A gift for Christmas 2020 by me and Giana (parkpeach). Merry Chirstmas everybody ^^ <3

 

In the past two weeks, snow had started falling continuously in Seoul. The scene outside the coffee shop was mesmerizing as people walked, intertwining their hand with their lover’s. It surely was the most wonderful time of the year.

Inside the coffee shop, Jinyoung sat at a table beside the window that was slightly fogged up, sipping­­­­ – not his usual order, but the usual order of the one he misses.

“I told you I hated your taste in coffee yet, here I am ordering it every single day because it’s your favorite.” Jinyoung whispered, chuckling bitterly.

Jinyoung still remembers clear as day, the time he fell in love with his American boy – Mark Tuan.

People say that love at first sight doesn’t exist and Jinyoung believed that saying too as he’s never felt it before, even after dating others. But the second he bumped into Mark in the same coffee shop he’s in now, Jinyoung finally knew what love at first sight was all about.

He hates it sometimes that he really loves the older, but after Mark travelled back to the States, Jinyoung thought that their connection would be severed. Jinyoung wants to make their connection become stronger than ever but, how can he? Maybe his feelings could be the answer.

Love can cause troubles and fights – of course, this couple knows that very well.

Jinyoung had lost count of the times he had fought with Mark but, as always, it ends with them both reconciling with one another. It’s been years later after they’ve become a couple and yet, Jinyoung knows that just one glance from Mark makes him fall all over again, and one kiss makes him reminisce their first kiss during that winter day.

 

 

To be honest I don't really know

Where this troubled heart started to form

And came in between us

It bloomed while I wasn't aware

And grew into a big scar between us

Maybe it's not our fault

DECEMBER 22^nd

JINYOUNG’S POV

After a while, I finished my last sip of coffee and stood up, putting on my coat. I headed over to the front counter to wave the busy boy goodbye.

“Hi Youngjae, I’ll be going now.”

“Alright hyung. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow again?” Youngjae questioned, lightly chuckling as he obviously knew I’d come again the next day.

“Whatever Youngjae.” I rolled my eyes at him and walked out the coffee shop.

‘Maybe I should’ve worn something warmer under my coat.’ I shivered, making me rub my hands together to create warmth.

Looking around, I noticed that there were more couples walking around this part of the city this year, making me feel lonelier.

‘These couples are really singling me out. If only Mark was here.’ I pouted slightly due to my thought.

It’s been three years since Mark started studying in LA. It was difficult for us to be apart – especially me. However, because we love each other, we decided to stick together even if it was tough.

 

 

 

FLASHBACK

THIRD PERSON’S POV

“What’s the big announcement that you had to gather us all here?” Jaebum asked as everyone settled at the picnic table.

Mark had called everyone to the park, causing his friends to be nervous about it. The guys even asked Jinyoung if he knew, but Jinyoung shrugged and shook his head cluelessly.

“I… don’t freak out okay? Let me explain right after.” Mark stuttered, getting his audience quite confused.

“Mark, if it’s about the time I broke into your house I can– “

“Sorry what?!” Jinyoung shrieked, causing Jackson to jump up from his spot.

“It’s not that – we need to talk about that later Jacks. The reason I called you guys out here is because… I-I’m going back to LA.” Mark blurted out quickly.

It was silent – even Jackson who was always loud was quiet as ever.

Mark stood there in front of them all, anxious about what his friends and of course most importantly his lover would say, but the silence continued.

“W-Why?”

Everyone looked at the guy who spoke – clearly the one who was going to be the most affected.

“I received a really great scholarship from a university back in LA. My family is also travelling back to live there because of my sister who’s giving birth soon. I-It’s just there’s so many reasons why I should go. So, I decided to accept it but…”

Mark looked at Jinyoung full of guilt.

“I’m leaving after graduation.”

“What about me?”

Another response that broke Mark’s heart.

The guys knew it was a time for the couple to discuss it themselves so, they got up to give the two some space.

“We understand hyung, we’ll miss you a lot.” Youngjae smiled, hugging Mark.

“We’ll send you out at the airport okay? So, you better not enter that plane without letting us see you first!” Bambam snickered, giving Mark a pat on the back.

The guys had left after saying their piece, leaving the two alone.

“Jinyoung...”

“I don’t want to be apart from you.” Jinyoung says, voice cracking in between his sentence.

Mark pulled Jinyoung into a tight, warm hug, kissing his forehead.

“I know love. I don’t want to either but don’t worry, I’ll visit you every Christmas. I promise.”

Jinyoung could only hug Mark back tightly like it was the last time he’d ever hold Mark again.

Time flies by and it’s already the day that Mark flies to the States.

The whole ride there, Jackson was clinging onto Mark. After arriving at the airport, Jaebum LITERALLY had to drag Jackson away from the older.

The guys gave Mark a group hug while as one watched quietly from behind. Everyone pulled back from the hug, now staring at the person who hadn’t said anything since they left Mark’s house.

“Jinyoung hyung?” Youngjae furrowed his eyes at the said man who just forced a smile on his face.

“Bye Mark hyung.” Jinyoung mumbled out quietly.

