Glass Hearts Don't Always Break

 

It had been two days since the girl’s last concert, and due to their unequivocal enjoyment of their jobs, they tired of resting quite quickly. Still having several days off, they decided that night to gather in the main room and watch their last full performance. It was a pretty normal occurrence for the members to monitor their work on their own, without any staff persuasion. They were always striving for constant improvement, individually and as a group, so they never saw it as a chore.

They migrated to the living room late in their third evening off, spread amongst the couch, armchair and floor. Siyeon, Gahyeon, Dami and Handong took the couch. Sua sat on the floor, back resting against the sofa as both Siyeon’s legs draped over her shoulders. She tickled her feet a few times, causing the younger girl to scream-laugh loudly and pull away, but Sua would quickly pull her legs back, unhappy with the lack of contact.

She eventually chose instead to wrap her arms around Siyeon’s calves and keep her close that way, squeezing them so tight they pressed into her cheeks. Siyeon smiled lightly, bending forward to kiss the crown of Sua’s head, causing the dancer to make cute alien noises. Siyeon responded back with similar sounds of her own, while still keeping her lips on the top of the smaller woman.

Gahyeon rolled her eyes at the obvious displays of affection between the two, but smiled softly at her playful unnie’s, before shifting her attention to her other side, wrapping herself around Dami’s arm and leaning her head on her shoulder. Noticing the movement, Handong proceeded to do the same on the other side of Dami. The sandwiched woman only smiled to herself, letting the two on either side of her do as they pleased. While she wouldn’t admit it out loud, she was content being in the middle of them.

Jiu finished queuing up the video that the company had sent to them earlier. She turned around, perplexed as to why the chair was still empty. She noticed Yoohyeon already sitting on the floor next to it.

“Yoohyeon-ah, why aren’t you sitting in the chair?”

 Jiu strode over to where the younger girl was sitting. She stared down at her; warm brown eyes filled with concern. Yoohyeon looked up to meet the gentle gaze, smiling sweetly in return while patting the seat next to her shoulder.

“I saved it for you unnie. You always do nice things and give up the couch for us constantly. You deserve to not sit on the floor all the time. Let m-us take care of you now and again.”

 Yoohyeon cleared and continued to pat the cushion of the armchair, eager to move on and not let Jiu dwell on her misspoken words.

The leader gave a slight pout as she considered the request, the puff of her cheeks enticing Yoohyeon to reach up and touch the adorable protrusions; she resisted however. Jiu sighed lightly, eventually acquiescing to the offer. She settled into the chair comfortably, grabbing the remote and starting the video. She reached down, gently squeezing Yoohyeon’s shoulder. The lanky vocalist turned to look up at her in response.

“You’re too sweet sometimes Yoohyeon.”

Jiu’s words were soft, and if the audio from the television wasn’t already playing in the background, the younger woman would have noticed the sad tone hidden in her voice. Jiu gave her shoulder one more squeeze before pulling her hand back and resting it in her lap, turning her attention to the screen in the middle of the room.

Jiu was thankful her lap was above Yoohyeon’s eye level, as her tightly clenched fists were sure to have drawn questions. She seemed to be in a constant battle with herself when she was around the blonde ray of sunshine lately. There was only one explanation for it.

Kim Minji was in love with Kim Yoohyeon.

It wasn’t that she was unaware of her feelings; no, she clearly understood the gravity of her emotions. It was more so that her inability to fight them off, and remain normal around the younger vocalist, was starting to drive her insane. She had realized her deep feelings of affection went beyond friendship and “sisterly” love, several months ago. However, the longer her feelings were kept under wraps and didn’t just disappear, the more difficult it was becoming to act like nothing had changed.

She was beginning to second guess every look, every action, and every physical interaction she gave to the woman who was unaware of her deeply repressed feelings. She so desperately wanted to touch her more often, hug her tighter, clasp her lithe fingers between her palms and never let go. As time continued on though, she withheld herself from partaking in such actions as often, elated, yet terrified when Yoohyeon would initiate them herself on occasion.

She told herself time and time again that she could continue to love Yoohyeon, but she could never act on it. There was too much at stake to risk just for her personal feelings. The other members, her job, her passion for performing as Dreamcatcher; it was all too precious. She couldn’t jeopardize everything in her life by acting on feelings that were most likely not even reciprocated. The absolute last thing she wanted to do was bring harm to her members; her second family that she would never trade for anything in the world.

