Knock knock.

“Hyun?” A rustle. “Open the door, please.” The voice on the other side of the door sounds too desperate for her liking. Despite the cold night, Joohyun is still wearing her black off-shoulder dress, which she took her sweet time choosing it knowing how Seulgi loves the style so much. Classy, elegant, and modest; just fit to Seulgi’s own preference. Seulgi had told her many times before— how she loves it when Joohyun wearing off-shoulder blouse or dress, because she looks so beautiful in it and suits to her style. Her sweet girlfriend said that, making the older woman blushes everytime.

“Joohyun? Please, let me in.” 

Joohyun sighs as she stares the night view from the bedroom’s window. It has been going on for 10 minutes. She shut out the younger girl the moment the latter received a phone call regarding her work. It has always been like this. Seulgi and her big responsibility to the country.

Seulgi is a soldier. A captain at that. She holds such a big responsibility at such young age based on her abilities and high skills during previous missions. Her leadership resulting her to be choosen as the Alpha’s team leader, a team that often sent into countless risky mission. And tonight, they were supposed to have their sweet romantic dinner at a restaurant. It was the first romantic dinner they will have in a month, because lately both of them had been busy with their career. Seulgi was the one to initiate the nice gesture. But one call had to change everything. Before they can even go out from the house, Seulgi’s phone rang in a very familiar ringtone that Joohyun acknowledged. A special ringtone that Seulgi set as an urgent call from her work. 

Another call means another mission. Once again, Seulgi had to leave. Out of the all time they had, why it must be now? Why Seulgi had to be called into an urgent mission when they finally had time to spend with each other. Joohyun had so many things to tell. And one of them is really important that will change their life. A secret that Joohyun had been keeping for a while, now that she had chance to tell her girlfriend, the said girl was called. 

“Just go, Seulgi.” Joohyun said. She gave up. Already sick with all of this. Been dating Seulgi for seven years taught her well that she isn’t dating just some girl. Her girl that she had to share with the country. Knowing how patriotic Seulgi is, she had to accept her fate of being the second choice in Seulgi’s life.

“I’m sorry, okay? I promise when I come back, we will go to that dinner. Alright, baby?” Seulgi tried to negotiate. It’s not like she asked for things to happen. She loves Joohyun. But her responsibility to the country is big.

“Aren’t you late by now? Just go. Leave me alone.” Joohyun said from inside the room. The door still locked. Seulgi heaved a sigh and took a glance on her wristwatch. What Joohyun had stated wasn’t wrong. She need to hurry up and go back to the base camp. 

“Okay, I will get going. Can I hear one last ‘I love you’ from you?”

Nothing.

Seulgi heard nothing.

Seulgi had no choice. At this rate, she knew already that Joohyun needs her time alone. To deal with her emotion and accept the reality. 

“I will take my leave now then.” She paused. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Still nothing.

That night, Seulgi left with her confession left with no reply. Joohyun sobbed till her body dropped on the bed and into a dreamland. A much better place where she and Seulgi will live a happy life.

* * *

A week passed by. There’s still no message from Seulgi. Joohyun guessed that the mission this time might be hard to deal with. Since three days ago, Joohyun had been dealing well with her feelings. Knowing Seulgi could be working hard to protect the country, she silently prayed for the girl’s safety. Hoping that the world will be a better place to live.

However, she still cannot erase the uneasiness that had been sitting in her chest for a while. Her mind was wondering if Seulgi is in good condition. She’s worried. Something is trying to tell her that Seulgi is in danger. She tried to shake off the feeling, praying again for Seulgi’s safety.

But when a frame holding a picture of both of them fell and broke, the uneasiness came back. Her instinct telling her that something happened. And that thing had something to do with her girlfriend.

* * *

The very next day, Joohyun was visited by people from the army. Joohyun recognized them. They were all Seulgi’s comrades. 

“Byulyi-ssi?” Joohyun asked. Her eyes were searching for a pair of familiar monolid eyes.

“Joohyun-ssi, we have something to tell you...” Byulyi looked down to her boots, looking up again to face the already anxious Joohyun. Handing a letter in her hand, she offered a concern look.

Joohyun understood now. This scene, she knew it all. There’s a reason why Seulgi wasn’t there with her comrades. The letter, the box that the other comrade was holding. Everything is almost clear.

“Is Seulgi...” Joohyun cannot continue her sentence. She choked up on her own tears. “...she didn’t make it?”

