Kyuhyun uses words like no one else does. He speaks in rhythm and song. He uses metaphors and cliches that all sound the same. He speaks and speaks, but never lets anyone in, never lets anyone get close to the true meaning of his words. Kyuhyun speaks in sunsets and iced coffee, in small glances and gentle touches. He speaks in ways that no one has had the pleasure to understand. He speaks of the stars and moon.

Kyuhyun speaks of another life and another life and another. Repeats phrases in languages he does not know. Remembers memories that are not his. Lovers, friends, enemies, none that fit into this life. He Speaks of places he’s never been before, of places that no longer exist. His words are not of this time.

Hyukjae wonders what it would be like to have those wrapped around him, engulfing him in flames. He wants to feel the heat of Kyuhyun’s words. Wants to drown in the meaning of every phrase that falls from Kyuhyun’s mouth like a prayer. To hear his voice, rise with the tides and slowly fall back into the sea. Kyuhyun’s words are fire and water and Hyukjae is desperate to feel their power.

Years have slowly passed before Hyukjae’s eyes. Years of craving Kyuhyun, craving to feel him, to know him inside out, to know every single thing that makes Kyuhyun tick. Hyukjae longs to understand the reason why Kyuhyun stares at the sky, whispering unknown things. He wants to know why Kyuhyun stays when he wants to leave.

The group has long given up on fully understanding Kyuhyun. His language was not of their own. Their love for Kyuhyun was the same but figuring Kyuhyun out was deemed a lost cause at times. No one longed to hear the beautiful words Kyuhyun spoke, except Hyukjae.

Hyukjae begged for Kyuhyun to talk, to tell him anything. A simple statement of how Kyuhyun’s day went would suffice, but Kyuhyun argued that they spent most of the day together so he should know how his day was. Hyukjae would ask for his opinion on some random piece of clothing he thought of buying, only to be answered with an ‘it looks nice’. Most days with Kyuhyun went like this. Questions left unanswered, Hyukjae’s random comments left unacknowledged, nothing seemed to work. Hyukjae was driving himself crazy asking for something he can’t have. Hyukjae has resorted to letting silence fall over the apartment. The constant trying was tiring and Hyukjae’s mind was begging for him to give up.

Hyukjae flopped on the couch, flipping through channels, stopping occasionally on some reality show. Mindless tv was always the solution to Hyukjae’s problems. Outside the sky lit up followed by a loud clap of thunder, rain pelted the window. A quick glance out the window as another flash of lightning filled the sky had Hyukjae glancing at his phone, checking the time. Hyukjae was beginning to worry about Kyuhyun. His schedule ended an hour ago, but he hasn’t heard anything from the boy. Usually, Hyukjae receives a text if Kyuhyun was going to be late.

Hyukjae was brought out of his thoughts when he heard the front door swing open. Kyuhyun came rushing in, every inch of his hair and clothes soaked from the storm. Hyukjae rushes over to Kyuhyun, helping him out of his jacket while Kyuhyun struggles with his shoes. Once his shoes are off Hyukjae drags Kyuhyun to the bathroom, pushing him to sit on the toilet. He rushes in and out of the small room, grabbing clean, warm clothes and a towel to help dry him off.

“What happened?” Hyukjae asks quietly as he towel dries Kyuhyun’s hair.

“Car popped a tire, went out to help the driver.”

“Did you get it fixed? Why didn’t you call someone to come get you?” Hyukjae pulls back to look at Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun’s eyes struggled to stay open, tired from being pounded by the rain.

“It’s fine, we got it fixed anyway.” He mumbles, looking away. “Can I change, please?” He asks, still avoiding Hyukjae’s eyes.

Hyukjae looks over Kyuhyun before leaving, giving Kyuhyun the space he asked for. Hyukjae settles back onto the couch, glancing every few seconds back at the door, waiting for Kyuhyun. After a few minutes, Kyuhyun finally appears, trying to make a beeline back to his bedroom. Hyukjae jumps from the couch, barely blocking Kyuhyun’s door.

“Hyukjae, please, not now.” Kyuhyun pleads.

“Then when Kyuhyun? I’ve been waiting for days for you to say anything to me!” Hyukjae winces at how harsh his voice sounds.

“Why?” Kyuhyun finally looks at Hyukjae. There’s a look in his eyes that Hyukjae can’t figure out.

“Why are you so hellbent on this?” Kyuhyun tries again.

Hyukjae finds himself looking away from Kyuhyun. The look was too much to bear. He picks at his nails, trying to sort out what he wants to say. What he should say.

“I don’t belong here,” Kyuhyun whispers after a few minutes of silence. Hyukjae knows this. Of course, he knows this, he just doesn’t want to admit the truth. Doesn’t want to acknowledge the pain Kyuhyun experiences by living this life.

“I know.” Hyukjae sighs and looks back at Kyuhyun, meeting his gaze. “But you’re here, shouldn’t that be enough?”

The question was too hopeful even for Hyukjae.

“You know the answer to that.” Kyuhyun counters. Hyukjae feels his heart crumble. Feels his blood rush to his ears and his breathing pick up. Tears flowing down his cheek. He’s not sure what he expected to happen when he confronted Kyuhyun, but a part of him hoped it would be something good.

Hyukjae chuckles quietly, a sad, empty sound.

“I love you, but you know that, don’t you?” Hyukjae finally confesses.

Hyukjae looks at Kyuhyun, his eyes red and watery like his own. He reaches out to Kyuhyun, resting his hand gently on his cheek, wiping away tears with his thumb. Kyuhyun leans into the touch, eyes fluttering shut.

“I love you too.” Kyuhyun breathes.

He moves his head slightly to place a small kiss on Hyukjae’s hand.

“What do we do from here?” Another kiss was placed on his hand. Kyuhyun’s eyes stayed shut and he placed kiss after kiss onto Hyukjae’s hand.

“We live, we breathe, we die.”