Nails threatened to bite into the flesh of Jiu’s palm, causing her to snap back into reality and re-direct her focus on actually watching the concert. An hour and a half in and everything had been going fine, until that one fateful scene crept closer.

Despite Jiu carefully watching her actions around Yoohyeon, there still seemed to be several moments where she became too immersed and lost awareness of her surroundings. Their most recent concert was one of those times.

The eldest member’s body coiled and tightened stiffly in the chair as the moment of her staring blatantly at Yoohyeon dancing, blared visually to everyone in the room. She closed her eyes, trying to ward off the impending anxiety, as she actively ignored the hushed conversation between the girls’ on the couch.

Whatever Yoohyeon’s reaction was during the whole ordeal; she stayed purposefully oblivious to the woman of her affections.

“What’s going on with Jiu-unnie?”  Handong proposed the question after the scene played, drawing the other nearby member’s attention away from the screen.

“What do you mean?” Siyeon asked, looking between the screen and Handong confusedly.

“She’s been spacing out more than you lately.” Handong’s fact drew a small snort from Gahyeon, while Siyeon just shrugged her shoulders. She couldn’t really defend herself against that accurate accusation.

“When is she spacing out?” Dami piped in.

“Almost anytime Yoohyeon is dancing. Like, just right now. Did you not see that? Sua-unnie, she made you get out of the way so she could stare harder.” Handong pointed out the obvious actions of their leader to the other members, still in hushed tone.

Sua turned away from the television, and leaned her cheek on Siyeon’s knee so she could face Handong.

“She’s just being a good listener.” The main dancer stated blatantly as if that was the most normal thing in the world to say.

“So you’re telling me, she’s ‘listening’... to Yoohyeon dance? Unnie, did you shake your head too hard during the encore?” Handong chuckled, poking fun at the older member, knowing full well she would reap no repercussions.

Sua narrowed her eyes slightly in response, but said nothing in return. She really could never be upset with Handong, even when she spoke informally. Sua grumbled something under her breath instead, but none of the other girl’s heard it, as they had quickly moved on to talking louder about the scenes that followed with them in it. However, Siyeon had leant forward again, asking Sua what she had said so quietly before.

“I said she was listening to her body talk. You know, like that her dancing told a story and she was tuning into that.” Sua pouted, crossing her arms and feigning upset over not being able to explain her thought properly. Siyeon smirked, sliding her hands down the length of Sua’s arms, so that she was leaning fully on the smaller women, closer to her ear.

“Do you mean like how I ‘listen’ to your body ‘talk’ or in an actually poetic way?” Siyeon’s low and husked words sent a delicious shiver running though Sua’s body. She slowly laced her fingers with Siyeon’s and froze when realization hit her.

“You don’t think they’re like us, do you?” Sua whispered quietly, not wanting to draw the unwanted attention of the other girl’s to them at the moment. Sua could feel Siyeon’s smirk against the side of her head.

“Mmm, maybe not yet, but I have a feeling they’ll get there soon.”

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The rest of the concert finished up, with the girl’s seemingly forgetting about their conversation beforehand. The member’s bid their good nights, heading off to their respective rooms one by one, until only Jiu and Yoohyeon remained.

The younger girl had been deep in thought ever since the scene of Jiu staring at her played. She was already well aware that it wasn’t the first time. What confused her was whether those looks indicated that she had feelings for her or if she was misreading the signal she believed Jiu was giving off through those actions.

“She’s touching me less and rarely makes eye contact anymore. She’s jumpy and spaces out more often than usual. But, she’s fine when she’s with the other member’s. Maybe it isn’t that she likes me back... maybe I’ve done something wrong to upset her?”

Yoohyeon began to worry her bottom lip between her teeth unconsciously as her inner thoughts continued to whir to life.

”But, if I were to have done something wrong, then why would she stare at me like she’s mesmerized? Gaaah, this is so frustrating. I can’t just straight up ask her, but feeling her pull away from me so much lately is starting to make crazy. I don’t know what to say to her, but I have to at least try to talk to her about what’s been going on lately. I don’t think my heart can take this weird air of uncertainty much longer.”

