Siwon really loves his job, but sometimes he needs to escape from the busy Seoul. There is also one more reason he wants to relax for a few days - his husband Yesung is sick.

Yesung was born with a syndrome which has a long and complicated name and there is no cure. Yesung didn’t have problems until two years ago when his health deteriorated. Since then Yesung can’t walk and uses a wheelchair. Siwon works from home, he is a graphic designer so he can work from anywhere if he has his computer. It means he can take care of his husband even if Yesung acts independently.

Yesung doesn’t want to be a bother and luckily their apartment is big enough for him to move around in his wheelchair. Siwon tried to find out how they could get a service dog, but Yesung was against it. He thinks that his disability shouldn’t ruin some dog’s life, he will deal with his problems on his own. However, he still needs help with many things. Whenever Yesung goes out Siwon goes with him just to make sure he is safe and no one is rude to him. Yesung loves his husband, but sometimes a silent voice in his head starts to whisper that Siwon hates him for being like this. The sad truth is that soon after losing the strength in his legs, he developed depressions. Siwon found him help and Yesung got better, but he occasionally still feels sick. So they deserve a vacation, right?

Siwon wants to surprise him so he bought vacation for them - 2 weeks in Zanzibar. They will enjoy sun, good food, they will relax and feel great. Heechul, Yesung’s best friend, helped him with shopping and packing his things while also encouraging Yesung that the vacation is going to be great. Yesung’s self confidence is tiny, almost non existing and he is always nervous when he needs to leave the safety of their apartment. He hates when people stare at him, mock him or pity him. Siwon packs his suitcases and soon the day of their departure comes.

Heechul drove them to the airport and then waves to his friends. He prays that the vacation will be nice and Yesung will enjoy it. The airport security check isn’t long, it looks like no one wants to bother them. The wheelchair Yesung uses was costume made so it has everything Yesung needs. It is made from titanium so it is extremely light and resistant to impacts, the air cushion redistributes his light weight so he won’t have pressure sores. However, they can’t take it in the airplane, they have to put it in the cargo area. Siwon gently picks his husband up and carries him to their seats. The first class is nice and very comfortable so the long flight is pleasant. Yesung fell asleep quite quickly and Siwon watches the sky and clouds around them. They land in Zanzibar and wait until other passengers get off and then Siwon carries Yesung to a smiling flight attendant who is waiting next to the wheelchair. They get their bags and a car from their hotel is waiting for them. Yesung tries to stop thinking about the price of their vacation, Siwon said it is okay because he is doing well - his boss raised his salary. Moreover, they need to relax.

The car stopped in front of their hotel - there is one main building and around are few traditional bungalows with straw roofs so the guests have privacy. Siwon sat Yesung in the wheelchair and pushes him in their bungalow, they have a private terrace with a wild garden around. There is one big bedroom with connected dressing room and bathroom. The room is great with a breathtaking view, but then comes the first problem - the bed is too high and Yesung won’t be able to get in and out of the bed on his own because his wheelchair is too low. Siwon waves his hand after seeing it.

“It doesn’t matter, I will help you.”

Yesung nervously rubs his palms against his thighs and sighs. He hates being a burden, like this he won’t be able to use the bathroom on his own, he will have to ask Siwon for help. For now, they unpack their things and then it is time for dinner. Siwon is pushing the wheelchair so Yesung can rest, his illness sometimes causes that his arms are also weak and there is no need to exhaust him. There is an empty table which is a bit farther from other guests.

“Wait here while I get food, okay?”

There are long tables full of food on one side of the restaurant and everyone can choose whatever they want. Yesung is sitting in the wheelchair, wearing black wide-leg pants and navy blue T-shirt with white stripes. He wants to be comfy and it is nice to feel the soft breeze on his toes, the weather is warm enough to wear sandals. Yesung looks around and catches two women who are looking at him and his husband who is choosing their dinner. Yesung would like to leave, but his left arm is starting to hurt so he isn’t sure he could get back in their bungalow on his own. He must patiently wait for his husband who came back with plates full of food. Siwon put everything on the table and sat down before smiling at Yesung.

“The fishes look so good.”

He takes a bite and sighs in pleasure. The food is really great! Siwon is hungrily eating while Yesung is only staring at his plate. He can feel the women are still watching them. People stare at them quite often, as if they are asking why is such a handsome man like Siwon bothering with a cripple like Yesung. He believed that the luxury hotel will give them better privacy, but he was wrong.

Siwon frowns when he spotted that Yesung isn’t eating and he put his hand on the top of Yesung’s small one.

“Are you in pain?”

Yesung’s stomach often hurts so maybe he is in pain and doesn’t eat. Yesung shakes his head no and Siwon caught him peeking at some other guests. Siwon spotted the women looking at them and frowns even deeper. They quickly look away, but Siwon’s anger doesn’t go away. He eats, but the delicious food doesn’t taste so great as before. Soon he throws his napkin on the table and gets up before wheeling Yesung out of the restaurant. He hates when people stare at Yesung. His husband is handicapped, so what?!

They enter their bungalow and Yesung starts to take off his clothes. He is tired and depressed, he just wants to take a shower and sleep. It took him a longer time thanks to his aching arm and at the end of the process he is even more exhausted. Siwon picks him up from the wheelchair and laid him down on the bed. Then he stares at his husband who is falling asleep and can’t help it but feels sad and angry. Siwon hates when people hurt his babe’s feelings, Yesung is so quiet now while Siwon wants to hear his laughter. He lay down too and watches Yesung’s sleeping face before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning is very calm. Birds are flying outside and sit on the trees, waves are slowly hitting the beach and Yesung and Siwon are both asleep. A few moments later Yesung woke up. He needs to pee but in the same time he doesn’t want to wake up Siwon. He waits for a bit longer but then has no other option than to wake up his husband. Siwon is still sleepy, for a moment he has no idea what is going on and then smiles at his husband who silently whispers he needs to pee. Siwon carefully carried him in the bathroom and leaves him alone while Yesung uses the toilet. Then he comes back to help Yesung with washing his hands and carried him back.