Mark couldn’t stand it whenever Jinyoung was sad like this but, he couldn’t do anything about it this time.

“Bye Jinyoung.” Mark could feel tears forming in his eyes but looked away before anyone could catch that he was crying.

Mark started heading inside until seconds later, he was stopped by a hug from behind. He could hear the sobs and pleads from the other, making the tears finally fall.

“M-Mark hyung~” Jinyoung hiccupped.

Mark turned around, giving Jinyoung one last kiss.

“I’ll come back for you, don’t worry.” Mark whispered, painfully smiling at the younger.

That was it. That day, he finally left.

PRESENT

JINYOUNG’S POV

‘Three more days until Mark comes home, you can do it Jinyoung.’

Classes have finally finished this week, meaning I had more time to call Mark, hopefully he did too. Every single night in Seoul, he’d call me right before his class and vice versa.  It wasn’t much but, I’d have this over no communication at all.

After a while, I finally made it back to my apartment, quickly taking off my coat and boots to wrap myself up in a blanket. I got settled on the sofa, putting on a k-drama on tv.

I was walking into the kitchen to get snacks until my phone starting ringing.

‘Mark?’

 I stopped what I was doing and ran back to the living room where I’ve left my phone, answering it as fast as I could.

PHONE CALL

JINYOUNG: Mark?!

JACKSON: Uhm no, close! It’s Mark’s best friend~

‘Oh my god’

JINYOUNG: Jackson! I really thought it was Mark calling.

JACKSON: Sorry Nyoung.

JACKSON: I just called to see if you wanted to come hang out at my place! A little get together until the big celebration~

JINYOUNG: Christmas? Why not wait until the actual day Jacks?

JINYOUNG: Saving money for my gift too.

I giggled as I heard Jackson scoff at what I said.

JACKSON: My gift for you is grand enough Jinyoung.

JACKSON: And that’s not the celebration! I meant when Mark–

 I heard a loud thump on the phone, cutting off what Jackson was about to say.

 

JACKSON: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OKAY BAM~

JINYOUNG: Jeez you two. Not another couple fight!

JINYOUNG: Also, what were you saying about Mark?

BAMBAM: Nothing hyung! He means Mark coming back!

JINYOUNG: Oh, well I guess that’s a situation.

JINYOUNG: You guys can party yourselves. I think I want alone time with myself today.

BAMBAM: Alright hyung! See you on Christmas!

I hung up the call and sighed, throwing my phone lightly on the sofa.

‘Still no call from Mark hyung.’

I got myself some self-comfort food from the kitchen and sat back down on the sofa, feeling jealous of the couple in the k-drama in front of me. Once the actor and actress kissed, I pouted and continued to eat a whole plate of sashimi.

DING!

My phone lit up, indicating a notification. I set down my plate and focused on the screen of my phone.

(jinyoung_0922jy): marktuan just posted a new photo

I unlocked my phone to check what it was all about. Knowing Mark, it was probably another post of him and his dog – Milo but, it wasn’t. The post was him and a bunch of his American friends; however, that’s not what caught my eye. What caught my eye was that girl beside him quite close – extra close to him.

marktuan: early christmas celebration with the best!

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I frowned at his post, locking my phone to go back to my sashimi and k-drama.

‘Who is that girl? Why is she so close to him? Doesn’t she know what personal space is?!’

I stabbed my sashimi, trying to release the anger but my hunger disappeared, making me even more irritated. I put the plate down on the table, snuggling into my blanket.

“We can’t be jealous Jinyoung. We shouldn’t cause another fight.” I mumbled to myself, groaning and squirming on the sofa.

A few minutes later, I hear a ringing coming from my phone. I rolled my eyes, thinking it was Jackson probably calling to try and drag my up from home to party.

I ignored the call and tried focusing on the k-drama – that is until the ringing constantly kept going. Growing annoyed of the sound, I finally gave in to answer.

PHONE CALL

JINYOUNG: I swear to damn god Jackson. If you don’t–

MARK: Jackson? It’s me Jinyoungie.

I dropped my phone – like full on SPLAT on the floor.

‘M-Mark?!’

Seconds later I regained my senses and quickly picked back up my phone that – luckily had a screen protector.

MARK: Jinyoung? Are you okay?!

JINYOUNG: S-Sorry! I didn’t expect you to call!

MARK: What do you mean? I always call you love.

JINYOUNG: I know… but I saw your post. I thought you’d be busy.

‘Damn busy with her.’

MARK: Oh, you saw? I just arrived back home from the party. I couldn’t wait to call you~

I smiled at his response but, the picture kept replaying in my head.

JINYOUNG: Um yeah… me too.

MARK: Is there something wrong babe?

JINYOUNG: N-No. Nothing’s wrong don’t worry Mark.

MARK: You sure? You seem out of it today. Did something upset you?

I knew I couldn’t tell him. I just couldn’t.

‘Just keep it to yourself Jinyoung. Don’t cause an unreasonable fight – especially when it’s so soon that he’s coming back to Seoul.’

MARK: Jinyoung? Hello?

JINYOUNG: Yeah – sorry. I think I’m just tired. I was mostly out the whole day and woke up pretty early.

