy’s breath hitched when she noticed that their faces were only centimeters apart, and still, it was almost as if gravity itself was pulling them closer to each other.

 

And now, their cold breaths clashed against each other, their trembling lips grazed over the other, and hooded eyes searched each other for any signs of doubt.

 

But none was found – nothing but raw, pure, and absolute certainty sparkled brightly in their eyes.

 

And slowly, ever so slowly, they pushed themselves forward, their lips meeting in the middle in a sweet kiss, which burned with a strong passion and love all the same.

 

Two sets of eyes fluttered shut and Joy’s hand came to rest against Wendy’s pale skin, while the latter’s pale hands curled their fingers around the taller one's hair, as the girls pulled themselves closer to each other.

 

Soft moans, long sighs, heavy breaths filled the night air as the kiss grew more passionate, almost needy. None of them knew who started it, but somehow their tongues began dancing against each other, and now they were clawing at each other’s skins.

 

Addicting was the word that perfectly describes this feeling, and it was only the first time this had ever happened. But as seconds ticked by, as their hearts grew wilder and wilder in their chests, Joy realized it was getting too addicting. And soon, pleasure would turn into poison for both of them, if she didn’t stop now.

 

And so, Joy breathlessly pulled away from the kiss, her green eyes fluttering open and watching as Wendy slowly peeked open her blue ones as well.

 

 

 

 

 

Joy’s hands caressed Wendy’s porcelain skin delicately, and a single tear slowly ran down the latter’s cheek as she uttered the next words.

 

“Nakasama na kita.. I’m finally with the love of my life.” Wendy said with a shaking voice.

 

Joy’s heart skipped a beat. But she’s bewildered to see Wendy crying. She didn’t have the time to ask her why nang bigla na lang siyang yakapin nito ng mahigpit.

 

As they parted, Wendy started to plant a kiss on every inch of her face while muttering “I love you’s”.

 

This gesture would’ve elicited a giggle or two from Joy, pero she noticed that Wendy’s tears screamed anything but joy. It feels more like a goodbye.

 

“I’m so happy that I was given this chance to spend a day with you,” Wendy mumbled as she pressed a feather-light kiss on Joy’s nose.

 

A day. Joy had always been observant. The smallest things nobody noticed she took notice of them. Is this really the end? She felt her own tears well deep inside of her as she dwelled on that thought. Does that mean –?

 

“Why does it feel like you’re leaving me? We can exchange numbers naman, and meet each other ulit? Is it because of the pandemic? We just both had our first dose, so walang kaso yun di ba?” Sunod sunod na tanong ni Joy sa kaharap.

 

Wendy didn’t answer. Though that’s all the confirmation Joy needed. And she felt the first cold tear roll off her cheek. Isa pa, at isa pa. Hanggang maging tila ulan itong ayaw tumigil sa pagpatak.

 

 

 

 

 

And it was in that moment, Joy realized something. She had to say it.

 

“I never believed in love at first sight,” Joy started softly. “Until I met you.”

 

 

 

 

 

Hindi na pinigil pa ni Joy ang sarili at niyakap na ng mahigpit ang kaharap. They cried against each other, clutching at each other tightly, savoring their moment together. For a long time, they simply stayed this way, holding on, hugging each other for dear life.

 

“Salamat, Wendy. Thank you for bringing light to my eyes, to my life.”

 

“I want it to stay that way forever.” Bulong ni Wendy. “I want you to be happy forever. I hope you fall in love with life again.”

 

“That’s not possible. Iiwan mo ‘ko eh.”

 

Wendy let out a sigh before she leaned forward and placed a kiss on Joy’s closed eyes.

 

“I love you always. I’ll forever be with you.”

 

Before joy could even register anything, Wendy inched closer at muling pinagtagpo ang kanilang mga labi.

 

And suddenly, everything turned black.

 

 

 

 

 

Joy woke up the next day with her left arm still sore at pakiramdam niya’y may trangkaso siya. It was normal though, sabi nung nag-brief sa kanya kahapon when she got her jab done. She reached out to her phone which was on the nightstand that’s beside her bed.

 

Huh? What the hell? Last time she checked, September 4 pa lang and it’s already the 6^th today? Did she sleep through a whole day? No wonder na nagwawala na ang tiyan niya sa gutom.

 

She felt different, though. She felt.. lighter.

 

She was even humming habang nagluluto ng hotdog na uulamin niya. Ganito naman na siya dati di ba? But why does it feels weird?

 

 

 

 

 

Nanonood si Joy ng Brooklyn Nine-nine sa netflix nang biglang mag-ring ang telepono nito. It was her ate Irene.

 

She waited a few more rings before she answered the call. Wala lang, gusto lang niyang asarin ang ate niya. “Yo, what’s up sissybels?”

 

“Joy? Ikaw ba to?” Halatang gulat ang nasa kabilang linya, but Joy doesn’t know why.

