A/N: This fic might seem a little mean-spirited, but no hate to Twilight nor the people who genuinely enjoy the series. I personally found it amusing, and the memes are pretty good too!

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Onda stomps out of the movie theatre, paying no attention to a female’s voice calling her name from behind, as she steps into the cold, November night.

Stupid Mia can’t let me enjoy this one evening after finals week!

“Come on, Onda! Stop acting like a child, I was just—” She hears Mia complain from behind her, and Onda is positive that she’s not walking fast enough to avoid the approaching vampire.

“Excuse me?” Onda cuts her off as she spun on her heel to glare at Mia, and the shorter girl knows she’s in trouble by the manic look in her furious eyes. “I’m acting like a child? Are you kidding me right now?!”

“You literally stormed out of there!” Mia stands her ground and glares back. Garnets clashing with hazels as they leveled their gazes evenly.

“Oh my God, you’re like the most insufferable idiot in the entire world!”

Onda throws her hands up in frustration and barely resists the urge to stomp her feet. She turns around and starts marching towards the car again. Certain that if she stays near Mia for the next few seconds, she’ll give in to her temptation and just punch the vampire’s stupid (pretty) face. Lord knows that Onda doesn’t want to spend the next three weeks with her hand in a splint like last time.

But, of course, she forgets that Mia can catch up instantly with her inhuman speed. So, when Onda looks up from searching in her pockets for the keys—Mia is already standing there in front of her. Leaning against the car with her arms folded across her chest.

“Give me the keys.” Onda asks (well, demands) with a hint of dripping sarcasm. She’s trying to come off as polite, but it’s not very convincing when she balls her fists while talking through clenched teeth.

Mia, the stubborn brat, just rolls her eyes before shaking her head. “No, not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Now Onda really wants to strangle her. And she would, if it actually worked on her undead girlfriend.

“Give. Me. The. Keys. Mia.” She repeats with an edge of hostility and walks forward until she’s right in front of the vampire, taking advantage of the two inches she has on her for competitive dominance.

Mia looks stunned. And for a moment, Onda feels victorious. That is, until the shorter girl suddenly has her pinned against the passenger’s side of the car within seconds. (She really needs to stop forgetting just how strong and fast Mia is. But hey, at least she has the upper hand when it comes to height—though it really has no effect on the centuries-old vampire.)

“Did you just threaten me, sweetheart?” Mia asked in a deathly low voice, her fierce, garnet eyes flashing briefly for a moment, and Onda knows damn well that she should probably be scared for her life.

But here’s the thing: she’s never been scared of Mia.

Not even in the beginning when everything was new, and she had to start believing in things she was sure had never existed—until she met the intimidating, but surprisingly gentle vampire, who never once given Onda a reason to even be afraid of her.

“Not really. It’s more of an order, if you will.” She says after swallowing a bit.

Even though she’s not scared of Mia, it’s kind of unnerving how small and powerless she makes Onda feel, which reminds the latter of her limitations as nothing more than a mortal human.

Mia looks at her for a minute as Onda maintains eye-contact, waiting to see who’ll give in first, before she cheers in her head when Mia takes a step back. Her hands are still grasping the taller girl’s shoulders though, so she stays trapped between the car and the bloodsucker.

“Onda, please. Tell me what happened?” Mia insists, and now Onda is growing upset again.

All she had wanted was one normal date like other people her age—who, by the way, get to go on plenty of them—except she’s stuck with a girlfriend who prefers staying indoors (and making out, which… okay, Onda doesn’t really have a problem with that). And if they do actually go out on one, Mia ends up embarrassing her in public. Reminding Onda why it’s a bad idea to go out in the first place.

The vampire is still waiting for an answer, so she opts to reply with “You embarrassed me” and pokes her chest with a finger. Making sure that Mia knows that Onda is still mad at her for the stunt she just pulled back in the cinema.

“Huh? What did I do?”

“You’re not supposed to shout stuff at the screen!” Onda exclaims, fuming.

“Well, someone needed to tell them that they’re doing it all wrong.” Mia scoffs, and now she’s tempted to smack her upside her dumb (but still infuriatingly pretty) head.

“That doesn’t mean you have to point out everything wrong with the movie while it’s playing! Did you forget that you’re in a theater surrounded by other people who are watching it too?!” Onda states, exasperated at how she has to explain something so simple to her brainlet of a girlfriend.

She really should’ve just fallen in love with someone closer to her age, instead of a supernatural being who’s lived through past eras and doesn’t even know how long that is.

“But, baaaabe!” Mia literally whines, and wait—who’s the centuries-older one here? “They messed up everything about us!”

She then starts listing them off, one by one with her fingers, as Onda tilts her head back enough to groan up at the dark sky.

“First of all, vampires don’t have those special abilities like mind-reading or future vision. We’re already stronger and faster than you humans, so we don’t need those extra enhancements they so boldly flex on-screen.”

