Nayeon fiddles with her phone as she waits for a certain notification. She sips her service water that was refilled about three times in the last thirty-five minutes. Then she scrolls her recently sent messages, hoping the recipient would finally reply.

 

hey [6:37]

where r u? [6:37]

i haven’t ordered anything yet so that we can eat together [6:38]

i’m still waiting 4 u [6:38]

babe? [6:39]

 

He didn’t.

She tries to call him next but after the seventh beep, it disconnects. Nayeon sighs.

“Miss?” a waiter calls her attention with a frown on his face, annoyed. He points somewhere with a bob of his head and Nayeon follows the direction.

There, a sign posted on the wall printed in bold letters says:

Dear Guest/s,

Please be aware that loitering in the restaurant for more than 30 minutes is against our policy. Thus, we kindly ask you to leave the premises to accommodate those who will dine here. Thank you!

– Staff

“Um, sorry. Please give me five minutes, my boyfriend will come by then,” Nayeon replies with a winning smile that might tug the waiter’s frown.

It does tug. Downwards.

“You said that five minutes ago,” he deadpans.

“Please, give me another chance,” Nayeon begs, this time, pulling her puppy eyes with the biggest pout she can muster.

“Miss, the policy states that—”

“Please?” she begs.

“Miss—”

“Please?” she begs, intensely.

The waiter glares at Nayeon for a long moment, his frown turning the deepest Nayeon has ever seen from him. But she remains steadfast, despite her facial muscles cramping. Finally, he lets out a defeated sigh.

“Okay, fine. Five minutes more,” the waiter says as he turns to the other table.

“Thank you,” Nayeon replies.

“But a word of advice, Miss,” he says, back facing her.

“Hmm?”

“Don’t give a chance to the guy who stood you up,” then he leaves.

Ouch.

It’s not like Nayeon wants to hurt herself. Her boyfriend she dated for three weeks was the one who arranged everything for her. He was the one who suggested a special date this weekend. (Even if Nayeon hinted a week prior). The one who booked them for the night. (Even if Nayeon was the one who suggested thirty restaurants, only for him to pick the cheapest place with the least walking distance). And the one who reminded their reservation today. (Because Nayeon sneaked a reminder on his phone yesterday).

So why would he ditch Nayeon after everything he’s done?

“He’ll come,” Nayeon assures herself. “He will come.”

Yet five minutes later, the waiter hovers beside her, frown in place, arms folded, and his foot impatiently tapping on the floor. And the seat across Nayeon remains empty.

Her heart cracks a little.

“Give me a minute,” she tells the waiter.

Nayeon opens her phone again, this time, to find a certain friend. After a few seconds, she finds the person she’s looking for. But before she presses the call button, she looks at her bag beside her.

There, a baby blue knitted scarf rests on top of her things, a bit worn out from the years. Nayeon grabs it and circles it around her neck, inhaling its citrus scent. She clutches it as she presses the call button.

Two beeps and the call goes in.

“Hello? Nayeon-unnie?”

“Hey, Dahyun-ah,” Nayeon says, a genuine smile forming on her face for the first time since she arrived at this restaurant. She loosens her grip on her scarf but it rests there. “Have you eaten dinner yet? I’m at this restaurant and I’m feeling lonely today. Will you come here? Food is on me.

“Really?!” Nayeon hears Dahyun’s excitement from her tone, making her smile widen. “Sure, I will! I mean, who can say no to free food, especially coming from you, unnie.”

Nayeon laughs, the warmth from Dahyun filling the crevices her boyfriend left behind. “Okay then. I’ll text you the address. See you soon, Dahyun-ah.”

“You too, Nayeon-unnie!”

When Nayeon finishes her call and texts the address to Dahyun, she turns to the waiter with an apologetic smile. “Two menus, please. And I’m sorry for causing you trouble for the past minutes.”

“It’s fine,” he sighs. “It’s part of the job anyway.”

