As much as she loved recording in the studio, it always left Jihyo tired and exhausted. Seeking perfection took a lot of effort, creating familiar fatigue, one she was used to and knew how to handle after years of being in the industry. Fatigue that was intensified from everything that had happened the last days.

After the vans dropped them at their house, everyone -minus the absent one- went to their respective rooms to have their baths. Thankfully, everyone had their room with an en-suite, four rooms per floor. It was quite expensive, but not something they couldn’t afford with such fame.

Jihyo ascended the stairs to the attic, the second and highest floor that consisted of one room, after leaving her bag and coat in her room on the ground floor.

As Jihyo climbed the last few steps, she took in the silence of the house. Usually, there would be a commotion after such an intense day, the stress would make some of the girls hyper and for an hour or two some chaos would occur until they’d greet goodnight and split to their rooms. 

But the last two weeks had been nothing like that. 

Jihyo stepped on the landing, nothing else than the door in front of her. She secretly hoped for an indication of movement from the other side, but she knew how low the chances stood, and sadly her expectations weren’t met. Then she took a deep breath, placing her hand on the doorknob and hoping that what she’d face would be Sana in her human form. It’s been more than three days since she had shifted and hadn’t eaten, refusing to transform back to her human form and avoiding everything and everyone.

Gently opening the door, she faced the Shiba-Inu spread on the floor, in a position that was becoming all too familiar day by day. Sana was laying in front of the balcony’s glazed door, her head leaning on top of her crossed front legs, with her eyes looking up to the sky sadly and unfocused, her body curled in a half-circle and her usually spirited tail glued to her body, soulless. 

It had been two rough weeks already. Jihyo knew that sooner or later Sana would come back to work, although the company allowed her having all the time she’d need to heal. But everyone in the group knew she wouldn’t take too much time, not wanting to come through as unprofessional or the news saying she was taking advantage of the company’s leniency while the rest kept working.

It was unfortunate that the press got informed regarding Sana’s loss, an inevitable situation considering the extent of their fame, the resources the media and press spent to gain information about them ridiculously high. It was among the reason they searched for a private house when their dorm info leaked, finding this one in the outer Seoul areas. It was so secluded and private, it felt like it was located in the countryside.

Jihyo crossed the floor and sat down next to Sana, gently caressing the fur on her back. 

“Hi, baby.” 

The only indication Sana acknowledged her came from the way her dog eyes became glassy. Jihyo felt guilty, knowing her presence brought Sana back to earth, taking her out of her stupor, forcing her to face reality. 

Jihyo wasn’t ignorant; of course, she knew what was going on, she knew her for a decade already, as a friend in the beginning, and as a girlfriend later on. Sana’s feelings were too raw and painful to deal with in her human form, so shifting in her spirit animal was her way out of it, putting her feelings on ice as long she’d stay a dog; that was until she’d decide to deal with her feelings and come back to her human form.

So this was Sana’s way, isolating herself and closing to herself. It hadn’t happened a lot of times, maybe one or two, when the public had criticized her too strong for her gentle heart to handle. These incidences weren’t comparable to the current situation, as the other times it had lasted for some days, letting the girls talk to her and help her deal with her insecurities through the whole process. And never before had she transformed to her spirit animal to avoid everyone, mainly herself.

Now, Jihyo knew she had to step back and wait for when Sana would feel ready. That’s all she could do. 

In a quick inspection through the room, she spotted all the snacks she had placed on Sana’s desk still untouched. It was a huge pile that grew and grew each day, as the girls gave Jihyo Sana’s favorite snacks and Jihyo brought them there. The left side of her water bowl was half-empty; at least she had some water. Jihyo took a note in her mind to refill it before sleeping. The other side of the bowl was empty. Although Sana’s spirit animal was a dog, she never got in the process of getting familiar with dog food, preferring much more human food. Jihyo hoped she’d come back soon, three days of not eating was too much.

As she placed a long kiss at the top of her head, she made a deal with herself that if nothing changed until tomorrow, she’d talk with Sana regarding self-care and love. It was something she knew Sana valued a lot, talking about it at Jihyo's moments of self-doubt.

“Good night love, I’m here whatever you need.” She said passing her hand through the top of her head between her ears, scratching behind one, seeing as Sana had her eyes closed masking her feelings. It surely wasn’t in favor of enjoying Jihyo’s gesture.

A few minutes later, after having a shower, she was in the kitchen eating yogurt for dinner. The girls were scattered in the house, some with her at the dining table in the kitchen, some others in the living room watching a drama. Jihyo missed their energy, hoping it’d be there to help her feel a little better.

