I wanna love me 

The way that you love me 

 

Heejin strummed her guitar strings, eyes closed, whispering the lyrics to herself. She had locked herself in one of the small studios after a long dance practice. Today was especially tiring and she needed an outlet immediately. 

 

The members had gushed over the new Ariana album that dropped the night before and Heejin silently streamed through all of it before landing on the very last song. 

 

The second the sweet melody filled her ears she knew that this was the song. She was eager to learn how to play, the perfect song to serenade someone with. 

 

 

 

It’s like you got superpowers 

Turn my minutes into hours 

 

~a month earlier~

 

The holidays were near so the company gave them a two week break, a very generous offer coming from them. One last practice before the members scattered about, everyone was animatedly talking about their upcoming plans with family and friends. 

 

Hyunjin slid down next to her, holding out a water bottle for Heejin to take. She could tell that the other girl was exhausted from the new choreography they just received. 

 

“Do you want to go on a trip?” 

 

Heejin furrowed her eyebrows, sending Hyunjin a curious look while she chugged the cold water. “Just the two of us?” A nod.

 

She glanced around at her unsuspecting members, wondering why Hyunjin singled her out. They haven’t been spending time together lately, the other girl opting to hang out with Hyejoo or Sooyoung. 

 

Not that she was expecting anything, but she found herself having a lot more free time with Hyunjin busy doing other things. Which led to practicing cover songs with Jungeun or writing lyrics together. 

 

Heejin didn’t think much of their time apart until now, realizing just how much she’s missed the other girl’s company. “Where would we go?” 

 

Hyunjin smiled mischievously. 

 

 

 

Two weeks went by, all of which she spent with Hyunjin. They were here, there, everywhere, and then back at the dorm. Completely empty and the most quiet it’s ever been since the girls moved in. They were the first to arrive back, a day earlier than the other members. 

 

“We weren’t even gone for long, but why does it feel like it’s been forever?” Heejin shrugged out of her coat, tossing it before flopping onto the living room couch. Hyunjin joined her. 

 

“We managed to go to all the places you had on your bucket list!” 

 

Heejin smiled softly. “You didn’t have to do that with me.” A soft smile back.

 

“But it was probably a lot more fun since I came with.” She shoved her best friend roughly, the boisterous sound of laughter filling up the dorm. “Don’t even deny it!”

 

The exhaustion caught up to them, Heejin’s head slumping onto Hyunjin’s shoulder. Her eyes fluttered shut, but before that she caught a faint sound of a breath hitch. 

 

 

 

You got more than 20/20
Made of glass the way you see through me

 

It’s not often that she loses her cool, always keeping her temper in check in front of the majority of her members. But this wasn’t anyone’s fault but hers. Only herself to blame. 

 

She felt all eyes on her, a particular gaze piercing through the back of her head as everyone stared straight at her through the dance practice mirror. 

 

Heejin glanced at the clock, it was almost ten o’clock at night. The girls had been going at it since the afternoon, completely missing the opportunity to sit and have dinner. The comeback stress kept her up all night and now she was starving.

 

Nothing was going right at all.

 

Was it written on her face? Could the others tell that she was a second away from throwing the biggest tantrum over a move they couldn’t match perfectly? It wasn’t even that serious. Again, it was her fault. 

 

A clap. “Alright! Five minute break time!” Hands on her shoulders, guiding her out of the practice room and into the hall. She didn’t have time to think about this unfamiliar sense of rage crawling under her skin, being pushed towards the wall and all. 

 

“Relax.” 

 

“What? I’m fine.” Heejin doesn’t even know why she bothered lying to her best friend. 

 

Hyunjin deadpanned. “It was about to get ugly in there.” 

 

“When have I ever—“

 

Have Hyunjin’s eyes always sparkled? 

 

The rage from before was swept away in an instant, a newfound feeling taking its place. 

 

The hallway light bounced off Hyunjin’s dark brown irises, giving them a nice light brown glow. It was mesmerizing to Heejin, or at least that’s how far she was willing to admit at the time. 

 

“Ladies? It’s been five minutes.” 

 

Heejin flinched at the sound of Jungeun’s voice, but Hyunjin showed no signs of panic, smoothly backing away from where she had trapped her. 

 

Well, that definitely got her mind off things. 

 

 

 

You know me better than I do

Can’t seem to keep nothing from you

 

Day after day, throughout the week, Heejin locked herself in the studio. She was focused on learning this Ariana song, perfecting it so she can perform it without any issues or hiccups. It had to be flawless. 

