Miyeon’s leg bounced under the table. 

 

The sounds of cutlery screeching against plates and of background conversations were swirling into her ears. Two pairs of eyes were scrutinizing her every move.

 

Yet, all of that disappeared the moment Miyeon felt a touch on her hand, and when she looked down, her girlfriend Minnie’s own hand was hers with a thumb. Miyeon looked up and was met with the same smile that she had fallen in love with. She wished that she could remain that way forever, marveling at the way Minnie’s eyes almost disappeared when she smiled and how they somehow twinkled differently when the latter was looking at her.

 

However, Miyeon slowly withdrew her hand from Minnie's grip.

 

“Sorry,” Minnie said and before Miyeon could tell her that she shouldn't be, someone spoke.

 

"Why do you apologize?" a voice asked and Miyeon had to leave the warmth in her girlfriend’s gaze to face the coldness in Soyeon's. "Is touching your girlfriend's hand a crime?" She added.

 

Soyeon’s words were precise and efficient, like thorns trying to protect the rose that was Minnie from the danger called Cho Miyeon. Miyeon felt each of them pierce through her heart with ease. But thankfully, Soyeon was interrupted before she could cause more damage.

 

"Soyeon, please," Minnie said, and although she didn’t raise her tone, it still carried a sense of finality that her friend didn’t miss, opting to shrug and take a sip from her drink.

Nevertheless, her eyes soon found their way back to their prey, and it was now in the form of deadly glares that Soyeon was attacking Miyeon. She only looked away to grab her girlfriend Yuqi’s chin and leave a tender kiss on her lips. Miyeon wanted to avert her eyes, but the gesture was so simple yet so beautiful that it was almost impossible to ignore. A mix of envy and frustration invaded her. They parted from each other, and Soyeon looked back at Miyeon with disdain. 

 

This time Miyeon looked away. She had hoped that night would be the occasion to make Soyeon accept her. But it seemed like the latter wasn’t willing to do so. They had barely been there for about ten minutes and Miyeon had already suffered several attacks from Minnie’s friend. 

 

She needed a break.

 

"I have to go to the bathroom," she said. 

 

Her chair rasped against the restaurant’s floor as she stood, eager to get away from Soyeon's judging eyes. Her feet took her to the restroom that would have to be her shelter for now. She entered and locked herself in one of the toilets, ignoring the two women that were chatting in front of the sinks. 

 

Her eyes were getting rainy and she looked up to prevent the downpour from happening. She couldn’t let herself be so pathetic to cry in the restroom of a restaurant because her girlfriend’s friend was mean to her. 

 

Soyeon was probably taking advantage of her absence to criticize her even more, telling how flawed she was and Minnie was probably trying to ease the tension. 

 

Miyeon chewed her bottom lip.

 

What if this time Soyeon had the right arguments? What if she managed to convince Minnie? 

 

The lump in Miyeon’s throat was growing with each second, like a balloon filled with helium. 

 

What if Minnie left her?

 

She hoped that her tears wouldn't smudge her makeup. 

 

_

 

"Your friends hate me, right?" Miyeon asked. 

 

Minnie and her were going back from the restaurant after what had seemed like an eternity to Miyeon. She had had to endure Soyeon’s remarks for hours and she had been relieved when the three friends had decided that it was enough for that night. 

 

Minnie was driving, her free hand locked to Miyeon’s, doing what she had wanted to do but couldn’t just a few hours ago. The thumb drawing patterns on Miyeon’s skin was soft and warm. It should be enough to comfort Miyeon. Usually it was. But the hatred that she had seen in Soyeon's eyes was still haunting her.

 

"Of course not." Minnie said, her eyes focused on the road and hand still Miyeon’s.

 

"I'm not stupid you know,” Miyeon said. “They must think you deserve better. And they're right."

 

"It's not like I’m gonna listen to them,” Minnie said and it only confirmed Miyeon’s theory, “so stop worrying."

 

Minnie detached her eyes from the road to connect their eyes and give her girlfriend a smile before letting go of Miyeon’s hand to manipulate the gearbox.

 

Miyeon stared at her hand. It looked lonely. She would have to get used to lacking Minnie's hand in hers if the latter ever decided to listen to her friends.

 

"You'll change your mind one day,” Miyeon said.

 

She could already picture Minnie telling her that she couldn't do this anymore. She could imagine the Thai woman going through her apartment, gathering the things that she had left there after spending so much time at Miyeon’s place. She could visualize Minnie giving her a last glance before closing the door behind herself. And the fact that Minnie had told her thousands of times that it wouldn’t happen wasn’t enough to erase her doubts.

 

Minnie sighed. She was probably sick of having the same conversation again and again. "I won't," she still said.

 

Rain was hitting the car and the sound resonated into Miyeon’s ears. She decided to leave it there. She leaned her head on the window and closed her eyes. 

 

"I love you, you know that, right?" Minnie asked after a moment. 

