Ryujin thought she was ready,

Seven years had already passed since then and Ryujin thought she was finally ready.

I mean, she had been religiously celebrating their anniversary every year. But she always spent it outside and with their friends; sometimes in a country that Jisu had wanted to visit, or other times at a fancy restaurant. Ryujin had always dedicated time and effort into planning them, every year.

This year would've been their twelfth wedding anniversary and she realized that she had never tried celebrating it at home. So this year, she thought it would be nice to change things a bit and stay at home and cook a nice dinner. Because she also realized that when Jisu was still alive, she hadn’t had the chance to properly cook for her, as she only picked up the skill after her passing.

She knows Jisu won’t be able to eat it, but she just convinces herself that Jisu will appreciate it nonetheless, in spirit.

(Yeji, one of their friends, who also is her coworker, asked her where she was going to celebrate this time. “Just at home. I figured I’d show her I can cook now.”

“That’s a good idea Ryujin, I’m sure Jisu would’ve loved that as well.”

“Thank you.”

“Erm...do you want us to come over to accompany you?”

“Oh no, this time I’d like for it to be just me and Jisu. I...I think I’m ready. Besides, you guys have tried my cooking already anyway.”

It’s not that she doesn’t want to spend time with them, she loves their company. They were the ones who were by her side when Jisu passed. They were the ones who helped her cope.

Yeji chuckled. “All right. Well, we’re just a call away anyway if you change your mind, okay? Chaeryeong and I live not far from you and we both know Yuna will drop anything and everything at once, for you. We all would.”  Yeji wore a small smile before wrapping her in an embrace.

Ryujin smiled and wrapped her arms around the older as well. “I know and I am thankful for all of you.”)

So she cooks. She tried something fancy just to show off to Jisu that she can, but nothing too complex to follow a recipe to.

Linguine with Shrimp and White Wine should do the trick. She also prepared some grilled chicken for the meat course (which she really just dressed and then tossed in the air fryer, because why not) and made sure she had Jisu’s favorite sweets for dessert, simply glazed doughnuts.

She set everything perfectly on their dining table, one plate for her and another for Jisu, each on one end of the table.

Ryujin felt really proud about how well it turned out so she took a quick picture to show their friends later on. She took hold of her wine glass and nodded at the direction of where Jisu should be sitting and said, “To us, my Love. Happy twelve years!”

Then she ate and it tasted wonderful. It would’ve been better if Jisu was still here. Oh how Jisu would’ve loved to taste these . She would’ve loved it for sure.

(Jisu always loved everything Ryujin did for her, no matter how small. Even if it was a poorly spreaded out peanut butter jelly sandwich as a late night snack because Ryujin suddenly woke up feeling hungry and saw that Jisu was still on her laptop, working. Even if Ryujin said her ILY’s on post-its that Jisu would find randomly around the house and on her things. Even if Ryujin had never really said sorry for causing trouble , but would slide Jisu some of her favorite doughnuts when she tries to apologize.

Jisu loved and appreciated it fully, because it was from Ryujin. And Jisu knew Ryujin never had the best life and relationship mentors to look up to, resulting in Ryujin growing up to be not as expressive and communicative as others would be. Jisu loved Ryujin fully and in return, Ryujin learned (or relearned) everything from, for, and because of Jisu.

So for sure, Jisu would’ve loved, even just to see, Ryujin’s cooking without anybody’s help, for her.)

Ryujin was halfway through her meal, when she felt her heart ache. Oh no.

Her eyes are wide open, travelling from the food on the table and landing right on Jisu’s empty seat. Oh no. Her lips formed a frown.

Empty.

She suddenly felt it. She’s no stranger to the feeling but it’s been years since she last felt it this strong.

Oh no no no no no…

Tears began to fall and not one by one.

They fell from Ryujin’s eyes like a waterfall and Ryujin couldn’t help stop them.

She dragged herself from the table to grab her phone that she left in the kitchen. A quick dial and a few rings. “Ryujin? Hey, how’s it going?”

She tried to stabilize her breathing before answering. But it was of no use. She wasn’t ready.

“Ryujin?” It was full of worry. (“Is she okay?” she heard chaeryeong ask. “I don’t think so. Call Yuna. We’re going to Ryujin’s.”)

“Hey, we’re coming over alright? I already asked Chaeryeong to call Yuna as well. We’ll be there in a few.”

Ryujin breathing hitches. “Yeji...I thought” She tries to speak but cuts herself off. “Hey it’s okay, you don’t have to say anything but I’ll stay on the line. Breathe first, Ryujin-ah. Hmm?”

Ryujin cried even more.

Seven years since Jisu’s unfortunate passing away and Ryujin thought she’s gotten the hang of it and she’s actually believed it for a brief moment which led her to now.

Her head is full of what ifs .

“I’m sorry.” was what she said when she came about.

“Aww. There’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s okay.”

“I thought I was…” Ryujin took a deep breath. “I thought I was ready to be alone again.”

“Hey! You don’t have to be alone. We’re here with you and don’t you forget it!!” It was Chaeryeong’s voice this time, Yeji must’ve put her on speaker. It made Ryujin slightly chuckle, hearing her same-age friend’s nagging voice. It made her feel better.

“Thank you.” Ryujin said in a soft voice, hands grabbing some napkins to wipe her tears (and makeup) away. “I...I’m not sure if the food’s enough for all of us by the way.”

There was a chuckle on the other line. “We don’t care.”

While Ryujin talked on the phone with Chaeryeong and Yeji as they made their way to Ryujin’s, Yuna magically appeared and didn’t even bother waiting for Ryujin to open the door for her, to which Ryujin looked at her, shocked. (They all know the password to Ryujin’s place.) “H-how are you here already?”

Yuna shrugged and removed her shoes before completely walking inside. “I always clear my schedule on special days.”

(“Yuna’s there already??” ) “Yea…”

“I...I get that, but you live two towns away, Yuna.”

“I didn’t like the fact that you wanted to celebrate alone this year, which I understand that you would want to, I just didn’t like it. So I’ve been hanging around the neighbourhood all day.” Yuna explained and then she stormed into Ryujin’s bedroom. “I’m charging my phone! I forgot my charger!!” She shouted back to Ryujin who was still in the living room.

“Hey so, since Yuna’s already there. Do you want us to grab some takeout to add to the table?”

“If you want? You can hang up too. Yuna’s here anyway.”

“Alright, don’t start anything fun without us!”

Ryujin put her phone down and sat on the couch. Yuna joins her a few moments later, and she’s already changed into clothes she got from Ryujin’s closet.

“That’s Jisu’s.”

Yuna just nods and settles next to her and then clings onto her. She holds Ryujin’s head close to hers, and with much care, pats her hair down. “You know that I love you, right?” Ryujin wanted to laugh but she held it. “I know...” she says back and relaxes herself in Yuna’s arms and even wraps her hands around the younger as well. That’s how Yeji and Chaeryeong find them when they arrive.

The couple puts the food down on the table and then joins Ryujin and Yuna on the couch, making it into a group hug. Even if there wasn’t much space. Ryujin feels so much better already.

The emptiness, the void that was eating her whole earlier, now gone and filled with love. “I love you all. Thank you...really.”

She’s really thankful to have them, before and now. And she knows that if Jisu were here to see them right now, there will be no doubt, she would’ve loved it.