a cold breeze passed by.

 

and chaewon shivers as the wind touches her skin raw. her fingertips ice cold and her jaw clenched as she tries to shrug the feeling off. 

 

she was seated on the roof of her car, legs crossed and posture slumped. only one of her hands were stuffed in the pocket of her oversized bomber jacket, the other held the cracked gadget that is her phone. eyeing the device in her hand, the bright screen lit her face up on this dark cold night. her eyes squinting from time to time as if to adjust to the brightness of the phone.

 

she released a sigh as she read the contact name presented in front of her.

 

kim minjoo.

 

you might think it’s too formal for a girl she had known for years now. but, for chaewon it seemed fitting as it’s been months since the last time they talked.

 

now, why was she even considering calling her?

 

chaewon doesn’t know. 

 

reconciliation? catch up? apologize? 

 

chaewon has no idea. she just wanted to see how the girl was doing. to know what she’s up to nowadays. to just hear her talk to her after months of radio silence. 

 

maybe a part of chaewon knows that she missed the younger girl dearly. 

 

but she’ll never admit that to herself nor to anyone else. 

 

chaewon let out a sigh again. her hand dropping to her lap as her eyes wandered to the top of her screen.

 

2:58 am.

 

no sane person would damn call anyone to ‘catch up’ at this hour. she knows that. 

 

but she couldn’t help it. they both might be in a sickening pattern of suddenly disappearing and appearing in each others lives but all chaewon knows is that— 

 

she can’t damn live without the girl. 

 

she’s positive she’ll borderline go insane if the girl completely vanishes from her life. and this particular time period of them being not in contact was the longest they’ve ever been. 

 

eight whole months.

 

eight whole months of no afternoon coffee runs. eight whole months of no lazy sundays. eight whole months of no guitars and a soft and gentle voice. eight whole months of no dark chocolate eyes and goofy grins. 

 

eight whole months without minjoo.

 

normally, they can only go and last for probably three months ‘till one of them breaks. five the most. but good god, eight ing months has passed. and nothing happened. no calls, no hangouts.

 

it was driving her absolutely insane.

 

although, it was partially chaewon’s fault if she was being honest. she has a bad tendency of suddenly disappearing for quite a while. and most of her friends wouldn’t know her whereabouts unless they asked her best friend. though, yena also doesn’t know where she goes most of the time. but, she sure does let her know that she’s about to go venture by herself once again. 

 

and her friends know that time will only tell when she’s in the mood to be around people again. or more like the following two to three months they’ll know she’s back. they just know she needs her space and personal ‘me’ time. she can’t function well if she’s around people all the time.

 

also because of that, minjoo was always the one to reach out to her. the first one to text her after she feels better. the first one to call her to ask how she’s been. the first one to ask her to get some coffee one late afternoon. the first one to hug her after everything because minjoo always knows she only ventures off by herself when she’s emotionally and mentally drained.

 

it was always minjoo doing the first move.

 

maybe that’s why she’s in this situation now. numb fingers and bright screens with a contact picture of a girl smiling brightly. contemplating on how to greet the girl when she picks up the phone.

 

chaewon’s thumb ghosted above the little circle of a blue telephone. still hesitating when she just finally said— 

 

ah, it.

 

she clicked on the small button quickly. moving her hand to press her phone against her ear, the fingers of her other hand fidgeting nervously inside her jacket pockets. 

 

the line just kept ringing. it didn’t help chaewon’s nerves at all as she took in a shaky breath in anticipation. her head tilting up to look at the dark night sky. she was slowly losing hope when suddenly— the call finally got picked up.

 

“hello?”

 

chaewon felt her breath hitch at the sound of the girl’s voice. her heart beating rapidly against her ribcage as she gulped down the lump that was slowly forming inside . 

 

“hey.” chaewon managed to say.

 

“who— chaewon?” the older girl noticed the surprised tone in minjoo’s voice. her deep and smooth voice was painted with sleep. an obvious sign that she was, indeed, sleeping before answering her call. chaewon kind of felt bad. but she already felt her body slowly relax physically at the sound of the girl.

 

“do you— uh. need anything?” closing her eyes, chaewon let the flower slowly grow inside her lungs and heart.

 

“no. nothing, really. i just— uhm.” chaewon stuttered a bit. the hand in her pocket slowly slipped out to scratch the side of her neck, a little flustered at what she was about to say.

 

“just?”

