They’ve been doing this for a while. This tug of war, this back and forth. Frankly, Sooyoung doesn’t know what this is. She doesn’t know what her and Jiwoo have. It’s terrifying to her.

They’re friends, Sooyoung knows that. It’s why she’s gotten herself into this predicament anyway. It’s how it all started. Jiwoo and her were studying late in her own apartment, and Sooyoung cooked them dinner, and suddenly it was too late for Jiwoo to go home so Sooyoung just... told her to stay.

And now it’s just something they do. Jiwoo sleeping over, that is. It’s been going on for a while, so long that Sooyoung made a drawer of her own clothes for Jiwoo to wear if she sleeps over. And Jiwoo always wears Sooyoung’s clothes, because these things are never planned.

Sooyoung’s never been good at planning, and she’s never been good at expressing herself either. Sooyoung is scared to say anything about this to Jiwoo, about the way she feels about her, because she’s afraid she’s going to do something wrong. She’s afraid she’s going to lose everything, afraid she’s going to lose her.

“Good morning,” a voice says from behind her.

“Good morning,” Sooyoung says, turning off the stove so she doesn’t burn the eggs. She turns around to face the voice.

It’s Jiwoo, who just walked into her living room after waking up, and just like she always is, she’s wearing Sooyoung’s clothes, and Sooyoung’s throat tightens. It’s hard for words to describe the way Jiwoo looks wearing Sooyoung’s oversized sleep shirt that’s slipping off her shoulder, tucked into a pair of shorts. Sooyoung’s a romantic at heart and a flirt in the brain, so she might have the vocabulary to describe how seeing Jiwoo’s messy hair cascading over her collarbone makes her feel, but Sooyoung is also a simple sapphic. Her brain doesn’t work at the sight of it, all she feels is feathers floating in her stomach, tickling the sides.

Jiwoo gives Sooyoung this soft smile, small and intimate and warm, and Sooyoung cracks.

“There’s a toothbrush for you in the bathroom.” The words tumble out of Sooyoung’s mouth. She wasn’t supposed to tell Jiwoo this. Jiwoo usually just brushes her teeth back at her dorm when this happens, after Sooyoung drops her off. 

Jiwoo just tilts her head at Sooyoung, looking at her like she didn’t hear her. “What?”

But Sooyoung can’t take back the words now, and she’s always been an impulsive person, so she just walks over to Jiwoo, holds her hand softly, and takes her to the bathroom.

“I bought you a toothbrush,” Sooyoung says, rummaging through the cabinets near the sink. She had only bought it a few days ago, after she had seen it in the aisle and could only think of Jiwoo.

“A disposable one?”

“No, a real one. That you keep.” Sooyoung pulls out the toothbrush, still in its package. It’s peach, Jiwoo’s favorite color, with strawberries on the handle. She turns around and hands it to Jiwoo, and she just holds it in her hand, staring at it.

“Oh! This is super cute, Sooyoung! Thank you,” Jiwoo says, beaming at her. Sooyoung will never get tired of that smile. “But, why did you waste the money on me? I could’ve just got my own, or you could’ve just gotten me a disposable one.”

“I just... I wanted to get you one. That you could leave here. With mine. In the toothbrush holder.”

“Where people can see it?”

“Yeah.” Sooyoung doesn’t care if people see it, doesn’t care if people think she’s taken because, in her heart, she is.

“Oh.” Jiwoo is still just staring at the toothbrush, instead of looking at Sooyoung.

“It’s just, you stay here a lot and I thought it would be nice for you to not have to go back to your dorm all the time and we can just go to campus together instead, although you’d probably still have to stop to get your clothes so it was probably a dumb idea, but I just thought—”

“Sooyoungie, you don’t have to ramble. It’s okay! I love it. Thank you.” Jiwoo opens it up and puts it next to Sooyoung’s burgundy toothbrush, and Sooyoung just thinks it looks right. Just like how Jiwoo just looks right in her clothes, just like how Jiwoo’s hand fits just right in hers.

“Are you sure about this? I don’t want to stop you from getting any dates or anything.” Jiwoo chuckles, but it feels slow, empty. 

“I’m sure. I’m not bringing any other girls over anyway,” Sooyoung says. She could say a lot more if she had the guts to, but she doesn’t. She didn’t have trouble with this before, calling girls cute and flirting with them, but Jiwoo is different.

“Can I bring my clothes here too?” Jiwoo says, looking into the mirror at Sooyoung.

“Go ahead, I’ll clear out a drawer for you.” Jiwoo makes her feel like there are feathers in her stomach, like her cheeks are the colors of apples, like she’s dropping things from tall buildings just to see what will happen when it falls. Sooyoung loves Jiwoo, it’s as simple as that. She’s exciting and comforting, peppy and serious, and she’s sweet. She loves Jiwoo’s laugh and Jiwoo’s smile and Jiwoo’s pout when she’s sad. She loves the way Jiwoo teases her and the way she hums under her breath when she’s nervous. She loves Jiwoo.

“Sooyoung, I love you,” Jiwoo says, and Sooyoung knows. Jiwoo says it all the time. She says it when Sooyoung drops her off at her dorm, when she wishes Sooyoung goodnight, when they’re playing air hockey together and they win against Jungeun and Jinsol, and when Sooyoung lets her pick the music in the car.

“I love you too, Jiwoo.”

“No, Sooyoung. I love you. Like, I want you to be my girlfriend and I want to go on dates where we hold hands and kiss and I want to come here to eat dinner and sleep in the same bed cuddling with you. I love you.”

Sooyoung feels like she’s the apple being dropped from the roof of a building, her stomach spinning and her palms sweating. It feels like the first snow of winter, like the first cherry blossoms in spring. Does she even know what to say? Can she even say anything, because it feels like her tongue is tied.

“I—”

“Take your time,” Jiwoo says, and Sooyoung just feels her heart swell again. Sooyoung would not consider herself a person who easily cries, but she can’t help it. She starts to tear up, looking at Jiwoo’s face and eager eyes in the mirror, and she feels Jiwoo’s hand wrap around hers.

Jiwoo turns around. “You’re just a crybaby, Sooyoungie.”

“Am not.”

“You cry every time we watch a sappy movie together. You are.” Jiwoo reaches to wipe away her tears. “It’s okay.”

“I love you too,” Sooyoung says, her voice shaky from crying. 

“I know.” Jiwoo just stands here, holding Sooyoung’s hand, rubbing it with her thumb, and waiting.

And, when Sooyoung is composed enough to respond properly, she squeezes Jiwoo’s hand back.

“So, about wanting to be my girlfriend...”

“Are you asking me out, Ha Sooyoung?”

“If I was, what would you say?”

“Of course I’d say yes,” Jiwoo says. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Sooyoung says, and Jiwoo leans in to kiss her. Sooyoung closes her eyes as she kisses Jiwoo back, and she thinks she could spend her whole day just kissing Jiwoo.

But, she can’t, because the eggs are going to get cold and they’re going to be late for their classes, so Sooyoung pulls away and looks her now-girlfriend in the eyes.

“As much as I’d love to kiss you forever, you do need to brush your teeth.”

“Ew, I can’t believe I kissed you with morning breath!” Jiwoo says, turning back to the sink.

“And be fast,” Sooyoung says, walking out of the bathroom. “Or else I’ll eat all the strawberries myself.”

“Hey!” Jiwoo screams down the hall, and Sooyoung walks away with the biggest smile on her face. Despite the studying they did last night, Sooyoung just knows that she’s going to fail her test, because her thoughts are going to be filled with her girlfriend, Jiwoo.