 

Miyeon’s heart clenched at her girlfriend’s words. She should have been happy, and she was mostly, but guilt was creeping in her mind. In all those months Minnie and her had been dating, Miyeon had never told Minnie that she loved her. She did love her, a lot. But fear was preventing her from saying it. The words were dancing on her tongue all the time, but she never let them get out of .

 

But Minnie didn't know that and that was the other reason why Miyeon was convinced that she would lose her one day. It must be so frustrating to constantly confess your love and get nothing in return.

 

Yet, instead of replying with the same three words she said, "I know."

 

_

 

A melody ran through the night.

 

Miyeon identified it as her phone’s ring tone and reluctantly cracked her eyes open. The alarm on her bedside table let her know that it was 3:27 a.m. Who would call at such a time? she wondered. Minnie let out an unsatisfied groan and snuggled closer to Miyeon, her nose nuzzling into her girlfriend’s neck.

 

Miyeon’s hand lazily searched through her bedside table and reached her phone. She pressed the switch off button to deny the call and put her phone back in place, her hand then travelling under the blanket to meet Minnie’s one that was circling her body. She had barely closed her eyes when her phone rang once again. And once again, Miyeon’s hand grabbed her phone but this time it was to bring it to her ear.  

 

"Hello?" She said.

 

“Sweetheart.”

 

Miyeon recognized her mother’s voice and removed herself from Minnie’s hold to sit. It wasn’t the fact that her mother had called her in the middle of the night that made her want to pay full attention but more the tension that she had noted in the woman’s voice. 

 

“Are you okay?” Miyeon asked.

 

“Yes, I am all right but…” Mrs. Cho took a deep breath and her voice wavered as she went on, “it is your father, sweetheart. He had a heart attack.”

 

Miyeon’s body froze, reacting faster than her brain, which needed a few more seconds to digest her mother’s words. Her father had had a heart attack. 

 

"What?" She still asked.

 

“It happened during dinner. Your father was upset about some matter at work and then he…” The older woman’s voice cracked. Sobs were heard. “I did not call you earlier because I did not want you to worry but… A doctor came and told me that there had been complications and... ” Another sob.

 

“Mother, please do not cry, I will be there as soon as I can.”

 

“All right, sweetie, see you later.”

 

“Goodbye,” Miyeon answered before hanging up to open the Uber app.

 

“What’s going on?” 

 

Miyeon’s head shifted to the right. Minnie had switched on the lights and was looking at her with worried eyes. 

 

“Nothing, I just need to go.” 

 

“In the middle of the night?”

 

“Don’t worry. Just go back to sleep.”

 

Minnie placed a hand on Miyeon’s forearm and it with her thumb. The look that she gave her was patient, not demanding, but Miyeon could still read in her girlfriend’s eyes that she wasn’t going to let her go without knowing what was going on.

 

"My father had a heart attack," she said. "I need to go right now because my mom said doctors don't know if he’s gonna make it..." A lump formed into as if saying it out loud made her realize the severity of the situation. 

 

Minnie kissed her right temple and her back. "It's gonna be okay," she said. Then after a moment. "Let's get dressed and go."

 

Miyeon glanced at her girlfriend before looking down, her eyes meeting the blanket. "It's okay, I can go on my own,” she said. A hand rested on her cheek and gently shifted her head for their eyes to meet again.

 

"I'm not letting you go alone,” Minnie said, a smile apparent but finality present in her tone.

 

Miyeon was thankful to have such an attentive girlfriend and it was true that she didn't want to be alone but she was not sure that taking Minnie with her would be a good idea.

 

"It's just… I'm not ready to tell them," she said. 

 

Miyeon wondered if Minnie would get mad but the Thai woman only her cheek, the smile never leaving her lips. "And you don't have to,” she said. “Tell them I'm just a friend who wants to support you. And it's true, I wanna be there for you."

 

Miyeon bit her lip. She was afraid of having her parents finding out the truth. However, she knew that she could trust Minnie. She knew that her girlfriend would do her best to hide their relationship as long as it was what Miyeon wanted. 

 

"Alright," she finally said and Minnie gave her a satisfied smile.

 

They prepared themselves and left Miyeon’s flat. Her hometown, Incheon, was only about half an hour away from Seoul, yet to Miyeon the journey seemed to last hours. At some point, she thought that talking would make time go by faster but she didn't feel like it.

She was scared. Scared to reach the hospital only to be told that her father hadn't survived. Scared to have to see him on his hospital bed, motionless, eyes closed, never to be opened again. Bad thoughts were filling her mind as she cried silently. She didn't want Minnie to worry. 

 

She quickly erased her tears as Minnie parked the car in the hospital’s parking lot. Entering the huge building, they rushed to the reception where a lady indicated to them the waiting area. 

 

"Mother!" Miyeon shouted as soon as she spotted the woman sitting in one of the seats. 