Onda has learned not to take offense at that, even though Mia totally means it as an insult sometimes. Like being a human is the worse fate she can curse on anyone. (If forced, however, the vampire agrees that being a human is definitely better than being a Banshee or a Ghoul. But Onda tends to tune her out because, for now, she’s happy to just deal with vampires and the occasional werewolf emptying half the meat section before full moons. Other supernatural beings that aren’t supposed to exist can wait another time.)

“Second of all,” Mia continues. “The whole ‘being able to come out during the day’ thing? We can’t really do that for such long periods of time, unless we ing hate ourselves and want to be remembered as the lousy pile of ashes on the street pavement. If I could stay out during broad daylight without dying a painful death, don’t you think I’d leave my house more often to see you?”

Really, Onda realizes then, that it’s all essentially her fault. She should’ve known better than to take her vampire girlfriend out to see Twilight with her. In a full theater, no less!

“And third of all,” Mia keeps going, oblivious to the fact that Onda isn’t paying attention to her anymore. “We don’t sparkle in the sun like we’re sequin models on Victoria Secret’s runway. We’re vampires, for God’s sake. Ruthless killing machines, you know? Not some kind of… what do you humans call it? Bling-bling? Ah, yes. We are not bling-bling!”

Onda wants to stay angry, she really does, because Mia has fantabulous ways of making stuff up to her. But hearing her undead girlfriend rant about Twilight is something she can’t listen to with a straight face.

As soon as Mia says “bling-bling”, she’s gone. Holding onto her stomach while she doubles over in a fit of uncontrollable laughter, so much so that she can feel tears welling up in her eyes and a dull ache in her side. Onda is pretty sure she would’ve fallen down to the gravel beneath their feet, if it weren’t for Mia holding her steady by the shoulders.

When the taller girl finally feels like she can breathe without choking on her own laughter, she straightens up while leaning against the car door. Her mirthful, hazel eyes flitting up to see the pensive frown on Mia’s face, which nearly sets her off again. But she stops herself right away.

(The vampire can act like a real grouch if she gets annoyed enough, and it takes ages to make her stop scowling like the Grinch during Christmas.)

“Wae?” Mia questions, torn between being irritated or confused by her girlfriend’s reaction.

Onda just smiles at her and shrugs. “Nothing.” She said. “Did I ever tell you how adorable you look when you’re pissed though?”

Mia’s frown deepens. “Ruthless killing machine, Serim.”

Said girl only shakes her head, a smile on her face as she stares fondly at her dumb vampire. “Alright, fine. You’re an adorable, ruthless killing machine, and I’m terrified. Happy?”

The bloodsucker glances around to see if anyone’s listening. Satisfied, she turns back to fix Onda with a half-hearted glare as the glow in her garnet eyes dims slightly. “If someone hears you, it’ll totally ruin my street cred.”

Onda snorts and starts laughing again. Falling against Mia, who’s trying to look stern as she wraps her arms around the former’s waist. But Onda can see the affection in her gaze when she holds her tight.

Looking at Mia, she says with all the sincerity she can muster: “I’ll make sure to mention what a terrifying, brute of a vampire you are to any other vampires I might run into. That’ll help maintain your street cred.”

Mia lets out a throaty chuckle, but there’s a faint grunt at the end. “Not if I have anything to say about that first.”

Right. Onda forgets how Mia doesn’t like it when she mentions other vampires. Granted, she hasn’t met any besides the shorter girl who seems to want to keep it that way. Apparently, vampires take possession as seriously as werewolves do with their territories. And although they’ve talked about this before, Onda isn’t a pet and Mia doesn’t own her. That being said, the latter still maintains this idea that no other vampire is coming near her human. At least, not if she can help it.

Onda decides to just drop the topic and leans forward to kiss Mia instead, smiling a bit from the sharp fangs that nip on her bottom lip teasingly.

It doesn’t even surprise her anymore how cold the bloodsucker is, especially when she hasn’t fed for a considerable amount of time. But when Mia’s fingers slip under her cream-colored sweater, she squeaks under their frigid touch and tries to squirm away from them. Mia, however, simply pulls Onda even closer until she gets used to her odd body temperature.

When her girlfriend begins to shiver from the chilly, night air, Mia then pulls away to herd her into the car. Switching on the heater as soon as they’re settled in, so that Onda can warm up as she starts the engine.

Onda is already feeling sleepy. She has had a long week in college. And the cozy interior of the car, coupled with being wrapped in Mia’s bomber jacket, is making her extra drowsy.

While Mia pulls the car out of the parking lot, Onda curls up on her side with the clear intent to fall asleep and pats the vampire’s pale hand to grab her attention. Mia turns to face at her, smiling at how cute the taller girl looks whenever she’s tired, as Onda yawns and says:

“I’m really glad you’re not a sparkly vampire like Edward. I don’t even look like Bella at all.”