 

“i just wanted to hear your voice.” the older girl said firmly. she felt her heart beat louder and faster as the flower suddenly became two. she exhaled a shaky breath as silence went through the line right after she said that. chaewon gulped, a little bit nervous and flustered with the situation she’s in right now.

 

“uh— yeah. that’s all. i just— you know. really wanted to hear you, i guess. you can go back to sleep now. sorry for the— uh. disturbance.” chaewon couldn’t but stumble upon her words. her free hand moved to scratch the side of her head absentmindedly. she was feeling so nervous and she’s sure minjoo could hear it through the phone.

 

“it’s like—” minjoo chose to ignore what she said, though. she heard the rustling of sheets from the other side of the line. the younger girl moved to check the time on her small digital clock beside her bed. “three am.”

 

with another big intake of air, chaewon silently agreed. “yeah, i know.”

 

a cold breeze passed by again.

 

chaewon couldn’t see it but minjoo frowned at the loud sound of the wind coming through the line. 

 

it was colder than usual today. and chaewon shouldn’t be outside around this hour of the night. she has half a mind to get out of bed and take a random coat off the rack to find the girl. but she also didn’t know where to start finding her first.

 

“where are you?” minjoo asks, worry laced in her tone. of course, she was worried. 

 

how could she not?

 

people would like to think that she’s a little bit crazy for even sticking by the older girl for so long. she’s never been a permanent or at least, a consistent person in her life. so, why does she still care?

 

“just somewhere.” it’s quite simple, minjoo would like to think.

 

“go home and sleep, chae.” 

 

she loves the girl too much to even try and cut her off her life.

 

“i’ll try.” even if she’s uncertain with where the older girl’s feelings might lie. or how deep her own feelings go. 

 

“goodnight, min.” chaewon suddenly bid her goodbye. an easy smile painted on her lips as she scratched her cheek, a light blush tainting the skin as she felt her heart become heavy with satisfaction and affection. satisfaction with the fact that she finally heard minjoo’s voice. affection with how the girl didn’t fail to show that she still cares.

 

she felt the flowers inevitably multiply inside her lungs and heart.

 

“goodnight, chae…” minjoo said, still a little hesitant on ending the call so soon. but then again, she was the one that insisted that the girl should go home and sleep. although, she knows chaewon won’t listen.

 

the line abruptly gets cut off before minjoo could even decide whether or not she should drop the call. the older girl taking the initiative to end the call as minjoo’s mind was still a messy bundle of thoughts.

 

she didn’t exactly like how that ended. a slight bitter taste leaves her tongue as her frown deepened, still a little worried about the other girl.

 

but at the same time, minjoo’s heart fluttered at the thought that chaewon finally made the first move. 

 

to talk to her? to come back to their weird dynamic of a relationship? 

 

she doesn’t know. she only knows that it was hard to actually hold herself back from texting the girl first. her self-control was weak as her resolve crumbles almost immediately whenever she sees the older girl smile. her friends told her to wait a little more because she was actually slowly getting fed up with how she’s always the one approaching chaewon first. 

 

chaewon surely got the sign that she wasn’t gonna come to her first. she almost broke one or too many times. but she stood her ground firmly.

 

and honestly, who cares if she’s weak? it’s kim chaewon we’re talking about here. and minjoo would absolutely do anything just for the older girl. she would do anything to make her smile.

 

with that in mind, minjoo couldn’t help but wonder where the older girl was. her hands clutched onto the white duvet of her bed tightly, her lower lip pulled in between her teeth as she thought deeply about the places chaewon has told her before.

 

she wanted to see her.

-

chaewon lies down on top of her car roof with her left arm under her head. her hands slipped through the rip of her black jeans as her cold fingertips touched her knee. it was like frostbites were making their way through her skin with just how freezing cold her fingers were. she was absentmindedly looking up at the starless sky, the moon shining brightly from above. 

 

the bright satellite reminded her of one person.

 

she felt herself yawn shortly after. her eyes blinking in a lethargic manner as she finally felt tired after staying up for so long. she thinks it’s already past four am. maybe she should go home like what minjoo wanted her to. 

 

sitting up, she decided that maybe it is time to go and sleep. then the rusting of metal was heard behind her, making her look behind her with caution.

 

the person she saw though made her heart flutter. the flowers inside her heart bouncing happily as the person hurriedly got off her bike. chaewon moved to push herself off her car roof as the girl walked closer to her.