I bit my lip, feeling guilty that I’ve lied to him.

MARK: Really? You should get some rest then Jinyoungie. Sorry I disturbed your rest. I just haven’t called you the whole day.

JINYOUNG: No, it’s okay Mark hyung. I really did miss your voice though. I’ll go get some rest now.

MARK: Okay Jinyoungie. I missed your voice too. I love you.

JINYOUNG: I love you too.

I hung up the phone and turned off the tv, grabbing my blanket and heading to bed.

“You have to trust Mark.” I murmured to myself while crawling into bed.

Committing into a long-distance relationship is already hard as it is but, including trust issues and irrational fights into the package? I don’t need to be causing that. It’s better for me to keep it to myself because I’m most likely overreacting about what I saw.

‘Plus, we’ve been together for four years now. I shouldn’t let one person be able to ruin what we’ve become.’ I thought positively.

Although, a second later, another thought runs through my mind.

‘But, neither should I let a man waste four years of my life.’ I rolled my eyes at the things I come up with.

“They’re just friends. He loves you and just you.” I grumbled, constantly switching the side I lean on to sleep.

“He would’ve told me he wants a breakup during our call earlier if he wanted her right? But wait – what if he’s cheating on me with her?” I sat up straight and frowned, feeling pain in my chest just from imagining it.

That is – until I realized how stupid I am to doubt the man who literally stayed with me and only me for four years straight.

I laid back down and groaned, embarrassed about the things I’ve said just now.

‘I hate it.’

Falling madly in love for a person really does make you think of crazy thoughts. Another saying I’ve never believed in until I’ve gotten into a relationship with him.

“I really hate it.” I mumbled to myself before going into deep sleep.

DECEMBER 23^rd

“Jinyoung hyung? What’s wrong?” Youngjae asks, taking a seat in the chair across from me.

I sighed and laid my head on the table.

“Everything is wrong Youngjae.”

Youngjae looked at me in confusion.

“Well? I’m on my break, so I’m all ears hyung.” He says, leading towards the coffee table.

I hesitated before finally deciding to tell him.

“Okay, so here’s what happened – no judging okay?” I pouted as Youngjae laughed, nodding.

FLASHBACK

I woke up to the sound of my phone going off.

‘Did I forget to turn off my daily alarm?’

I thought the ringing would end after a while but when it does end, it goes off again, making me irritated.

I lazily grabbed my phone to turn off my phone, but what I didn’t expect was that it was an incoming call from Mark.

“M-Mark?” I murmured in shock before answering, still kind-of half asleep.

PHONE CALL

MARK: Jinyoung? Hello?

JINYOUNG: Hyung~ why are you calling so early~

MARK: Don’t you have classes today? Why are you still in bed?!

I rose up slowly from bed, confused to as why he’s asking that question.

‘Did I not tell him?’

JINYOUNG: I’m on break Mark hyung.

MARK: Break? Oh, you never told me Jinyoungie.

I heard the disappointment in his tone, making me bite my lip nervously.

‘Right. I ended the call early last night and didn’t even tell him.’

JINYOUNG: Yeah, sorry hyung. I was pretty tired that—

I was suddenly interrupted by a girl’s voice on Mark’s end of the line.

JINYOUNG: Mark, who’s that?

MARK: Oh— sorry Jinyoungie that was one of my friends. You know the girl in my post yesterday? That’s Wendy, she’s here right now—

JINYOUNG: I’m sorry Mark hyung but I have to go, bye!

I quickly hung up, feeling an ache in my heart. I don’t know why I ended the call so fast but when Mark hyung was talking about her, all I could feel was jealousy.

“What are you doing Jinyoung…” I mumbled, ruffling my hair in frustration.

DING!

I looked at my phone, once more giving a big sigh as I read the notification.

TEXT MESSAGES

MARK: Looks like something urgent came up for you huh?

MARK: I guess I’ll talk to you again later?

MARK: Love you Nyoung

‘I shouldn’t have done that. I really shouldn’t have.’

I cursed to myself as I headed out the door to the place I’d always go.

PRESENT

Youngjae looked at me with a frown, shaking his head upon me.

“Jinyoung hyung, there’s no way he’d cheat on you.” He sighed with disappointment, crossing his arms.

I felt guilty – more guilty than ever. Youngjae was right, I knew he was but… I just couldn’t shake off this feeling.

 

“Youngjae~” I whined, banging my head lightly on the table.

“You should tell him the truth hyung. You know Mark hyung doesn’t like it when you hide things from him.”

“I know but I don’t want to cause another useless argument between the two of us. He’s coming back soon as well. I can’t put us into a fight when he’s so close to coming home~” I pouted at Youngjae who rolled his eyes at me.

“Stupid hyung. He said he’d tell him today.” Youngjae mumbled lowly, hoping I probably wouldn’t hear but I did.

“S-Sorry what did you just say Youngjae?” I stuttered as I watched his eyes flicker rapidly, trying to avoid eye contact with me from that moment on.

‘What is he doing?’