The solemn look offered by Byulyi confirmed it. Joohyun felt her legs turned into jelly and dropped on the floor by the entrance. She was sobbing hard. All of Seulgi’s comrades could only do nothing but offer their condolences. Only Byulyi was kind enough to calm Joohyun down from the burst of emotion. After all, she’s Seulgi’s best friend.

Joohyun was totally saddened by the news. She broke down. She don’t care about how she looks when she had tears and snots on her face. She should have known better. When Seulgi asked to hear that one last ‘I love you’ from her, she should have notice the odd sooner. And she would have say all those things multiple times. But now?

It doesn’t matter anymore. The person waiting to listen the three words again and again was no longer there. She could only cried harder and harder. Regret was all left inside her. 

And a non reply ‘I love you’.

* * *

Things get a little bit better after a while. Byulyi and the other comrades left after making sure Joohyun was fine in the apartment. They left her with a box of Seulgi’s things and a letter written by Seulgi herself before she went into the mission.

Slowly, Joohyun reached for the untouch letter. Opening it carefully, she opened the letter and read the content of it.

Dear Joohyun, the love of my life.

I’m writing this letter for you with a heavy feeling, knowing that one day you might actually get to read this. I prayed so hard while writing this, hoping that you will never get the chance to read this letter, because if you did, that means I’m no longer walking on the same earth with you.

Love, I want to let you know that even I’m no longer beside you, please remember that I will never stop loving you. Even after I went into another world, please know that this feeling will remain the same and unchanging. I’m being cheesy, ain’t I? You can laugh if you want tho. 

But please don’t cry. Okay maybe you can but not everyday please. You know how ugly you are if you cry. Hehehe, just kidding. Please don’t be mad :( Okay joke aside.

Stupid Seulgi and her no jam jokes. Joohyun let out a small smile for the first time after a while.

I’m serious now, Joohyun. Please don’t cry too much. I might not be there with you but I know that I will still live in your heart. Remember to eat, sleep and live your life as you should in a good way. And if one day, you find someone who will fill the vacancy that I left, the person who can make you smiles and feel better, please live a happy life with them. I wouldn’t mind.

Because as long as you happy, I’m happy too. 

Joohyun. Bae Joohyun. Ah, I wish that I can call you Kang Joohyun one day. But I guess that day won’t happen anymore. You know, after this mission, I was about to propose you to be my wife. Because I know there’s no one else that I want in my life other than you. I had no one else. My parent were not there anymore but hey, I might have a chance to meet them now, right? 

Oh yeah. About the proposal. I’m serious about asking you to marry me. I guess if you search into my things in the box, you might find the ring. Yes, that’s the ring. Pretty, isn’t it? 

But now I know that it was impossible for me to marry you. Nonetheless, I hope you find someone who will take care of you better than me. Sorry for disappointing you in many of our dates. Being a South Korean soldier was not easy and you know that already. Thank you for dealing me with patience. You get full marks for dedication yeayyyy ;)

Joohyun. I really want to write more but I can’t. There’s so many thing I want to tell you. I’m so grateful that you came into my life, making it the happiest moment ever that happened into my life. Don’t be sad. I’m sorry and thankful.

I love you. 

Sincerely, Kang Seulgi. 

(The love of Joohyun’s life)

“Stupid...”

Joohyun’s tears cannot stop from falling. Seulgi’s letter was filled with love and sadness. As if Seulgi knew that she will be gone. Joohyun cried a little hard on the bed, clenching on the letter while catching her breath. After a while, she managed to gather herself and saw the abandoned box at the corner of the bed. Slowly reaching for it, Joohyun’s hand shivered.

The first thing she saw when she opened the box was Seulgi’s uniform. She picked up the clothes, smelling it again to feel Seulgi’s presence. There’s also other things inside like their photos together, Seulgi’s notebook and other little things. And finally, Joohyun saw a small red velvet box sitting at the bottom of the box. It’s the ring that Seulgi was talking about.

“It’s pretty, Seulgi.” Joohyun commented, taking one pair of it and slid it into her own finger. “It fits perfectly, Seulgi-yah. I wish you were here to see this.” 

Suddenly Joohyun remembered something. She almost forget about the matter as she immersed herself with her own feelings. Forgot about the little life that was growing inside her tummy for a month already.

She's pregnant. 

She was about to tell Seulgi the happy news when they planned to go to the dinner that night. The night where she last saw Seulgi. 

“Baby...” Joohyun caressed her still flat tummy softly. “It’s now just you and me, huh? It’s a shame that your Mama will never knew about you.” Joohyun sobbed silently. 