“What will we order for breakfast?”

Yesung shrugs and wonders why Siwon wants to order something when they can go in the restaurant. Siwon simply doesn’t want to face the two es from yesterday. Yesung skipped dinner yesterday but he needs to eat today if they don’t want to visit Zanzibar’s hospitals. Siwon orders few meals and then jumps back in the bed to massage Yesung’s limp legs until the food arrives. Yesung eats two pancakes and a small bowl with fruit salad before they start to get ready to go outside. They need to enjoy the beach with warm sand and the ocean. Siwon put on red swim shorts while Yesung slowly gets ready too. He needs a bit more time to put on his blue swim shorts and white shirt. Siwon hands him his straw hat and sunglasses and they can head to the beach. The sand doesn’t allow to push the wheelchair close to the ocean so they stopped under a big tree which gives them perfect shadow. Siwon immediately heads toward the crystal clean ocean to try the temperature and hums in approval because it is pleasantly cold. On the other hand Yesung doesn’t look like he wants to go in the water. His arm still hurts and he probably wouldn’t be able to swim. However, Siwon is ready for everything. He packed a swim vest for Yesung and now lifted his husband. Yesung will be too hot very soon because the sun is parching. Siwon slowly sat him down on the sand so the gentle waves are touching his legs, but can’t reach above his waist.

“We need to cool down because the sun cooks us alive.”

Siwon smiles and jumps in the water. He swims for a moment and then comes back to Yesung. He gently pours water on Yesung’s arms and back and then gently grabs him. He is holding one arm underneath Yesung’s knee and his second arm is under Yesung’s back. Like this he can carry him around and Yesung starts to look relaxed. The shirt ensures he won’t get too tanned and the swim vest makes him feel safe. Yesung put one hand on Siwon’s shoulder and enjoys the water touching his skin. The slow waves are moving his limp legs and Yesung spots few curious fishes who swim closer to them. Being in the water is nice, but the weather is too hot for him and his head starts to hurt after a while. Yesung often suffers from headaches, it is annoying and drains his energy. Siwon laid him on the lounger and throws a towel over his legs. He went to get drinks and painkillers for Yesung who is close to falling asleep. When Siwon came back, he found his husband asleep. The weather is becoming even hotter so he decided to carry him back in the bungalow where he turns on the air conditioning and changes Yesung’s wet clothes. Yesung is sleeping for almost two hours while Siwon reads a book next to him. Yesung slowly blinks few times and stares on the ceiling above him. He remembers he was on the beach and now feels a bit confused because he doesn’t know how he got back in the bed.

“Hello, love.”

Yesung hears his husband but doesn’t see him. He squirms a bit to turn around and faces his husband. Siwon kisses his husband and helps him to straighten his legs which are keeping him too far from his side of the bed. Yesung smiles but frowns a few seconds later.

“You know you don’t have to be with me all the time. I can stay here and use the … special supplement.”

By “special supplement" Yesung means adult diapers. After losing the strength in his legs he also lost control over his bladder and bowels. He regained the control back, but he can use them if it gives Siwon a moment of freedom. On the other hand Siwon frowns. Using the “special supplement” is a huge sacrifice and he is mad that Yesung even thinks about it.

“Look, I have no problem with staying with you, okay? So stop acting like this.”

Yesung didn’t want to make him angry, he just wanted Siwon to have some fun. He should go and explore Zanzibar. Siwon angrily got up from the bed and Yesung curled up. He hates when his husband gets mad, even if he isn’t the reason.

“What forces you to think I don’t want to be with you all the time?”

Yesung opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Yes, why does he feel guilty for having Siwon close to him? He feels safe and good with his husband so why does he think he is a burden. Siwon would never see him as a burden. Not when he knows how long people with the same syndrome live. The maximum is 55 years and the average is somewhere around 45. Yesung is 36 now so they probably have 9 more years they can spend together.

Siwon angrily walks around the room and then sits down on the terrace. He watches the blue sky and tries to calm down. His friends pity him because he takes care of Yesung but Siwon doesn’t see it as a duty, he is doing it because he loves Yesung and can’t imagine putting him in some assisted living facility where complete strangers would take care of him. Siwon sighs and calms down a bit, only then he walks back to the bed. Yesung doesn’t want to look at him so he throws a blanket over his body and silently cries. He hates being so useless. He can’t work, he can’t even go out without Siwon.

Siwon his back and then lies down.

“You know I love you. I want to spend every minute with you.”

Siwon keeps his back until Yesung pulled the blanket away.

“You won’t mind wiping my if my arms become useless?”

Yesung stares in his husband’s eyes and Siwon shrugs.

“Why should I mind it?”

If Yesung’s health becomes even worse, then he will do everything to make him comfortable. Even if it means wiping his bottom. Yesung rubs his bloodshot eyes and sighs.

“Can we go to the beach please?”

Siwon quickly lifts him up and Yesung wraps his arms around Siwon’s neck before burying his face in the crook of his neck. Yesung is silent while Siwon reaches the beach and then walks in the ocean. Water is gently splashing against his knees and he slowly sat down while holding Yesung in his lap. Yesung’s arm is a bit limp so he could drown, but not when Siwon has his arms wrapped around his waist. Yesung watches few birds who are flying across the blue sky and try to catch some fish. Siwon sniffles to Yesung’s black hair which smells like coconut and kisses the back of his neck.

“We have to travel more often.”

The end