1.

Seungwan has been neck-deep in paperwork and business reports all week and feels exhausted beyond human conception. Don’t get her wrong—she’s happy with her well-paying, stereotypical, 9-5 office job. Sure, it may not be the music career she’s dreamed of but hey, it pays the bills, and it pays it well. But frankly, with all the overtime work she’s been doing all week, she wants nothing to do with her job right now. All she wants is to be home and sleep the world away.

 

Hence the moment her excel file finished saving, she's first to shoot up from her seat and practically run towards the exit. She throws a haphazard goodbye to her co-workers and nearly misses actually clocking out in her rush to get home.

 

She reaches her apartment building in record speed—the clear roads an unfortunate sign she’s been holed up in her office too long—and punches her floor number in the elevator's number pad. She releases a satisfied sigh as the elevator doors open and the familiar beige walls of her hallway greet her; oh, I can't wait to pass out on the couch.

 

But before she reaches her doorstep, she sees someone sitting by her door, back against the wall, with their face all scrunched up, seemingly too focused on the game they're playing on their phone. Seungwan smiles distractedly at how cute they look right now, so unaware of the world around them.

 

"Joohyun? What are you doing here?" Seungwan says, while walking up to the girl.

 

Joohyun looks up upon hearing her name and immediately flashes Seungwan a bright smile.

 

"Seungwan you're back!" Joohyun jumps up enthusiastically and envelopes her in a tight hug. Seungwan chuckles at her antics, unable to stop the warm feeling spreading all over her.

 

"It's late what are you doing here?" she asks, cocking her head to one side, still in Joohyun's arms.

 

Joohyun pulls away and smiles ear to ear. "I got promoted!"

 

Seungwan looks back at her, shocked and wide-eyed. "Holy congratulations Hyun! You've been waiting for this all month!"

 

"I know! This calls for a celebration don't you think?" Joohyun exclaims, infectious happiness radiating off her figure. Seungwan smiles up at her and responds with a slight shrug, "Sure, I'm free this weekend."

 

She's really not. She'd rather spend the weekend sleeping in and regaining her energy for the next inevitable Monday but Joohyun deserves this. Her hard work finally paying off deserves to be celebrated. And it’s not like Seungwan will actually be able to deny Joohyun.

 

Except maybe this time because Joohyun is shaking her head and dragging Seungwan away from her apartment, saying, "Nope, we're going right now," with a happy little bounce in her step.

 

Seungwan’s taken aback: we're leaving right now?? Now, when Seungwan can already hear the calls of sweet, sweet slumber? Now, when she feels sore all over from sitting on her office chair all day? No thank you.

 

"Huh, w-wait Hyun I’m—,” really tired from work, is what she wanted to say but her brain stops working because Joohyun is now looking back at her with a pout adorning her lips at Seungwan's possible rejection. With slumped shoulders, Joohyun lets go of Seungwan’s wrist and is about to accept defeat. But now Seungwan doesn't have the heart to tell her she's too tired to go out, especially when Joohyun's pout are doing things to her poor heart.

 

"I-I'm all gross from work. At least let me change first." She can already hear Yeri saying she’s too whipped.

 

Joohyun's bright smile returns in a snap and she moves to hug Seungwan once again. Joohyun can be such a child sometimes.

 

"Ah I love you, you're simply the best!"

 

Seungwan chuckles and gently removes herself from Joohyun's embrace. She pats Joohyun's soft hair as an awkward way of returning her affection. She sees Joohyun's eyes form into crescents before she's being shoved back to her apartment door.

 

"Yah!"

 

"Hurry, hurry!" Seungwan rolls her eyes good-naturedly at being rushed. "Seulgi's already waiting for us at the restaurant."

 

Seungwan opens her door and flashes Joohyun a small smile before entering. "Of course, of course," she mumbles. "No worries, I'll be quick."

 

If afterward, her smile seems a little more tired, a little more forced, Joohyun doesn't really notice.

 

-

 

 

 

2.