The nervous vocalist in a substantial amount of air, releasing her slightly chewed on lip. She began to mentally prepare for a possibly intense conversation. Quivering eyes looked up to Jiu, who was still seated in the arm chair. The older woman had yet to make eye contact with her since the “scene”. Yoohyeon’s throat tightened with anxiety as she struggled to even utter a sound. She decided to start with action instead.

The golden-tressed blonde stood up abruptly, the motion drawing Jiu’s gaze over to where Yoohyeon is now towering over her. Before she can question the movement, her wrist is quickly grabbed and she’s pulled up and away from the chair.

Her time on her feet was short-lived, as she was soon plopped gingerly on the couch only a few feet away. She watched as Yoohyeon sat down, crossing her legs and facing sideways on the couch. Jiu followed suit, mirroring her body position and willing herself to make eye contact with the younger girl. To Jiu’s dismay and slight relief, Yoohyeon’s head was titled down just enough that her hair covered her eyes. The raven-locked woman gulped quite hard in anticipation as to what Yooheyon was going to possibly say to her. She wasn’t sure how long she could put up a charade if Yoohyeon pressed hard enough with them alone like this; almost reminded her of an interrogation scene from a movie.

“Unnie, did I do something to make you hate me?” The small and unsure voice of Yooheyon, a woman who was usually so loud and confident in her feelings, almost broke Jiu’s heart the moment it left slightly trembling lips.

“Yoohyeon-ah, of course you did nothing of the sort. I could never hate you. Never. Ever. And there’s nothing you could do to make me think less of you. Why are you thinking like that?”

Jiu so desperately wanted to reach out and hold Yoohyeon tightly; to her hair and console her in every way. She couldn’t trust herself though. Instead she stuck to verbal communication, praying the compassion and raw emotion in her voice would suffice.

“Then why are you so distant lately? Physically and emotionally, I can’t feel you near me anymore. I miss you so much unnie. If there’s something wrong, please, talk to me about it. I want to fix whatever problem, together, with you.”

Yoohyeon’s head lifted as she spoke, the pain and hurt clearly evident, clouding her normally shimmering orbs of brightness and elation.

“How foolish of me,” Jiu berated herself as the blonde’s gaze pierced her own. She was ashamed for not considering how her withdrawn actions might have, and clearly were, affecting the woman sitting in front of her. She was frozen in place, unsure of how to respond without revealing her true reasons.

“Yoohyeon-ah, I... I don’t know how to explain this to you. I-“

Jiu’s voice uncharacteristically cracked and she stopped mid-sentence, looking down at the cushion, while trying her very best to not breakdown in uncontrollable tears.

Yoohyeon reached out, noticing how Jiu flinched away. It was like she was afraid of them coming into any type of contact with one another anymore. The reaction cut her deeply, but in that moment, she could tell Jiu was hurting just as much as she was. She grabbed her hand and placed it gently on her cheek, forcing Jiu to meet her eyes once more.

“I’m not fragile unnie. I’m not going to break and shatter into a million pieces if you touch me.”

 She moved Jiu’s hand down lower, to her chest and right over her heart. Jiu could feel the thrumming of the beat through her fingertips; its’ pace was almost violent. Yoohyeon tightened her grip on the back of Jiu’s hand, sharply inhaling a breath of confidence before reaching forward and placing her other hand on the back of Jiu’s head, pulling her forward so their foreheads were now pressed together. Her next words came out quiet and shaky, yet still with an edge of certainty behind them.

“We are not going to break Jiu-unnie. Our friendship will not crack. Our members, our second family, will not fall to pieces. I love you; so much my heart aches with the desire to be next you at any given moment. And... I believe you love me back in the same way.”

Yoohyeon’s eyes were closed as she spoke, knowing full well she would break into sobs if she looked at Jiu in the moment, and didn’t see the emotion she expected reflected back in her eyes.

The older woman pressed her forehead with more force against the momentarily soul-bearing girl, adding her own hand to the back of Yoohyeon’s head, tenderly tangling her lengthy fingers into fair locks, silently urging her to continue. Yoohyeon took another deep breathe, her strength to continue on driven by the fact that Jiu didn’t pull away, but instead pulled her closer in.