 

With her headset covering her ears, she was unaware of the conversation unraveling right outside the door. 

 

“Snooping? Definitely not your style, Kim Hyunjin.”

 

The girl in question pretends she wasn’t just blindsided by the older girl sneaking up on her. “Who said I was snooping?” 

 

Jungeun crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, a sight Hyunjin seemed to see way too often. “What’s been going on? Ever since our break, you two have been acting strange around each other.”

It was Hyunjin’s turn to cross her arms, but out of defense. Her guards were up now. “Where is this coming from?” Fear crept up her body, her arms tensing at the older girl’s pointed stare. 

 

Then Jungeun’s eyes softened. “You don’t need to put up a front with me.” Crack. Would it be so bad to let at least one person in through her hard exterior? A trustworthy friend? She was dying to shout from the rooftops how much she was in love with—

 

“Is it that obvious?”

 

“To everyone besides Heejin.” 

 

Hyunjin sighed, bringing her hands up to cover her face. This level of exposure, vulnerable, she wasn’t used to it. Finally admitting something out loud, and to someone at that, felt embarrassing. She’d be thankful if the ground could swallow her up right now.

 

Jungeun reached out to give Hyunjin a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. 

 

Now what? 

 

 

 

Heejin did notice. The shift between them after their impromptu trip over the holiday break. It was what she always felt deep down, just magnified and maximized while they spent time together. 

 

Hyunjin knew her inside and out, better than anyone. Always by her side without fail. Sees Heejin for who she is, and still sticks around despite her flaws. 

 

What it must be like, to see myself from her point of view?

 

She laughed to herself. It was a lie to say that she didn’t have any insecurities. Confidence? To an extent. It was often faked, for the purpose of performing on stage and getting through it all without wanting to crumble from the pressure.

 

But insecurities? Ate away at her endlessly. 

 

Heejin loved herself, yes, but she thinks... Hyunjin loves her more. 

 

 

 

Comeback week was always the most hectic for Heejin. Back to back schedules, and this time, they had a concert. The personal song she’s been practicing for weeks was long forgotten, it sort of had to be to make room for everything else.

 

The more pressing matters.

 

But her memories weren’t letting up, the faint smell of a hot coffee in their waiting room triggering a flashback. 

 

 

“Are you sure we’re going the right way? I swear we’ve gone around this statue more than once already!” 

 

The rain was pouring down on the coast city and all they had was a small, clear umbrella to huddle under while they searched for a café Heejin wanted to go to. It was proving to be very difficult and unsuccessful. 

 

Hyunjin watched with amusement while Heejin’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. Honestly, she was enjoying this moment. The giddiness and excitement she felt being this spontaneous with her best friend. 

 

There’s no place she’d rather be.

 

Okay, maybe it was best they find shelter quick before their clothes soak entirely.

 

They rushed over to the nearest building and swung open the entrance door. “Wait, I think this is it!” The overwhelming scent of coffee invaded her senses. “Welcome to Busan’s number one café!”

 

Cute. 

 

Hyunjin stood behind Heejin while she ordered their coffee and some pastries to snack on, resting her chin on the other girl’s shoulder. 

 

It felt natural. Like this was the way it was supposed to be. (Forever, Hyunjin thought to herself. She wouldn’t mind). 

 

She felt bold, intoxicated from all the fun she was having. She wrapped her arms around Heejin’s waist, swinging her from side to side. The employee behind the counter noticed and threw Hyunjin a knowing look. 

 

It didn’t last that long. As soon as Heejin paid, she swatted at Hyunjin to let her go. At least she was laughing. Wow, that laugh.

 

Hyunjin was a er, plain and simple. She was hopelessly in love with Heejin, even if she wasn’t ready to admit it just yet. 

 

 

Heejin shut her eyes tight, willing away the intruding recollection. It was one of the more obvious moments, where she felt that the lines were definitely blurred between them. Had Hyunjin been dropping hints this entire time?

 

She opened her eyes and scanned the room, the other girl was nowhere to be seen. Heejin deflated on the couch, feeling a pat on her head. “Something on your mind?” 

 

She couldn’t find the energy to speak, so she just shrugged. Jiwoo nodded like she understood and didn’t pry any further. “I’m always here if you need to talk.” Another pat on the head. 