Joohyun has always loved skinship: loves hugs, holding hands, cuddling—name it, she loves it. And Seugwan, like the Joohyun-pleaser people-pleaser that she is, indulges Joohyun every time.

 

That's how Seungwan finds herself in the grocery two streets over, with Joohyun, three days later. She's in a pale blue oversized jacket with one hand on the cart's handle and the other intertwined with Joohyun's. The older girl is currently leading both of them to the noodle aisle of the grocery.

 

“You know we don’t live together anymore right?” Seungwan reminds the other girl.

 

“Yeah,” she begins, “but it's fun to shop with you every now and then.” Joohyun then looks back and grins up at her.

 

Seungwan smiles back as she remembers dorming with Joohyun during their university days. Where it all began, she thinks to herself.

 

Back when they were roommates, they’d go grocery shopping together, just like this. Shopping for the exact same thing actually, more often than not. They survived on instant noodles on days where their requirements have piled up higher than they can see. Somehow, Seungwan never found it to be a chore whenever Joohyun was with her.

 

Said girl is now busy comparing various instant noodles. Seungwan’s unsure if they’re shopping for her or for Joohyun but she figures it’s not a big deal.

 

“What’s the hold up, they all taste the same.” Seungwan says, referring to how Joohyun is having a hard time picking which brand to get. “More or less,” she adds with a shrug.

 

“I guess,” Joohyun says with a scowl. “But I’m craving spicy noodles and I forgot which brand I like the most.”

 

“Get that one," she says while pointing to the brand in question. "It’s got less calories. Plus, I don’t want to get any fatter.”

 

Joohyun tuts at her and says, “Hey! One, you’re not fat and two, there’s nothing wrong with being fat.”

 

Seungwan pushes the cart past her, not wanting to think too much about her insecurities right now. “Hm. I guess,” she simply says in a small voice.

 

She feels Joohyun tug at her sleeves so she turns around to look at her.

 

“You’re beautiful, Wan.”

 

Seungwan blinks rapidly at the older girl as her sincerity caught her off guard but that’s how Joohyun has always been, anyway: straight forward with her feelings and her words. If she wants something, she simply says it. If she wants to do something, she simply does. Her words and actions are always genuine and true to her heart. She’s always loved that about her.

 

But she also hates that about her.

 

“I love you the way you are.”

 

Seungwan manages a small smile, pretending like isn’t all dried up from what Joohyun just said. “Thanks Hyun. You’re always there for me.” She pretends like Joohyun didn’t just make her fall deeper. She pretends like Joohyun didn’t just make her feel like the only girl in the world.

 

Her response seems to be enough for Joohyun because she smiles back at the younger girl and ruffles her hair. Seungwan takes a moment to shake off her daze and follows Joohyun who is already walking ahead.

 

Joohyun is beautiful, clingy, sincere, charming and caring. Can Seungwan really be blamed for falling?

 

-

 

 

 

 

3.

Seungwan has been staring at her laptop for the past three hours now, willing, no begging, for it to work with her. She curses for the nth time tonight as it crashes once again.

 

“ing… work with me here, we’ve got a deadline to catch," she mutters angrily to herself.

 

Work is stressing her out more than usual once again because the company she works for, snagged a new business partner and their first project together is crucial towards building a good relationship yada, yada, yada. She wasn’t really paying attention during the business meeting because there was a certain Bae Joohyun running around her mind at the time. A certain Bae Joohyun who happened to be waiting for her at the cafe down the block for their little lunch out together. But Seungwan can’t afford to be too distracted as her boss (not so) kindly reminded everyone that their butts are on the line for this project, so they best work their asses off or else. And Seungwan just so happens to enjoy having a , thank you very much.

 

She pulls herself out of her work thoughts as she realizes her phone is ringing. She sees the caller’s name and it brings a small smile to her face.

 

“Hey Hyun, what’s up?”

 

“Are you busy? Took you a while to answer.”