 

"Miyeon, thank God you are here," Mrs. Cho said and the mother and daughter hugged each other.

 

"How is Father?" Miyeon asked.

 

"He is still unstable. We need to wait, Mrs. Cho said before glancing past her daughter with curious eyes. “And this is..?” 

 

"This is my friend Minnie," Miyeon said and it felt so wrong that the words burned her tongue. 

 

Minnie didn’t seem affected at all and bowed to the older woman. "Nice to meet you, ma'am."

 

"Thank you for coming with my daughter."

 

"You don’t have to thank me, it's nothing. I’m sure Miyeon would have done the same for me."

 

Hours passed and the three women stayed in the waiting area, Miyeon's mother and Minnie sitting while Miyeon was pacing back and forth, arms crossed and gaze on the floor. 

 

"I will go get some coffee, do you want something, girls?" Miyeon's mother asked as she stood up.

 

Miyeon shook her head and Minnie said, "No, thank you, ma’am."

 

When the older woman was out of sight, Minnie got up too and went to her girlfriend. "You should sit down," she said, her hand on Miyeon's arm.

 

"I can't stay still," Miyeon said before biting one of her nails, tears threatening to flow.

 

Minnie pulled Miyeon into her arms. Usually, Miyeon would have backed away, but at that moment she wanted to let herself enjoy her girlfriend's comforting warmth.

 

She rested her head on Minnie's shoulder and took a deep breath, the scent of Minnie's soap that she had grown used to invading her nostrils. She wanted to stay like that forever and forget about everything else.

 

But life doesn't always work out as one wants.

 

"What are you girls doing?"

 

Miyeon suddenly stepped away from Minnie, the sound of her pounding heart resonating through her ears.That was it. Her mother was going to freak out and make a scene and tell her how disappointed she was to have her as a daughter and-

 

"Nothing, ma'am,” Minnie’s voice interrupted Miyeon’s train of thought. “I was just comforting your daughter," Minnie said with a polite smile and Miyeon realized that their hug wasn’t the thing that would give a hint to her mother, but her reaction could, so she took a deep breath and intended to erase any sign of panic from her face.

 

The older woman threw them a suspicious look but seemed to brush it off as she focused her gaze on her daughter. "I still took you some coffee," she said, reaching her arm out for Miyeon to take the plastic cup.

 

Miyeon did and her mother put a hand on her back, guiding her to the seats. They sat. Minnie kept standing.

 

"Mrs. Cho?"

 

The three women shifted their heads. A surgeon was standing in front of the door, still in his operating room outfit. Miyeon and her mother immediately stood up and walked up to him while Minnie stayed at a distance. 

 

"How is he?" the older woman asked, taking her daughter’s hand into hers.

 

"As we told you, there were some complications during the surgery,” the man said before breaking into a smile, “but we managed to unclog his arteries so he should be fine."

 

And once again Miyeon was wrapped into someone’s embrace, except that time it was her mother’s, and the elder held her so tightly that it was almost hard to breathe but she held her mother with as much strength. When her mother let go of her, it was only to hug the surgeon who awkwardly patted the older woman’s back. 

 

“Thank you,” Mrs. Cho said, tears in her eyes. 

 

But this time those were tears of joy.

 

_

 

"I hope that you are not seeing Soojin anymore,” Mrs. Cho said as she put her cutlery down on the sides of her plate to wipe off with a napkin.

 

After being allowed to visit Mr. Cho and spending several hours at his bedside, Mrs. Cho had decided to go home because she claimed that they should have a good meal after going through so many emotions. “You know what your father and I think about the likes of her," she added.

 

Miyeon’s heart sank at the grimace her mother made as she talked about Soojin. Of course, now that they had visited her father in his hospital room, and had made sure that he was out of danger, Miyeon should have known that her mother would use the first opportunity to criticize her best friend.

 

Soojin and Miyeon were childhood friends. They had been inseparable and Soojin had always been welcomed wholeheartedly by Miyeon’s family until puberty hit them and they had started to take interest in dating. Soojin had soon found out that she prefered girls and had ended up going out with a girl from their school. 

 

One day, Miyeon had invited them both to hang out and Miyeon’s mother had noticed that Soojin and the girl seemed too close to be only friends. When she had commented about it, Soojin had proudly said that she was in love with the girl. Miyeon’s mother had immediately kicked them out and forbad Miyeon to hang out with them again. 

 

After that, Miyeon’s parents were controlling her outings, asking her where she was going and with whom, always driving her from place to place, making sure that she wouldn’t go somewhere else.

 

But they couldn’t control her when she was at school, so even if they were in different classes, the two best friends still met five times a week. Miyeon’s parents had been aware of that and had even tried to get Soojin and her girlfriend expelled from school. The principal had denied their request. He had said that he agreed with them but that expelling students because of their ual preferences was too dangerous. After all, their parents could attack the school for discrimination. 