“I wish you were here, Seulgi-yah. How do we live now without you?” 

* * *

It’s not easy at all. The first trimester was like a roller coster ride for Joohyun. She felt terrible most of the morning, feeling nauseous all the time and even lost her appetite. However, she was trying very hard to deal with it because of her unborn baby. Not having her spouse by her side was killing her slowly. Luckily a mutual friend of Seulgi and her was there to assist and giving her motivation— Seungwan. 

Seungwan was Seulgi’s best friend for a long time. She’s like a sister to the fallen soldier. Seungwan was the first person Seulgi introduced her to when they first start their relationship. The youngest among the three was so thrilled to meet Joohyun. They clicked so well too, resulting her to be close to Joohyun. 

When Joohyun and Seulgi had an issue, Seungwan was there as their middle person. She heard both parties, giving them opinion and led them back on the right track. Most of the time, Joohyun would find for Seungwan when Seulgi went to another urgent mission, leaving her lonely and unattended. And like always, the first person she reached for after Seulgi’s death was Seungwan.

Seungwan gave her supports as a good friend she is. She was excited when Joohyun announced her pregnancy, but also saddened at the fact that Seulgi was not there with them. That means Seulgi will never acknowledge her own baby. In behalf of her best friend, Seungwan promised herself to take care of Joohyun and her godchild. She will do that for Seulgi at least. 

It was another day for another scheduled appointment. As expected, Seungwan accompanied Joohyun to the doctor. Today they got to know that the baby was a girl. Joohyun was so thrilled to know that, knowing that Seulgi had always want a daughter with her one day. Now the day has come. 

But only Seulgi wasn’t there.

Joohyun played with the ring that was wrapping her finger perfectly, silently hoping that Seulgi could see them from up there.

“Do you see us, Seulgi? We’re having a daughter soon.” Joohyun monologues.

“I wish you are here, Seulgi.” 

Seungwan who heard the silent prayer could only nodded by her side, rubbing circle to calm Joohyun.

* * *

One year later.

The sky was getting dark. A sign that the day almost end with the sun setting far in the west. Joohyun watched the sky painted in red hue from the balcony of her shared apartment with Seulgi. Wrapped in Seulgi’s sweater, she sniffed on the fabric which lose it’s owner scent a long time ago. 

“Dawn is always your favourite time, right Seulgi?” Joohyun whispered. “I never had the chance to listen to your reason.” 

She spent a few minutes more by herself on the balcony, before making decision to get inside since she still need to cook dinner. Finding a few ingredients from the fridge, Joohyun began to make a simple dish for dinner. While she’s busy cooking, the doorbell rang. Thinking that it was Seungwan who might drop by after her business at the cafe done, Joohyun left the broth to boil a little bit more before heading to the front door.

“Seungwan-ah, you already—“ 

Except, it wasn’t Seungwan.

Joohyun froze in front of the uninvited guest. The same familiar monolid eyes that she have not seen since a year ago was staring back into her. She felt chills running through her spine as she was left speechless.

Kang Seulgi... the love of her life was standing right there in a good condition, except her head was wrapped in a bandage. Her eyes look tired, but there’s recognizable longing in there. Joohyun eyes was blurred with immediate tears as soon as the person open .

“Joohyun... I’m home.”

Not wasting anymore time, Joohyun lunged forward and let herself fall into the embrace of the woman she’s longing too much. Seulgi returned the hug with same enthusiation, holding the older girl tightly as if she will lose her soon. Both were caught up in tears and sobbed by the entrance.

“Let’s go inside first.” Joohyun said and took the already cold Seulgi inside the apartment, noticing that Seulgi was limping through the way.

“W-What actually happened? Are you okay? They said that you were caught in an explosion. There’s no way that you could... be safe.” Joohyun started to ask her so much questions. Seulgi knew that the older girl was worried. She could saw that in her eyes. 

“I’m fine. I managed to ran away from the site before it explode. I ran into the jungles before the enemy could get me.” Seulgi explained. “That’s all that I can tell you without breaking the protocols.”

Joohyun looked at Seulgi’s face. Her palm was reaching to caress the younger woman’s cheek that was bruised. She looked terrible but at least, she’s safe now. Only God knows how desperate she was to touch Seulgi again, to kiss and hug the girl and saying that everything is fine by now. 

“Erm, Hyun?”

“Yes?”

“Did you cook something in the kitchen?”