He gets two menus from the counter and handed one to Nayeon, laying the other in front of the empty seat.

“And I’m sorry,” he says. “For you to experience this.”

He leaves right after when someone calls his name.

“It’s fine,” Nayeon says even if there’s no one to listen to her, snuggling closer to her scarf. “I’m used to it.”

After five minutes, Dahyun finally arrives with the brightest smile on her face. She spots Nayeon in the restaurant and goes to her with a bounce in her steps.

“Nayeon-unnie!” she calls out. But her smile vanishes when Dahyun sees the baby blue scarf wrapped around the girl’s neck. She brisk walks to the empty seat across from Nayeon, her happiness replaced with worry.

“Oh, Dahyun-ah! You arrived!” Nayeon says, beaming. She points the menu in front of Dahyun. “I haven’t ordered yet so why don’t you choose a meal you like and call a waiter for us.”

“Unnie…”

“Yes?” then Nayeon sees Dahyun’s pout and her chocolate eyes melting in pity. Realizing Dahyun’s expression, Nayeon still smiles, but it changes into a wistful one.

“It’s fine, Dahyun-ah. Just got stood up, that’s all.”

“There is nothing fine about that, at all.”

“Let’s order food for now,” Nayeon says. “Waiting for forty minutes takes a toll on your appetite, you know.”

Dahyun frowns, maybe on the stood-up part or that Nayeon’s deflecting Dahyun’s unsaid questions; maybe both. Yet the younger relents anyway since she also wants to eat. And if she’s going to comfort Nayeon, kill her boyfriend, then hide his body all in one night, she prefers to have a full stomach than an empty one.

“Fine.”

Nayeon smiles and gives a thank you pat on Dahyun’s hand.

They call a waiter—a different one from whom Nayeon recognizes—and tells him their orders. They talked about everything but Nayeon’s (jerk) boyfriend for a few minutes. Until their food finally arrived, both girls digging in after they said their thanks.

A comfortable silence settles between them, aside from Dahyun’s slurping and Nayeon’s giggles. They relish the food inside their mouths while enjoying each other’s company.

After eating, Nayeon gestures the waiter their check, and it arrives a few moments later. Nayeon gets her wallet to pull out her credit card, but Dahyun stops her.

“I want to pay for my food, unnie,” she says.

“What? Why? Didn’t I tell you food is on me?”

“But I feel bad,” Dahyun admits. “Especially when your heart just got broken while I’m here enjoying the food. Let me share your burden at least.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Nayeon says. “You did nothing wrong, Dahyun-ah. In fact, you cheered me up just for being here. So why don’t we call this a payment for a favor and end it that way, hm?”

“But I would still go to you to cheer you up, free food or not.”

Nayeon smiles at the younger. “Thank you, really, Dahyun-ah,” she says, words coated with sincerity. “But are you really going to reject an upperclassman’s act of kindness? That’s considered rude, you know.”

“Hey, that’s unfair,” Dahyun whines. “Using that upperclassman card against me.”

“Well, I have to put my foot down,” Nayeon replies in a faux, indignant manner. “Because you never listen to me unless I assert myself.”

Dahyun whines more. And more. And more. Yet Nayeon’s grin widens since it finally makes Dahyun—

“Fine,” she relents. “But if we’re going to have another meal again, unprompted or not, I’ll be the one paying for the both of us.”

“You’re such a good junior, Dahyun-ah,” Nayeon coos. While the girl rolls her eyes and grumbles.

After paying the bill through Nayeon’s credit card, they exit the restaurant. They stand outside in the cool night, Dahyun beside her, and Nayeon’s baby blue scarf secured around her neck.

“Let’s take a walk? There’s a park near here,” Nayeon suggests. She burrows into her scarf when the cold, summer breeze passes.

“Sure,” Dahyun smiles, taking Nayeon’s hand with hers. “It’s also a good time for me to insult your boyfriend even if I barely knew him.”

Nayeon laughs as she tugs Dahyun’s hand along.