 

“It is such a shame.” Miyeon's mother had sighed while recounting their meeting with the principal. “Why would the law protect those people? I cannot get it.”

 

Miyeon’s heart had hurt at her mother’s words because the thing that her parents hadn’t known was that she was a part of ‘those people’. She had long realized that she was attracted both to men and women. 

 

Miyeon had managed to ignore her parents' homophobic comments, keeping her anger to herself because she had been afraid to accidently reveal her secret if she had been to argue with her them.

 

But one day, as she had been denied to go to Soojin’s birthday, Miyeon had had enough. They had always been there for each other on their special days and she had been determined to go no matter what.

 

“Mother, Father, Soojin is my best friend and I cannot miss her birthday,” she said. 

 

“Honey, we have already talked about that,” her mother answered. “That girl is bad company. What would people think of us if we let you be friends with someone like her?”

 

“I do not care what people think. She will always be my best-”

 

A hand had landed on her cheek before she could finish her sentence. For a moment, she had stayed with her face turned to the side from the impact, cheek stinging and the slap still resonating through her ears. Slowly, she had looked ahead once again and had met her father’s gaze. It was stern, so stern that Miyeon felt a chill down her spine.

 

“If you go to that party then do not ever come back here,” he had said. 

 

And like that, Miiyeon had missed Soojin’s birthday for the first time in her whole life.

 

"Honey, are you listening to me?"

 

Escaping her memories, Miyeon answered. "Do not worry, Mother, I have not seen her in years,” she lied. 

 

"Very good. For a moment I was afraid because I know that she moved to Seoul too. You know how those people are,” she said, her eyes fixed on Minnie. “They try to lure you into their wicked way of living.”

 

Mrs. Cho took a sip of wine, her eyes never leaving Minnie. Minnie didn’t break the line of sight between them, elbows resting on the table and face resting on her hands. Miyeon’s eyes bounced between the two of them who seemed engaged in a wordless war. She couldn’t take sides and stand up for both Soojin and Minnie. But she could at least change the topic before her mother could reel off all the reasons why she disapproved of people like Soojin. Of people like Minnie. Of people like Miyeon herself. “Mother, this dish is delicious, you should give me the recipe one day.”

 

Her mother, who was the perfect cliché of a housewife and who had always thought her daughter’s lack of interest in cooking was a shame, immediately fell into the trap and detached her eyes off of Minnie. “Oh, sure, honey. I am glad that you finally started to gain interest in cooking,” she said, beaming at Miyeon. “After all, you will have to feed your family in the future.” She started to talk about the dish, giving her daughter details about how it was made and how to choose the right ingredients for it, barely acknowledging Minnie’s presence.

 

When they were done eating and Minnie still offered to help clean up, Mrs. Cho said, “You do not have to. It is already late, so you should go home.”

 

Miyeon’s eyes widened as she realized what her mother meant. “Mother, I had hoped Minnie could take some rest here. She has not slept last night, so it would not be safe for her to drive,” she said.

 

“Oh, honey, you know it is impossible, we are currently renovating the guest room, I told you about that.”

 

“What are you talking a-”

 

“Anyways, thank you for accompanying my daughter, Minnie. I really hope we can meet again soon,” she said, with a smug smile.

 

Miyeon was about to protest once more but Minnie spoke first.

 

“Sure, ma’am, I hope the same. Then, I’ll take my leave.” 

 

Minnie got up and bowed to the older woman then glanced at Miyeon and the latter saw it all despite the smile that was spreading on her lips. She saw the pain hiding in her eyes, obvious, inevitable, unbearable.  “See you, Yeon.”

 

Miyeon watched her girlfriend turn around and walk towards the front door. She was tempted to raise her voice and hold her back, to tell her mother that what she was doing was wrong. 

 

But fear was stronger than temptation.

 

So she said nothing and watched her girlfriend walk out the door.

 

_

 

Miyeon let herself fall onto her bed with a sigh. 

 

She loved her parents, she really did. But spending a week around them could be exhausting, especially when she had to be careful about everything she said so that they wouldn’t find out what was actually going on between her and Minnie. 

 

Usually, she would have worried about the possibility of losing her parents' love, but now she was also afraid of what the news could provoke. What if her father had another heart attack because of her? A part of herself knew that she was probably exaggerating, but seeing him, who had always been strong, on a hospital bed had been a shock.

 

Thankfully, he had already recovered a bit and was back home when she had left, but she was still worried. If he was to find out, it would only cause him more stress and that was for sure the only thing that he didn't need at the moment.

 

So Miyeon had quietly endured her mother’s questions about Minnie, doubt clear in her eyes when her daughter would tell her that Minnie wasn’t interesting in women. Miyeon had had to listen to her talking badly of her girlfriend. Miyeon had had to listen to her mother while she accused Minnie of being a manipulator. Minnie, who was the nicest person that Miyeon had ever met.

