Hyunjung was in love. Deeply and stupidly in love. Like she had never been before. To the point of not only sounding pathetic about the topic but actually being the definition, or rather a redefinition, of the word pathetic.

She wasn’t one to feel like this often, honestly. If anything, falling for someone was as hard for her as understanding why in the world Luda liked chemistry and anything related to numbers and equations — it scared her the mere thought of it, her head ached just by imagining it — and although she didn’t cheered the fact since love, as well as anything related to it, messed more than offered ease to her mind, good feelings weren’t unwelcomed. 

She still had a heart after all and feeling it falter once or twice reminded her she was human, that she was alive despite everything. 

Problem is, Soobin had a boyfriend. And not just any kind of boyfriend: he was the type, the absolutely infuriating type, and it wouldn’t take five minutes in his presence to realize how much he didn’t deserve a woman like Park Soobin — a literal goddess on Earth, the reason why the sunflowers smiled every day, the explanation to why cuteness was even a thing in the first place.

And it wasn’t like Hyunjung’s feelings blinded her so she wasn’t able to see the reality. Of course it hurt to see the girl of her dreams in someone else’s arms, of course it pained her from head to toe to be seen as only the best friend who would be there at all times simply because it was her job, but that didn’t mean she didn’t care about her friend. Out of everyone, Hyunjung was the person who treasured and hoped for Soobin’s happiness the most and it was okay if she didn’t find it there, by her side, as long as she found it in a better, safer place.

All Hyunjung wanted was for that bright smile to never fade away. She could literally kill someone if Soobin asked her to and she wouldn’t think twice before taking a stand to protect that girl — her girl.

Which, perhaps, could be kind of worrisome for society and Soobin’s terrible taste in men because as she drove her way in the middle of a friday night towards the well known bar, she was everything but content or willing to hear excuses over silly boy’s actions and behavior once again. It was the third time just that month that Yeoreum had to interrupt Hyunjung’s movie night with Jiyeon to go pick a very drunk, very annoyed Soobin who couldn’t stick to a single coherent phrase as she asked for more drinks and complained to no end about her boyfriend. 

The situation only got worse as time went by and Hyunjung grew more worried each time she had to run to her car and speed up before Yeoreum lost her patience and kicked Soobin out — not that the younger girl would do that, but she could bet it was possible and poor Yeoreum had enough already. Even then, the older girl had to be thankful since she could, at least, trust Yeoreum’s sense of responsibility and obvious care for Soobin whilst this was basically impossible whenever the latter decided to go somewhere else to drown her sorrows.

It made Hyunjung mad to her bones how miserable Soobin had been lately and the fact that her friend knew it but didn’t move a finger to change things, as if she was trapped in a cage with its key just by her side but still refused to open it for whatever reason no one could understand, made her even more mad. Hyunjung was tired of it at this point. Tired of only serving as a comforting shoulder and a ride back home while her requests for a bit more conscience and self respect were blatantly ignored like they were worth nothing. 

She loved Soobin first and foremost. However, she couldn’t keep this rhythm for much longer.

“Oh, thank God you’re here,” Yeoreum mumbled at the sight of her and Hyunjung exhaled before hugging the younger one. “I made her sit there to wait for you. She almost tried to jump over the counter to force me to give her more alcohol so I had to make some desperate decisions.”

“You did well, thank you,” Hyunjung nodded and urged the girl to go back to her work before walking in the direction previously pointed out.

The tall woman took a look at her friend with her head against the dark table and silently counted to ten in a plea for patience. Usually, she would meet Soobin with all the fondness and delicacy she could offer, would purposefully dismiss what made the situation so wrong, and focus solely on dragging the girl home, excluding scolds or complaints in order to not bother that fragile heart more. But this time around… She wasn’t willing to. Hyunjung couldn’t hold back how frustrated she felt and though her insides twisted in pain over Soobin in such a situation, the rational voice in her head was more determined than ever to keep her from relenting so shamefully.

“An angel came to take me,” Soobin tried to point at her and her smile was so dumb that Hyunjung felt compelled to reflect it. 

She didn’t.

“Yeah, be warned that next time I won’t come,” she did the set of motions memorized by her body after so many repetitions and glanced back at the shorter one who seemed confused. “So it better be no next time.”

They walked back to the black car after waving goodbye to Yeoreum and Hyunjung arranged Soobin on the passenger seat without looking her in the eyes, wanting more than anything to let her in the safety of her roommate's hands and go back to her movies. She was full of going through that same scenario continuously and if she knew her friend’s drunk state well, it wouldn’t take much for Soobin to start talking nonsense. 

“Are you angry?”