“N-Nothing hyung! Anyways, you should really talk to him about it. Even if it does cause a fight, it’ll at least get it off your chest. It won’t end well if you keep this all to yourself forever, you have to tell him at some point.” Youngjae smiles sadly, getting up from his seat.

I sighed and stood up from my seat as well, heading towards the door before waving at Youngjae.

“Thanks Youngjae, we’ll see. By the way, I hope this stays between you and me.” I chuckled lightly as he nodded, shooing me away.

“Might as well go over to Jackson’s to see how the party went yesterday.” I murmured, dialing Jackson’s number.

I started walking towards his and Bambam’s house. I was lucky that my apartment and the coffee shop was nearby where the couple lived.

PHONE CALL

JACKSON: Jinyoung!

JINYOUNG: Glad to hear from me?

JACKSON: I can’t believe you really ditched last night~

I laughed as Jackson had started whining already.

JINYOUNG: To make it up to you, I’m heading towards your house right now

JACKSON: Seriously?! No way!

Their house was finally in my line of sight but, that wasn’t all I saw.

From the loud clangs and footsteps from Jackson’s end of line, I knew that the little, tiny figure I see while walking towards the house was Jackson Wang, jumping up and down from the front door.

The wild guy was – of course as always, trying to get my attention.

I had ended the call as Jackson came running towards me, hugging me to death.

“Yah yah yah! Get off of me Wang!” I pulled him away from me, gaining puppy eyes sent my way.

“Come inside hurry! Jaebum and Yugyeom’s here!” Jackson says loudly, practically dragging me into the house where everyone was either playing video games or eating.

“Hey! I haven’t seen you in so long! Ever since break started, you haven’t bothered seeing me again.” Jaebum rolled his eyes at me.

“Sorry, but I like seeing your boyfriend more than I like seeing you.” I teased, sticking my tongue out at him before sitting down beside Yugyeom.

“The 2Jae couple has always been your favourite! What’s wrong with me and Jackson huh hyung?” Bambam pouted as Jaebum and Yugyeom laughed.

“Right, sure. You two? The most chaotic couple? Keep dreaming.” I scoffed, getting hit by a pillow from Jackson who was being overly dramatic.

Everyone had moved on from the topic, now continuing to play video games or instead talking to one another. I just watched them from the sofa with my cup, still thinking about what had happened this morning.

‘I shouldn’t have hung up like that… Why’d I act that way towards him when he didn’t do anything wrong?’

I sighed, sipping my drink with a frown.

Jaebum glanced at me from the kitchen, most likely concerned about me as he walked away from his conversation with Bambam to sit beside me on the sofa.

“What’s on your mind Jinyoung? Is anything wrong?” Jaebum asks.

‘Of course, Jaebum notices. He’s always been the first to notice things like this anyways.’

I gave him a slight smile. Although I tease the older 24/7, Jaebum always noticed how I feel before all the others.

“It’s nothing hyung. Don’t worry about– “

“Jinyoung hyung, it’s okay to be sad about Mark hyung not being able to travel back this year. We all are too.” Bambam frowned at me as the others nodded as well.

“Don’t worry hyung! We can replace Mark hyung for the holidays!” Yugyeom adds in.

He was trying to cheer me up – I knew that but, I wasn’t sad.

Why?

Because I was more like confused with the situation.

‘He’s what?’

“I-I’m sorry. He can’t what? When did he tell you guys this?” I furrowed my brows at them while the others looked at me in shock, knowing now that Mark hasn’t told me.

“Wait Mark hasn’t told– “

“Oh, come on Jinyoung! You don’t need to ignore the fact that– Ouch!” Jackson was smacked again on the head by Bambam.

“Didn’t Mark say he was going to tell him?”

“Yeah, he did!”

“Then why does it feel like we spilled something we weren’t supposed to say?”

“He’s joking with us guys!”

“Shut up Jackson!”

The guys kept whispering at one another, leaving me to rethink what had just been spilled, feeling my blood boil.

‘How could Mark not tell me?!’

“So, this is what Youngjae meant by how Mark was supposed to tell me something huh?” I mumbled angrily.

I stood up as the others stood up as well in panic.

“Jinyoung, where are you– “

“I’m going to go confront Mark.” I cut Jaebum off, heading out to the back, dialing his number in anger.

“How could he have told the others and not me?” I whispered as I felt tears threatening to fall.

PHONE CALL

MARK: Jinyoungie? Hey, I’m kind of busy right now but–

JINYOUNG: Why didn’t you tell me that you aren’t travelling back this Christmas?

It stayed silent for a while, making me more and more impatient.

MARK: W-Who’d you hear that from?

JINYOUNG: The guys–

I stopped myself – he does not need an explanation of what happened right now.

JINYOUNG: Look hyung, I know you’re busy and all, and I would understand if you couldn’t come home this year but…

I let my tears fall down my face.

JINYOUNG: Why’d you hide it from me? Why’d–

MARK: I’m sorry baby…

MARK: I really was going to tell you, but we’ve hadn’t had the time to communicate with one another and we’ve both been busy and…

I sighed, pacing back and forth outside.

JINYOUNG: I’m sorry. It’s my fault we’ve been distant I know and–

MARK: No look I’ve been busy too, it’s not only your fault

MARK: I know you’ve been having troubles too so if you’re ready, you can always talk about it with me and–

WENDY: Mark! What are you doing? We need to go!

