*HJ calling*

“Hel..lo?” Donghae hesitantly answered the call.

“Why do you sound so surprised?” Donghae’s heart skipped a beat when he heard his giggles. He always had this effect on him. He knew something was up again.

“You two fought again and broke up, am I right?” Donghae asked.

“It’s for real this time. No more going back.” Donghae rolled his eyes. It’s not the first time he heard it.

“Really? You have said that for like the nth time, Hyuk” And Donghae believed for the nth time as well.

“No. Really. It’s for real this time. Wanna have coffee?” And Hae’s falling into that hole again. Being the one to console him. Being there for him.

Sigh. “Coffee or Beer?” It’s not like he doesn’t have a choice. He just can’t say no when it comes to him.

“Ooohh. I think I like beer better. Beer it is.” He was already getting ready while talking to him.

“Okay. I’ll be there in an hour. Let’s just stay at your place. I’ll bring the beer and some snacks”

“You’re the best. See you later” He hung up. He can clearly hear the joy in his voice. He’s used to it by now. The random late night calls. The sudden clingyness. Then in a few days, he’d disappear. Sometimes for a few weeks. A few months. Sometimes for a year. They have been like this for quite sometime now. It wasn’t really the first time they broke up then got back together again. Hyukjae had always said, “This is different. This is for real” but it always, always ended up Hyukjae and Siwon getting back together.

Donghae finished getting ready and headed out to Hyukjae’s place. He drove by a nearby convenience store and bought some beer, some snacks and Hyukjae’s favorite strawberry milk. Donghae knows that strawberry milk brings comfort to Hyukjae.

Donghae arrived at Hyukjae’s place. He already knows his passcode to the door so he didn’t bother knocking.

“Oh. You’re here. Just in time.” Hyukjae just got out of the shower and still in his towel. Donghae saw a glimpse of him and looked away.

“So… where do you want to stay? Here in the living room or in the dining area?” Donghae asked to brush off the awkward feeling.

“I think it’s better here in the living room.” Hyukjae answered while looking at Donghae and trying to .

“Okay. Get dressed and I’ll prepare here.” Donghae is still not looking at Hyukjae.

“You don’t want me to stay like this?” Hyukjae smiled wickedly at Donghae then Donghae glared at him.

“Go.” Donghae rolled his eyes on him. Trying not to show that he was affected by the latter’s behavior.

“Hahahahaha. Okay. Okay. Always so fun to tease you, Hae.” Hyukjae went to his room laughing.

Donghae heaved a sigh. It’s gonna be a long night for him. He prepped the center table and brought out the beer, snacks and the strawberry milk as well. He sat on the floor while waiting for Hyukjae to come out. Few minutes later Hyukjae joined him on the living room and sat down beside him on the floor.

“OH. You bought me strawberry milk!! Thank you.” Hyukjae said in a cute manner and hugged Donghae

“Yeah. Figured that you’d need it.” He pats Hyukjae’s back. Hyukjae let him go. There was a short awkward silence between them.

“C’mon. Let’s start!” Hyukjae broke the silence. He opened two bottles first. Gave the other bottle to Donghae. Donghae opened some snacks as well.

Both took a sip of the beer. Silently savoring the taste of the beer.

“Ahhh. That was good. So… what happened?” Donghae finally asked.

“Hmm. The usual, I guess? I was still not good enough. Didn’t do enough. Aaaand… got tired of me.” Hyukjae said while looking at the beer on his hands, trying to smile to show that he was fine. But Donghae knows him better. His eyes are sad.

“Are you really sure that this is the last time? Can you really stand for your decision this time? Few months ago we are in this same situation and you said the same thing. That it is the last time, yet you suddenly disappeared because you got back with him.” Donghae faced Hyukjae who’s looking away and took a sip of his beer.

“You know how much I love him, right?” There was a sting in Hae’s heart. Like a wake up call that no matter how much he comforts him or spend time with him, it will never be him. Even though he knew, it still hurts him to hear it straight from Hyuk’s mouth. “But I do get tired too.” Hyuk continued. “I’m really really tired of him now. Of us. That’s why I decided to let go.” Hyuk tried to smile but tears were forming in his eyes slowly running down his face. He wiped his tears, looked at Hae and smiled. “I know I can do this” Hyuk drank his beer to the bottom while tears were running down his face.

Donghae couldn’t do anything but just let him release all the pain he is feeling.

They continued drinking and just talked about anything. They haven’t talked for the past 6 months. So they pretty much have a lot to catch up on. They are now on their 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th bottle. Donghae was not much of a drinker so he really gets tipsy easily. Hyuk drank 7 out of the 10 bottles. Hae had 3. They are both a bit tipsy already.

“Why don’t you just be with me instead?” Donghae held Hyuk’s chin to face him and looked straight into his eyes. There was silence. Hyuk just stared into Hae’s eyes. Not sure of what to say. He felt it again. That strange feeling whenever Hae’s near him. He has been trying to brush it off all these times. His heart’s beating fast. Felt so good but so wrong. But, why?