 

Seungwan gets up from her home office’s chair and walks towards her living room saying, “Nah, just left my phone in my room." As she sits down on her couch, she catches Joohyun’s small yawn, prompting her to check the time. It’s nearly half past midnight.

 

“It’s pretty late, why are you still up?”

 

She hears Joohyun shift around, perhaps already lying on her bed. “Psh, I could say the same to you .” There’s a hint of tiredness in Joohyun’s voice that doesn’t go by unnoticed.

 

“I guess,” Seungwan replies with a chuckle, “but you sound pretty tired already.”

 

Joohyun hums softly in her ear, making Seungwan wonder how she looks right now. She knows Joohyun is always extra clingy when she’s tired and sleepy.

 

“Hm. Can’t sleep.”

 

Ah, she can relate. Despite the work fatigue, Seungwan’s coffee jitters make it difficult to get a good night's rest. And Seungwan knows Joohyun doesn’t sleep well alone.

 

“I can stay up with you ‘til you fall asleep?”

 

Seungwan likes to imagine that Joohyun is smiling at her suggestion, maybe even hears it from her response too. “Thanks Wannie, I’d like that.”

 

“So,” Seungwan drawls, “how’s work?”

 

“Oh, god no thank you.” Joohyun immediately groans loudly and Seungwan can’t help but laugh. “I’m trying to forget about work right now.”

 

“Well isn’t that relatable.”

 

She knows not to talk too much about work but she wants to make sure Joohyun's not overworking herself. She was about to ask how her promotion is treating her when Joohyun’s doorbell rings loud and clear, so much so that Seungwan hears it over the phone. She hears Joohyun’s sheets rustle as she pictures Joohyun sitting up.

 

“Ah, she’s finally home.”

 

Seungwan ignores how the happy lilt in Joohyun’s voice tugs at her heartstrings in all the wrong ways. She hears a muffled Hyunnie, I’m home! as Joohyun gets on her feet, possibly shuffling around to find her slippers.

 

“Got to go now Wan.”

 

Joohyun’s happiness practically seeps through the phone. Seungwan pretends she doesn’t hate it.

 

“Sure Hyun.”

 

“I love you.”

 

Seungwan's breath gets stuck at because she can never, will never, get used to Joohyun.

 

But Seungwan can only smile quietly in response. That’s all she’s allowed to do.

 

“Goodnight Hyun, sleep tight.”

 

Seungwan doesn’t wait for Joohyun to say it back because she dropped the call as soon as she finished talking. She doubts Joohyun noticed anyways, the older girl's probably too distracted by now.

 

Seungwan fully leans back against her couch with a sigh and lets her head dangle off the backrest. She wonders why it's her that Joohyun called; wonders if Joohyun also finds her thoughts drifting to Seungwan every now and again. She probably doesn’t. At least, not in the way Seungwan wants her to.

 

She squints and spots flecks of white paint in her cream colored ceiling. Stupid ceiling. Not painted correctly.

 

Seungwan gets up and grumbles to bed, more irritated than usual. She blames the poorly painted ceiling for her irritation and not the call. Oh, definitely not the call.

 

Because if she thinks about the call and Joohyun just a little too much, she might never end up sleeping.

-

 

 

 

4.

Seungwan currently inside the cafe that she and her friends frequent. She welcomes the low noise of ambient chatter at the cafe as she sits by the corner near the window, waiting for her friends.

 

Her phone lights up, telling her she has a new message.

 

SeulBear < 3:

10:02 AM

wannie~

 

Seungwan:

10:02 AM

hi seul!! how come you’re not joining brunch

joohyun told me u’re not coming :((

 

SeulBear < 3:

10:03 AM

i’ve got a surprise :DD

its a big one~

 

10:04 AM

mind if you stay behind after brunch?

i want you to be the first to know kekekeke

 

Seungwan:

10:04 AM

oh wow, over joohyun?? i feel so honored :00

sure seul, i’ll stay behind for u < 3

 

SeulBear < 3:

10:05 AM

WAAAAAAAAAAAA YAY

but dont tell hyunnie okay??

see ya wannie!!

