I stared at the ceiling above me in the dark as I count every memory of us smiling not knowing that theres no longer ‘us’ in the future we are living.stupid me letting you came in my life and built your own house there only to leave me all alone with your scents.i should have stop you at that time.stupid me.

At first it started with me liking your outfit and as time passed by with me laughing at the joke we made, cursed at our own stupid action then i realized its not about outfits anymore.or maybe I know it all along but tried to deny it because theres no way I would fall for my friends right?

That’s my number 1 rules.whatever happened to me I will never for my friend.too bad life didn’t work out like i planned because not long after I tried to deny this romantic feelings for you, I learned that maybe if I admit it and keep it to myself then it will faded away.

I still remember at that time when one of our lecturer scolded me badly in class and how miserable I am at that time you asked me through chat if im okay.at first im not going to be honest so I told you that im okay, im fine only for you to said that ‘im always here if you want to talk’.i hate it so much that why did you told me that?why do you care?

One day after that I was not in my right mind, so I went back to you hoping that at least you would knock some sense in my head.’hey, is this still valid?’ I asked you about your words of ‘if want someone to talk Im here’.i need someone to comfort me at that time.it started from there.i was wrong.i shouldn’t have go you and talk my problems.if only I know I would be like this in the future maybe I will never reply you chat.

I don’t know why write this anyway.maybe I just need to put my feelings onto words like how I used to so that this pain will go away.or maybe im too desperate to forget everything.

We shared our secrets even the darkest one and miss any of it.everyday we would chat each other and sometimes you cursed at me when I told you my dad jokes.i hate it that I keep on hoping things like this to happen again.i know it will never ever happen again.

You have someone now.you told me about your failed relationship with a girl who brings you hope and changed your life completely.’she should have see me here because shes the reason why I got into here’ you said.well it hurts me a little at that time but I chose to stay silent and ignore this feeling.

We shared everything.you keep on saying how useless youre for running away from everything and ghosted everyone and that lead to your break up with that girl.yet I keep on silent about my ing feelings.for once let me say it here, feelings for making me this way.as a good friend , I told you to at least get a proper closure with her so that you can move on from her and continue your life the way you want.now I know that its easy to said that but to act on it so damn hard.i wish we can get rid off feelings we didn’t want so that no one can get hurts.

Never know you slowly keep in touch with your ex after going out with her to get a proper closure.i should have see this coming at that time when you said that ‘she told me she still loves me but she don’t want to hurts any of us anymore so lets put our end here’.we cant control our feelings right?yeah..

I wish I never get into this uni and be friends with you but again if I don’t come here then I will never met these precious people that keep me going even I know I got no hopes left.i prayed to god that one day everyone here found their own happiness and get what they want even if I don’t.i hope their life will always be a flower paths until the end.i don’t care about mine but