end.
hold me tight till I melt away (the cold's unbearable without you)Yoohyeon feels her fingers become brittle each time she tries flexing its joints for any response, hoping it'll stay intact enough to get the door whenever Yubin arrives.
She shifts from her layers wrapping itself tightly, pulling close, devouring her with its cottony material to keep warmth active, never exhausting. Stacks of sticks were stored below her makeshift bed, and she snatched two out of it to feed them into the bonfire Yubin created before leaving to loot for them.
Staring at the blazing heat near her is the only entertainment she can garner from their temporary hideout. Being incapable of moving, she can't even get her handheld devices to keep her boredom astray, but then again Yoohyeon did think about preserving its batteries for emergency uses -- in spite of generators on standby for them to take charge. Or, perhaps a book would have been a nice alternative, but with her hands close to snapping itself like a twigged branch, she decides against it, leaving her with nothing else but her vision trained at the awaited arrival of her friend. Yoohyeon may not always be out, but she knew everything beyond the door, just empty, desolated, and extinct, free from any inhabitants. A truth she doesn't want to sink into and wants to believe people are in their own respective evacuation areas to shelter themselves from the cold -- like her and Yubin.
Adjusting more than once stiffly, she let her mind wander to doleful eyes and unimaginably squishy cheeks to occupy her mind with something else other than her aching cold feet and trembling body by each dreading fall of the temperature.
She scoots closer to the heat, hands almost touching the flame. If she were to be figurative, Yoohyeon might have already thrown herself into the fire, not to burn in agony nor to purge for whatever sins she caused in this wreckage they once called their world, but to cleanse this torment she thinks was a curse laced with dripping seconds of affliction in prayers the life prior to this would want to start anew. To rise once again from ashes, from the bitter coldness this entire planet had been through, and maybe from the star that'll explode hereafter, producing a nova and wiping existence clean; at least according to the stories Yoohyeon used to listen when peace consisted of laughter and company instead of a barren land.
Yoohyeon lets out a drawl exhale, breath frosting, with her lungs prickling needles as she controls it. She draws back her arm, tips grazing the unionized plasma matter and buries herself further down her covers, fingers pulling down her hat to secure her earmuffs and stuffing her hands with disposable warmers.
All Yoohyeon had been doing lately was sleep and try to recover as much energy as she can before they move to another location. Snowstorms are a frequency, and she knew Yubin meant good, but she always hated it when she was treated as a handicap - even though it was quite obvious with her unstoppable shivers and her incompetency to even sit upright. Biting her inside cheek, Yoohyeon also knew she was such a deadweight from the beginning and, well, the thought always crossed her mind about doing what's best for the both of them and would halt her journey here - ever so abruptly.
Shutting her eyes slowly, she can picture Yubin's horrified features, staring into her soulless body as she parts from this life. Leaving Yubin behind. Alone.
Yoohyeon then stops.
She should get some rest.
Hours passed by, and the soft knock on the hardened wooded barrier was adequate for Yoohyeon to jolt from her place, but not enough to make her stand.
She painfully pulls the ropes hanging from the ceiling to place her in a position to sit, reaches for the support idling beside her headboard and limps to the door. Yoohyeon grumbles to herself with annoyance how many steps it took her just to reach the knob and open it.
It creaked wide enough for Yubin to walk into and greeted Yoohyeon with a small greeting, which in turn made Yoohyeon smile. Yubin closed the door, placed down her bags and removed the arduous exterior from her body, leaving her in a coat, pants and boots quite filled with shards of ice. She gently led Yoohyeon back to her bed and wrapped her indefinitely in pads once more before going to the bathroom to strip from her attire.
Yoohyeon was still tired from her slumber, thus her unconscious heaves and half-lidded sight when she laid down again that she didn't notice moments after, Yubin came back with now wearing a long sleeved shirt overlapped with a thick jacket, a scarf hanging from her neck, an ushanka adorning her fading brown fringe, thick insulator pants and furred boots, its socks peeking out from the sides.
She sat beside Yoohyeon, a quiet squeak from the spring resounded.