Seungwan:

10:06 AM

sureeee

see you!!

 

She closes her phone and wonders what Seulgi will tell her. Maybe Seul finally landed an exhibition spot for her new artworks. She smiles at the thought, proud of her best friend, and puts her hand on her chin, wondering why she gets to know before Joohyun. Her mind drifts to the older girl who’s currently in line to go order their meals. The soft hum of the air conditioning units and the cafe’s welcoming environment encourages her wandering thoughts.

 

“Waffles and a latte for you?” Seungwan smiles up at Joohyun and appreciates how the older girl has her order memorized by heart. “You know it, Hyun.”

 

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, you know?”

 

Seungwan jumps up in her seat at the intruder’s voice, bringing her wandering thoughts to a halt. She shakes her nerves away seeing it's just Yeri and that she’s finally arrived. She knows Yeri followed her gaze and caught her watching Joohyun.

 

She sees Yeri’s pointed glare paired with a raised eyebrow and she can simply sigh and brush her off. “Let’s not do this today Yerms. I can’t.”

 

It’s Yeri’s turn to sigh as she drops the subject, not up to argue with Seungwan for today either. Just in time, Joohyun approaches their table, tray in hand.

 

“Waffles and a latte for Miss Son Seungwannie.”

 

Seungwan chuckles lighty and happily receives her order with a bright smile as she helps Joohyun settle down. “Thanks Hyun.”

 

Joohyun sits down and greets Yeri who’s currently looking over the menu.

 

Yeri then looks up and bats her eyes at Joohyun, “Will you pay for my order too unnie?” Yeri pairs the request with an exaggerated aegyo that causes Joohyun to laugh out loud.

 

“Sure, I feel nice today.”

 

Yeri pumps her fist and happily receives Joohyun’s credit card before skipping towards the counter.

 

Seungwan often forgets that Yeri is much younger than all of them.

 

She’s about to scarf down her waffles when she hears Joohyun groan beside her.

 

“Damn it, I forgot to order my cappuccino.”

 

Seungwan laughs at her and says “We can share my latte, they’re practically the same anyway.”

 

Joohyun whips her head at her, seemingly offended over what Seungwan just said. “No they are not! There’s a big difference Seungwan! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.”

 

Seungwan lets Joohyun ramble, enjoying how worked up she gets over the specificities of lattes and cappuccinos. When they first met, she would’ve never guessed that Joohyun would become an avid coffee defender.

 

“Okay, okay, I surrender. They are different,” she sees Joohyun’s smug smile but it simply comes across as adorable. “Now go order your extremely different cappuccino Miss Bae.”

 

Weirdly enough, Joohyun pouts. “But I already ordered for us,” she whines. “Order for me Wannie,” she says whilst tugging at Seungwan’s arm playfully.

 

Seungwan pretends to be annoyed but gives in pretty quickly (maybe too quickly in Yeri’s opinion).

 

“Alright, alright, you big baby. I will.”

 

She’s about to get up when Joohyun slings her arm around her neck and presses a childish kiss on Seungwan’s cheek.

 

“Yay! I love you Seungwan, you’re always the best!”

 

Seungwan gets up and rolls her eyes jokingly, “Yeah, yeah, heard that one before.”

 

Joohyun swings her legs while humming a happy little tune as Seungwan walks away to order her cappuccino. Seungwan pretends like the tips of her ears aren’t burning hot right now and when Yeri scolds her while they’re in line, she thinks the lingering warmth on her cheek is worth it.

 

-

 

 

 

5.

Seungwan’s avoiding Joohyun.

 

But it’s not like she meant for it to last this long.

 

It simply started with her being too busy from work which caused her to cancel her plans with Joohyun, time and time again. Except now that she’s free, she finds it extremely difficult to be with the older girl right now without feeling worse about herself.

 

It’s been weeks since they last saw each other and Seungwan thinks Joohyun’s beginning to catch on that she’s being avoided.

