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Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and let memories cloud your mind. Now, find your most precious memory. A smile just tugged onto your lips, didn’t it? Well, what if I told you that for Haneul, her fondest memories always came with a bitter sting to her heart. Now do not get me wrong, it does not mean that she looked back on her life with regret… quite the contrary.

Yearning for support and a sense of belonging is widely argued to be within a human’s basic intrinsic needs. Taeyong however, always made a point to stress how having a best friend should also be singled out as a human essential. On the other hand, Haneul would and say that she could totally live without him, but since he was already in her life, she might as well keep him around.

Beneath their trust and tight relationship, Taeyong and Haneul actually started out hating each other. In retrospect, they both agree that there were no real reasons behind their sour first impressions; Haneul was ardent on the fact that Taeyong gave off the most arrogant aura back during their first year at university whilst Taeyong preached that Haneul had the most annoying resting--face.

Nearly seven years later, Taeyong works at an offshore company while Haneul is Human Resource Associate for a small yet well-established local company. Perhaps fate always worked its odds in their favour as their office happened to be neighbours, as if living down the same street was not enough. Henceforth, for the past seven years, Taeyong and Haneul grew attached by the hip, seeing each other nearly every day for lunch or even on their way home.

Seated at her patio, gaze lost on her two favourite persons in the whole world, Haneul smiled fondly as she started to wonder when exactly or how exactly Taeyong had taken such an important place in her life.

Flashback, one year prior.

The clear sky that shed upon the streets of Seoul announced yet another sweet night. Despite the lack of stars up in this black canvas, the air was warm with a refreshing breeze ever so often. The perfect ambiance for young couples to go on dates; explore a street night market or even stay home and cuddle up in front of a good movie. Haneul wished for it, she truly wanted to get back to the honeymoon phase but there she was, seated in her living room with her boyfriend, fighting once again.

“Get off my back, I’ve had a long day at work.” Jihoon exclaimed with exasperation.

“I just asked how you are, no need to throw this attitude at me.” Haneul replied bitterly.

“And you think that pointing this out is not throwing insolence back at me?”

“Why are you constantly trying to pick a fight?”

“I’m not trying to pick a fight; you are just being nosy!”

“Oh wow, I’m sorry for checking up on my boyfriend when I haven’t seen him for the past three days and barely heard from him because he was too busy to pick up his phone. So much for trying to make small talk.” Haneul was slowly losing patience. Sighing deeply, she got up from the couch and started towards the kitchen to make some tea only to stop mid-step upon Jihoon’s murmured words:

“I knew that I shouldn’t have come tonight.”

And that’s when she snapped; “Why did you then? If you are so bothered here, why come in the first place?” Haneul’s voice was calm but her eyes spit fire.

Jihoon met her gaze, and she noticed a flash of realization in his pupils. His demeanour warmed up as his once squared up shoulders, slanted ever so slightly. Jihoon reached out and grabbed her hand tentatively whilst Haneul showed no reluctance.

“What happened to us?” He asked quietly. It was more of a rhetorical question but they both seemed to have reached their peak.

Haneul could only shrug as she had been racking her brain with the same question for a while now. Somewhat of a heavy silence reigned for a few minutes as they stood there, hand in hand but far from being attached.

Haneul looked at him sincerely before finally asking: “Do you still love me?”

Jihoon’s widened eyes showed his shock at her sudden question but he understood why she probed this. After the one-year mark, they fell into the complacent routine of being in a relationship, so much so that he could not remember when the last time was that he told her that he loved her out of will and not actually out of practice.

“Honestly, I don’t know anymore. Do you?”

“How come you’re calling me; didn’t you tell me that Jihoon was going to spend the night?” Taeyong asked as soon as he picked up the phone. Greetings were never his forte, particularly when it came to Haneul.

A sad chuckle escaped her lips before she cleared , trying to sound as rested as possible: “He just left actually.”

“Already?” Taeyong sighed at the end of the line: “Did you guys fight once again?”

“In fact, we just broke up.”

“Haneul I-”

“Don’t say that you’re sorry, it was a mutual decision.” Haneul’s eyes stung at her words as the ball threatening was dangerously clutching at it. A solitary tear fell from her eyes before she finally sniffled out her first sob. “Why am I being such a sap; it was a mutual thing, we weren’t even able to say, ‘I love you’ like we meant it, so why am I even crying urg?” Haneul let out another cry out of self-frustration which prevented her from hearing Taeyong move on the other end of the line.

“I’m on my way, wait up for me.” He said quietly.

