complicated but not.

complexity

Minjoo is never a complicated person. She’s someone who’s blunt and straightforward, always speaking her thoughts and honest concerns or comments towards certain things. When she decides, she sticks into that decision and will always bravely brace herself from the implications of those decisions, be it negative and positive. So, she never regrets anything in the end, always prepared and full of courage.

 

But then, she met Ahn Yujin. Someone who is mysterious and ultimately complex, complicated in so many ways, much more complicated than any math equation. Everything about her puzzles Minjoo, yet intrigues her.

 

Like a moth to a flame. Minjoo is somehow attracted. She knows, it’s dangerous engaging herself to someone who’s hard to read, a whole contrast of her own self. But she can’t help herself, her gaze following Yujin no matter where she goes, eyeing her like she’s an attraction in the zoo from her table with obvious sparkle in her eyes.

 

So, much to her shock when her attraction got reciprocated. One day, Yujin also started to gaze back with the same intensity, her deep brown orbs looking right back at her and it reminds Minjoo of a desert, which really compliments her blazing stares — hot, scalding. Never fails to burn every inch of Minjoo’s existence, in a freaking good, good way.

 

When she got the chance to be closer, she didn’t let it pass, pulling the tall woman closer to her until there’s no space left between them anymore, tightly holding her and doesn’t have any slightest idea to let her go from her own grip — letting herself get too lost in those dark eyes that holds a lot of mystery, complexity, and coldness.

 

For the first time, Minjoo didn’t think of anything — the implications, the future, the situation, the aftermath after she succumbed into something shallow yet deep. With Yujin, even. As long as she gets to hold the other woman close to her, then nothing ever matters.

 

Only Yujin, and her lingering touches, and her lips hovering over hers. Nothing else matters, she only does, and that she’s always the only one. Minjoo willingly let herself get tangled into a web full of complicated strings.

 

And when everything becomes even more complicated than it is, Minjoo is too wary. Yujin wants to pull away, escape from the web she herself created, certain and determined, but there’s something more in it — that’s for sure.

 

Minjoo is already deep into it, she doesn’t want to let go unless she knows it’ll be fruitless, unless she realizes that she’s chasing for something not so worth it. But it’s Yujin, and it poisoned Minjoo’s mind that — no matter how complicated Yujin is, she’s worth it, and Minjoo will trap her back.

 

“We must stop,” A hiss. A plea. A demand. Minjoo can’t tell but it’s the same, she remains strong and firm.

 

“You keep telling me that but you never say any reason why you want for this to stop.” Minjoo snarls, trapping her lower lip between her teeth. Her arms crossed, looking even sassier.

 

Yujin rolls her eyes. “Isn’t the reason that we’re not even official — and will never be — a valid reason enough?” She asks, a huff coming out from her parted lips and then kicks a pebble laying on the sidewalk.

 

It’s night, and chilly, they usually meet outside at night. Minjoo hated the dark, but she came to learn to love it because Yujin absolutely loves darkness. And maybe, night is the only time of the day where Yujin can meet Minjoo, discreet and less risky to be seen.

 

There was a pang in Minjoo’s chest when Yujin emphasized that they will never be official, it’s something she’s aware of but she’s not fazed by that anymore, letting it not get through to her.

 

“No, it’s not,” Minjoo responds, sneering as a light snicker escapes her. “You know, you don’t need to beat around the bush and create too direct excuses because I won’t buy it. Be honest and tell me why you want this non-existent, complex relationship to end.” She says with a displeased grunt, clenching her fists on her sides.

 

Yujin purses her lips, eyeing her with those unreadable eyes — the window to her soul is really tightly closed, and even just a small peek, Minjoo wants to see a glimpse of it. Yujin never allows her too, remaining stoic and close to everyone, including her.

 

“Wonyoung wants me back,” Yujin finally says, quiet and almost like a whisper, and then looks away, not wanting to engage in eye-contact with Minjoo.

 

There it is. Minjoo knows what is happening, she’s not stupid and oblivious. She has ears and eyes all over. She just wants for those words to come out from Yujin’s own mouth. It’s seriously infuriating. She never saw this coming at all, if she’s being honest. She’s too taken aback.

 

Minjoo thought she braced herself from the possible outcomes of this but clearly, she isn’t and it scares her.

 

But she also catches the slight waver of Yujin’s voice — hesitant, untrue.

 

“This is absolutely saddening. I just became a rebound,” Minjoo whispers, obviously enough — she’s hurt and feels that she just got used. There’s a hint of playfulness and disbelief in it. She purposely used the term ‘rebound’ to strike Yujin’s heart and she sees the effect of it, the tall woman obviously freezes at the mention. “I thought you’ve moved on. I guess I’m not enough? You still want Wonyoung all this time you’re with me?”