 

Seungwan doesn’t really know what to do. It feels wrong to be with Joohyun nowadays, especially after Seulgi’s ‘surprise’ at the cafe, but she knows Joohyun doesn’t deserve to be ghosted.

 

She feels so lost that she finds comfort in the easy way out: liquor. She finds solace in drinks that burn and leave her hungover the next morning. She’s never let herself get like. She may like the occasional partying and getting wasted, but drinking her feelings away, all alone in her apartment, just feels so pathetic.

 

She’d never let Joohyun know.

 

Seungwan’s not too sure what time it is now; not too sure when the sun has set and when the moon began greeting her through the gaps of her curtains. Heck, she’s not even sure when and how she ended up on her couch with a beer in hand, pitifully staring into nothingness. She takes another swig of her drink, trying to mentally note that she has to be content with one bottle only, worried that her liver is not accustomed to her new drinking habits.

 

Her phone’s been ringing and pinging all day. She hopes they’re nothing important because she’s turned off her phone—no energy and willpower to deal with people right now. Even Joohyun, or maybe, especially Joohyun.

 

Seungwan gets up at the incessant knocking at her door. “Coming,” she says with a groan.

 

She opens the door only to be greeted by the last person she wants to see right now: Joohyun.

 

“Are you avoiding me?”

 

Ah, ever so straight to the point.

 

“Joohyun? What are you doing here?”

 

Joohyun pushes past Seungwan and lets herself in. Seugwan's sure that Joohyun caught the stench of alcohol clinging to her skin, clinging to her walls.

 

"It's late what are you doing here?" Seungwan begins again, words a little too familiar.

 

Joohyun looks back at her, looking like she’s holding back tears.

 

“Why are you avoiding me?”

 

Seungwan rubs at her face, “I don’t want to talk about it Joohyun. Not now.”

 

“Not now? Then when!" Joohyun blurts out. "We haven’t seen each other in weeks, Seungwan. Have you even noticed that?” Of course I have. Seungwan clenches her fists and stops herself from reaching out to comfort the older girl. Of course she has.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Joohyun’s really crying now and it hurts Seungwan to see her like this. Joohyun wasn’t supposed to be the one who’s hurting. Joohyun was never supposed to hurt.

 

“Joohyun, please, I don’t—"

 

“I’m scared of losing you Seungwan.”

 

Seungwan stops in her tracks. Her lips tremble. She feels like she’s about to break. Joohyun sounds so weak, so small and hurt but Seungwan has to stay strong. She can do this.

 

She sighs and walks towards Joohyun. “Let’s talk about this some other day, okay?”

 

Joohyun shakes her head and wraps her arms around Seungwan tightly as if she’s afraid that the younger will run away.

 

“Please stop pushing me away.”

 

Joohyun says it in the tiniest voice. She sounds so broken.

 

Seungwan couldn’t hold herself together anymore and her tears started falling.

 

“I’m sorry,” she tries. But she keeps stumbling over her words and she hiccups so loudly that all she can do is ask for forgiveness over and over again.

 

“I’m sorry Hyun. I’m so, so sorry.”

 

Joohyun pulls aways from their embrace and wipes her tears away. “What are you sorry for Seungwan?”

 

For loving you.

 

Seungwan doesn’t find the right words to say so Joohyun tries to fill in the silence while trying to reassure Seungwan towards opening up. “Seulgi told me it’s best we talk it out.” Seungwan chuckles bitterly at the mention of her name. Hearing her name shouldn’t sting as much as it does. They are best friends after all.

 

“Told me maybe we’re just having a big misunderstanding.” Joohyun looks at her like all she wants to do is understand her. “Said you’d never hurt me. So, please let me in your head.”

 

“You never loved me, did you?” Seungwan spat out without much thought. This is not what she wanted to say but words are tumbling out of faster than she can even process them.

 

“W-What?” Joohyun is taken aback. She furrows her eyebrows, “Seungwan, I—"

 

“You don’t love me.” Seungwan cries, caving in on herself. She shouldn’t be saying this. Not like this.

