Shuhua is used to this whole setting, a knock on her door past midnight. Little hurried footsteps accompanied with muffled sobs. And the sudden warmth engulfed her from behind, clutching hard onto her favorite green T-shirt. She doesn’t even need to turn around to see the person who sneaks into her room ever so often, her Seo Soojin. Shuhua doesn’t mind having her sleep disturbed, as twisted as it might sounds, she even takes pride in being one of the lucky ones who can see this vulnerable side of the older. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt her knowing the person she loves the most hurting like this.

It’s not like Shuhua knew exactly why or when Soojin started to act like this, Soojin never tells her about it—nor she ever tells her about anything at all, but Shuhua kind of had a hunch about the person related to this mess. It’s been three years together as trainees, the first one she spent struggling to order a simple daily meal, the second one she spent struggling with her feeling towards the older, and the third one she spent struggling with the consequences of that feeling. The special feeling might come late, but Shuhua has always adored Soojin. How can she not when the latter is so kind and genuine to her, her first friend in Korea, her very—fine friend.

“Soojin Unnie has that thing,” Shuhua paused a little, trying to find the word, “Whoever comes to her, she makes them feel comfortable,” she paused for the second time, this time trying to find the courage to continue, “She makes me feel comfortable and consult on my worries.” She finished while unconsciously reaching out to tuck a lock of Soojin’s blonde hair behind her ear, although failing to do so since she realized she was on public eyes at the moment.

It’s frustrating to her how she can trust Soojin with her whole being but she has little to no idea about what’s going on inside the older mind most of the time. Once in a blue moon, always past midnight, Soojin would tell her a thing or two about how she feels, always in vague, always leaves Shuhua with more questions. Shuhua never one to push the older to talk more than she’s willing to share because as much as she’s hurting, she wants the fox-like lady to feel at ease with her, to feel safe.

It was one of those nights when Soojin let her guard down. Wrapped in Shuhua’s warm blanket, holding hands like otters, after having the best seaweed soup Shuhua loves the most. Soojin tilted her head like a bluebird into the nest of Shuhua’s collarbones, seemingly finding comfort in the younger one’s heartbeat.

Sometimes it scares the Taiwanese how, in their current position, Soojin can hear her fast-beating heart, but this time it scared her how their current situation made it seems like Soojin insists on loving all of her. The way the older listened to her babble on and on about her childhood, her first dog and favorite street food, and all of the strange things her parents did growing up. The way Soojin looked at her before kissing her nose. She just needed to pretend that the very next thing Soojin did wasn’t telling her about this one guy who occupied the older mind the way the older did Shuhua’s.

“What you loved about him Jin-ah?” Shuhua asked, barely above a whisper, barely sure whether the word love is suitable,