‘Of course, he had to be with her at this time…’

MARK: In a minute Wendy, I need to talk to someone

JINYOUNG: No, it’s okay hyung… you told me yourself that you were busy at the moment

MARK: I know Jinyoungie, but if you’re feeling down I–

JINYOUNG: It’s okay… we can talk again later

I wiped my tears away, breathing in deeply in hopes it’d clear out my heartache.

MARK: I– okay… sorry, my love

MARK: I’ll talk to you as soon as I can

MARK: I love you

I smiled sadly at his response.

JINYOUNG: I love you too

I hung up the phone and turned my back around to see Jaebum, standing by the back door. He started walking towards me and before I knew it, I was in his arms, crying my eyes out.

“It’s okay Jinyoung. Long distance is hard, it’s alright.” Jaebum mumbled, soothing my back.

‘I’m glad Jaebum’s still here for me after all these years.’

DECEMBER 24^th

CHRISTMAS EVE

Waking up, I felt a strong wave of headaches start, causing me to fall back down on the sofa.

‘Ugh, maybe I really shouldn’t have drunk with the guys last night. Yugyeom, you brat.’

After the headaches had begun to weaken, I opened my eyes, checking my surroundings.

Everyone was still fast asleep all around the living room well – except Jackson who passed out in the bathtub.

I headed towards the kitchen to cook breakfast for all of them before they woke up. Although I hated the hangover, in all honesty, I don’t regret drinking with the guys.

“Hey, we’re here for you Jinyoung. Do you want to talk about it?” Jaebum asks, but I just shook my head.

“No, it’s okay. I just want to relieve all this anger or upsetting emotion I’m feeling.” I sighed.

“What about drinking it all out? Whenever I get stressed, I take shots!” Yugyeom suggested as I looked at him with squinted eyes.

I was about to decline the offer until Bambam had already taken out all the alcohol they had, exciting the others. After a little hesitation, I finally agreed to the stress relieving suggestion, being able to drink with the guys all night – also including Youngjae who had arrived shortly after his work shift.

I had finished cooking breakfast, placing down plates and then portioning the food I’ve cooked for six people. I guess the smell was so strong because after I’ve everything on the table, they all started coming into the kitchen, one by one.

“Wah~ hyung! Did you cook all this?!” Youngjae shouted, eyes obviously sparkling from the food.

“Who else would cook all this when you’re all passed out on the floor?” I chuckled before telling them to sit down and eat.

They all took a bite, talking about how good my cooking was. It made me smile how these guys always had my back whenever I had a problem. I was watching them talk amongst one another, until they all looked at me with a confused face.

“It’s weird for you to cook for us Jinyoung hyung. Did you eat something last night?”

I scoffed at Youngjae, rolling my eyes.

“I just wanted to do something for you guys. I know I’ve been distancing myself by staying at home alone instead of hanging with you all, so I’m sorry. For yesterday too, you guys drank with me to help me get everything out of my chest… thank you.” I confessed as they all smiled at me – some even with tears in their eyes.

“Aw it’s okay hyung~ of course we’ll do that! We’re friends after all!” Yugyeom snickered as the others agreed, now making fun of me for having a few tears in my face as well.

“It’s been hard, we know that because it’s been hard for us too – Mark hyung’s our friend too after all. You don’t have to deal with it alone all the time hyung~” Bambam cooed.

THIRD PERSON’S POV

On Christmas Eve, Jinyoung had spent the whole day with the guys, not realizing that the man he had stuck in his head last night was ringing his phone on and on.

In the States, Mark sighs as it was the 10^th call he had made to Jinyoung’s phone – yet, he didn’t pick it up. Mark thought that his lover was ignoring his calls on purpose, making his heart clench in pain.

 

‘Have I been way too busy that he’s stopped trying?’ Mark thought to himself, ruffling his hair into a mess.

Footsteps were head, coming closer and closer. The door to the room had opened as Wendy walked in with food takeout in her hands. She looked at Mark with concern in her eyes, sensing that the American boy was having a bad day.

“What’s wrong Mark? I bought us Chinese takeout.” Wendy says, placing down the food on the table before plopping down on her bed.

The two were roommates at a university dorm. The day they met that first day, they instantly became close, both being from South Korea.

“Thanks, and it’s nothing really. I just think I’m letting down Jinyoung lately…” Mark sighed, covering his face in his hands.

Wendy pitied his friend. She knew how hard it was being away from a loved one. It that he was going through this kind of pain.

“But aren’t you going to… you know?”

“Yeah but… will he even say yes? I mean – we’ve been together for so long but… I just feel like I shouldn’t have accepted the scholarship.” Mark blurted out.

Back then, Mark really did think twice about the scholarship. He knew how long-distance relationships had ended from multiple stories from his friends. Mark loved Jinyoung of course, so he wanted – believed that they were able to stay together.

They did stay together, but the busier they got, the more distant they became.

“It’s long-distance Mark. It’s going to be a hard fight, but you have to keep going. If you give up, then the other gives up. That’s just how these relationships blow out so fast.” Wendy advises.

