Two years and eleven months. The long wait is almost over.

The first time I saw you I thought I was dreaming, with the mix of alcohol and exhaustion I felt I was floating, I couldn't feel the soft couch on my back. I was too mesmerized by your fierce look and I felt like my heart drop when you gave that smile at the end of your performance. It was the debut of your group. I had a tiring day at work, I came from eight-hour filming of the latest film I was doing and I went straight to my father's office for a non-sense, at least for me, board meeting. Or more like a Bored meeting.

I couldn't remember the exact time I drifted off to sleep but I still can picture your smile and your eyes looking directly at me. Of course, you were not aware of that, you were performing for everyone. I woke up with a loud sound from my television, it's already morning and perhaps I was too convinced that you were a dream that I shrugged it off and forget all about it until I finally met you on that faithful evening, a year after your debut. At that time your group was already making a name and I was too aware that you're real and not just a creation of my playful imagination. The entire time of your performance I was only looking at you, your every move, your every look. Oh, how I loved for it to be all for me. It was just a simple crush, that's what I thought. I had become your fan from afar, following your social media using my dummy account that I never thought I ever need. It was just a crush, for a 26-year-old woman it's really funny that I had a crush on a younger woman but I liked you so much, that my heart was bursting just thinking of you.

That night when I first met you in person I had the chance to touch your hand, as a congratulation for winning an award, best rookie of the year. I'm your luckiest fan. And I'm just too happy looking at you from a distance. Even though we're not too different, we're in the same industry even you as an idol and I was an actress I felt we're two worlds apart. No, it's not like I hoped that we will be more than what we were, basically strangers. I liked you but I didn't want to keep my hopes up but fate had different plans for us.

We were guests for a variety show that I shouldn't be a part of, this once I'd like to hug my manager for insisting on this project. I was never too happy and shy at the same time, for years it was the first time I felt conscious of myself. We got closer, after that day we were on a first-name basis. I couldn't be happier, maybe it was safe to say we're friends? I feel my cheeks heating up with the thought. We were happy, doing what girl friends do, in this business, it's rare to find such good friends. It's a bit harder for me since from the very beginning people knew me as the daughter of a television giant, so I always distant myself from people. I intentionally dodge potential friendship but it was different with you. I was an open book from the very beginning but I was a blank slate to you, you only knew me as the actress, a very beautiful actress as per your words. I didn't know if the camera caught me blushing but I was too occupied to care about that.

I never felt normal when I'm with you, there was no pressure, expectations. I am just me when I'm with you but I never felt so afraid too. I knew I was already falling for you, it was not my plan at all. I had a fair share of relationships before with men and mostly women but from the start, I knew it wouldn't last, I just needed someone to keep my bed warm at night. But for you I want it to be real and I shouldn't be thinking that in the first place. Nobody outside my circle knew about my relationships with women. My family knows it, my agency knows it they don't support it but at least they were not doing anything to stop it. I was happy fooling around but when you came I finally wanted to have someone by my side.

As day pass I was falling madly in love with you but it hurts that I couldn't hold you like a lover can do, I couldn't taste your lips and feel your warm embrace whenever I want to. I kept on asking myself if what I'm doing was right, it was obviously unfair for you but at the same time I couldn't let you go and I couldn't admit my love for you. I was already content watching you from afar I shouldn't have put myself in this situation, I could have refused the friendship you offered as I did to some but when it comes to you I will just gladly follow. I thought there's no point in regretting everything now. I'm too drawn to you. I was thinking of ways to avoid you, even though it means I must hurt myself too. And there's another twist of fate, I felt that life was playing with me. It was you got too occupied with work, weeks and months had passed without talking but we both know the connection was still there, it got easier for me but at the same time, I missed you. I tried going out again, of course in secret but it was always you in my mind. Every pair of lips I kissed I wished it was yours. I felt a bit lost without you but just when I thought it couldn't get any worse the rumors spread like a wildfire about you going out with another male idol in your agency. Photos were circulating around with you holding his hands. I couldn't be more hurt in my life.

Then you tried to reach out after months, we hang out like the old days. We reminisced about the past, how could time passed since the first time we were formally introduced, two years and a month. I know it like the back of my hand. Many things had changed from being a rookie group to nation's girl group, you've reached the top and as for me, I had been spending my time in my father's company, learning the ropes of the corporate world that I was meant to do all along. My actress persona was just a phase and I know that from the beginning.

And to put salt to a fresh wound, I asked about him. The man you were seeing. Your smile faded. Why? Aren't you happy with him? Your eyes did say so. If you're not, I'm here. We're happy right? and I can make you the happiest just give me a chance, please. It was the alcohol again that I'm thinking too much. We were at the seaside, we watched the sunset with a bottle of beer in hand and now we've drunk too much. It was my first time to see you this intoxicated but you're still the prettiest in my eyes even though you were too loud. Knowing that we were the only two in that place. You were always the joyful one but perhaps something happened while you were gone. I tried to ignore the signs but even with too much alcohol in my system, I'm very much sure you're not the happiest at that time.

Then you started to cry. You wrapped your arms around me as you begin to sob. I'm sorry, Hyun. I'm really sorry. You kept on apologizing but I didn't know why, I didn't ask I kept silent and console you. I didn't want to see you hurting, I didn't want to see you cry. I knew you were not going to tell me what's causing you this pain but I have my own ways. No one can hurt you. My chest filled with anger that you had to cry your beautiful eyes out to sleep.