Under the starless skies, the pair of friends walk around the open park, fingers interlaced. Their shadows follow wherever they go, stretching and contracting by the dim lights of the old lampposts. As the silence fills the night, only Dahyun and Nayeon’s jokes and insults echo.

Then Nayeon looks at the skies. Empty. Endless. Hopeless. A perfect representation of her romantic relationships throughout her life.

“I wonder,” Nayeon starts. “How can your relationship with your girlfriend last this long, Dahyun-ah? Especially that it’s a long-distance relationship?”

“I don’t know,” Dahyun answers. “But we want to make it work, so we did. It’s difficult and it won’t get any easier honestly, but I wanted to be with her, so I’ll do anything that I can to make her stay. And I think she shares the same sentiment with me.”

“That sounds beautiful, Dahyun-ah,” Nayeon says, a tinge of melancholy bleeding in her words. “I hope someone could love me like that too, no matter the distance and time separated.”

“You’ll find someone too, unnie. I know it,” then Dahyun points to Nayeon’s phone. “But you have to end this one first.”

“Right,” Nayeon opens her message app to send one last message.

 

i’m still waiting 4 u [6:38]

babe? [6:39]

i’m breaking up with u. goodbye [7:27]

 

Nayeon presses the block button.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Nayeon says. “How did you arrive so fast in the restaurant? As far as I remember, your house is ten minutes away yet you arrived half of that.”

“Ah! I was in the university.”

“In this kind of time?!”

Dahyun shrugs. “Well, it’s not like I was the only one there. A few students were roaming too.”

“What did you do there anyway? Please don’t tell me you’re signing up for a summer class because you failed Mr. Lee’s class.”

“Against all odds, unnie, I passed. So I’m a free woman this summer,” Dahyun puffs her chest, making Nayeon clap at her because of her accomplishment. Both girls laugh at their antics. “But no, I went there for something else.”

“What is it?”

“Summer workshop!”

Nayeon makes a face.

“Oh, come on! It’s a fun summer workshop.”

“Swimming then?”

“Knitting!”

Nayeon makes a face again.

“Don’t be like that. Knitting is fun!”

“When you’re good at it,” Nayeon adds.

“Why? Have you tried knitting before, unnie?”

She did. With a mint-colored yarn. A crochet hook. And a pair of knitting needles.

She messes it up of course, leaving young Nayeon frustrated and fuming. But it doesn’t last long.

Gummy smile. Crinkling eyes. Face full of constellations. Melodic laughter.

Then a soft hand weaves with hers.

Nayeon relaxes.

“It’s okay. I’ll be the one to make it for myself,” a whisper. Barely heard. But it’s tethered in her mind after all these years. “Just put your heart in mine.”

Nayeon did.

“Yeah, once,” she finally replies to Dahyun’s question, shaking her head a little to clear herself from her fog of memories. “And I at it, bad. So I never touched the hook after.”

“But with the workshop, you can get better!” Dahyun says. “Of course it’s not free since it’s a workshop after all but the Prez and VP are good at it. They’ll help you out.”

“I’ll decline this one, my favorite junior,” Nayeon says. “I actually love seeing someone knit but knitting hates me when I do it myself. Experiencing and miserably failing it at once is already enough, thank you.”

“But—” her phone rings, interrupting Dahyun mid-sentence. She checks the contact name and Nayeon sees the younger’s smile forming, crooked in a way that’s reserved for one person only.

“Is it Tzuyu?”

“Huh? I, uh—” the blush on her cheeks says it all.

“Why don’t you go home, Dahyun-ah?” Nayeon says. “Don’t worry about me and go to your house so you can talk to Tzuyu.”

“Are you sure, unnie?” Dahyun asks even if the ringing of her phone takes most of her attention away.

“Yeah, I am,” she ruffles Dahyun’s hair then shoos her. “Now go! Don’t make your girlfriend wait.”