Mark just flops back down on his bed, shoving his face onto his pillow.

“I know you love him, and I know he loves you as much. Don’t stress it out and just talk to him. They do say ‘honesty is the best policy’.” Wendy snickered before taking Mark’s phone to dial a phone number.

“Here. Go on and do it.”

Wendy throws the phone lightly on Mark’s bed as a ringing is heard from around the room.

‘RINGING JINYOUNGIE <3’

“He’s not going to answer…” Mark whined, muffling in his pillow.

Well – that is, until the ringing stops and from the other line, you can hear a small ‘hello?’.

Mark rose up from his spot, grasping the phone and putting it close to his ear to answer back.

‘Seriously, such a coward.’ Wendy thought, shaking her head as she headed back out of the dorm room to give the couple privacy.

The two on both ends of the line were feeling too nervous to talk to one another.

JINYOUNG: H-hi hyung… I’m sorry, I didn’t see your calls. I was pre-occupied with the guys

MARK: It’s alright Jinyoung. I was just… I thought you were upset with me from last night

JINYOUNG: No! No! I mean – okay… I was a little upset that you didn’t tell me but it’s okay hyung, I understand you’re busy

‘Busy… I always am…’ Mark thought to himself.

MARK: I know I know but… I’m just curious but are we okay? I know we’ve been distant lately, but I hope it’s not changing–

JINYOUNG: Oh god no Mark. I still love you of course, so much. I’m sorry…

‘Does he feel that way?’ Jinyoung thinks to himself.

MARK: It’s not your fault. I just… really wish I could be there for Christmas…

‘I’m sorry for lying…’ Mark thought, feeling his heart ache.

JINYOUNG: I told you it’s alright hyung. The guys are keeping me company. We’re actually preparing for the party for tomorrow at Jackson and Bam’s

JINYOUNG: We really wished that you would come this year though… I’m not the only one who missed you

Mark chuckled at the man, making Jinyoung smile.

MARK: I know, I know. I miss them too

MARK: You should go. I can already hear Jaebum’s screams about putting on all the decoration the way he wants

Jinyoung looked at Jaebum who was scolding Bambam and Yugyeom who were messing around with the lights, while as Youngjae and Jackson were having a snowball fight.

JINYOUNG: Yeah, you can hear how chaotic it’ll be this Christmas

 

They both laughed at that, but still feeling a pain in their chest, knowing their situation.

MARK: I love you Jinyoung

Jinyoung smiled.

JINYOUNG: I love you too hyung

The call was put down, as both their hearts had been filled with relief and love.

DECEMBER 25^th

CHRISTMAS DAY

JINYOUNG’S POV

After preparing all day long, we finally had the time to settle down and unwrap presents before the guys started celebrating like it was their last. The Christmas party was absolutely the best way to end the holiday but even with my friends here, I still felt an empty feeling inside my heart.

Heading upstairs to the balcony, the music and chaos from downstairs suddenly kept fading and fading. Arriving at the balcony, I looked up at the starry night, reminiscing the scene I saw right before I arrived here of my friends all enjoying the holidays.

I sighed, drinking the cup consisting of a little portion of alcohol, given by Bambam from ten minutes ago.

‘I really wish you were here Mark hyung…’

I leaned on the railing of the balcony for a while longer, thinking about what Mark could be doing for the holidays in LA. Few minutes later, I feel a pat on my shoulder. I look back to see who it was and of course, the one and only Jackson Wang pops up.

“What are you doing here? The party’s downstairs not up here!” Jackson laughed, making me shake my head, laughing along.

“I’m just thinking about stuff Jacks. I’m going to head on back to my apartment though. I’ll see you guys again another time.” I smiled at him, starting to head back down until Jackson began dragging me back into the balcony.

“Jinyoungie~ you can’t leave! It’s way too early for you to go! You can’t leave your Wang-gae alone can you?” Jackson pleads, giving me a pout.

“It’s not early Jacks. The night is literally ending – also hey! You can’t use the Wang-gae Park-gae card like that!” I scoffed at him and tried to get his hands off of me.

I kept trying to get away from him, but he was so persistent on not letting me go. Finally, I let out a loud groan.

“Jackson please. I want to go home~ we already celebrated long enough.” I whined, trying to get out of the grip of Jackson.

It was almost midnight, everyone was either getting drunk until they drop, or eating until all the food’s gone. All I wanted was to go home and cuddle up back into my bed to replace the lonely feeling I’ve been feeling this whole month – actually whole year.

Don’t get me wrong – I love spending time with the guys; however, Christmas has always been marked as a special day for Mark and I, which is why he never fails to travel back to Seoul for the holidays.

‘It’s just a whole lot different without him by my side during our time of the year.’

“Jinyoung-ah~ please stay~ you’ll be sadder if you’re back at your apartment eating buckets of ice cream.” Jackson pouted, making me roll my eyes at him.

I finally got out of his grip, heading to the living room where everyone was.

“I’ve been here the whole day Jacks. As much as I love you guys, I should go home and greet Mark a late Merry Christmas. I haven’t talked to him in a while.” I gave them a smile as they all looked at one another, it was weird.