“But I see how scared you are, and I’m scared too. But it can’t get better until we talk about it. Your worries are the wrong kind though. I love you. I love you, and things would only get stronger between us if we acted on that love together. Not everything is something that can break or be ripped apart so easily unnie. Sometimes people and relationships are more like trees; they just need time and a chance to grow strong and supported.”

Yoohyeon’s voice broke at the end of her sentence, her welled up tears now threatening to fall.

“God, I’m sorry, that wasn’t as poetic or super meaningful as it sounded in my head, I just-“

As her tears started to slide down her cheeks, her head was slowly pulled back and upwards, and she felt a pair of warm lips softly kissing her, effectively cutting her off. Her tears seemed to fall harder as she relished in the feeling of kissing the woman she had dreamed of doing so with for so long now. She kissed her back gently, almost fearful she would awake from sleep and the touch would have been nothing but an intense hallucination.

Soft thumbs delicately brushed away Yoohyeon’s remaining tears while their lips continued to move together in a slow, emotionally fuelled rhythm. They eventually parted, Yoohyeon’s face remaining cradled between Jiu’s hands tenderly.

“I’m sorry for putting you through such a painful time lately, my sweet angel. It was extremely selfish of me, and I hope you can forgive me for my past wrongdoings. I just... never imagined that you felt the same way for me. I was willing to carry the burden of loving you with me secretly, until the end of time if I had to. Oh, but how silly of me to not consider just how awful of an affect my actions were having on you. I am so terribly sorry. Now though, I just want to spend all my time making it up to you, and letting you know how much I love and care about you. You are my night, my day and the stars in sky. I love you with all my heart Kim Yoohyeon, and I am so thankful you love me back.”

Jiu poured her heart out, a steady stream of emotion spilling out of her. She had held onto to her feelings privately for so long, it all just came gushing out. She peppered kisses across Yoohyeon’s face as she spoke, brushing her thumbs back and forth over the smooth expanse of the younger girls’ cheeks. Yoohyeon’s bright and cheery demeanour was starting to awaken again, as she nuzzled her nose against Jiu’s, moving her hands to the older woman’s back and pulling her in for almost bone crushing hug. Jiu would have gladly stopped breathing for hours to remain in Yoohyeon’s loving embrace if need be.

They remained in one another’s arms for an unknown amount of time. They both found comfort in just holding onto to each other, listening to their combined heartbeats and feeling the slow rise and fall of their breathing together. It was such a warm and safe feeling. Every so often, Jiu would sprinkle soft kisses anywhere she could on Yoohyeon’s face and head, whispering never-ending “I love you’s” that Yoohyeon knew she would never tire of.

The newly formed coupe eventually untangled from one another. They noticed the time and realized they should get ready for bed before another member came out to check on them. Before they parted however, an adrenaline filled Yoohyeon decided to newfound lover for the first time.

“Ah, unnie, any time we’re alone now, don’t just stand far away and stare at me. Come over and touch me properly.”

Despite the sensual gravity of her uttered words, Yoohyeon’s face was turned to the side, hiding the bashful red hue of her burning cheeks. Jiu smirked at the sudden boldness of the younger woman, an almost feral snarl adorning her lips. She placed her lithesome index finger under Yoohyeon’s chin, slowly lifting her head so that was level with hers’ once more.

“Oh baby, I will indulge in that offer indefinitely now.”

 Yoohyeon’s gasp was cut off by a pair of greedy lips hungrily meeting hers. She melted into the kiss, revelling in everything it offered her; warmth, passion, protection, and above all else, pure, equally requited love. They stayed in each other’s arms for a brief moment longer, before finally parting to go to sleep in their respective rooms.

Both slept soundly that night, so delighted and thrilled to finally be able to share their love with one another and have it returned two-fold. While there were still future obstacles they knew they would have to deal with, just knowing they would face it together was enough to put their minds at ease. Yoohyeon drifted to sleep easily, the thought of Jiu holding her being an instant form of relaxation and comfort.

Jiu fell asleep soon after, a single thought in her mind before succumbing to a much needed slumber.

“Maybe hearts aren’t made of glass like I once believed. They’re made of plastic; made to stretch and bend and make space for another’s heart inside your own. They don’t break; they merely adjust. Just like mine did for Yoohyeon so long ago without me realizing it. Welcome home, my love.”