"Hey," Yubin whispered, caressing Yoohyeon's frigid cheek, making the older squirm awake, "Let's go get you up, I made soup for you" She smiles, warming up whatever coldness Yoohyeon's feeling despite the numerous clothes hugging her.
Yoohyeon nods, fatigue and pain evident in her features the more she struggles to move while Yubin's assisting her in any way she can.
Now leaning on her back, Yoohyeon blinked, the edges of her eyes stinging as water swam her vision.
"Yoohyeon?" It was hazy; the sight of Yubin, the contact, the sounds of lower pitch becoming blurbs, making her head pound in lapses. She doesn't know when it got this bad, but she can only moan in pain, her icy digits cracking, her parched larynx striving to cry out for any aid when it's already in front of her. She suddenly curled into a ball, the drop of chill rendering her unable to grasp whatever sense she's been trying to pluck out.
She didn't notice Yubin's frantic calls, the heater she dragged from the floor to her bed and the scalding cloth being encircled around her palms to revive its touch.
Yoohyeon can't keep her mind straight. Everything was just twisting its surroundings, distorting tangible objects into abstract, blending all sharpness to its maximum blur.
Yoohyeon out before she even attempted to emit her distress.
Yoohyeon woke up the one darkened morning with a dull throb in her temple, the reason also being the low hum of a vehicle she perceives it as, creating numerous nagging subtle pokes, keeping her away from her hibernation she dwells in.
She surveys her surroundings and observes they were no longer in the house they settled in temporarily. Looking up, the clouds portrayed its daunting gray ambiance, a notion that tells her a hail just passed when she was knocked out. Craning her neck to the sides, she felt the soft fabrics of the vehicle's chair reclined to its maximum rear, and that she also felt the eyes of the driver fall onto her when she made movement.
"You're awake," Yubin released a tensed sigh, her right hand leaving the wheel and intertwined it with Yoohyeon's glacial fingers, "You were out for three days and we needed to relocate," She brushed a thumb on the knuckles and continued, "also, I heard there was a nearby camp. A friend of mine, Siyeon, is apparently in charge there. I was relieved to find out someone familiar alive in this blizzard madness"
Yubin took a brief glance at Yoohyeon, giving her a small beam before focusing her eyes on the road, "And I'm glad you're still okay"
There was a fidget in her statement, a fear she never wants to acknowledge, and the understanding she avoids. Yoohyeon can sense that she was afraid, afraid of losing Yoohyeon during that instance, afraid of being alone in this post-dystopian world, afraid of her existence fading once memories is smudged by the reality she might face soon, or maybe she's afraid of eradicating her chance of repentance of her own mishap.
Yoohyeon wanted to mumble any word forming in her mind to her bubbling throat -- to thank Yubin, to cheer for Yubin, to crack a joke for Yubin, to apologize to Yubin for her asthenic entity dragging them both into complete hardship -- but all she can let out was a curt nod, her body still screaming from the past event as she let herself succumb to darkness, ploddingly, again.
"Hey, Yoohyeon," Yubin nudged Yoohyeon to consciousness, holding out a flask of water near her chapped lips, "Try to drink some water. We don't want you dehydrated again" She tips its opening as Yoohyeon gulped huge amounts and was then put to her newly assigned bed.
Yoohyeon can say that she's been better, but it would also be a lie to deny how hard it still is to do everything by herself. She needed Yubin all the time, by her side and never out. She wanted to tell her that so much, but it's also selfish of her to keep Yubin all to herself when they needed supplies to sustain themselves. Yoohyeon could have been of assistance, yet no matter the grit she tries portraying, no amount of change is evident -- here she still is, bedridden, and unable to do anything.
Yubin isn't obligated to take care of her, but why is she still taking Yoohyeon with her wherever she goes? She's a handful, a burden and a mistake that should be discarded.
"So, I told Siyeon about your condition and asked if she can provide us necessities without me going out," Yubin runs her hand on Yoohyeon's face, the other massaging her backhand, "I can't leave you alone now more than ever, also because it's hard getting more time with one another whenever I try and scavenge any remaining goods for us"
A pause, and Yubin's frown was etched onto her appearance, the surprise grip on Yoohyeon's hands was sufficient to indicate the worry cementing on her.