“L-Let’s call him all together then! C’mon Jinyoung hyung!” Yugyeom stuttered, trying to sit me down but I just chuckled, shaking my head.

“Seriously guys, I’m pretty knocked out for tonight. I’ll see you all again tomorrow morning if you miss me that much.”

“You wish you brat.” Jaebum smirked smugly as I scoffed and waved goodbye to all of them, walking out of the house.

I started walking home. I was lucky that Jackson and Bambam’s house was close to my apartment that I could just walk back. Although it was almost midnight, it was quite safe to go back home but still, it was pretty chilly. Snowflakes were lightly dropping everywhere while the moon shined down on me.

‘The scenery is really beautiful even if it’s late at night. If Mark hyung saw this, he’d totally take pictures and post them on his Instagram.’

 

I lightly laughed from my thought. Mark loved saving beautiful moments as pictures. It’s always been a habit of his to take a bunch of pictures because he says it’s to “remember the moment”. The more I thought about Mark, the more pain I experience within my heart.

We became distant during these three days and of course – I have myself to blame for that. Although I’ve had the guts to tell Youngjae about it, I’ve never actually had the guts to tell what’s bothering me to the person who needed to really know – Mark.

‘I really shouldn’t hide what I’m feeling from him. What I’m doing is creating more distance between us and I don’t want that.’

That’s when I’ve come to a decision to tell him the truth because that’s what all relationships need right? Honesty. It’s quite nerve-wracking of course, but I believe Youngjae is right – that we should talk it out together.

I arrived at my apartment door, going inside quickly to call Mark and just spill everything to him. After some contemplating, I dialed his number and paced back and forth around the living room as I feel my heart beat faster after each ring on the phone.

RING… RING….

‘Is he too busy? Is he already asleep?’

Hundreds of thoughts and emotions were going on at the same time. I didn’t whether I should end the call and just back out or keep waiting. I was too into my head that I hadn’t realized Mark had answered the call already, calling my name multiple times until he finally snapped me out of it.

MARK: Hey Jinyoungie, are you okay?

Just those words from his mouth, had my face flowed with tears as I let out what I’ve been holding a secret for days. All the pain and negative thoughts and imaginary scenarios I’ve had brought me to break down into tears.

JINYOUNG: M-Mark hyung

MARK: Why are you crying? What happened?

JINYOUNG: I’m so sorry for being so distant. It really wasn’t my intention to–

I couldn’t continue my sentence as I kept hiccupping and sniffling.

MARK: Take it slow Jinyoung. Take deep breaths and tell me what happened slowly

 

After a few deep breaths to calm me down, I had confessed everything to him and how I was feeling these past three days. Mark – as I expected, was upset that I kept it from him, but he knew I was the type to hide my problems.

MARK: I had actually asked Youngjae to ask you what was wrong during that first time you acted differently. He said he talked to you but that I should ask you myself about it

JINYOUNG: I spilled everything to him that day, but he wanted me to confront you about it myself too

MARK: I’m sorry for making you think like this for the past three days baby. I promise you, you’re the only one I love, forever

At last, all the negativity trying to creep into my mind and heart was finally destroyed – just from one reassurance from Mark. Although I was so scared to even speak one word about it, after discussing with Mark about how I felt, it turned out for the better of our relationship.

It showed me how communication was so important in building a stronger connection between us. I was so focused on trying to keep a bond alive with Mark by myself, when instead, I should have worked on keeping a bond alive together by being honest and trusting one another.

JINYOUNG: It’s okay Mark hyung. It’s just been a long, tough year without you by my side again

MARK: Haha. I know Jinyoungie but, do you miss me that much?

JINYOUNG: Of course I do hyung! If only you were home this year

MARK: Really? Is that a Christmas wish Jinyoungie?

JINYOUNG: Yes, but will it really come true?

MARK: Are you sure about that Jinyoungie?

‘Am I sure about that? What?’

I lost my train of thought after I heard a knock on my door.

KNOCK KNOCK

‘Oh, please don’t tell me.’

MARK: Jinyoung?

JINYOUNG: Don’t tell me…

I hung up the call and opened the door widely as I burst into more tears, seeing the one I needed to see the most – Mark Tuan.

“Why’d you hang up on me~” Mark whined, chuckling slightly after noticing the tears on my face.

‘He’s finally here.’

I pulled him quickly into a tight hug as he tried calming me down.

“Markie~” I whined.

I cried on his shoulder as it was filled with my tears. I could see Mark feel guilty for making me cry this hard.

“Jinyoungie, I missed you… I really missed you.”

From that one sentence from Mark, caused me to cry even more. I knew after today, my eyes would be so puffy but, I didn’t care.

All I need right now is Mark – only Mark.

“Can you stop crying? You’ve been crying for literally hours Jinyoungie.” Mark teased jokingly. I glared at him and punched his shoulder.

“Yah! I thought you weren’t coming home this year! Why are you here!” I shouted, pouting at him as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

“It was supposed to be a surprise at Jackson’s and Bam’s, but they told me you already left. How dare you ruin my own surprise! I’ve been planning for weeks!” Mark rolled his eyes at me while I crossed my arms at him, before making my way back on the sofa to wrap myself with my blanket.