“No need, I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch.”

“Too late, I’m already half-way there.”

‘Perks of living down the street from your best friend’ she thought as her heart warmed up a little at the realisation that some things just never changed.

“I’m such a cry-baby.”

Taeyong chuckled as he tucked Haneul in, making sure that her sheets were neatly folded over her petite body. “Yes, you are.” He playfully deadpanned.

“YAH!”

“Don’t shout at me when I just agreed with your own statement.” Taeyong chuckled once again before going to drop a sweet peck to Haneul’s forehead. “You’re a cry-baby but don’t invalidate your feelings. You just broke a relationship that was nearing its two-year mark. Even if you grew out of love, it is okay and totally normal to be sad about it. Take the time you need to get over it.”

Haneul smiled sweetly at her best friend as her eyes welled up once again. “Thank you, Yong, for everything.”

“Anytime, anywhere munchkin.”

“Ew, you know that I hate it when you call me so.”

“One more reason to keep this nickname going then.” With a cheeky wink, Taeyong left; allowing Haneul to immerse into her feelings, with the assurance that he would always have her back.

Two weeks later, Haneul overcame the heavy sentiment of grief over her failed relationship. Work kept her busy whilst Taeyong made a point to have lunch with her every so often despite his own tight schedule. Everything was starting to look up for her; of course, there would be a random moment where Jihoon would pop up in her mind, but only because she had grown so accustomed to having someone to romantically rely on and nothing more.

But life decided otherwise; Haneul stared at the calendar before her with a pair frowned of eyebrows as she bit way too harshly on her bottom lip. Cursing at herself for not noticing anything sooner, she double checked the date and could only sigh deeply to calm herself since panic would certainly not be of any help.

Holding two sticks, one in each hand, since two is better than one, she closed her eyes tightly before finally taking a deep breath to confront her fate and sure enough, her gut feeling was right. The only issue for her now was the first step forward.

“Thank you for coming over.”

“I have to say that I was surprised you called, but you sounded somewhat upset so I thought something was up.” Jihoon said with an awkward smile to his face. Afterall, this was the first time they met post break-up.

“Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, I’m good. So, tell me, how have you been?”

Haneul looked at him, seeing how uncomfortable he was and to be honest, it was not the most convenient set up for her either. Deciding against beating around the bush, Haneul finally said: “Jihoon, I’m pregnant.”

“What- How- I thought- Who’s the father?”

“What do you mean who’s the father, you are!” Haneul exclaimed with a hint of disappointment to her voice.

“But we used protection!” Jihoon retorted, appalled.

“You know that they are not 100% effective Hoon…”

“I can’t be a dad, I can barely take care of myself now you want me to take care of someone else’s life, a baby at that. You cannot just dump this on me. No way. You must be crazy. Did you even double check? Did you see a doctor? No wait, is that your way of saying that you want me back? I can’t-”

“Geez Jung Jihoon! I didn’t even ask anything of you. If this idea repulses you that much, you don’t have to do anything. I thought that as the father you ought to be the first to know. I was actually about to tell you that you can be as involved as you want to be, that there would be no pressure on you, but I guess that I already have your answer.” Haneul’s tone turned sour, and he looked guilty as charged.

Silence filled Haneul’s living room as neither of them dared utter another word just yet. Haneul had not expected much from Jihoon, she knew that he was a career driven person who would always prioritise his profession, but his reaction was far worse than what she had thought it would be.

“I’m sorry Haneul. I can’t.”

“I know.”

Silence followed.

Being a single mother was nowhere in Haneul’s initial scope at life, but she kept herself from panicking at all times. She was good with kids, there was no questioning that. But being good with your nephews and nieces or even your friends’ children is nothing compared to having one of your own.

“What are you thinking about?” Taeyong suddenly asked as he settled opposite her in their favourite restaurant, taking the time to press on the bridge of her eyebrows which had been furiously pinched.

A faint smile automatically found her lips though it did not last long before she simply shrugged to dismiss his concern. “So, what are we having today?”

They had been to this restaurant so often that they had already tried everything that was on their menu, from the simplest crispy calamari entrée to their special matcha crême brûlée with all the various main courses in between. Choosing their order was always Taeyong’s job since he was the one with a refined palate and random cravings.

“I’m thinking roasted mushroom as entrée, big prawns à la basilic sauce accompanied with sesame bread sticks for our main and chocolate mousse to finish off?”

“Good for me.”

Taeyong chuckled as he called the waiter to place their order. Afterwards, he continued with small talk; “How’s work?”