I dig deeper, after all having much power has its own perks. I wanted to know what's going on with you, I wanted to protect you at all cause.

It was easier than I expected. In less than a month I already had what I wanted to know and I heard it first hand from your closest in your group. Your relationship with him was never real. It was to avoid whatever suspicion that will come, you were at the peak of your career your group cannot afford any scandal so when there's a rumor circulating around in private forums about your past relationship with a female, they immediately took action to die it down.

I got curious about the woman you had a relationship with, I know it was years before we met you're probably in your last year of high school then but I felt jealous of her. She was your best friend, a childhood friend the same person you mentioned before, the only person you've gone too close before me. Right then I understand why you were crying that night. You mentioned before that your friendship fell apart because of a mistake that you didn't want to talk about and I respected that. Maybe you thought you should have never pursued her maybe you shouldn't have been more than friends with her but I am different, Seulgi. I can beat all the odds for you I will do anything for you.

But I couldn't too sure, I wanted to know. Now that I know that it wasn't too hard for you to feel the same way for me I didn't want to be afraid anymore. I only got one life to live and I want to have the courage to chase after what makes me happy.

I was never that nervous in my life. I never felt that afraid. I was afraid to lose you, to lose you from not telling what I truly feel, and to lose you from doing so. In any way, I'd lose you eventually if I don't take that risk. I guess I'd rather hurt myself than doing nothing at all. But as another twist of fate, the moment I was about to tell you what I truly feel before I could open my door to meet you you were already waiting for me. There were tears in your eyes. I hugged you so tight even without knowing why, I just couldn't stand seeing you like that. You murmured something, but I didn't catch it you were sobbing so hard. I tried to calm you down, we were sitting on my couch. Memories came rushing to me when I first saw you. I couldn't remember the exact time you calm down but I didn't care because your head was resting on my chest the entire time.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep it from you. Those were your exact words. I was bewildered by what you were talking about. You told me you just didn't want to ruin our friendship if I knew. You already knew I talked to your friend Wendy, you knew she told me about the issue. I told you to not blame her because it was me who insist to help you.

I just don't want to lose you. You told me.

Why would you lose me? I replied back. You've gone quiet and the anticipation was killing me.

I love you, Seulgi.

I waited for a reply. I'm not sure if you've gone dead or mute but I'm getting impatient for your response. I calmed myself down, I waited for more than two years for this. What is just another minute? My mind was scattered I couldn't think straight I'm not even sure if I had really said that the next thing I know was your lips were against mine.

I had been waiting for that moment to come when I can call you mine. Of course, it was never easy, we spent almost the first year of our relationship in the four walls of my penthouse. We were always careful not to be caught outside. We were known to be good friends but it was different that time, I couldn't keep my hands off you so it was better to be safe than sorry right? For a year we kept everything in hush flying in and out of the country to spend time together. It wasn't easy, it never was but just a glimpse of you makes everything worthwhile. We survive that kind of set up as we got drawn in our own little world, just the two of us but we have our own separate lives to live. You as an Idol, a public figure everyone adores and me continuing my family's legacy. We asked ourselves if we could make it if we can keep it this way. There were days, weeks, and months that we haven't seen each other, we even barely talk because we couldn't match our schedule. I don't mind getting to any country you were in but my responsibility won't let me. Those were the loneliest days of my life, feeling the empty bed beside me and not able to hear your voice. I didn't think I could make it, I wanted a life together. With each of my, every day contains you. Sleeping and waking up next to you.

But is that what you want as well? I don't know, I don't have any idea what going on with you at that time but that is what I want. 

Is it too much of me to imagine a life with too much of you? Maybe people can never be content, I was only watching you from afar at first then I get to know you, then I get to hold you like a lover can do but it is too much to ask if I can share my life with you?

I asked you to marry me. On that living room where we shared our first kiss, on that couch where I was lying when I first saw you. I could have done it in a much better place but we both love to be comfortable just being ourselves. Again, you were crying your eyes out, the anticipation was killing me again. I'm still holding the ring imagining like many other times how I slid it in your finger, I hope it was that night. But all I hear the next thing is I'm sorry, Hyun. It crashed me deep inside.

I was ready to put the ring back aside, forget that this night ever happened. I'll be happy just the way we are now because maybe it is too much to ask. I didn't realize that my tears were flowing out. I felt your embrace, the only time I wanted to escape from it but it still feels like home for me.

I didn't have to ask you why. You told me you couldn't give me that life just yet. You had responsibilities, you told me that you don't even feel that you even have your own life. You only feel free and alive when you're with me, or when you're on the stage. You don't want to lose me as much as I want to keep you. I can wait, I can wait until your contract end but if you just let me handle it but no, I know how you love to perform, it was your dream and I couldn't afford to take it away from you. I will give everything for you as long as I keep you by my side.

Another two years had gone by, we're doing it. No odds can ever beat us. Our love for each other will last now I'm sure of that. We managed to keep our relationship under the rug, not by being careful but by my influence as the CEO. I got the official title a year ago when my father officially retired. I thought life will never get better but there he was loving you as his own daughter, accepting us as he accepted me. All credits to you who got her own way to my father's heart. I didn't know how you did it but maybe it was one of your magic.

Just another month and I'll attempt to ask you again. We never talked about that night but you always made me feel that you want a life with me and I was never sure of anything else in my life.

I'm ready now, and if you turn me down again which I know will not happen, I'll try and try and try.

I love you, My love and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Sincerely,

Joohyun