"I know I said that we should not be relying on others -- strangers to be precise, but ever since that incident, I think it's time for us to ask help, even though the risk can be incredibly high"
Yoohyeon shook her head nimbly, an arm shakingly tried to cup Yubin's teary-eyed face, an assurance that she gets it, and that she shouldn't fret too much.
Yubin hid her momentary solemnity and leaned on Yoohyeon's rested palms, its brush freezingly seeping in her skin.
"She agreed. Told me that Minji will help with the rations and Bora's willing to share some of her extra proportions in exchange for them using our mode of transportation"
Yoohyeon's lips twitched up, a small hope lighting her heart.
And with the last bit of her strength, she guides Yubin near her and diminishes any distance between them as she lets her fissured lips touch salty ones.
Thank you
"Crystallization, huh" Siyeon knits her brows together, a cigarette pinned in between her teeth as she turns her head to Minji who was busy making coffee for the three of them.
"You mean the rumors about the deadly frostbite pandemic's true?" Minji placed the cups as she questioned.
"It isn't just a mere severe frostbite," Yubin flicks her eyes from one to another as she tries to gather her thoughts to explain, "It's like a disease, a weird one that has been generating ever since the beginning of this wintery catastrophe. No matter how much I try to thaw it, it comes back on full force, growing itself on limbs so painful it's like having an extension of ligaments"
"How are you even sure about that? Are there cases similar to hers? How rare is it?"
Yubin lets the steaming mug rest on her palms, bringing the ceramic cliff to as she swallows bitterness, "I've come across people having the same symptoms while we were transferring through cities. I had a hard time believing their words as well. I mean can you imagine gems sticking out from your body because of the earth turning into frozen neptune?"
Siyeon nods, "Yeah. I mean none of our ancestors predicted the end we are experiencing right now -- they all thought we're all gonna die by a super huge BOOOOM BAAMMM of some sort -"
"A supernova" Minji cuts in.
"Right! That! But look at us dying from hypothermia" Siyeon spreads her hands wide jokingly.
"How do you even get it?" The blonde asks, gently pushing away Siyeon's legs for her to sit on the bench.
"I'm not sure," Yubin massages her forehead in stress, "It just… comes; like the decision's up to our antibodies whether they'll fight it off or not"
Siyeon taps her nail on her propped chin, deep in thought, "So, in short, we need vitamins"
"I guess that's one way?" Yubin shrugs, but not in the way it disregards the intention.
Minji hums, pushing a sack across to Yubin from their stash, and slings a couple of hair above her ear, "We'll see what we can come up with. For now, you should get back to Yoohyeon and get some shuteye"
She mixes the creamer in her coffee, "You need all the time with her as much as you can"
A transient look of concern, "As much as she is still fairly able"
Yubin felt her heart choke in apprehension as she clenched the encircled container, blood all pale.
Yubin went back to their bunker that evening with a tight knot in her gut.
She detached the jacket from her shoulders, placing it on the edge of her mattress then proceeded to lay. A forlorn gaze reached upon her features as she set it on Yoohyeon’s sleeping figure, unmoving and adjacent.
There is only one solution in mind to ease this grip of agitation that won’t let go, although it doesn’t necessarily remain forever.
Yubin shook off her shoes, grabbed two pairs of socks from the drawer and wore one for herself, while the other for Yoohyeon. She slips in next to Yoohyeon and makes small movements to not disturb the other. She lets herself be consumed by the asleep’s peaceful shot-lived veneer - her mind then clutches to the images of contorted pain and hates herself for continuing to be powerless over something she can’t possibly cure.
Sleeves swathed at the thinner girl’s figure, snuggling in approximately, respiring the remnants of her scent.
Yubin pressed a long, agonizingly prickling kiss on Yoohyeon’s frostbiting forehead.
Yoohyeon was cold. Too cold.