 

“Oo, bakit? Anong meron?” Narinig ni Joy na huminga muna nang malalim ang kausap bago sumagot.

 

“Birthday pala ni Dean, wala akong nabiling regalo. Favor naman, please?” She can almost hear Irene pleading.

 

“Yeah, sure. As long as the price is right ate.” Joy answered.

 

“Of course! Mahilig yun sa art, at alam ko mahilig ka din, so can you buy me anything arts-related?”

 

“One-month food supply ni Haetnim?” She bargained.

 

“Pwede bang two weeks lang?”

 

“Busy pala ako today, saka masakit yung braso ko baka di muna ako lumabas.” Pang-aasar niya.

 

“Oo na. Sige na. One month, deal.”

 

“Yown! Bye. Hatid ko nalang diyan, sis.”

 

She then proceeded to prepare na, and she have the best place in mind. Gotchu sis, mapo-promote ka ng wala sa oras sa bibilhin kong regalo para sa boss mo.

 

 

 

 

 

Joy is strolling around this artsy place in Cubao, where you can find art galleries and fairs, craft stores, and exhibits when she noticed a street artist was placing his paintings out for sale.

 

A breath of relief left her lips. She always found solace in art, even as a young child; she’d enjoyed just staring at a painting for hours. Though she ventured more into music, she never lost interest in visual arts.

 

Lumapit sya dito at hindi na niya napigilang i-voice out ang paghanga. “Ang ganda naman po nitong mga paintings niyo.”

 

“Salamat, iha. Tingin ka lang dyan, baka may magustuhan ka.” Sagot naman ng kaharap.

 

And so she did. There were a lot to choose from. Pwede na siya ditong bumili para sa regalo ng ate niya dahil magaganda ang pieces na naka-display.

 

One particular painting caught her attention though. It was of two women whose hands were intertwined together, gazes locked on each other, and sad frowns upon their faces. There’s something about it that piqued her interest, and just by looking at it, she felt her stomach churn.

 

Napansin naman siya ng artist na nakatitig sa obra kaya lumapit ito sa kanya. “Base yan sa kwento ng lola ko nung bata pa ako.” Panimula nito.

 

“Alamat ito sa bayan namin. Sabi ng lola ko, pinagpasa-pasahan pang kwento mula sa ninuno niya. Aware ka naman sa soulmates di ba?” Tango lang ang naisagot ni Joy. “Noon daw, hindi tumatanda ang mga tao unless ma-meet na nila ang soulmate nila. That is to make sure na tatanda silang sabay.”

 

Joy haven’t heard this story before pero she was hooked.

 

“Ngunit ganid ang mga nasa kapangyarihan noon. Pinapatay nila ang kanilang mga soulmate to become immortal, para hindi sila tumanda.” Joy wasn’t shocked, she was well aware that greedy people exists kahit sa panahon ngayon. Mga tipong gagawin ang lahat maski ang pumatay para lang sa pansariling interes.

 

“Itong naka-asul na gown ay anak ng hari, tagapag-mana ng trono.” Pagtuloy sa kwento ng kaharap ni Joy at itinuro ang nasa gawing kaliwang babae sa painting. “Aware siya sa gawain ng pamilya at wala naman siyang magagawa dun. Pero isang araw, nakilala niya itong isang babae. She fell in love at first sight.”

 

Something stirred deep inside of Joy. She just can’t pinpoint what it is.

 

“Siya na pala ang soulmate niya. Ginawa niya lahat para itago sa pamilya ang nalaman. But fate only gave them almost a year. After all, makapangyarihan ang pamilya nito at napansin din nila ang pagbabago sa kilos at itsura niya gawa nga ng pagdagdag ng edad niya.”

 

Joy nodded, her eyes still trained on the painting, her ears open for more.

 

“Sa kasamaang palad, nalaman ito ng hari at inutos na patayin ang soulmate niya. Ayaw man niyang pumayag, mag-isa lang siya at hindi na niya napigilan ang ama.” Nararamdaman na ni Joy ang pangingilid ng luha. “Alam niyang hindi na rin siya magiging masaya nang wala ang babae sa buhay nito, kaya just 2 days after, she also took her own life.”

 

“Wow.” Joy is still processing it all. Napakalungkot ng kwento.

 

“You know what her last words to her lover are?” Tanong ng katabi ni Joy matapos ang ilang minutong katahimikan na siyang pumukaw sa atensyon nito kaya humarap siya dito.

 

“‘I love you always. I will forever be with you.’” The man continued, smiling somberly.

 

He was still saying something, but Joy was no longer listening. Everything was tuned out all around her, dahil sa mga oras na iyon ay ang tangi niyang naririnig ay isang tahimik na echo ng isang boses na tila’y galing sa kanyang memorya. It feels so far away, yet so close all the same.

 

And with that, a tear rolled down her cheek.