 

“You should be careful,” her mother had said. “I really think she has bad intentions and I don’t want you to get molested by her.” 

 

Miyeon had almost lost it at that moment. How could her mother say something like that? But she had looked at her father who was listening to the conversation between the two women of his life, his weak eyes meeting hers. 

 

“Do not worry, Mother,” she had simply said, her skin stinging under her nails as her fists were clenched tight. 

 

She had also avoided communicating with Minnie, only sending her a quick text to apologize for her mother’s behaviour. It was only natural then that the first thing that Miyeon did was dialing her girlfriend’s number after being deprived of her voice for so long.

 

The dial tone stopped, signaling that the call had been answered, yet Minnie didn’t say anything.

 

“Minnie?” Miyeon called out. She was about to detach the phone from her ear to see if the call had been interrupted when she finally heard her girlfriend’s voice.

 

“I’m listening,” Minnie said, and her voice lacked the warmth that Miyeon usually found in it. It sounded bland, empty and sad.

 

“Is everything alright?” Miyeon asked.

 

There was a pause. Miyeon grabbed a pillow and played with its edges, waiting for an answer to her question. But when Minnie answered, it was with another question. “Do you have something to tell me?”

 

“Yeah, no, I mean,” Miyeon stuttered as she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear with her right hand, “we didn’t see each other for a week, and I missed you.”

 

Another pause. Miyeon’s right hand discarded her hair for . She let her teeth ruin her nail art. With each nail decorated with a mix of green and yellow, their two favorite colors, it was the only tiny clue that she had let slip through the cracks while being with her parents.

 

“And who’s fault is that?” Minnie finally answered.

 

Miyeon released her mistreated nail, the taste of nail polish was spreading on her tongue. “What do you mean?” 

 

“...Nothing,” Minnie said after another silence.

 

“No, tell me, what do you mean?” Miyeon insisted.

 

“Your mother made me go,” Minnie said curtly. “I would have stayed if I could.”

 

"I know but…what was I supposed to do?" Miyeon asked.

 

There was a huff. "I don't know, defend me, maybe?" 

 

It was Miyeon’s turn to take a break before speaking. She looked for her words. She perfectly knew that Minnie would have stayed with her if she had been invited to. She also knew that her mother had been wrong in getting rid of the Thai woman like that. Miyeon knew all of that, however… "She's my mom, Minnie," she finally said.

 

"And I'm your girlfriend, Yeon." Minnie reminded her.

 

Miyeon stayed silent. She couldn’t prioritize her girlfriend over her own mother. And Minnie seemed to get the unspoken message.

 

“Listen, Miyeon, it’s okay, let’s just… Let’s just stop.”

 

Miyeon’s heart broke in her chest at Minnie’s words. It was painful and the pain soon turned into something else, anger that spread through her whole body as if travelling through her veins, anger that needed to lash out against what had provoked it. Or more like, who had provoked it.

 

"I knew this was going to happen,” she said as a lump appeared in . “I knew you would dump me."

 

"Don't reverse things. I'm not dumping you because you're afraid to come out. I'm dumping you because you let your mom talk trash about people, me and Soojin included!” Minnie shouted and it shocked Miyeon because Minnie never shouted, she would barely get mad.

 

"You don't understand, I can't go against my parents!" Her voice cracked as she yelled. Tears were now rolling down freely on her cheeks.

 

"No, Miyeon. You can, you just don't want to.” 

 

"...You kept saying you didn't mind."

 

"Of course I said that and I meant it at first. I really thought it wouldn't matter to me. But then you kept pushing me away and I couldn't help getting hurt even though I knew it wasn't your intention."

 

"You should have told me, I would have…"

 

"I knew you could actually talk to your parents if I told you how I felt, and I didn't because I didn't want you to get hurt if your parents had disowned you."

 

"Minnie…"

 

“It’s okay, Yeon, don’t cry.” Minnie said as Miyeon could hear the tears in the Thai woman’s voice. “Maybe we’re just not meant to be... I have to go now, bye.”

 

Minnie hung up before Miyeon could answer.

 

_

 

Miyeon took another sip of wine and put her glass back on the kitchen’s counter, next to the half-empty bottle. 

 

She didn't want to get completely drunk, only to let the beverage soothe her pain. However, if her body reacted to the alcohol, it didn't quite numb her feelings. Her mind was still sober. Sober and full of memories, like the one of the last time she had tried to get drunk on purpose. 

 

Miyeon and her boyfriend of the time had just broken up. It had been his decision. Apparently, she was too distant, as if she hadn't really wanted to engage with him.

 

Miyeon had denied it but deep inside she had known that he had been right. Although she was interested in both males and females, her dating him had been more due to her mother constantly pressing her to create a family than due to love. He had shown interest in her and it had been convenient for her to accept his advances. 