“Okay then. Bye, Nayeon-unnie! Go home safely!” Dahyun gives a quick hug to Nayeon before she runs to the exit while answering the call with a smile on her face.

“Ah… love,” Nayeon says, in wonder.

Then she looks at the bleak skies again. “Love…” she says, despondent.

Nayeon walks to her apartment with her shadow behind her, its form larger than her tiny body. She tightens her grip on her baby blue scarf, the only color in the darkness.

 

---

 

“Nayeon-unnie!”

Nayeon spots Dahyun walking to her, a wide grin on her face.

“We meet again, junior,” Nayeon greets as she pinches Dahyun’s cheek, making the latter whine.

“What are you doing here in the bookstore, unnie?” Dahyun asks after she’s free from Nayeon’s grasp, now nursing her stretched cheek with a pout.

“This.”

Nayeon shows her an orange book she’s looking at. It reads: THE BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO DIVINATION: Learn the Secrets of Astrology, Numerology, Tarot, and Palm Reading—and PREDICT YOUR FUTURE.

“I matched with someone a few days ago,” Nayeon says, excited. “We chatted and he seemed like a fun guy. He then said he did divination and suggested this book for beginners. Pretty neat, huh? Anyway, we’re hitting up tonight so I’ll have to read a bit of this so that I won’t completely humiliate myself.”

Dahyun frowns. “But unnie,” she says. “Didn’t you just broke up with your ex last week?”

“Yeah? And?” Nayeon asks, clueless on Dahyun’s confused look.

“Shouldn’t you take some time off from dating?”

“Oh, Dahyun-ah,” Nayeon clicks her tongue, patting Dahyun’s shoulder as if she’s a child who’s ignorant of the world. “This is the in-thing nowadays.”

“Uh…”

“I know it’s a foreign concept to you because you’re committed to your girlfriend already,” Nayeon says. “But to people like me who haven’t found the one yet, hopping from one relationship to another is the solution.”

“So don’t worry about me, okay?” Nayeon says, now reading the back part of the book she’s holding.

Dahyun keeps mum. She zips her lips into a tight line as if she’s withholding something. Her face remains stoic, yet there’s worry in her eyes. But Nayeon continues to read the book, unaware of Dahyun’s loud thoughts. Finally, the younger breaks the silence.

“You know, the VP in my workshop is an interesting one, unnie.”

“From your knitting workshop, right? How so?” Nayeon asks even if most of her attention stays in the book.

“She’s good at giving advice. Love advises. That sometimes, the couples she helped with often calls her the Love Counselor.”

“What?” Nayeon stops reading. The she laughs, boisterous and uncontrollable. The few people in the store glare at Nayeon, yet the girl in question remains too caught up in her own laughter. While Dahyun’s face turns red from embarrassment due to the sudden attention, as well as her shoulder who’s a victim of Nayeon’s laughing hands.

The happiness within Nayeon finally bubbles down, only to remain an incredulous look on her face. “Love Counselor? What are we? Twelve? No offense but that sounds dumb.”

“None taken,” Dahyun replies. “But she’s the real deal, unnie! The workshop officially starts next week but I hang around the room to get a feel of things, you know. And from time to time, couples—and even singles—visit to seek advice from her. And it works! Every. Time.”

“Huh,” Nayeon says, her interest piqued. “So what are you trying to say, Dahyun-ah?”

“That you go see her.”

Nayeon scoffs, doubt and disbelief written all over her face. “Really? Asking for a total stranger about what I should do to my romantic life?”

“Why not, unnie,” Dahyun shrugs. “There’s no harm in asking for advice from a stranger. Besides, it’s easier that way since it’s unbiased.”

Nayeon ponders for a moment, putting a thoughtful hand under her chin.

Nayeon admits that she’s bad at dating. Ever since she can remember, she dated a wide range of guys. From arrogant jocks in high school to barely passing average men in college.

At first, maybe the problem lies with them. After all, it’s easier to point the blame to someone than herself.

