the dark night sky eats the city whole. 

the moon glowing up from above and the rarest specks of stars painted the vast black canvas. it was rare. the stars, she means. it’s unusual to have stars littering around an urban area. most importantly, a city. maybe it’s because it's late AM, all the lights in the nearby buildings are off. dimmed street lights being her only source of illumination for her trip to the convenience store.

a cold gust of wind passes by, making the young woman slightly shiver. blonde hair swayed along the cold air, her hands shaking a bit from the sudden attack. there was already a snow fall; the breeze only managed to make her freezing heart colder by the second. with her black cap dusted white from snow, she stuffed her hands inside the pockets of her jacket with a fed up huff. white mist escapes her reddened lips and her frown deepens. 

jungeun was never fond of this time of the year.

if she was being completely honest, every time the first day of december comes around is always the time she feels like she’s at rock bottom. she doesn’t know when did the holiday season start to make her feel more… sad and lonely. 

a thirteen-year-old version of herself flashes behind her eyes. alone in a house too big for one person. her parents away for a business trip. usually, there would be a table filled with all sorts of food to meet the 25th exactly at midnight. but, there was none. the christmas tree wasn’t even set up. 

just a cold night of a young girl inside her dark bedroom. silently crying under the covers as a cold feeling rushed through her entire body.

jungeun shook her head at the memory. her jaws tensing as her heart became heavier.

that wasn’t the last time she experienced such a lonely christmas night. in fact, the years after that became the norm for the blonde girl.

it was a sad thing to get used to. being alone on a day that’s supposed to be well spent with family. but what can she do? her parents became busier as she grew older and she couldn’t do anything about it. her friends would try and cheer her up, of course. but whenever the holidays roll around, jungeun just starts to close in on herself and turn off her phone at all costs.

she didn’t want to see people being happy and .

she always sleeps early but she sleeps earlier when that time comes. her usual ten pm becomes seven-thirty. then she proceeds to sleep throughout the whole day.

it’s unhealthy, very unhealthy. but she’d rather sleep than try and be in the ‘holiday mood.’ 

holiday mood her .

her parents didn’t even call her on those specific nights. they never asked if she was okay. they only do after they come home and— obviously, she’d say she’s fine. then a gift left behind in front of her bedroom door. it became a pattern that she eventually broke once she moved out. 

at the age of sixteen, she stopped opening the gifts and just left it in her closet. her parents probably never found out because she never brought them up in any given situation. 

jungeun sighed, another white trail of mist left her lips. it would be a lie if she said she’s fine. she’s really not. but it’s okay— she’s used to it. 

the blizzard in her chest harshens. 

with each step she takes, tiny crushing noises are produced from the soles of her sneakers. leaving shoe prints on the snow-covered pavement as she nears the destination she wishes to go. alas, the wide windows of the convenience store lines her vision.

time to go buy some good ‘ol beer.

-

jungeun expected to have another lonely night inside her apartment’s living room. beer cans littering the floor and a ton of empty takeout boxes on top of her wooden coffee table. it was her usual christmas night. drinking every feeling away, that is. 

but then she sat on her black leather couch, feeling a little out of place even if this is her living room. her light brown eyes darting around each and every move the other woman makes. removing her beanie, her dark raven hair becomes disheveled by her actions. a bright grin plastered on her lips as she placed down the chinese takeout she just ordered on the wooden surface.

“i thought you went back to your hometown for the holidays?” the blonde girl dumbly asked, still in her self-induced shock. 

“i did. i just came back a few minutes before you saw me sitting in front of your door.” she said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. but her grin falters a bit, her next words making you more dumbfounded than you already are.

“i didn’t want you to be alone, jungeun.”

(

“jungie!” an energetic tone and a girl way taller than the blonde girl engulfs her in a bear hug. her arms wrapping around her neck as jungeun stayed, surprised by her sudden visitor. 

“soul?” she asks, the older girl pulling away to look at her. giggling at the shock and confusion written all over the blonde girl’s face.

“i’m home!”

)

“i wanted to come home as quickly as i could.” 

it’s funny. it’s funny how it seems so easy for her to call this place her home when the both of them still live in separate apartments, hers being thirty minutes away from jungeun’s. 

“home is where you are.”

she told her once. and it’s fine, she supposes. 

she’s your home, too. 

“here i got you your favorite dumplings and— no, i did not forget about the fried rice this time.” jungeun hears jinsoul say. plopping down next to her as she excitedly opened the boxes up, chopsticks in her hands. 

the blonde girl just managed to stare in bewilderment. a little bit of amusement and a hell lot of adoration. she felt the ice slowly melting away in her chest. 

with an easy smile, jungeun took the pair of chopsticks off the table. her heart fluttering as the girl she loved was already beside her, taking care of her on a night she despises the most. the beer was forgotten on the kitchen counter as she knows jinsoul didn’t really like drinking any alcoholic beverage. two cans of sodas sit on the surface of the coffee table as the older girl talks her ear off about her week with her family.