 

Miyeon hadn't been in love with him but she had still considered their breakup as a failure. She had decided to drink because alcohol would lift up her mood. She had left the café where she and her ex-boyfriend had met without any destination in mind. She would have gone wherever her foot would have taken her. She had passed a few bars without feeling like getting in but had stopped in front of one. For some reason, it had seemed like the right place for her. 

 

Miyeon had pushed the door open, already planning how much she would drink : enough not to care about her breakup anymore but not so much that she wouldn't be able to go home on her own. Ubers were expensive and she hadn't intended on having to pay one.

 

She had stepped in and had taken in the atmosphere. Most of the furniture was black along with the walls but the bright colorful lights here and there made up for their darkness. There was a counter and small tables where groups of people chatted while sipping on their drinks.

Behind the counter, a woman with bobbed black hair and a strong resting face that had immediately shown a commercial smile as Miyeon had entered. 

 

"Hello, what would you like to drink?" The woman had asked and Miyeon had ordered. 

 

She had sat on one of the stools behind the bar and had thanked the barmaid when the latter had brought her drink before starting sipping through the straw. Her free hand had grabbed her phone and started deleting pictures of her and her now ex-boyfriend. When she had finished her glass, she had barely deleted ten percent of their couple pictures. 

 

Dammit, why do I take so many pictures? she had thought and had decided to order another drink. She had looked up from her phone for the first time since she had started deleting those pictures, and that was when she had seen her.

 

Next to the woman who had served her before was standing a tall girl with long hair tied up in a ponytail, a fringe spread on her forehead. The other one had said something and the taller one had smiled and it had struck Miyeon. With the way that her eyes almost disappeared, Miyeon had forgotten what she was about to say so much that when the two employees had noticed that she was staring intently at them and had asked if she needed anything, she had only been able to mumble an answer.

 

"I'll get you that," the woman had said and the smile that Miyeon had had a small glimpse of earlier had been back and directed to her.

 

Miyeon had come to a bar hoping that alcohol would make her giddy.

 

What she hadn't expected was that someone would make her giddy.

 

And if she had continued drinking that night, it wasn't for the effects of alcohol but more because she had needed an excuse to stay.

 

And she had been delighted when the woman had offered to take her home, her joy and the effect of alcohol mixing up to make her ecstatic. She had wanted to hop around and sing, and the fact that it had been terribly late and that she might have disturb her neighbours’ sleep hadn’t been enough to stop her from giggling on the way to her apartment, even when one of them had come out to lash out at them.

 

She had been brave enough that night to grab the woman’s hand as she was leaving, the soft skin of her fingers tickling hers.

 

The feeling hadn’t left her and her heart had missed a beat when the same woman had approached her a few days later as she was doing her groceries. She had managed to hide her emotional turmoil, pretending for a moment that she didn’t remember the barmaid.

 

She had tried to resist her feelings but they were too strong. She had been afraid. She still was.

 

Now Miyeon once again opened her pictures application, but it wasn't to delete anything, only to look at them with eyes full of regrets and longing.

 

Scrolling down, she saw several pictures of her and Minnie, but also pictures with Soojin and other friends. And that was when she realized that she had no pictures with her parents, simply because they weren't the central elements of her life anymore. They had been when she was younger, they had been those to take care of her and those she had needed to move forward.

 

But now, although she would always need them, it was different. It wasn't a matter of life or death for her to see them. She was an adult with a job and a place to live. She was independent and wouldn't lose everything if she was to cut all ties with them. It would break her heart, but she was sure that she would never be as sad as she was now, when the person that she loved the most had broken up with her.

 

Miyeon closed the pictures application.

 

_

 

Miyeon once again found herself on her way to her hometown, less than a week after leaving it. She had booked the last train going there on the spur of the moment. If generally, acting spontaneously could have bad consequences, in that case, she knew that she had made the right decision. She had been postponing that conversation for too long. Now was the right time. Because if she didn't do it now, she would lose everything.

 

She got off the train and started her journey. Her shadow danced on the sidewalk as she moved forward. The sound of her heels resonated through the empty streets as the wind made her shiver despite the coat that she was wearing. She had left in a hurry and had forgotten to bring her scarf.

 

Miyeon breathed a sigh of relief when she spotted her parents' house at the thought that she would be able to warm up in the comfort of her childhood housee, the place where she had been raised and where she had so many good memories. 

 

But it only lasted for a second, as the peaceful memories were replaced by painful ones and Miyeon halted her movements as she was about to ring the doorbell, her left hand remaining in the air. A cold sweat arised on her skin and her heart beat faster, yet she knew that she couldn’t let panic hinder her confession. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then, when she was ready, she pressed the doorbell.

 

The door swung open a few seconds later and Miyeon faced her mother who was already wearing her night clothes and squinting her eyes, trying to decipher the shape standing in front of her house in the middle of the night.

 

"Miyeon? Is that you?" Mrs. Cho asked and didn’t even wait for an answer before guiding her daughter inside. While she tied her bathrobe, she asked, “What brought you here so late?”