Joohyun’s eyes widened and she immediately scurried away into the kitchen and turned off the stove. Luckily her broth was still safe despite some of it spill because of long unattended boiling. 

“Is everything okay?”

Joohyun jolted when she heard a voice in the kitchen. Seulgi. She forgot for a moment that she was there when she was caught in a panic mode. She momentarily forgot that Seulgi was back. She was getting used of the silence in their apartment since a year ago. Joohyun turned and smiled for her girlfriend.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Joohyun watched as Seulgi heaved a sigh of relief as she limped towards Joohyun’s direction. Trapping the older woman between herself and the counter, the younger woman leaned in. Her nose brushed against Joohyun’s.

“I missed you...”

Joohyun did nothing as Seulgi was leaning even closer. Their lips were milimeters apart. Joohyun patiently waited for the kiss that was about to happen. 

Except...

“Ehek... Uwaaaaaaaaaa!”

Joohyun jerked herself from Seulgi in reflex. She pushed her softly and rushed into the master bedroom to see the source of the crying noise. When she arrived, the little figure was wide awake on the bed as she crying asking for her mommy. Tears staining on her fluffy cheeks as her tiny arms wiggled around. Joohyun reached the small figure worriedly and lifted the little baby in her arms, rocking her back and forth to calm the baby down. 

“Joohyun?”

Again, Joohyun forgot about another presence in the apartment. 

She turned to face the person that was now standing by the bedroom’s door. Seulgi eyes fixed on the little creature in her girlfriend’s arms. She was confused.

“W-Who is that?” 

Joohyun gave a small smile and gestured for the other mother who is still clueless to come inside.

“Come here, Seulgi.”

Seulgi walked carefully, managed to arrive near Joohyun. “Sit.” As soon as she was sat on the mattress, Joohyun placed the baby inside her arms.

“Hold her like this.” Joohyun patiently fixed Seulgi’s arms so she can hold onto the baby safely. 

Seulgi was nervous as heck. Her mind was running wildly with unnecessary thoughts. Who is this baby? What if Joohyun is already married? So many things were making her anxious.

“Hyun, are you, by any chance already... married?”

Silence.

“Is it true?” Seulgi was anxious. 

Joohyun only offered silence.

“You should’ve told me. I-Ishouldn’t be here, Joohyun.” She stood up and about to hand Joohyun the baby back. She don't want to ruin whatever Joohyun are having now with her spouse but only to stop when Joohyun burst into tiny giggles.

“W-Why are you laughing? This isn’t a joke, Joohyun!” 

“Calm down, Seulgi. Sit first.” Joohyun finished her laugh and pulled Seulgi back to sit on the bed.

“Look carefully, Seulgi.” Joohyun gestured to the tiny figure in the soldier’s arms. “Who do you think she looks like?”

Seulgi eyes fixed on the already calm little figure in her arms. Her eyes, nose and lips... it became oddly familiar to Seulgi. It’s like she was looking into her past, a familiar face that she recognized from a random page of an old album back in her hometown. Could it be...

“H-Hyun? This baby... is she...?”

Joohyun scooted closer, placing her hand on top of Seulgi’s thigh while nodding slowly. 

“Yes, Seulgi. It is ours.” 

* * *

Dinner time became a story-telling time. After Joohyun broke the fact to Seulgi that Yeji is indeed their daughter, Seulgi bursted into tears and got so emotional that Joohyun had to take the baby back in her arms. When Seulgi calmed down a little, she let Seulgi to take care of Yeji while she excused herself to finish cooking their meals. 

Seulgi was actually nervous. She likes kids, but she don’t know to deal with months old baby. While Yeji is a calm kid, she never cried once in Seulgi’s embrace, even when she only met her other mother for a few minutes. As if she knew that Seulgi is her Mama, and she will be safe in her arms. 

Joohyun called for her when the dinner is ready. Before eating, Joohyun said she had to feed the little baby first. Seulgi was so shy to witness it and it was actually funny in Joohyun’s eyes. 

“Done. Can you wait for a little more? I need to make her burp before letting her sleep again.” Joohyun said.

Seulgi looked at the baby, to Joohyun’s face and back to the baby. 

“Can I... can I try make her burp...?” Her voice was timid, despite being a fierce soldier. Joohyun’s lips broke into a grin and nodded. Happy that Seulgi is trying to bond with their daughter.

“Sure. Let’s go into the bedroom first.”