Hyuk tried to laugh it off but came out awkwardly. He brushed off Hae’s hand that was on his chin and tried to look away. “Stop fooling around with me. I know you don’t like me. You never did.” Hyuk heard Hae’s sigh. “Right.” Hyuk can hear the disappointment in Hae’s voice. Hae drank what’s left on the bottle in one go.

“I.. I don’t think I can drink anymore” Hyuk suddenly felt the weight of Hae on him.  Wow. I thought I was the broken one here but he’s more drunk than I am, Hyuk thought to himself. Hyuk let out a deep sigh as he knows it’d be hard to carry him to his room as Hae is obviously heavier than Hyuk.

Hyuk tried to wake him up. “Hae..” Hyuk tapped his face. “Hmmmm..” was the only response Hyuk got from the drunk Hae. “Hae.. c’mon let’s get you up.” He tried to wake him up again. He put Hae’s arms over his shoulders so they could stand up together. Hae woke up a bit but still wobbling. Hyuk struggled trying to stand up with as Hae is heavy and the drunken state of him is not helping at all.

Hyuk was not sure how he was able to drag Hae into his room. He threw him into his bed. He was panting. “You are damn heavy, Lee Donghae. Stop offering beer when you know yourself you can’t drink” Hyuk said as he was still catching his breath.

“asdfghkljdsncoivnwrin” Hyuk hears him mumbling but he can’t understand. Hae curled up in a ball in Hyuk’s bed like it was his own.

“What? Now look at you being all comfy in my bed.” said Hyuk while standing beside the bed facing Hae’s back.

Hyuk was about to leave to clean up their mess in the living room before he goes to bed. He suddenly felt a hand holding his wrist, stopping him from leaving. Hyuk looked back and saw Hae half opening his eyes hand holding his wrist then feeling him slowly holding his hand. “Don’t go.” Hae said sleepily. Hyuk can definitely feel his heart beating faster.

“I-I have to clean the living room.” Hyuk tried to brush him off but Hae held his hand tighter.

“Nooooo.” Hae said cutely while shaking his head. It put a small smile in Hyuk’s lips. He was stopping himself from getting affected from this cute adorable drunk man in his bed.

Hae made space beside him then pulled Hyuk in his arms and cuddle with him. “What the f— Hae! Let me go!” Hyuk was trying to wiggle his way out of Hae’s arms as he can already feel his heart beating fast. Hyuk can feel Hae’s heartbeat on his back which is the same pace as his. Hae was cuddling him from the back, one arm around the waist and the other around his neck and holding his shoulder, Hae was nuzzling on his neck.

Hyuk froze on the spot. Not sure on how to sleep in their current position. He let out a deep sigh. It’s not the first time anyway. Whenever he calls Donghae over and he gets drunk, he becomes this clingy. Makes him think about what Hae asked him earlier, “why don’t you just be with me instead?” It’s not like he has never considered that. But every time he gets to a point that he’s wanting to be with him. Siwon is doing his best to win him back. And he just can’t ignore him because they have been through a lot together and he really do love Siwon. And he is scared. Scared of losing Donghae if they ever get into a relationship. Hyuk feels bad every time he disappear on him whenever they get back together. Because he knows, he can’t keep them both at the same time. He tried. And Siwon just ended up getting jealous of Hae and told him to off. Hyuk really felt bad at that time. He tried not to run to Hae every time they fought. But it was so hard for him. Because just Hae’s presence comforts him. And Hae was always there for him. He was always that one call away friend. He knows himself that he wasn’t just a plain “friend”. He knows himself that there is something more. But not brave enough to tell him and fight for him.

Hyuk started to relax and just let himself feel the warmth of Hae’s body. He started to doze off as the alcohol is taking its effect on him.

Hyuk woke up with a pain on his head. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He turned around and felt that the other side of the bed was empty. He opened his eyes and realized that he was alone. Donghae left early, he thought. He got up as he was feeling thirsty and saw that the beer and snacks on the living room were now cleaned up. He was surprised that Hae even cleaned up before he left.

He saw a note on the table, “Drink this and eat.” There was a medicine for headache and soup on the table. It made him smile at his thoughtfulness. Donghae never forgets that Hyuk always gets a headache after drinking and he craves soup in the morning. He heated up the soup and ate it then drank the medicine.

Donghae woke up to Hyuk’s arms around him and his hand on the other’s waist. Hyuk was lying on his arms and their legs were tangled up. Memories of last night slowly comes back to him. He was embarassed at himself for what he has done. He can't move as he might wake Hyuk up. He slowly untangled himself from Hyuk and got out of the bed.

He cleaned up their mess last night and cooked some soup and left medicine for headache as he knows Hyuk will have a headache when he wakes up. He hurriedly left his apartment as he knows he won’t be able to face him yet.

From: HJ

Hey. I’m leaving work early. Wanna have dinner?

To: HJ

Sure. I’ll pick you up. What time do you get off?

From: HJ

6pm.