 

Yujin slackens her jaw, tense and still refuses to look at her. There’s definitely more into it. Minjoo knows, she can feel it. There’s no way Yujin is this… low. Sure, she might be hard to read but Minjoo has been with her for a long time now to pick up on her quirky habits, behaviors, and glimpses of what she might be thinking — so, she has an idea that it’s not just all about Wonyoung wanting her back again.

 

“Come on, Yujin. Don’t be like this,” Minjoo laughs humorlessly, almost breathless as she turns her body around to face her but still, Yujin remained too stubborn. “I don’t like this kind of ending. I want a happy ending, and I want a happy ending for both of us.” She adds, trying to look cheerful but inside, she’s slowly breaking.

 

And that finally made Yujin turn to her, and Minjoo sees that Yujin’s eyes are sparkling, showing an emotion — sadness.

 

“Happy endings are not for everyone,” Yujin gasps out instead through gritted teeth and it confuses Minjoo a bit but it’s nothing new. Yujin always confuses the hell out of her but Minjoo stays, she tries to understand her in any possible way she can.

 

Minjoo lets out a crooked, wavering smile. “And we both deserve that.” She answers with a confident, encouraging tone. She thinks that they do, really — if they just give it a shot and not just be… like this all the time.

 

“No,” Yujin replies with a waver on her voice and then purses her lips together, staring right back at Minjoo. She then adds after a few moments of pause. “I don’t deserve it, but you do. So, I’m letting you go, I'm ending things while it’s still early.”

 

There’s a hint of displease written all over Minjoo’s face. Her chest is aching, hurting, and inside, her heart is just simply shattering into pieces because that’s what Yujin thinks — that she doesn’t deserve happiness. “I don’t want a happy ending with anyone else, I only want you.” She takes a step forward, suddenly losing her breath.

 

Minjoo feels so close yet so far to Yujin.

 

“If you think you don’t deserve a happy ending, then, I don’t too.”

 

A flash of fear glimmers in Yujin’s eyes, in absolute horror and dejection. She furiously shakes her head at Minjoo’s words.

 

Everything that Yujin had said, it speaks a lot. Yujin is using the shallowness of their ‘relationship’ to escape from her, but for what reason? It’s not easy to connect the dots, it’s hard to assume yet clearly, Yujin is terrified of something that Minjoo can’t pinpoint. Is she just using her ex, Wonyoung, to escape from Minjoo? And because why?

 

(Yujin is falling, deep and hard to the point she’s scared that she wouldn’t be able to escape anymore from Minjoo. She thinks that she’s unworthy. She thinks that she doesn’t deserve Minjoo. That she doesn’t deserve her love, at all.)

 

“I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve your love, I don’t deserve anything good. I’m not worthy to be deserved by you, Minjoo.” Yujin murmurs, almost frantic, defeated and her eyes sparkled in absolute sadness — like she’s trying to encourage Minjoo to think the same, and remind herself that. It hurts Minjoo, a knife poking her heart.

 

Finally, everything pours. And Minjoo learns what she wants to know.

 

“You keep thinking that you don’t deserve someone like me... This really hurt me, Yujin, no? If you keep thinking this way, then we wouldn’t be able to work out for real but I’ll still put my heart in the line.” Minjoo starts off, inhaling through her nose, and puffs her chest out. “You should try. Running away is not always the best option, you know? I’ll give you time, and space.”

 

“I won’t go away, I’m just around you — I’m always here, you won’t lose me. As long as you’re trying,”

 

Minjoo is never prepared for the fruit this relationship will bear but she’s risking anyway, it’s so messy in a way she wants to lose her hold from Yujin too but she knows there’s something stored for them. If they equally try, then for sure, they’ll get the fruit both of them deserved.

 

Yujin is a very complicated person but Minjoo will stick around her anyway, and let herself get tangled over her web, over and over again until Yujin gets tangled with her in the web too that she herself made.

 

 


 

 

hi, i guess? is the plot confusing? its intended. this has no concrete storyline. wrote it out of impulse to get this little plot out of my head. geez.

please, don't be shy to leave a comment.

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Ilovetwiceminari_
#1
Gsgi is this coincidence?? I just reported complexity in my English class a while ago lol but anyways is this angst?😭
_hyeniverse #2
Chapter 1: yujin here likes push and pull relationship, eh?
yuyeon_49
#3
Chapter 1: ohhh i like this. at least i know what yujin really feels towards minju :')
Yoot_hau #4
Chapter 1: Toxic and i like it 😤
Risse_
#5
Chapter 1: that was a good read oh my god???????? i love that it's GOOD angst and not ANGST ANGST. some angst r just very depressing D: it's great that there's no proper ending. u didn't mention that yj is finally ending things BUT left it with mj telling yj that she'll stick around like the unbothered queen she is