“Same-same, Jungwoo is learning very fast so I should soon be able to delegate my work more proactively onto his shoulders.”

“Who would have thought that Kim Jungwoo would give human resources a try aye haha.”

They both chuckled, “I know right, but he is doing a great job. Though, I would have thought that he would try out at your company.”

Taeyong nodded with a small smile to his lips, “Jungwoo is just so unpredictable.”

As the conversation developed and the dishes were close to cleaned up, Haneul stressed over how to break the news to Taeyong. She found it weird how she was much more nervous to tell him about the pregnancy when she knew for a fact that this was Lee Taeyong, her best friend, the one who would never turn his back to her.

“… and then Yoonoh’s zipper got caught up with his shirt and you can imagine how funny it all was, when he walked all confident out of the restroom only to be called out by one of the receptionists.” Taeyong beamed at Haneul only to be met with a fade expression. Raising his eyebrow, he cleared his throat in an attempt to catch her attention before finally resorting to flicking her forehead.

“Ouch! What was that for?!” She asked as her fingers automatically rubbed the sore spot.

“Well, someone was not paying attention to her dear best friend who made time in his tight schedule to have lunch with her.” Taeyong reasoned like a child.

“Sorry, lost in my thoughts. You were saying?”

“What’s on your mind? You were like this when I got here too.”

Forcing a smile to her lips, Haneul replied, “Work stuffs.”

Taeyong eyed her suspiciously whilst Haneul put on her most innocent expression. ‘You are such a coward Kim Haneul’ she thought.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” Jungwoo asked as he noticed Taeyong in the lobby of their office building.

Taeyong lifted the lunchbox he had in his right hand with a smile. “Brought you guys lunch. Finally managed to sign off this deal with MS Station so I have the afternoon off.”

“Woooah, congratulations hyung.” The younger exclaimed excitedly until a slight frown knitted his eyebrows. “But Haneul Noona is not here today, she called in sick this morning.”

“No wonder she was not answering her phone.” Taeyong sighed. “Did she perhaps tell you what she has?” he asked as he actively handed Jungwoo his lunch box before, scrolling through his call log to dial his best friend’s number once again.

“No idea. It was quite short notice. She did skip the departmental dinner last night as well.”

“Noted, I’m going to check on her then. See ya.” Taeyong rushed through his words as he hurriedly made way out of the building.

Haneul was not answering his calls and for some inauspicious reason, he felt that something was really off. Not only had she been rather aloof via text for the past few days, but he had also been very busy. Guilt weighed down on his heart, had he missed a signal, was she now feeling the pain of her break-up or was something else going on. Thousands of questions haunted his mind until he finally reached her apartment.

Ringing the doorbell three times, he was met with no answer, but he knew for a fact that she was there; her car was perfectly parked in its spot but also, when he dialled her number again, he heard her phone ring through the door of her apartment.

“I’m coming in.” He said loudly before punching in the pin which was conveniently the date that they had first met at university; 0703 – the 7th March.

The apartment was barely lit, no curtains had been drawn and no lights were on. Sauntering with sweaty palms to her bedroom, relief struck him when he found her sound asleep in bed, sheets in disarray with a thin layer a sweat to her forehead.

Taeyong immediately reached his palm to take her temperature, comparing it to his own, but she was not feverish at all. If anything, she was rather cooled off. Tucking her in neatly, he decided to clean up her apartment while she rested. It was not necessarily a mess, but Taeyong rather clean it up just in case she was on yet another painful menses.

Thirty minutes later, he was doing the dishes when Haneul startled him by giving him a back hug.

“What are you doing here?” She asked quietly.

“You’re awake. I brought lunch, want me to heat it up for you?” he asked as he immediately cut the water and removed the rubber gloves. Swiftly, he turned around in her embrace to tug her closer to him. “I heard that you were sick.”

“Just felt under the weather this morning.” She mumbled; heart constricted at her white lie. How was she supposed to tell him that morning sickness effectively ruined her favourite white blouse, which happened to be a gift from him on her first day as an HR Trainee four years prior.

Taeyong’s hands found her cheeks as he lifted her face to examine it. “Are you menstruating?” he asked out of genuine concern.

Haneul said nothing and simply buried her face into his chest. Innocently, he assumed her silence to be a yes and only hugged her tighter as he rocked their body goofily from side to side in hopes of cheering her up. Teary-eyed, Haneul made the most out of this moment, embracing the silence. She knew for a fact that Taeyong loved kids. Not only did he love kids, but he loved her. Yet, she was scared. So scared. His opinion was all