my first wish is for you and i to be happy like we were today

ice precipitates from the december sky, falling onto the rich earth; the snow that blankets the lawn was white outside, pristinely glistening beneath the daylight, and it was cold that jiwoo's breaths would come out in a mist. she had loved the feeling of ice crushing beneath her pair of cozy boots, the frost that dangles onto the fabrics of her jacket whenever she had gone too long outside, and most of all, the way sooyoung blooms a huge smile across her face very playfully with the warmth that cuts through the coldest of seasons.

she could have been outside right now, snowball fighting with sooyoung, laughing, making a note to fix up two hot chocolates later. her heart used to be so full during the holidays. christmas used to be so bright.

but now, no, winter isn't the same anymore. it was still as cold, but the kind of cold that seeps through jiwoo's skin slowly slicing her heart in half. the kind of cold that reminds her of the half empty bed that used to have sooyoung's blazing body next to hers. it's when she'd lay flat on her bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing for sooyoung to appear in sight wearing the smile that she had grown to love, and then lean in to kiss her hello. but it's okay. she'll be home soon. she will be.

she turns to the bedside drawer. there was a small frame displaying sooyoung's picture holding up a peace sign close to her face, looking so happy that her eyes had turned into little cresents that had been jiwoo's small portals to the rest of the galaxy. she carefully picks it up. "i miss you." jiwoo whispered, as if it can hear her. she planted a small kiss to the photo before bringing it to her chest. jiwoo smiled- at least- she tried to. it doesn't count if the smile isn't of security.

sooyoung was long gone from her.

but it's okay. one day, any minute, sooyoung will happily come back to her. to give her the warmth they both needed to survive the cold weathers of winter season. jiwoo knows that day will come sooner than she's been expecting, and she swears that if that time comes she wouldn't waste a second not entangled in sooyoung's arms.

"i love you!" jiwoo exclaimed, directing it to the lover away from her grasp. she waits for an answer. none.

"you know," she continues, talking to the empty voids of her bedroom, hoping- just hoping-that it wouldn't melt in the wind this time. that it can reach sooyoung, wherever she is now. "i can't wait until you come home. but that's alright, waiting forevermore and a day wouldn't hurt much anyway. and i know it will be worth it to see you again, ha sooyoung." jiwoo grinned, tightening her grip on sooyoung's photo.

"it's a shame i couldn't kiss you under the mistletoe like you wanted to. but we can always wait for another year's christmas, can we? and for the year after that, and for the year after the year after that... i can wait for a full lifetime for you."

silence had fallen, enveloping the room with menace jiwoo tried hard to ignore. once again, like everyday, she waits for the gate hinge creaking, any locks clicking open, any sign of sooyoung returning home. or when she's met with nothing yet again, she hopes sooyoung is on her way back and she'd surprise jiwoo by the second it hits christmas. jiwoo can already imagine it happening. sooyoung would appear by the doorframe, and jiwoo would run to her like a child running back to her mother, peppering her face with so many kisses until sooyoung gets sick of it. she'd hug her so tightly and would never let her go for the rest of eternity.

the time will come soon, as jiwoo believes, and she'll finally embrace sooyoung warm. not sooyoung's photo. it wouldn't suffice.

"wherever you are, please be warm." jiwoo wishes, as if the image of sooyoung in her head would hear that and grant that. "i love you." she whispers, gently, her voice so broken under her breath.

my second wish is to always be together even after several winters

words and a sigh dissolved by the thin air inside her room. she looked to her right, now only noticing the gigantic apple cushion on the floor sooyoung always loved. it was a gift from someone in their friend circle, jinsoul, after they announced fixed plans of moving in together to the group. "this thing is huge. you could fit you and jiwoo here." jinsoul jokes, although knowing that'll most likely be true. sooyoung and jiwoo laughed inwardly at that. she'd never forget jinsoul telling them how haseul caught the two of them cradling each other on it one afternoon as they sleep, too. mind jiwoo, jinsoul even had to hear it from their friend.

jiwoo ran to it and jumped, feeling the softness once she landed and sank into it as the cushion hugs her body. it was that huge for a person or two to lie on it. jiwoo liked to think it was sooyoung hugging her, so she hugs back.

"remember how much you loved laying down on this thing?" jiwoo again asks the imaginary presence of her lost girlfriend. "bet once you come back home you'd wallow dramatically on your gigantic apple." she laughed at the imagination of sooyoung doing so. she'd probably do it for real. getting soft at the thought, jiwoo buried herself deeper into the cushion, feeling the fluffiness under her weight.

about sooyoung, she has been missing for so many months. jiwoo didn't care enough to count how many. it wouldn't matter once she arrives. sooyoung has filled her heart with trust that everyday she trusts she'll still go to jiwoo by the end of her days. she knew sooyoung wouldn't do anything, not even the slightest pinch, to hurt her.

so much trust... that everyday she's expecting for sooyoung to show up by their door when it's evening.

jiwoo had no idea where she is. she hasn't received any calls and messages from sooyoung ever since she left. but she didn't mind. it wouldn't matter when they see each other again. sooyoung would never dare leave her.

and sooyoung would never have an idea how badly does the younger lover miss her. she never uttered a word to jiwoo, and how she wanted to trap her short frame in her arms. but for jiwoo, she'd like to feel what was rather heard. and she feels that with every beat of her heart against her chest it was sooyoung telling her she misses her a lot, too. not a day passing when she doesn't.

sooyoung grasps on her burgundy luggage. the handle feels like a knife in her palm.

" i'll be back in a few week's time. it's gonna be the busiest of weeks, but don't worry!"

sooyoung was just kissing jiwoo goodbye but the latter already feels pierced in her chest. nevertheless, she fights that feeling knowing sooyoung wouldn't like to make her feel so.

"take care, i love you." jiwoo mutters, meaning each and every word.

sooyoung ran her fingers on the strands of jiwoo's hair for the last time. "i will. for you." a careful giggle. "i love you more." she sm