 

“Hey, don’t say that.” Joohyun thinks it’s just the alcohol talking. She reaches out to hug Seungwan once again and realizes they've both fallen to the floor now. “I love you so much Seungwan. Please don’t believe those voices in your head. I love you so much.”

 

“Please don’t lie to me.” Except Seungwan knows that Joohyun’s not lying. Joohyun loves her. But at the same time, Joohyun doesn’t love her.

 

Joohyun pulls away and looks Seungwan in the eye. Her eyes hold so much love for the younger girl. But it's different. It's not what Seungwan wants.

 

“You’re a hard-working and talented woman Son Seungwan. I’m always proud of you and your achievements. I wish I could take away all your insecurities because a woman as lovely as you doesn’t deserve such thoughts.” Joohyun sounds firm yet so gentle, so sincere.

 

“You’re the greatest friend anyone can ask for, Seungwan.” Seungwan chokes up and starts crying again. She feels so pathetic. Her thoughts are all over the palace and she can’t even talk to Joohyun properly.

 

She feels her head throb painfully, unsure if it’s because of the alcohol or the constant crying.

 

She doesn’t know when they got to her bedroom. She just suddenly feels a soft mattress cushion her all around. She feels so out of it that she doesn’t even notice that Joohyun has changed her into a clean shirt.

 

Joohyun tucks her in and whispers sweet nothings in her ear, constantly telling her how much she loves her.

 

Joohyun doesn’t understand why Seungwan’s hurting but she tries her best like she always does.

 

The tears eventually stop. When exactly? Seungwan doesn’t know. All she remembers is the feeling of Joohyun threading her fingers through her hair, lulling her to sleep despite her wishes.

 

“I love you Seungwan.” Joohyun says one last time as she tucks stray hairs behind Seungwan’s ear. “Please don’t forget that.”

 

-

 

 

+1

“Are you okay?”

 

The lights set up around them kiss Joohyun's skin in all the right ways, making her glow and look even more radiant. Her dress hugs her figure well, making her stand out amidst the crowd. The air is cold and biting but maybe it’s just Seungwan.

 

Seungwan thinks back to the incident two months ago. She remembers waking up in Joohyun’s arms and it was both the best and cruelest thing in the world. They’ve made up since then. Seungwan told Joohyun that work has simply been messing with her head and her insecurities. Seungwan doubts that she’ll ever find the courage to tell her the truth.

 

They’ve been back to normal since then. Or at least, Seungwan likes to make-believe. For Joohyun, she excuses. Maybe Joohyun notices that Seungwan’s been acting differently, or maybe she doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Joohyun’s happy and smiling again.

 

“Yeah, of course.” Seungwan tells Yeri.

 

Seungwan doesn't think she's convincing Yeri but she can’t really focus on their conversation right now; she’s too distracted by how good Joohyun looks tonight. She’s been giddy the entire evening, mingling with their friends, and Seungwan decides that happiness is Joohyun’s best look.

 

She walks to where Jooyun is, entranced by her beauty, and takes her in slowly, as if willing time to stop. Except father time does not wait around for people like Seungwan so she has no choice but to muster up all the strength she has left in her, knowing fully well how the next scene is going to play out.

 

"You are the most wonderful, beautiful, loving—amazing person I know and I will be the luckiest woman alive to spend the rest of my life with you." Here it goes.

 

Seungwan in a breath, shaking slightly from the nerves. Everyone’s looking now.

 

She can’t help but feel stupid; of course Joohyun would say yes. There's no doubt in that. Joohyun would never second guess saying yes.

 

Because that would be like asking if the sun will come up tomorrow morning. Of course it will. The answer will always be yes. They are as constant and assured as sunrise. And if things were just a little bit different, maybe Seungwan would even find that beautiful.

 

"So, Bae Joohyun, will you marry me?"

