Inspired by Jungkook’s Still With Me.

 

Wonyoung : her voice was sweeter and lighter

Sweet and light voice. I didn’t know much about her, but I knew she could sing. I heard her singing a few times whenever I walk passed our school broadcasting room.

She had a boyfriend, the one that was too handsome, our senior, the president of our school broadcasting club. Maybe that was why the two of them spend most the time in the broadcasting room during lunch break. He adored his girlfriend’s sweet voice, anyone could see that, treating her like a damn soloist of the school and let her sing different songs to the microphone every 3 days.

Well, if I were him, I would do the same, or maybe, I’ll let her sing to the microphone every day. I liked her. I might loved her voice or I might just liked the idea of her being able to sing the way she wants to the microphone.

I don’t think it was that important? I liked her that’s all. She’s year older than me, we never talked in school, so I didn’t know much about her but I knew a few gossips although I came to school like once a week and sometimes I didn’t attend school at all for months. My classmates barely knew I exists, I couldn’t even remember which one is my locker sometimes.

I didn’t make that much friends. It was not like that I didn’t want to but I just thought, there would be no use of it.

These sweet girls in my class would be inviting me to go play at the arcade with them but I would never be able to say yes. These sweet girls would be talking about skipping the cram school later in the evening but hell, what even is a cram school? Never attended one tho.

Some cute boys in my class had their love letters slide into my history book on the page 143 for the “I love you” but then there would be no use. I would be stuck at the page 14 of my textbook when the whole class was already at their 200th page, I would never have the time to visit the 143rd page. I have never rejected a boy, I have never being sorry for ignoring their feelings, because I wouldn’t know about it until my home school teacher told me to open that damn page.

No one scolded me for not socializing, everyone in the class were minding their own business or at least that’s what I thought. I sat alone by the window, I didn’t talk, I didn’t open my textbook, the teacher never asked for my homework. I was doing fine, I was enjoying it, that’s what I thought until,

She came to my class during the lunch break, when I was alone, she stood a few inches away from my table, had hair tied high ponytail and she wore that kind of “puppy smile” and I realised that the rumours were true “she’s the cutest puppy” “she looks like an actress” and her voice..

 

“are you.. Jang Wonyoung?”

 

I heard her singing voice at least average 5 times every 6 months because I didn’t go to school that much and I knew how sweet her voice is but when she said my name, it was sweeter, it was lighter.

I lifted my face a bit, facing her and I nodded, slow and somehow, I fell into her deep sweet gazes.

 

“my little sister is your fan, it’s her birthday tomorrow, can you give me your autograph?”

 

She handed a piece of blank paper to me even before I said yes, so I took it anyway but I was not careful enough or was she nervous? I didn’t know but she let the paper go even before my thumb get to touch it, resulting the both of us staring at the blank paper on the floor for few seconds.

I bent down but she stopped me, she landed her left hand on my right shoulder soft and took the paper right away and put it on my table.

I grabbed my pen, the only pen I brought to school, because I didn’t need pen that much, and that was when I realised, that I was out of ink, and somehow, I felt so negative about that.

I was a teenager, a high school student, and it was not only about being left all behind in academics in school, hell I even scored 100% for most exams I took at home with my tutor, it was about my youth, I didn’t even buy new pen for school and that was so awful for me.

I hate giving up, never once in my life I give up so I tried harder, but the ink didn’t come out and I accidently teared the paper, a bit, I couldn’t even lift my face that time to say sorry to her, but I did try to say sorry, I felt how my lips parted but even before a sorry could escape my lips, she put a pen in front of me, soft.

A pen with hot pink ink. I looked at her.

 

“I didn’t get to give you a pen, you already teared the paper”

 

She smiled, she giggled, and somehow the negative feelings I had about the damn pen disappear, she took away my disappointment. I smiled small, head titled down, clueless about what I was feeling.

 

“what should I write ?”

 

I asked her, I finally let my voice out and she smiled towards me, again and I looked, proceeded to just sign the paper.

 

“to An Sohee…. From Wonyoung noona”

“she’s 6 years old, she likes you so much”

 

My fingers stopped, noona..

 

 

 

And I smiled right away, I’ve always liked the fact that I have young fans, because they are honest, they like me because I’m just me, I liked that fact so much. I signed the paper and got flowery feelings as an exchange, I was happy, really.

I handed the paper to her with a smile which I didn’t realise at first until she grinned at me, wide and I could feel my eyes widen.

 

“w-why?”

 

I stuttered a bit, my hand was shaking and when she took the paper from me, she smiled to the floor before a small laugh escaped her lips.