“No, I’m disappointed,” she went back to the road, focus forward while Soobin’s gaze burned her. “I’ve told you a thousand times to just break up with him if it isn’t working for you two. Drinking every chance you have and pretending everything is alright the next day won’t do you any good and he’s a lot more interested in his own parties than if you’re happy with him or not. The only one losing here is you.”

“Speaking like this it seems like you don’t believe he loves me,” the dissatisfied mumble made Hyunjung bite the inside of her cheek to keep her silence. Of course she didn’t believe it, he didn’t give her a single reason to do so. “We’re just… Going through a difficult phase. Every couple goes through it sooner or later,” her clumsy slips and slowness were endearing but Hyunjung was on a mission and she couldn’t falter.

“Okay, so you two have been through a difficult phase since you started dating him? Please, Soobin, that’s absurd.” She clenched her hand on the steering wheel, scolding herself for even talking back to Soobin while she was that intoxicated. But heck, burned. “Have you noticed how much your visits to Yeoreum’s bar have increased? Someone who truly loves shouldn’t do this to you.” 

Someone who loves you not only takes care of you but feeds you so much joy and fulfillment that life feels like a ing Hollywood movie with all the fireworks and shameful cliché displays of affection that make other people want to throw up — Hyunjung thought with a tearful pout to herself.

“You’re exaggerating, you’re so dramatic,” she dismissed it, twisting her lips. Hyunjung breathed in slowly. Counting. Again. And again. “Are you trying to imply he isn’t a good boyfriend? That I don’t know how to pick who I date? What a friend.”

Dealing with a drunk person was hard, however, dealing with a drunk Soobin showed itself to be difficult on another level Hyunjung had never seen before — even Sojung was less of a pain in the . She got weirdly defensive over the smallest of things and Hyunjung couldn’t tell if it was just with her, but the younger girl seemed to not hold her tongue from spilling venom in her direction as if she was a stranger, a simple acquaintance she couldn’t care less.

When it first happened she was surprised, sure, but the frequency of it got worse and worse as Soobin drank more and got more sad. Hyunjung couldn’t understand, it didn’t matter how much she tried. She couldn’t figure out where the always respectful and cautious girl went and why in the world she was replaced by a bitter, bordering on revolted, person she couldn’t recognize.

It hurt. A lot. Even if she tried to convince herself it didn’t.

“What? Will you ignore me again?”

Hyunjung frowned. “I’m stopping myself from saying something I’ll regret later.”

“You can say it, I know you don’t like him,” Soobin threw her head back and the older one could almost see how dizzy she was. “You never liked a single boyfriend I had, anyway. No news for me.”

Lie. A terribly irritating and ridiculous lie. Yes, Hyunjung had liked some of Soobin’s boyfriends before, the few she miraculously managed to date who actually cared and liked her, but the younger girl had the capacity to dump each of them without realizing the mistake she was making just to jump on the arms of another random guy who would leave her heart in pieces later on. It was laughable as much as it caused the taller one to wonder what was it that Soobin really wanted, what was it that she truly looked for in someone with all these destructive adventures.

It was as if the younger girl found herself in a hopeless search for something she would refuse the very second she passed close to it. It didn’t make sense how she dodged all the true feelings and honest intentions to accept half a love as well as half a lover that only saw her as a pretty little game. Hyunjung could try again and again to shine a light of clarity on the puzzle that Soobin was when it came to this but she rarely got any progress and, after frying way more brain cells than recommended, she decided that only her friend could give the right answer to end her confusion.

“But what do you want me to do?” She laughed under her breath, humorless. “Leave him for what? For who?” The driver bit her lip over those sharp words, thanking the skies that they were close to Soobin’s place. Just a little more...“Should I kick him and go running for you, then? Are you so sure of yourself that you think you can be better than him or any of the others?” 

Pause. 

What the actual hell?

“Do you want me that much?”

Wait a damn ing minute, Hyunjung thought in a mix of confusion, shock, and disbelief that made her body grow cold in her seat. The car stopped and she tried to convince her bruised heart that Soobin wasn’t herself at the moment and that she shouldn’t give too much credit for these careless assumptions. She did her best, but as an upset sigh left her lips, Hyunjung felt way too defeated to pretend again — even if pretending came as second nature to her.

So she gave up. And wished for the world to combust and explode for a second before looking at the passenger at her side with such a defiant intent that she would be the one burning up alive.  

“Yes,” screw it. Screw all of this. It was Soobin’s turn to freeze, her smile falling. “I do want you that much and maybe if you listened to me or just paid proper attention, you would see that I’m better than all of them combined.” The younger girl blinked. Once. Twice. And Hyunjung was fuming. “I, at least, know how to treat a lady right, that’s why they always come back, right?”

Hyunjung crossed gazes with her friend one last time to then leave the car, taking Soobin out and walking her to the door with a type of annoyance she didn’t usuall