Mark shook his head, laughing as he closed the door behind him before heading to the sofa to cuddle with me. I tried pushing him off of me, but he was too strong for me to get his arms off around me. After struggling for a few seconds, I gave up and glared at him – to which he replied with a smile on his face. We ended up watching a movie while getting snug in the sofa with a little bit of making out from time to time.

Halfway into the movie, Mark received a text to which made him stand up, causing me to feel the loss of warmth.

“Where are you going hyung?” I questioned him, as he looked at me with the biggest grin on his face, putting away his phone and then reaching out his hand towards me.

“Come with me, I need to show you something.” Mark winked at me, making me roll my eyes but still taking the hand he’s reached out.

‘I didn’t think it’d be outside.’ I thought as we stepped foot outside the apartment.

“Seriously hyung. Who needs a gift when I have you back home this year?” I grumbled, feeling a little chilly as I followed his footsteps to wherever whatever he wanted to show me was at.

“I know, I know but I think you’ll really like it – hopefully, in all honesty.” Mark laughed nervously before taking off his scarf to instead put around my own neck.

‘Sweet as always.’

I smiled at him, intertwining our hands together.

It was a long walk to be honest with you, but after seeing where we were headed, I erased all those thoughts out of my head.

The park was where we were. The park where I was asked out by Mark, and also the park where we had our first kiss. That was not all though, because at the park, there were lights everywhere.

I looked more closely and around those lights, there were people holding things like signs and balloons. Getting led closer to the spot by Mark, I realized that they weren’t just people, it was Youngjae, Jaebum, Jackson, Bambam, and Yugyeom, all lined up with big smiles on their faces – just like the one Mark had back at the apartment.

“W-What’s going on?” I stuttered as we both stopped in front of the guys.

There were more lights, instead on the ground, forming a heart. The whole section of the park was lit up.

“I love you Jinyoung – more than you ever know. Being honest with you, this wasn’t how things were exactly going to be because of what had happened in the past three days. I know I’ve also lied about not going back and being busy all of a sudden. I was planning all this out, hoping you wouldn’t find out or get mad at some point…” Mark started off, making my heart beat rapidly.

‘What? What’s happening?’

“Being with you for so many years has taught me so much. You taught me how to love deeply and also showed me how I should really be loved by a person. I-I know we had our ups and downs – especially after I decided to take that offer in LA but… I realized that although LA is my home, it didn’t feel like it was my actual home.” Mark began tearing up, smiling at me.

 

“I missed you Jinyoung – I really did. That’s why, I’m telling you now that I’m not going back to LA anymore– “

“WAIT WHAT?” I screamed with tears streaming down my face as Mark let out a small laugh.

“I realized that you’re my home Jinyoung. Wherever you are is wherever I should be. That’s why I want to say sorry…”

Mark had gotten something from his jacket pocket before kneeling down on… one knee in front of me?

‘I-Is he doing what I think he’s doing?’

“I know I’ve caused you troubles, and I’ve lacked to give you much attention when I was in America. I want you to know that I love you so much and I’ll become a way better man than I was before – if you let me that is…” Mark bit his lip before opening the little, tiny box he had in front of me.

From that one box, it confirmed my suspicions – Mark was proposing.

“Will you let me become a better man for you and marry me?” Mark asked, sheepishly smiling.

The signs the guys were holding had said the same thing “WILL YOU MARRY ME? <3”

I nodded at Mark, being put again – at a sobbing mess.

Mark put on the engagement ring on my finger before standing up to pull me into a hug, calming my cries down.

“Congratulations newlyweds!” Jackson screamed out, joining into our hug.

“Jackson, they can’t be newlyweds if they haven’t gotten married yet.” Jaebum rolled his eyes, followed by a laugh from Yugyeom.

“Congrats hyungs! I’m glad to see that you guys talked it out too.” Youngjae smiled, joining the hug shortly after.

“Sorry for spoiling the whole ‘I’m not going back’ act. You told us you were going to tell him hyung!” Bambam pouted and jumped into the hug.

After everyone was pulled into the group hug, we all walked back to Jackson’s and Bam’s to celebrate, but instead of Christmas, it was to celebrate the engaged couple.

I looked around the place as everyone danced, sang – literally partied to the fullest. It’s funny, because it feels like we’re back in high school, still fooling around with one another.

‘Looking back at the past, we really did grow up a lot, but one thing that hasn’t changed is our friendship…’

I looked at Mark who was heading towards me.

‘And of course, the feelings I have for this man never changed.’

He sat down beside me as I snuggled into his arms, intertwining our hands together.

“Welcome back home hyung. I love you.”

“Thanks, Jinyoungie. I love you too.”

To people, home can be meant as the place you live or a place you love. However, for me, home isn’t any of those things. Mark and I’s relationship has taught me what love is, how love at first sight feels like, how to trust, and to be honest. Obstacles could come in between us both but, in the end, my home is and always will be Mark Tuan.

Maybe…  just maybe it’s not our fault we can’t live without one another

THE END