 

“I thought you wouldn’t smile at all.”

“I was questioning myself in my head, what kind of person my sister’s idol is”

“I felt like I’m a teacher, waiting for you to pass to your answer sheets for exam”

 

What kind of person my sister’s idol.. thought you wouldn’t smile at all.. passing answer sheets for exam, somehow I felt negative about it again, I never knew a non-fan point of view on me, I never knew that I didn’t smile that much off camera, I never knew the feeling of passing answer sheets after examination like normal students does.

It felt so off on how this girl with sweet voice could give me flowery feelings and cold right after. I thought about it for a moment, was it the kind of life that I dreamed of? Was it worth it?

I wanted to go school like normal teenagers does, I wanted to skip cram school at least once a month, I wanted to eat-

 

“it’s lunch break, why are you here? Did you eat?”

 

She asked me that and yes, I didn’t sign up for meal plan at school because for what? I wasn’t allowed to eat those and I had no girl best friends to eat with at the cafeteria. My classmates didn’t hate me, they didn’t outcast me, they didn’t bully me, I just had no friends that’s all.

I didn’t answer her, I didn’t know how to answer her, I didn’t even know how to have a normal conversation with a senior. I felt the tears in my eyes, I didn’t know the reason why, I just had them and I really couldn’t hold it so I turned my face facing the window, waiting for her to leave me.

There was only silence between the both of us until, she put a carton of strawberry milk on my table and I lifted my face, I had her eyes looking straight into my eyes.

 

“I don’t know if strawberry milk would fit your diet plan..”

“but this is my treat for your autograph”

“you should eat sometimes too”

“corny to say this but, we are still growing up”

 

She smiled after the “we are still growing up” and it gave me flowery feelings again, because she was right, I was still growing up, I didn’t need to think a lot about certain things, I should let loose sometimes too and I liked that. I like taking times and be normal, I knew I want that, maybe I didn’t want it before but I wanted it at that time.

She lifted her hand, waved a goodbye to me, and she took steps leaving my table and that was when I called her, I said her name

 

“An Yujin wait!”

 

She stopped in the middle of my class and slow, she turned back, facing me, and she didn’t smile like she did before.

 

“you know me-”

 

She didn’t get to finish her question because that was the moment, when I finally, wanted to be normal

 

“I like your voice- no…”

“I like you”

“An Yujin”

 

 

Yujin : for the main visual of your group

Normal. Jang Wonyoung wanted to be normal but I didn’t really get it at first when she tell me that. Normal for me, were school and tteokboki. Normal for me, were archery and baking class.

Normal for me… were a camera and a lenses.

 

“why are you here?”

 

Wonyoung texted me right after she went into her agency’s van after that red carpet event. I brought out my strawberry lollipop, I tied my hair into messy bun before I putting on my cap, I texted her back.

 

“I took pictures, of course? I’m now a fansite, for fun just during the weekends !”

 

Was kinda excited to see her reply, I stopped walking and stared at our chat, long and ting!

 

“for me?”

 

I giggled instantly, and I put a few thoughts before typing a reply. Should I be honest? Or should I ? It was fun to have those kind of thoughts.

 

“no, for the main visual of your group” and I inserted the so-called polite smiling emoji right after just to pissed her off more.

 

Wonyoung was a sweet person but also a grumpy girl. She wouldn’t be able to hide if she was upset. She didn’t reply me after that and for me that was the right “normal” that she didn’t realise that she has it.

That type of normal where we can feel whatever we want, that type of normal where any kind of feeling is valid and acceptable, that type of normal where we don’t need to hide. I wish I had that too.

Or maybe, she didn’t have that and I knew, that was why, I let her, being open with me. I put my phone back in my jeans pocket and my camera and as I looked back at those pictures of her I took, I felt joy, it was fun, I was free, it was a job without responsibility, it was just a hobby for a high school student like me.

At first, I didn’t realise how a few shots of a woman could make me “that” happy. It’s not like I had a crush on her but I just enjoyed taking shots of her. All shots of her were mesmerizing, her eyes when she was on stage and her eyes when she looked at my lens when I called her name were different.

She was lovable, she was feminine, she was soft-hearted, she was my type. Kim Minju was my type. I liked the idea of having her smiles on the screen of my camera.

I learnt about Kim Minju after I started talking with Wonyoung. I didn’t care about Kpop before that but having Wonyoung as my friend, I listened to her group’s title track during lunch break and talked to my little sister about Wonyoung after every dinner I had at home.

She was the main visual of Wonyoung’s group and her outfit on that day was everything to me. Her in white fitted suits, black classy high heels, long curly brunette hai