 

Miyeon followed her mother into the living room and flinched when she heard a voice behind them.

 

“Did you forget your manners to come here unannounced in the middle of the night, Cho Miyeon?” 

 

Miyeon turned around to face her father who already seemed to have fully recovered from his heart attack as he was standing straight with his chest high and proud and his hands resting behind his back. 

 

Mrs. Cho noticed the tension in her husband’s voice and decided to speak in her daughter’s stead. “I am sure that Miyeon has a good reason for visiting us,” she said looking at her husband before she turned her head to Miyeon, “right, sweetheart?” 

 

Miyeon stared at her father who had taken a few steps to stand next to his wife, then she locked her gaze with her mother’s expectant one. "I have something to tell you," she finally said.

 

"What is it, honey?" Mrs. Cho asked.

 

"It will be difficult for you to hear it but I do not want to lie anymore. I..." Miyeon felt the words die on her tongue. They were right there on the tip of her lips, but just as she couldn’t tell Minnie how much she loved her, fear was preventing her from speaking up. But that time she knew that she had to say it. She had to find the strength to do so somewhere inside of her, and she perfectly knew where.

 

She let her thoughts wander and memories of her and Minnie flashed into her mind. The day they had met. Their first kiss. The day when Minnie had said that she wanted to be with her no matter what. It was now Miyeon’s turn to be brave, because she also wanted to be with Minnie no matter what. Even if it meant taking the risk of losing her parents’ love. "I am biual," she finally said.

 

There was a long silence during which Miyeon had a hard time breathing. It was suffocating as she waited for her parents to say something. Anything.

 

"What do you mean?" her mother asked, somehow looking paler than just before.

 

"I am attracted to both men and women," Miyeon clarified, hoping that her mother would stop playing dumb, "and Minnie is my girlfriend,” she added. “ Well, she broke up with me because I messed up but I will-"

 

"Enough." Miyeon was interrupted by her father’s loud voice. His tone was firm as he went on. "You are clearly out of your mind."

 

His cold words and the anger that she read in his eyes almost made her inner child, scared and vulnerable, come out to take back what she had said and beg for her parents’ forgiveness.

 

However, she managed to pull herself together and looked straight into her father’s eyes as she answered. "No, Father, I am not. I was out of my mind when I let you and mother insult people just because of who they are attracted to. I was when I let you insult my friend and my girlfriend. I was because I even let you indirectly insult me,” she said, never looking away from her father’s fuming eyes. “But it is over. I cannot do this anymore.” 

 

Only then, she detached her eyes from her father to meet her mother’s gaze. Both of them were on the verge of tears. “I love both of you but I have to live my life. And the only thing that I know is that I want Minnie to be a part of it. She has to be a part of it,” she croaked out as the lump in distorted her voice. “And it will not be possible if I keep hiding my true self. Now it is up to you to decide if you want to be a part of my life too."

 

Miyeon felt like a weight had been removed from her shoulders. She had finally told her parents the truth. She no longer had a secret to hold. It was scary, but liberating.

 

“Miyeon-” her mother started but her husband held his hand in the air, a silent instruction for her to stay quiet. The woman looked at him with tears rolling down her cheeks, just like her daughter.

 

"Get out, this instant," he simply said and the little hope that still lived inside of Miyeon’s heart perished.

 

She took the time to stare at the two people who had raised her and had loved her in their own way, because she knew that she might never see them again. Then, when it had been long enough for their image to be engraved into her memory, she turned around and walked out. 

 

It was done.

 

She was done with them. 

 

_ 

 

Miyeon entered the bar with hesitant steps. 

 

She had gone to Minnie's apartment multiple times but the other had never opened the door for her. She wouldn’t answer her texts and phone calls either. Coming there at the bar was Miyeon’s last chance. 

 

She would have come earlier if it wasn’t for her fear of having to face Soyeon, who never liked her in the first place and probably entirely hated her now that things had gone wrong between her and Minnie.

 

“You’ve got some nerve to come here,” Soyeon said and the look that she threw at Miyeon sent chills through her spine. It took her a moment to compose herself and remember that if she had faced her parents, she could easily face the younger.

 

“Minnie is ignoring me,” she said.

 

“Oh, really? I wonder why,” Soyeon spat with irony.

 

Miyeon wouldn’t even try to defend her behavior because she had finally realized how wrong she had been. She had deserved Soyeon’s harsh tone from the beginning.

 

But Soyeon wasn’t the person she needed to apologize to. She only needed to convince the younger woman that she had changed or the latter wouldn’t even let her approach Minnie.

 

“I talked to my parents,” Miyeon simply said and Soyeon raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. “As I thought, they were mad, but it doesn’t matter. Minnie is more important than them.”

 

“Are you sure? Ain’t you gonna change your mind and go back to them? Ain’t you gonna leave Minnie behind once again?”