She was lost in her thoughts when Momo interrupted her.

“How’s she?” It was her expectant look that made Jihyo feel even worse, but she couldn’t lie.

“No change.” Momo let out a heavy breath of disappointment, her eyes filling with desperation. 

It was the same for every girl, wanting to help Sana get better, but not knowing how other than respecting her wish for isolation.

“I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” Jihyo said in a try to give some hope to Momo, intentionally skipping the part about Sana not eating the past three days. All the girls were close to each other, but Momo and Sana held a special bond, moving from Japan to Korea on the same date, riding the same flight, and pursuing the same dream, only to achieve it and live through it together. Jihyo couldn’t break Momo’s heart. Everyone’s heart was already heavy for the past two weeks.

It was during a dance practice when a manager in charge of their phones interrupted them, saying Sana’s phone had been ringing non-stop for some minutes and it might be urgent. No one paid a lot of attention when Sana walked to the couches and picked the call, as the girls laid through the floor to take some breaths. None but one; Jihyo.

Jihyo had her eyes on her girlfriend, decoding every little shift on her face and understanding what Sana had heard the moment her face froze in an empty and shocked expression, locking eyes with Jihyo through the mirror. In milliseconds Jihyo was next to her, waiting. All Sana said after ending the call was ‘My dad.’

The next thing they knew, Sana was flying back home for the funeral, her departure from the airport all over the news and her privacy breached, zero respect displayed. Jihyo wanted to accompany her for support, having introduced each other as girlfriends to their families years ago, but the schedule didn’t allow her to leave. Plus, the media would have a field day if she was the only one attending.

For her own good, her parents flew some hours after Sana without getting any attention from the press. It was a relief, paying her respect in a way, and also having constant updates about Sana’s well-being through her mother. It was helpful for her own and the girls’ sanity.

Sana was back three days later, a total wreck. According to Jihyo’s mom, she hadn’t shed a single tear, something that worried Jihyo tremendously. Sana would naturally cry to get some relief even for the simplest worries. Jihyo believed she bottled up her feelings to be a rock for her mother, suppressing them too much to the point of not knowing how to unwind.

She had just ended a phone call with their managers informing her that everything was okay and Sana would be at home in forty-five minutes when Dahyun approached her extending her hand holding out her phone for Jihyo to see.

An article with a lame title milking the situation was displayed on the screen, only making Jihyo’s anger skyrocket. Scrolling down a bit, she found what Dahyun wanted her to see; Sana, dressed in all black clothes and black shades hiding her eyes from the public, with a very well composed cold and somehow firm stance walking through the airport and outside to a van. A complete contrast to the bubbly image that characterized the girl, the usual smile she’d give to the photographers nowhere to be found, only a clenched tight jaw. It was the first time she saw Sana after her departure three days earlier. It didn’t help suppress her worries at all.

Jihyo looked at Dahyun and knew they were thinking the same thing; this was a facade that would dissolve the moment Sana would be home. ‘It’s okay’ she said to Dahyun, ‘she has to let it out.’ But the expected breakdown didn’t come.

The first two days back home were difficult, with everyone pestering Sana to eat and sleep, or asking about her well being, each time more concerned than the last, making Sana reach her pick point and transform to the familiar Shiba Inu they hadn’t seen in months.

When Sana didn’t come to her room that night, Jihyo knew things were really bad. The only times Sana shifted back to her human form was once every two days, in front of Jihyo, to eat something and having Jihyo witness it, then transforming back to a Shiba Inu. Until today that Jihyo had counted three days in a row with no food. Tomorrow she would react, it couldn't go further.

Jihyo greeted Momo goodnight and retreated to her room. The heaviness of the situation was too much and combined with her fatigue from the day, she felt her eyelids heavy and a headache larking somewhere in her scalp right behind her brows. It was difficult sleeping without Sana after all these years of sharing a bed in each other’s arms. Her sleep the last days was lacking the regular quality she achieved normally. She wondered if Sana slept at all; she hoped with all her heart she did.

Entering her room, an unexpected scene welcomed her. Sana was lying on her side of the bed over the covers, and judging from the way her body was heaving up and down, she wasn’t sleeping yet, her breaths short and sharp.

Jihyo performed her night routine quickly and helped Sana get under the covers with her, Sana lying sideways with her back facing Jihyo and curling in a ball. Jihyo laid behind her, not breaking the silence.

It had been years since Sana had slept in a bed with Jihyo in her dog form. Jihyo started reminiscing these times, as she repeatedly combed her hand through Sana’s fur.