Seulgi was clueless about what to do at first. But with Joohyun’s guidance, she managed to make Yeji burp before letting her girlfriend to take over and make the little baby sleep in her crib. Joohyun actually seldomly used the crib. She used to sleep with Yeji on the same bed as hers since it would be too lonely because Seulgi’s not there. Besides, she can attends to Yeji’s need immediately when she woke up and cries at night.

“She’s asleep now. Let’s go eat our dinner.” Joohyun said and offered help to Seulgi since she’s injured from the previous mission. 

Through the dinner, Joohyun filled in what Seulgi had missed a lot when she’s not there. She told her about when she first discovered her pregnancy, and how she wanted to tell Seulgi the news on the dinner date that they were supposed to go. She also told about how she dealt with herself when Byulyi and the rest of her comrade came to deliver the news, when she realized that Seulgi won’t be there through out the pregnancy. Luckily Seungwan was there to help. Seulgi cried while imagining of what Joohyun had been through. 

“It’s okay now, Seulgi. You are here and you’re not going anywhere, right?” Joohyun said to calm her down. They managed to finish the meal and paused their story-telling time to clear the table.

But the pause wasn’t held for too long when both lovers washed up and settled on the soft mattress back in their bedroom. Joohyun grabbed her opportunity to snuggle close to Seulgi, wrapping protective arms around the soldier’s waist while tucking herself under Seulgi’s chin. She landed a soft peck on Seulgi’s jaw.

“Have you met your comrades yet?” She asked when the night basked in silence. 

“Yes. Actually I head to the base camp first before coming here. I need to report myself.” Seulgi replied softly. Her left uninjured arm were placed under Joohyun’s head and caressing her soft silky hair. Ah, how she missed doing this a lot.

“Do you know that Byulyi got engaged? She will be married soon.” Joohyun told her. 

“Really? To Yongsun, I guess?” 

“Hmm. Their marriage will be hold next month. Maybe she will tell you that later too.” Joohyun replied, sighing into the warm embrace.  

With nothing exchanged between them anymore, the couple was surrounded by comfortable air of silence. Until Joohyun broke it.

“Seulgi?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I missed you.”

Seulgi opened her eyes and turned to see Joohyun’s face. A smile was engraved on her lips.

“I missed you too. A lot.”

Joohyun got up from her position, now her face was facing close to Seulgi’s. Slowly, she went further and two lips finally meeting the middle with all passions were threw into the kiss. Pouring all their feelings into it, they kissed until their lips swollen. 

Oh, how they miss doing this again.

The kiss was stopped after a while. Joohyun giggled seeing how messy they look by now. Giving a final peck to the younger’s lips, Joohyun reverted back into her position earlier.

While they were surrounded by the familiar silence again, the older between the two suddenly remembered something.

“Seulgi?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I love you too.”

Seulgi was confused.

“...too?”

“It’s for the last time. You said ‘I love you’ before leaving for the mission.” Joohyun paused. “I didn’t get to reply that back then I regret it a lot.”

Seulgi sighed into the silence. Pressing her lips on Joohyun’s crown of head, she said.

“Even you don’t say it out loud, I know you love me.” 

“Thank you, Seulgi. For coming back.”

“Well... thank you too, for willing to wait for me. And for giving birth to Yeji.” 

“Let’s sleep now and continue this talk tomorrow. There’s still a lot I want to tell tou about Yeji.” Joohyun said, moving herself to switch off the bedside lamp before snuggling again in the crook of Seulgi’s neck.

Joohyun was happy, to finally reply the ‘I love you’ from Seulgi and for having Seulgi’s back in her arms. 

Now, she’s making sure to treasure all their moments together while planning a future with her little family. There’s many to come, but Joohyun won’t give up. 

And she knew that Seulgi won’t give up too.

THE END

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's notes:

Hi, author yoonic99 here. Now that this one-shot is ended, I hope you guys enjoy it a lot. I'm sorry if the story and the plot seems rushed, I didn't want to create a too long story for a one-shot. I actually contemplated a lot whether to make Seulgi left for more years and come back when Yeji's already a toddler, or not. In the end, I choose not to.Yeah, because I hate too many angst. I also did that because I want Seulgi to not miss too many things in her life and contribute her part in growing up Yeji. Btw, Seulgi is an inter here (if you wonder how she got Joohyun preggo).

Y'all know why I choose Yeji? Yes, because she almost shares the same features as Seulgi irl.

Again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience if any. I truly hope you enjoy this a lot. Be happy, people!

Bye!

p/s: Feel free to drop your comments. I love it a lot~