But somewhere along the way, one of her past boyfriends said something to Nayeon. She barely remembers him. She lost count of which boyfriend he was in her mental list of guys she dated for the past eight years. Yet his words continue to haunt her like the little conscience at the back of her head.

“You’re looking at someone and it’s not me.”

Then maybe, Nayeon realizes, it’s her fault too all along.

“I’ll think about it,” Nayeon finally says. “But first, let me have my little date with this guy.”

Dahyun sighs. “Okay. Have fun, unnie.”

“You don’t sound too enthusiastic.”

“Because it’s unhealthy to start dating when you’re fresh from a break-up,” Dahyun mutters underneath her breath. Thankfully, Nayeon didn’t hear it.

“What?”

“Oh, my mom just called me,” Dahyun suddenly says, even if Nayeon hears no ringtone. “I got to go now. Bye, unnie! Just give me a call especially if you want to see a certain someone for counsel.”

Dahyun leaves.

“Well, it’s time for me to buy this book,” Nayeon says. “And wow, divination seems interesting. Maybe I’ll delve into it too, whether the date works or not.”

The date, in fact, did work out.

The date was simple. They went to a barbecue restaurant, talking about their hobbies and interests while grilling meat. The man shared a few good jokes too, and Nayeon’s thankful she doesn’t have to pretend to laugh out of politeness. Afterward, they went to walk on the riverbank in Han River, finally settling in a much quieter place where other couples rest. There, he shows off his knowledge of astrology and tarot reading, Nayeon completely humiliating herself. They spent an hour under the twinkling stars, getting to know each other better with the help of divinity. Their date ends as they packed up their things, walking to the bus stop to go home.

The man is nice. The date is nice. This is nice. Nayeon thinks.

It’s peaceful. Tranquil. Still. Nayeon likes him.

With her baby blue scarf wrap around her neck.

“This was such a nice date by the way,” Nayeon says, showing off her bunny smile. “It’s been a while I’ve had a calming date like this.”

“Really? What kind of dates you went to before?” he asks, observing a respectable distance between them.

“We usually go to amusement parks. Sometimes arcade. The park too, if the weather’s perfect. I guess anywhere fun and not boring. But you’re not boring, at all. So you’re safe.”

“Thank god I’m approved by the dating expert,” he lets out a drastic sigh of relief, earning a laugh from Nayeon.

The laughter soon dies down, replaced by a comfortable silence between them. Until he looks at Nayeon’s scarf.

“Are you easily cold?” he asks.

Nayeon turns to him with a raised brow, not fully comprehending his question. He then points to the scarf Nayeon’s wearing.

“Oh, this. No, actually. But wearing this makes me calm.”

“It looks knitted,” he says.

“It is.”

“Your mom made it for you?”

“No. A friend.”

A friend.

Her friend.

Her best friend.

Until they separated.

“It seems like you cherish them,” he says. “Because you still wear it all this time.”

“I do,” Nayeon says. Means it. “I really do.”

“Here’s your bus stop.” he says when he saw the sign.

They stop walking, both with contented smiles on their faces.

Nayeon bows. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Likewise,” he returns a bow.

“Then maybe… we’ll do date number two soon? This time, my plan,” Nayeon says, a bit giddy and hopeful. In the corner of her eye, she sees a tiny star in the bleak night.

But his smile vanishes, face contorting to apprehensiveness. “I’m sorry, Nayeon-ssi. But I don’t think I want to further this relationship as anything more than friends.”

The tiny star disappears.

“What? Why? Did I do anything to make you uncomfortable?”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” he denies, shaking his head. “It’s not that you did something wrong, but more like there’s something off about you.”

Nayeon tilts her head, confused. “Did your tarot cards say something about me?”

“No, it’s just a gut feeling of mine.”

“Then what does your gut feeling say?” Nayeon asks, too curious.

“Well, it feels like you’re trying to replace someone in your life,” he says. “And I don’t think I can replace them. And I think I never can. I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” she says. “It’s fine. I understand.”