The first time Jihyo met Sana was back in training days. Jihyo was practicing with Nayeon and Jeongyeon for their monthly evaluation when a company's staff came to the practice room to introduce to them Momo and Sana. They both sheepishly stood in front of them, standing close to each other for support. 

If soulmates were real -and deep inside Jihyo believed they were- she supposed that the revelation of her soulmate would be that specific day, the moment they introduced to each other. Sana extended her arm, all excitement and joy, and everything that followed after happened in a blink of an eye.

What was supposed to come out as ‘I’m Sana’ was interrupted somewhere in the ‘S’ and all of a sudden, Jihyo found herself lying on her back on the cold laminated floor, a hyper Shiba Inu with perfect golden and white fur her face, barking and howling over and over. It was the most beautiful Shiba Inu Jihyo had ever seen.

Later that day she learned Sana had transformed a month ago, after her sixteenth birthday, and still had to learn how to control her inner spirit animal. For Sana, it was when she felt the happiest that she couldn’t tame it. It was different for everyone, and if people couldn’t find a way to tame their animal, they could turn to medication. 

Jihyo’s birthday was a week later. Transforming to a unicorn was unusual and very unexpected, sure. And even though it was weird how Sana transformed to a Shiba Inu from her excitement witnessing Jihyo's transformation, running around her while astonished she tried to take in her reflection, it felt right. If Jihyo wasn’t in her spirit animal form, her cheeks and ears would be ruby, though she saw from the mirror Nayeon and Jeongyeon smirking at her, reading her horse-like face.

Jihyo achieved taming her animal very easily, figuring out it’d come out when she’d feel sad. It was a feeling unusual for her to feel regularly, and consulting the agency’s doctor she always had medication to take for the days she wouldn't feel well.

On the other hand, Sana didn’t want to take any medication, opting for alternative ways through yoga and meditating, and some self-control and inner thought consulting.

The biggest stumble was that Sana was happy and hyper most of the time, so for the first years as a trainee whenever she’d feel excitement her happiness would sky-rocket, her Shiba Inu coming out suddenly, taking her hours to calm down and transform back to her human form.

Until they started filming SIXTEEN she had managed to control it almost perfectly, and when they début she had perfected it. Until the night they won their first daesang. National TV broadcasted the show live, with the whole of Asia witnessing the happiest Shiba Inu ever filmed, barking and laughing and crying, while the other girls tried to give the acceptance speech. 

That night was the first time Jihyo had Sana sleep in her bed in her dog form, shifting back to a human somewhere in the middle of the night, with Jihyo making sure to dress her up and tack her under the covers.

After that sleeping together became a habit. Feelings quickly developed, and the rest of the group was quick to catch up teasing them individually. Jihyo had it the worst, as compared to Sana’s outgoing and touchy personality, she was avoiding hugs and kisses like the plague. But letting Sana hug and give her kisses whenever she felt like it made Jihyo an easy target for the girls, not letting her take a breath and prodding her to confess. 

Jihyo was planning to confess, she really did. But Sana beat her to it.

It was some time in the middle of their second year as TWICE, when one night Sana sat her in the bed to talk, confessing her feelings while trembling like a fish, all anxious and afraid of rejection. From the moment Jihyo confessed back, it took one or two seconds at most for Sana to transform to the Shiba-Inu, barking the loudest Jihyo had ever heard. Moments after the girls were in the room congratulating them.

What typically should follow after a confession should be a kiss, but what she got was on her face by the hyper Shiba Inu. The disappointing feeling was quickly erased by the realization that Sana couldn’t control her spirit animal after learning how to tame it even for the biggest award, and that meant she felt truly happy to the deepest parts of her soul learning Jihyo returned her feelings. It was selfish, but in that moment Jihyo fell more in love knowing to what extend Sana loved her.

It was funny, as the following night Sana transformed into a Shiba-Inu while going for their first kiss. Right after that incident, Sana started taking medication. It flattered Jihyo, and even though more teasing came from the girls, it was all worth it.

Jihyo’s reverie broke when she felt the body under the fur tensing more, hand freezing in place, golden fur between her fingers. A huge internal battle should be taking place between Sana’s mind and body; although her mind wanted to avoid facing reality, her body was so unused to spending all these days as a dog that she must have reached her limits. At least that was what Jihyo thought.

Smoothly, Jihyo lifted her body and scooted closer to Sana, providing much-needed support. If she achieved making Sana feel secured, it’d help her relax just a bit and finally transform into her human body, even if it was in her sleep.