 

Seungwan watches Joohyun seize up from unbridled joy at the question. The tears b in her eyes the moment she knelt down finally spilling over. She sees stars and mirth dancing in Joohyun's eyes. Her cheeks are stained with hot tears but Seungwan still thinks she looks absolutely gorgeous like this.

 

She watches Joohyun stumble over her words as she's finally able to speak.

 

"Yes, yes, of course! I love you so much, so, so much."

 

Seungwan hears nothing but pure love and emotion coat Joohyun's words; nothing but adoration for the woman in front of her. She sees Joohyun laugh and Seungwan can't help but think of how lovely she sounds.

 

She just wishes it was all for her.

 

"I'm going to propose, Wan!"

 

Seugwan's hand stops mid air, her drink a centimeter away from her lips. Her ears are ringing and she's frozen in her seat. Her friend is now rambling—stuttering and overjoyed—but it reaches deaf ears because the coffee shop is beginning to fade away in Seungwan's vision and everything's suddenly too blurry.

 

God Seungwan is so naive.

 

She’s too late and now everything's happening too fast, too damn fast.

 

She finally regains some semblance of composure and brings her drink down, hoping that her internal breakdown wasn't too obvious.

 

"Seulgi, congratulations, I'm so happy for you!"

 

Seungwan hopes her little voice crack goes by unnoticed. She's happy. She really is.

 

Seulgi beams and flashes her brightest smile, looking like the happiest person on earth.

 

Seugwan guesses she probably is.

 

Despite her inner turmoil, Seugwan stands up, plays the role of a good friend that she tries so hard to be, and wraps Seulgi in a bone-crushing embrace and repeats, "I'm so happy for you."

 

Because it's true, she really is. But it doesn't change the fact that it hurts so ing much.

 

Seungwan watches Seulgi get up from bended knee to catch Joohyun's teary embrace. She watches Seulgi’s dainty hands caress Joohyun’s face and wipe her tears away. The small crowd cheers as Seulgi slips the ring on Joohyun's trembling finger. Everyone's shouting and egging the couple to kiss but all Seungwan hears is deafening silence.

 

She’s barely aware of her surroundings because all she sees is Joohyun and her beautiful smile. All she sees is Joohyun. Joohyun, Joohyun, Joohyun. And she’s slipping further and further away.

 

She looks up at the stars dotting the night sky, looks up right before she sees Seulgi's lips find home in Joohyun's.

 

Seungwan wishes it was her.

 

Wishes it was her on one knee asking Joohyun to be hers. Wishes it was her that gets to kiss Joohyun's soft lips. Wishes it was her who gets to make Joohyun look like a lovesick fool. Wishes it was her that Joohyun chose.

 

Seungwan wishes and wishes.

 

But she knows not a single one of them will come true. Not now. Not ever.

 

So she walks away, unable to deal with everything right now; unable to do anything except feel weak.

 

She thinks Yeri is calling out to her, but she doesn’t really hear her. Yeri tails after her, worried and distraught on her behalf, but she doesn’t really care.

 

Yeri was the only one who ever knew and she has always been smarter than Seungwan. Maybe if Seungwan bothered to listen to Yeri, she’d be happy right now, just like everyone else.

 

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, you know?” I know, I know.

 

The ringing in her ears is too loud now. She forgets the world around her and shuts her eyes closed, swallows the painful lump at the back of —and whispers to the evening air,

 

"I love you too, Joohyun."

 

 

 

 

 

-----

Author's Note:

aaaaaaa i hope that was clear. hopefully i was able to balance ambiguity and clarity/ understandability in the story.

 

if it wasn't clear, bj and ks have been dating the entire time. if you’re confused about anything,, just comment and ask!! i’ll try to answer all :DD

also also, writing is quite frankly not my forte. i with words but i like seeing the prompts i see over the internet into fruition + i just write for funsies haha so please be kind to my writing sdjsjdb

will i ever know how english grammar and punctuation work??? probably not :pp

 

anyways that's enough yapping from me, hope you enjoyed this! stay safe and healthy my friends < 3