She frowned, not realizing the tears seeping from her rims were enough to drowse her.
And drown her.
“Damn, those really look like durable ice alright” Bora remarked, eyes ogling at the shards decorating Yoohyeon’s frangible wrists and hands. Its color was close to obsidian, with dusts of snow-like particles sprinkled in each crack that was distinguishable. Fingers no longer look like its anatomy as everything was all replaced by another substance of somesort, like frigid forms of glacier, readily breakable.
“I have never seen anything like it,” Handong whispered to no one in particular, her surgical gloves only visible other than her huge visor shield as she carefully investigates this profound disease.
“Well, as doctors, this should be nothing short of new. We have faced countless incurable wounds and illnesses and we can’t find a remedy due to this weather and calamity. We can only find substitutes and drugs that could maybe only slow down the deterioration, but other than that, nothing”
“Limitation, scarcity, survival of the fittest. A lot of hindrances are available now that we are nearing the end of this planet,” Yubin offered, her brain heating with Bora’ s explanation. She doesn’t want to believe there’s no other way to help Yoohyeon. Not when they got this far enough with only the two of them, “But we can’t let ourselves be contained. There has to be another method”
Bora shoots a sympathetic gaze to Yubin. She can sense the hesitance and doubt in Yubin’s voice. It was only natural to be in denial, but it also hurts that as someone like her with such a profession, she should know better than to shove the harsh fact that there is no other process to save Yoohyeon.
It reminded her too much of Gahyeon, her cousin who she treasured and loved most, died from hypothermia when they were hiking towards a higher ground during a hailstorm.
Memories surged, and Bora hated every flare of it.
A cold shudder was sent through her spine.
Even if they do try to delay the ultimatum, the outcome stays the same.
Glancing at Handong for any advice, the Chinese girl could only deposit her metallic tools onto the tray, flays off her rubber protection and dabs the sweat forming on her neck with a clean towel.
“We’ll do everything in our utmost abilities to help, Yubin. But please do keep in mind that,” Handong averted her eyes to Yoohyeon, witnessing the torture written all over, “our resources here are delimiting, we can’t perform any medication as easily as before, but we’ll try”
Yubin could only hold on.
She agrees.
It was a mistake.
“Yubin, please - “
“NO!” Her voice bounced in the room, almost piercing through their hearing as she shoves away the cart of surgical utensils, making them drop to the ground with a deafening clang as she grabs for her own hair, pupils dilating.
Siyeon had her guard up, palms hovering before her as she cautiously approached the short-haired girl, spouting words of comfort together with Minji.
“I’m sorry Yubin, but you have to believe us that we really tried our best to provide any supply for the procedure. But there is nothing we can do -”
“You told me to trust them. You told me that there could be hope in this god forsaken land. I trusted you with her whole life!” Yubin stomps furiously, brisking her way to Siyeon with intimidating intent, “She’s Yoohyeon for ’s sake! My best friend! The love of my life…” She wipes her wreckage, ferocious so wild she quivers in pain and points a finger accusingly enough it’s like a stab in a wound, “I ing love her… I told myself I will never give up on her no matter what… but then you… you destroyed what’s left of her!”
“Yubin you have to listen - “ Minji tries to reason with her but immediately can see she’s being unheard. All she can discern was just pure betrayal and misery emitting from her devastated physique.
Yubin didn’t let a second be wasted and ran, where she brought all the claws of harrowed grief; pent up and contaminating her.
The shutters of the room where Yoohyeon resides snaps open, revealing the moon’s light they rarely can have and its light embrace.
Yubin settles herself on the available chair and stares at her.
“I’m sorry, Yoohyeon,” Eyes wavered slightly, teeth puncturing her gums with irrational emotion, “This is all my fault”
She was accompanied by silence. A reminder that she's talking to no one but herself.
Hiccups began. A sob, a strangling muffle as she buries her head on Yoohyeon's blanket, fingers terrified to lay contact on her delicate skin.