She doesn’t.

She doesn’t understand his words. She doesn’t understand how did he come to that conclusion. She doesn’t understand why she doesn’t understand.

“Your bus is here,” he says, headlights from a distance growing by the second. “Sorry if my words made you uncomfortable.”

“It’s alright,” she says with a polite smile.

The bus stops in front of her, its doors opening after a moment. A few passengers exit, until it was Nayeon the only one left to enter.

“Can I still hope for a round two, but as friends then? Or would it be rude of me?” he asks.

“Sure! I’ll hit you up when I have the time,” Nayeon answers, entering the bus. Then she turns to him. “Goodbye! It was nice getting to know you.”

He waves a goodbye to Nayeon as the door closes, and leaves once the bus starts to move. She walks to the farthest empty seat and sits near the window, leaning her head on it. Nayeon observes the passing scenery, her thoughts weighing on her mind.

“You’re looking at someone and it’s not me.”

“You’re trying to replace someone in your life.”

Someone.

Who is that someone? Did Nayeon ever have someone? Someone she depended on? Someone she trusted with her whole heart? Someone she loves to the point she’s still looking for them?

Nayeon has no recollection.

Nayeon doesn’t understand.

Nayeon doesn’t feel the gaping hole left in her chest.

(Nayeon doesn’t want to understand).

She tightens her grip on her scarf as it covers the lower half of her face. The citrus scent fades as the moon rises, yet she smells the lingering memories they shared. She keeps it close to her, not wanting to let it go, and soon, her thoughts ease away.

Except for one.

“She’s good at giving advice. Love advises. That sometimes, the couples she helped with often calls her the Love Counselor.”

The Love Counselor.

Before she knew it, she presses the call button of a familiar contact.

“Unnie?”

“I’ll take you up on your offer,” Nayeon says without wasting a second. “I want to meet the Love Counselor.”

“Really, unnie?! Wow, I’m so excited for you,” Dahyun says. “But what’s with the sudden change? I thought it would take days—or even weeks to convince you.”

“Just had a sudden realization, that’s all,” Nayeon replies. “When can I meet her then?”

“I’ll bring you next week in the first session of our workshop.”

“Wouldn’t they mind outsiders though? I don’t want to get in the way.”

“It’s fine, unnie. Trust me. The Prez is kind of strict but the VP is nice. She’ll let you in. Just don’t bother them for three hours then you can talk to the VP afterward.”

“Is that so?” Nayeon says. “Thank you, really, Dahyun-ah. For everything.”

“Heh, it’s no problem unnie,” Dahyun says, and Nayeon could see the younger getting shy all a sudden. “This is just a small return for helping me all this time in class for the past year.”

“But still, thank you,” Nayeon says. “See you next week then?”

“See you next week too! Have a good night, Nayeon-unnie!”

“You too, Dahyun-ah.”

When Nayeon hangs up her phone, she doesn’t understand why she’s suddenly nervous. She’s just going to see the VP—also known as the Love Counselor. She’ll simply ask a few questions and if her answer makes sense, she’ll follow them. Easy.

Yet Nayeon’s still nervous.

“Oh, whatever. It’ll wear off soon anyway,” Nayeon says, slumping in her seat.

She continues to watch the flashes of scenery in front of her, keeping her mind blank to ease her nerves. With her baby blue scarf close to her lips, the worn ends brushing Nayeon’s heart.

 

---

 

A/N: chapter 1 is finally out! :D my estimated word count for this chapter was 3k yet when i went past it, i was like, oh no, this is bad ;-; hopefully in the incoming chapters it's max is 5k, maybe 7k at worst and not anything more than that, else, i get fed up with the fic which can lead to my inspiration vanishing in the middle of writing it. anyway, i'll update this weekly so next week is chapter 2! if you want a little spoiler, nayeon finally meets the mysterious love counselor! (i wonder who she is? hmm... *deep thinking ensues*) and will she help her, who knows? thanks for reading!