 

“minjoo?” chaewon asked. a mix of confusion and amusement washed over her face as minjoo stopped right in front of her. 

 

“hi.” the younger girl inhaled deeply, still a little out of breath for riding a bike all the way up to this cliff. chaewon’s eyes ran over her face endearingly, laughing lightheartedly as she wiggled her hand to be inside her jacket sleeve. she pat the girl’s forehead with said sleeve as she smiled at her, amused.

 

“you’re sweating on a cold night.” minjoo only huffed. her lips jutting out to a pout as she let chaewon lightly dab her face. 

 

“you try biking from my place all the way up here.” minjoo grumbled as chaewon slipped her hand out of her sleeve. she lifted her hand to run her fingers through minjoo’s raven messy locks, a vain attempt at fixing her windswept hair.

 

“i didn’t ask you to ride a bike on your way here, you big baby.” chaewon said in a soft voice. her fingers still in the younger girl’s locks. minjoo stayed silent, opting to watch the way chaewon’s sharp eyes slowly turn to something softer and gentler. she couldn’t help but stare at her in complete awe.

 

“i’m honestly surprised you found me.” the older girl admitted in a whisper. her eyes finally met the younger girl’s dark orbs. “impressive.”

 

minjoo was mesmerized.

 

chaewon’s eyes were minjoo’s favorite. bright and big as it looked like the eyes of a feline cat. the color being a lighter shade of brown compared to hers and her lashes are long. it didn’t help that they looked like they were shining under the moon. chaewon’s eyes were absolutely pretty.

 

chaewon was absolutely pretty.

 

she felt the older girl’s fingers slide out of her raven hair. her hand sliding down to the collar of her beige-colored coat, patting it lightly and leaving it there. 

 

minjoo wasn’t sure if it was just this night or if she’s always been like this. but she was filled with a great amount of impulse today. 

 

like, she suddenly decided to run out of her apartment to find the older girl, use her damn bike because she didn’t want to use her car gas up and now all she wanted to do was kiss her. 

 

i mean, i might as well push my impulsiveness right?

 

on any normal day, minjoo would just shrug this feeling off. she’s always careful with what she does around the older girl because she has no idea what she actually feels for her. so rather than ruining their friendship, she decided to just play safe.

 

but how could she with the way chaewon is looking at her right now?

 

so, she risked it. her hands grabbed a fistful of the older girl’s black bomber jacket, roughly pulling her closer as she leaned it to place a kiss on her lips.

 

chaewon inhaled sharply, her eyes widening in surprise as she felt minjoo’s arm circle around her waist. then suddenly, the flowers became a meadow inside her chest.

 

it took her awhile to recover from her initial shock, making minjoo slightly worried that she overstepped a line. that worry completely vanished though the moment she felt the older girl kissing her back, eyes closed in content. 

 

the flowers in chaewon’s lungs started to become rowdy because of the kiss. her chest constricting with warmth as her heart becomes heavy with affection for the younger girl. she felt a little breathless because of the flowers filling her up to the brim. and also because of the way minjoo’s lips moved on hers insistently.

 

they pulled back a bit to breathe. minjoo panting a bit as the kiss took her breath away quite literally. although, she didn’t have much time to focus on fixing her breathing when chaewon’s hand moved under the collar of her coat. tugging on it softly as her other arm wrapped around her neck to pull her back in another kiss. 

 

minjoo couldn’t help but release a pleasant sigh; chaewon’s lips moved onto hers more insistently now. she also felt chaewon’s nails lightly scratched her nape, dark locks getting entangled with her fingers as a shiver ran down minjoo’s spine. the younger girl only managed to let out a small whimper when she felt chaewon’s teeth bite her bottom lip, tugging it as she pulled away to breathe also.

 

the moon felt like it was brighter tonight. its light cascading down on the two girls who seemed to be so lost in their own world.

 

“minjoo, let’s go home.” chaewon managed to say in between their kisses. her back by now was pushed up against her car door, the younger girl’s warmer fingers slipped past the hem of her white shirt. her thumb gliding against the skin on her hips as a trail of fire marks were left behind. minjoo kissed her deeply this time, making chaewon produce a pleasant sound in return.

 

pulling back, the younger girl couldn’t help but give her a bright smile. little whisker-like dimples being on display just below her eyes.

 

chaewon is so ing in love.

 

“okay, let’s…” minjoo leaned back in to give her a lingering peck on the lips. “go home.”