To: HJ

Okay. i’ll be there at 6:15 latest

From: HJ

Drive safely

It has been a few days since they they drank. They’ve been texting every day. Donghae is getting used again to Hyuk’s presence. Which he thinks is not that much of a good idea. He knows deep down that at some point, Hyuk would disappear again on him because he would still choose Siwon over him. But he’s hoping. Hoping that one day, Hyuk will choose him.

Hae got off work early so he can have dinner with Hyuk. He went to Hyuk’s office and he was already there waiting for him. They just went to a nearby restaurant and had dinner. Hyuk was teasing Hae about the night he got drunk. He was laughing at Hae at how he gets drunk so easily. Hae lets Hyuk . Seeing him happy is what is important for him.

“Stop looking at me like that” Hyuk said while sipping his drink and looking away. He can feel his cheeks heating up.

“Like what?” Hae replied with a questioning look.

“Like you’re in love with me.” Hyuk said while trying to avoid Hae’s gaze.

“Hahahahaha. So what if I am?” Hae laughed like it was some funny joke.

“Not funny.” Hyuk answered while throwing a glare at Hae.

“Not when you’re blushing like that” Hae answered with a teasing smile on his face. Hyuk just rolled his eyes on him which made Hae laugh harder.

They finished their dinner and Hae dropped him off at his apartment.

“Don’t think of me too much” Hae said while Hyuk was getting off the car.

“I don’t!” Hyuk answered and closed the car door a bit louder which made Hae laugh again. It was always fun for him to tease the other.

It wasn’t their last dinner date. They had few more lunch and dinner dates after. Coffee dates as well. Hae was starting to believe that it is for real this time. That maybe, he’ll get his chance this time. Sometimes they have late night calls as well. When one of them gets bored, one of them calls the other. They just have a lot in common that they never run out of things to talk about.

“What if we gave it a shot when we first met?” Hyuk asked over the phone.

“I don’t think we’d be where we are right now if we did”

“Why do you think so?”

“Because I know once Siwon comes back, you’ll leave me. And I don’t do friends with exes”

Hyuk didn’t know what to say. Because he knows it’s true. He can’t resist Siwon.

“Why… why are you so nice to me? Why do you always come to me when I reach out to you?” Hyuk asked as he is so confused with Hae.

“I guess it’s the same with how you can’t refuse on Siwon.”

“That’s different. I loved Siwon. He loved me.” Hyuk was more confused.

“Do I really have to spell it out for you?”

“No. Don’t.” He stopped Hae from explaining further.

Hae gave out a sigh. “Stop asking asking questions if you’re not ready to hear the answer. I’m not rushing you nor pressuring you. I just want you to be okay. I just want you to be happy.”

They just jumped onto another topic and acted like they didn’t talk about their feelings at all. They know. They can feel it. That there was something more. But both are still not brave enough to face their own feelings.

It has been a few weeks since they have started talking again. Today, Hyuk was on his way to Hae’s apartment. As they have decided that Hae will cook dinner for both. Hyuk arrived at the latter’s apartment and he can smell that the other is already cooking. He went straight to the kitchen and saw Hae in front of the stove.

“What are you cooking?” Hyuk asked while trying to take a peek over Hae’s shoulder.

“Oh. You’re here already. It’s pork kimchi jjigae.”

“I like that. It looks delicious. I’ll set up the table. I’m hungry already.” Hyuk started to take out plates and took out some rice.

“The stir fried bulgogi is cooked as well. Could you please take it out and put it into the plate. This jjigae is almost done.” Hae was pointing to his side.

“Sure.” Hyuk placed the bulgogi into the plate and onto the table.

Donghae turned off the stove and transferred the kimchi jjigae onto a bowl. “C’mon let’s eat now.”

Hyuk was already waiting for him on the table. He took a sip of the soup. “HMM! This is good!” Hyuk exclaimed. A smile was planted on Hae’s lips on the reaction the latter gave. They started eating quietly as both are hungry already.

“Siwon’s reaching out to me again” Hyuk casually said while eating.

“Oh. I g—I mean. Good for you I guess?” Hae tried not to sound too disappointed when he felt his heart sinking. He knew it. That this day would come.

“Nah. I—it’s not like we’re getting back together. I told him that… we’re done.” The last words almost came out like a whisper. Like it was hard for him to say it.

“Did you really mean it?” Hyuk can’t look at him.

“Mean what?” He was focused on eating his soup trying to avoid Hae’s eyes.

“That you’re done. With him.” Hae stopped eating and just looked at Hyuk.

“I do. I mean it. I told you I’m tired of him.” Hyuk stopped eating as well and crossed his arms but still looking away.

“I really do hope that you mean it this time. Because this time I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go.” Hyuk was surprised and met Hae’s gaze. He can see the seriousness in his eyes.

“What…”

“I want to… give it a try… with you.. give us a try” Hae bit lips as he felt that tears were forming in his eyes. Hyuk was silent and not sure what to say.

Hyuk closed his eyes. “Okay.” Hae’s eyes widen as he was surprised. “Okay.. you mean..”

“Yes. Us