 

This was hard. Heejin didn’t want it to be hard, she wanted to feel free. Like her feelings weren’t such a burden. Tainted, jaded. Those were the last words she wanted to associate love with. 

 

 

 

Heejin paced in front of the closed door, turning around every so often to stare at her own door across the living room. She didn’t have to do this now, or she didn’t have to do this at all! A grand gesture was totally not her style or Hyunjin’s for that matter. 

 

She was two seconds away from nerves catching up to her. This was so embarrassing. 

 

All her thoughts were wiped away when the door rattled open, revealing a sleepy Hyunjin in her yellow pajamas. “What are you doing here?” She moved past Heejin and into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. “Standing outside our door like some weirdo.”

 

Heejin raised her fist threateningly, deflating instantly at the sound of Hyunjin’s soft giggles. She would always be cute to her no matter how fierce she tried to make herself look. “I was just going to wake you up.”

 

A pause. Heejin’s brain working overtime to create a reasonable excuse. “So you can make me breakfast!”

 

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, totally unconvinced, but she went with it anyway. “What do you want today? I’m actually feeling nice this morning.”

 

About halfway through helping Hyunjin in the kitchen, Heejin plopped onto a chair and watched. The other girl almost looked magical, ethereal even, how was that possible this early in the morning? 

 

Everyone must have been exhausted from the night before considering no one has bothered to come out and check on the noise they’ve been making. Not even Jungeun. Was this a sign? Was now the best time?

 

“Hyunjin.”

 

The girl in question glanced up momentarily, humming absentmindedly in response. She cracked a few eggs into a bowl before adding some milk. Heejin eyed her guitar a few feet away from the dining table. 

 

“Can I play you a song?” 

 

Tongue out, gaze sharp, Hyunjin was focused on the eggs as it poured onto the pan. “Sure.” She whipped out a spatula, ready to do her iconic egg flip. 

 

Okay, the nerves were starting to rush back. Heejin adjusted the guitar and started to strum. Maybe it was better she played the song now while Hyunjin was distracted. 

 

 

It's like you got superpowers

Turn my minutes into hours

Heejin looked up, Hyunjin was still focused on their breakfast.

 

You got more than 20/20 Made of glass, the way you see through me

 

She closed her eyes, the lyrics floating through her mind and out of . 

 

You know me better than I do

Can't seem to keep nothing from you

How you touch my soul from the outside

Permeate my ego and my pride

 

She improvised a little instrumental break, not quite ready to belt out the chorus just yet. She was afraid to open her eyes, but she was curious to see if Hyunjin was paying attention now. 

 

I wanna love me The way that you love me For all of my pretty and all of my ugly tooI'd love to see me from your point of view

 

Heejin opened her eyes, feeling Hyunjin’s curious gaze. 

 

I wanna trust me 

The way that you trust me 

Cause nobody ever loved me like you do

 

She took a deep breath and stared straight into Hyunjin’s eyes. 

 

I'd love to see me from your point of view

 

 

The eggs were long forgotten, surely burnt to a crisp now that Hyunjin’s attention was diverted. She watched Heejin curiously, the other girl gulping as she placed her guitar against the wall. 

 

Seconds, minutes, maybe even years passed before a wicked grin appeared on Hyunjin’s face. 

 

“Jeon Heejin.” 

 

A deep blush crept up her neck at the way Hyunjin said her name. She hid her face behind her hands, but not for long. Big hands wrapped around her smaller ones, peeling them away from her reddened face. 

 

Sparkly brown eyes. 

 

“Did you just sing me a love song?”

 

There was no where to hide now, not with Hyunjin glaring deep into her eyes, through to her soul at this point. She could only whisper.

 

“What if I did?”

 

 

 

“Someone’s stepping on my heel!” 

 

“It’s not my fault your blocking the view!”

 

“Shut up! They might hear us!”

 

“Oh please, they’ve been lost in their own little world this entire time.”

 

Jungeun shut the room door abruptly, noticing Hyunjin and Heejin leaning into each other a little too closely—

 

“Hey! What was that for?”

 

“Give them their privacy!”

 

“Rich coming from you, you’re the one who spied on them first!”

 

Gowon cackled, dodging Jungeun’s slap, but Yeojin wasn’t so successful. 

 

Whack!

 

Yeojin pouted, rubbing the back of her head. Jiwoo wrapped her up in her arms, sending a playful glare at Jungeun. 

 

“Everyone.” Her commander voice. “Back to bed.”