As she felt Sana’s body shed some of the tension, her hand restarted the motion through silky fur, leaning her head a bit closer to Sana’s dog ears and start singing Sana’s favorite Japanese lullabies, a habit they built for the difficult nights of Sana's homesickness. It took some second, gradually Sana’s body relaxing and relaxing, with Jihyo singing lullaby after lullaby, intentionally skipping the one Sana’s dad used to sing her to sleep when she was a kid.

Eventually, Sana’s breaths stabilized, long and deep ones. Jihyo didn’t stop with her ministration, afraid of startling her through the first stages of sleep. Instead, her mind switched to self-examining and wondering for the near future.

All Sana asked for wordlessly was distance and isolation, with each girl complying and giving it to her. She hadn’t left the house these past two weeks, locking herself in her room in the attic. Sana was the first one to ask about this specific room, being the one nearest to the sky, providing the perfect spot for the thing she loved the most; stargazing.

Jihyo could confidently say she knew Sana inside out and vice versa, spending the majority of their nights cuddling and sharing a good amount of details about their lives, from the most random trifles to the deepest secrets.

One of these times Sana had shared a story about her father taking her for a stargazing night in a field in the countryside when a kid, making her fall in love with it and becoming a regular thing between them, bonding them forever.

To say Jihyo was left dumbfounded when Sana came back and locked herself in the attic finding her stargazing every night, would be an understatement. Jihyo expected denial and avoidance to the attic, making it too painful to face the sky. Maybe that would be a human Sana reaction. But the Shiba Inu could handle the sky, getting comfort from looking at it. Maybe there was a connection between the stars and the spirit animals, Jihyo’s grandma always told her that, but nothing could confirm this theory.

Jihyo remembered discussing it with Sana one night, unwittingly making Sana enter the homesickness zone. It was a night of confessions for Sana, laying out her thoughts about her life, trusting Jihyo with her heavy feelings about leaving home so young, not spending her best years with her family, spending countless days so busy that she was left so tired, the only thing she could think and do was fall asleep minutes after going back in the dorms, not responding to their messages for days.

The most difficult thing would be whenever her parents told her they missed her, scratching that part of guilt she had well tucked in her heart. After that, Jihyo made sure Sana would tell her whenever she was homesick or received such a message, making sure she felt well-loved and holding her securely in her arms, letting out these ugly feelings and thoughts through her tears.

It terrified Jihyo knowing that maybe this side of Sana’s mind would take over and make the situation even worse, resulting in confusion in her head, or making her doubt her choice. The chances of something like that were really low, as Sana was a very responsible person, fully aware of her decisions. It wasn’t like she had doubted them before, only felt guilty. Jihyo hoped the one wouldn’t clash with the other under these circumstances, she just needed Sana to open up and let her be there for her, even though the only thing she could offer was being next to her making sure she didn’t feel alone.

Jihyo fell asleep somewhere between random thoughts of scenarios about what next morning would bring, her lullaby long ago stopped and her hand idle on Sana’s fur, smooth hair between her fingers. 

 -

A weird sound, that’s what disrupted Jihyo’s sleep. Dizzy and confused, she tried to take in the surroundings. Heat was the first thing she noticed, right under the arm she had loosely wrapped over Sana’s fur, realizing she was touching warm human flesh. Slight tremors were coming from Sana’s body, and she realized what must have woken her up was that combined with the whimpers Sana was trying to suppress, vainly.

Jihyo wrapped Sana tightly in a back hug, spooning and holding her as close as possible, feeling Sana’s body giving up completely, turning around and burying her face on Jihyo’s clavicle letting rivers escape her eyes.

As much as it pained Jihyo, tearing something deep inside her heart, relief was what she felt as Sana had finally let her guard down, confronting her feelings. 

Jihyo held her bare body silently for hours, letting her wash out everything, following a pattern between crying and small pauses. At some point, Jihyo felt useless, desperately trying to find words to console Sana, knowing deep inside that nothing she’d tell could help. Sadly, that was the harsh reality, it was something Sana had to work on alone. Jihyo would make sure to be there for her for everything, she promised right there.

Eventually, Sana relaxed, not sleeping yet but not crying either. Whispering the Japanese songs again, Jihyo lulled her to sleep, brushing her hair gently and leaving feathery kisses on her head through short pauses. 

A smile crept through her lips, holding tightly Sana’s body, taking in the heat it radiated, and realizing she was asleep. Sana had taken the first step, facing reality and baring her soul to Jihyo. That’s all that mattered.