 

Miyeon wanted to argue that she hadn’t left Minnie behind. Technically, Minnie had been the one to break up. But she knew that metaphorically she had been the one to abandon Minnie the day when her mother kicked her out and she didn’t react.

 

“I won’t,” she said after a moment, voice loud and clear because there was nothing she was more sure of.

 

Soyeon stared at her for a long time, pensive, but then she grabbed her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and dialed a number before putting the object against her ear.

 

“Jihye called in sick. Drop in,” Soyeon said and immediately hung up before putting back her phone in its place while throwing Miyeon one of her trendmark glares.

 

“You’d better not mess up again, Cho.”

 

Miyeon could only smile softly. Jeon Soyeon was tough, but Miyeon couldn’t deny that she was an amazing friend. “I know,” she said.

 

 

Minnie arrived about 20 minutes later, walking straight to the bar and with furrowed eyebrows when she saw their colleague Jihye serving some clients at a table. 

 

“I thought she had called in sick?” Minnie asked Soyeon when she reached the counter. 

 

Soyeon stayed silent, and for a moment Miyeon feared that the latter had changed her mind. But finally she nodded towards her and the gesture made Minnie turn around.

 

Their eyes clashed for the first time in weeks and Miyeon felt tears threatening to fall, both because she was so happy to see Minnie and because the latter looked back at Soyeon immediately, as if the mere fact of looking at her ex-girlfriend hurt. 

 

It probably did. 

 

“What is she doing here?” The Thai woman asked with greeted teeth. 

 

Soyeon shrugged. “She wants to talk to you.”

 

Minnie peeked at Miyeon once again, and once again averted her eyes quickly, asking, “Am I needed here or not?”

 

“No,” Soyeon said, “but I think you should listen to her.”

 

The two friends shared a long look and this time when Minnie looked at Miyeon, her eyes were not angry anymore but fearful. She eyed Miyeon like she was afraid of getting hurt once again if she dared to come closer. She looked back at her friend and Soyeon gave her a reassuring nod, notifying that she had her back. Finally Minnie walked up to the table where Miyeon was waiting for her.

 

“What do you want?” She asked with a blank stare when she reached the Korean woman.

 

“Do you mind sitting?” Miyeon offered.

 

Once again, Minnie’s nonchalant act vanished as hesitation flashed into her eyes for a second. Carefully, she pulled the chair across from Miyeon’s and sat.

 

"I don’t know where to start…” Miyeon said, fidgeting with her hands which rested on the table. “First of all, I’m sorry for hurting you. Deep down I knew you were hurt but I pretended not to know. I pretended to believe you all those times when I pushed you away and you said it was fine. It was convenient for me,” she said as she lowered her face. “That way I didn’t have to get out of my comfort zone. I didn’t have to confront my fears. I didn’t have to confront my parents.” 

 

She looked up once again, locking her gaze with Minnie’s. “I treated you like you were my dirty little secret and I’m truly sorry for that. I realized all of that after you left me, and I can’t believe it had to go this far for me to wake up. I was so egoist. You should have dumped me earlier,” she said in an attempt to ease the atmosphere but Minnie didn’t say anything or laugh. She still stared blankly at her past lover. 

 

“I talked to my parents,” Miyeon added and this time Minnie’s eyes lit up with a few emotions, curiosity and even hope, it seemed.

 

“And?” she asked. 

 

“They’re mad. I don’t think they’ll ever talk to me again,” Miyeon said with a wince. “But it’s okay,” she went on, “I don’t want to lie anymore. Not to them, not to you… Not even to myself. I promise you it will be different this time, Minnie.”

 

The Thai woman raised an eyebrow at Miyeon’s words. “You say that as if I already agreed to go back with you,” she said.

 

“Yeah, it’s called manifesting. If I believe you’ll forgive me then you’ll do,” Miyeon said with a malicious smile.

 

Minnie continued to stare at her and Miyeon held her breath while waiting for her answer. After a moment, Minnie rolled her eyes and broke into a smile. "Alright," she said.

 

Miyeon could only beam at her, ecstatic from the idea of getting a second chance. She would make sure not to miss it and would do everything to gain Minnie’s trust back, even if it took months or years. And she perfectly knew what was the first step to do so.

 

"Great,” she said as she stood up, “because, in front of all these people..." Miyeon climbed on her chair.

 

"What are you doing?" Minnie asked as she tried to stop her by grabbing her arm but Miyeon pushed her hand away and stood on the table that they were sharing.

 

"...I want to say that…" she shouted so that her voice would cover the background music and everybody would hear her, “I love you, Nicha Yontararak!”

 

People looked at them funny and Miyeon felt warmth invade her body but it wasn't from embarrassment. It was from the joy of finally being able to say the words that she had been holding back all those months. It was from the emotion that she read into Minnie’s eyes. 

 

It was from the pride of finally being honest with herself.