“yeojin still managed to drop the tree?” jungeun asks. yeojin was one of jinsoul’s nieces. a short seventeen-year-old that should never be underestimated. she’s the definition of chaos and destruction. and she managed to strike again by pushing the christmas tree off its place in their family gathering.

“what did you expect? that girl causes havoc on the daily.” the older girl chuckled, filled with food as jungeun looked at her endearingly. 

they continued to talk about their week. jungeun talking mostly about work while jinsoul talked about her chaotic experience back at her hometown. and, oh? heejin’s getting married? good for her. jungeun vividly remembers how frustrated jinsoul was because hyunjin, heejin’s now fiancé, kept pestering her on what to do and how to ask her.

“does she think i would know? i never asked anyone to marry me so how the hell will i know? also she's known heejin since they were in diapers! she sure as hell knows that girl will swoon with whatever she chooses to do!”

jungeun remembers her exasperatedly ranting to her. her hands flailing around as the blonde girl tried to suppress her laughter. she only managed to remove the frustrated frown on her face with a kiss on the forehead and an offer to get some of her favorite pastries at their favorite coffee shop. which now jungeun remembered to tell her that hyejoo, the coffee shop’s owner and one of her dearest close friends, finally asked out the blondie that’s a regular at her store.

“oh, wow. i didn’t know she stopped being a wimp.” jungeun laughs at that.

“you know she’ll beat the out of you if she heard that, right?”

“well, she’s not here! also, it’s the truth. she has no other things to do other than accept it.” jungeun laughed some more as jinsoul smiled at the sound.

the takeout boxes were empty now. neatly stacked on one side of the table as their can of sodas remain. there was still a soft drizzle of snow outside the blonde girl’s window, a contented sigh escaping her lips. jinsoul’s smile widens at the sight.

“it’s our first christmas together.” the older girl softly spoke.

“it is.” jungeun agreed. a grin slowly forming on her lips.

“i know you hate the holidays.” jinsoul said with a soft glint in her eyes. her heart slightly aching, knowing the reason why her girlfriend disliked it so much. “i hope i somehow made it better.”

now that— that was an understatement. 

she made it ten times better that jungeun even forgot she was sad earlier this evening. the pain she felt in the past will never be forgotten, but the feelings the woman gave her made it all a little bit easier to bear this time around. 

looking at her, jungeun couldn’t help but feel like she has fallen for her all over again. her heart pounding against her ribcage, a soft drizzle started inside her chest. it was warm and cold at the same time. but more so, warm. 

jungeun couldn’t help but notice the stark comparison between the harsh blizzard and the soft snow fall. it was freezing cold— the blizzard. it tightens her chest in ways that are painful, sharp icicles stabbing her heart every time she is reminded of how alone she feels. but now— the snow fall makes her feel at ease. no sharp icicles, no ice. just the soft white snow filling her to the brim, a warm feeling mixing in with the cold snowflakes. it’s calm. 

she loves it.

the younger girl scooted closer to the older. her hand coming in contact with her neck, pulling her closer for a kiss. with her eyes closed and her lips pressed against her soft ones, she tries to convey the gratitude she felt for the older girl.

she didn’t know how she deserved to be loved by a girl like jinsoul. she thanks the stars, the moon, the universe— god even. or just whatever the supreme being that made their fates entwined with one another. jungeun thanks every single one of them because— , she loves her so much.

“i love you.” she says after pulling away only to give her another short kiss and another ‘i love you.’ she kept doing this until she peppers the older girl’s face with kisses and the other giggling like a giddy teenager from the affection she’s receiving. 

jungeun never really liked the holiday season.

she hated the winter weather along with the cold feeling it brings her. frostbites all over her body along with her fragile heart. 

but, maybe this time would be different.

and the next time, too. and the next then the next… she’s pretty sure she’ll never feel the cold again with her being by her side.

jinsoul makes everything different.

(

jungeun received a phone call the following morning.

it was her parents.

she felt nervous answering it but she felt more glad for it. 

“my parents are coming over.” the blonde girl says, hugging the taller figure of her girlfriend.

“that’s great! should we try cooking for them?” with the older girl’s eyes basically glowing from the idea, jungeun didn’t have the heart to decline.

“sure.” the blonde girl smiled her widest at that time. coming to a conclusion that— 

jinsoul makes everything better.

)