All the times she would give a dismay demeanor towards her best friend's klutz, the times when they would laugh at their humourless jokes, the idea of them living together and overcoming this trial, the fantasy she dreams of them in a land where no ends will ever occur, the recluse she deems as their own - a safe space they manage to create despite the odds - it was all coming at her in full speed, leaving her winded, frantic.
It was too much to manipulate, unable to stop from crying and gouge her eyes out to cease to realize the reality she forebodes.
She can’t comprehend. She can’t breathe and might never be qualified to do ever again.
She tries fixating on anything but fails when it dims, fogging and clogging into her already fractured and nebulous vulnerability.
Yubin was left paralyzed.
Unexpectedly, there came feathered threads of life, interlacing with hers.
She jostled and was met with relieved irises gleaming in the night.
“Y-Yoohyeon…” Yubin amorously held her left hand and sited her cheeks onto it, inclined to cry along with strenuous endeavor.
“Yubin-ah,” Yoohyeon susurrated, onerously lifting and stressing to show Yubin she’s here.
She’s here.
Barely.
But nevertheless here.
Still breathing but floundering simultaneously.
Sniffles occupied them. The pause still hung in the midst, beats of nuances patiently humming themselves a lullaby to comfort their ringing inwards - full of trepidation.
“I’m sorry -”
“It’s not your responsibility in the first place Yubinnie,” Yoohyeon gasped for air, “Don’t be so critical upon yourself” She averted her sight on disheveled, fading copper hair, “Please don’t treat me like your music. I know how important they are for you”
Yubin scoffs at that, but humorous enough to be known, she shakes her head, “You’re more than that,” She palpated during their partiality, scanning and searching for her meaning before her sole purpose diminishes completely, “You’re my Yoohyeon. The clumsy fool who likes books and dogs and living together, who doesn’t want to be alone and would rather eat dirt than pineapples on pizzas”
Yoohyeon chuckles, almost like a wheeze if Yubin didn’t know how she laughs.
“Don’t leave me… please,” Yubin bawls, her palms holding on, “I can’t...live like this, and I would never be able to forgive myself”
The other can only stare, her tearful verges overflowing.
Yubin can hear Yoohyeon’s audible pants, fighting the fatigue dragging her even further.
“You already did a lot for me… I should be the one to think that you can’t live like this…” Density covers her eyes, fluttering and spazzing too quickly, Yoohyeon weakly grips on Yubin’s veiny ones, “I always… am so thankful you’re here by my side till the end of ends…” Opaque and hoarse gap, “I love you… Yubin-ah. Thank you”
“No, no, no, don’t say that Yoohyeon!” Yubin scans Yoohyeon’s entire body, her senses flaring wildly, looking for any signs that lead to her pain.
“Look at me Yubin-ah, please,” Yoohyeon marginally cries out, the fear evident, like she might lose any chance she’s having with Yubin right now, the opportunity to say everything in little phrases before her final rest - that frightens her for all eternity - arrives.
Yubin standstills, the faucet in her perception trickles.
She inhales, the weight in her lungs unbearable.
Yubin doesn’t want to acknowledge such tragedy, such cruelty when it could have been her instead. Why does it have to be Yoohyeon? Her sweet, optimistic and caring Yoohyeon?
“” She rasps, limbs tired from wrestling and denying.
All she could do right now, “I love you too” was spell out the affection she seizes and grabs whenever given the fortune.
Yubin leans, colliding with her greatest and magnificent significant other’s lips, mending themselves with every ounce of chance they can still grasp from this unfair actuality. It cripples and fixes them, the buried sorrows they tend to neglect, suddenly bursts into rivers of apologies. Yoohyeon tries to give the same sentiment in return, even if the tiniest message, the miniature of bundled writhes and trifle she manages to hold forth, she wished is abundant.
I'm sorry too, Yubin
Yoohyeon felt Yubin's thumb drift under her lids, trying to erase the melancholy she also relates to.
She opens , the last words puncturing her the more she struggles, but it's worth it all. Her existence flashing before her very memory, bubbling sufficiently to make her smile in spite of the calvary.
"And I love you more"
The tension finally releases its awaited stance.
Comments