Hyoyeon

"You have to want this. You must be willing to push your body and mind to get this. I can't do more than teach you this and encourage you." I say to the rookie girl group standing in front of me. We are on day two of choreography practice and some of them are failing to get the moves down. Companies hire me to teach their idols hard hitting dances that almost always pays off in "choreography of the year", "best dance of the year", and "hardest choreography of the year" awards. I teach every group with all my heart and soul but if they cannot make my moves come to life then it is a waste of time for them. I know, I know. I probably sound like a hard and . I have heard it all before but in the end, it really all pays off. The aches and pains throughout your body and the tears of frustration are all worth it in the end when you get high praise and reviews for your hard-hitting dance. When you open YouTube or Tiktok and see hundreds or even thousands of different people around the world wanting to do the dance you learned from Kim Hyo-yeon. It truly pays off. Your body may hurt but these idols are young and they can get right back up. They are so resilient hence why I push them. The jungle of kpop is to be strong or get eaten by the cheetahs. You cannot afford to be weak in this world.

"From the top!" I shout out, using the remote to start the song over on the stereo. I run through the dance for them once again, my eyes watching every girl behind me in the mirror. Bora, excellent. Soo-jung, good. Mi-rae, good. Hana, good. Grace, good. Sara, sloppy. I stop the music which caused each girl to freeze up. Their expressions are as if they are deer caught in headlights. I can tell Bora is trying to keep a hard expression, as the leader, you cannot afford to show fear.

"Sara, you're being sloppy. You are all over the place. You must tighten up your moves and try not to be stiff. Your facial expressions are not there either." I say to the maknae of this group.

"I'm trying my hardest. I'm just really tired, can we take five?" Sara responds, her eyes filling with tears. When I first began teaching choreography, the tears used to make me feel bad for the idols. I would question if I were too mean of an instructor. But after eight solid years in this business, I have learned that tears meant I was doing my job. Companies hired me to push their idols to new boundaries with their bodies.

"No, Sara. We must keep going. I was only hired to teach this dance for four days before you guys are expected to do it on your own. This is day two, lets run it again from the top." I say with no mercy in my tone. We run through the dance once again, one of the key points being the hard stomping with the smooth hip rolls and the cross over foot work. The dance also includes fierce facial expressions. They must look angry and tired of all the bull around them. The song being about how they are going to rise to the top without stopping due to hate comments and baseless rumors. As we continue to run through the dance, I can tell Sara is giving up on trying to get it, so I decide to take on a different tactic.

"Sara! Do you even belong in this group?" I ask, marching over to her.

"W-what?! I d-do, M-ms. Kim." She stutters, her eyebrows furrowing as she tries not to come off as rude. All the tiredness and fear is slipping from her expression, I can sense that she is getting angry, especially by the way her hands balls into two tiny fists at her sides.

"Doesn't seem like it. Bora, Mi-rae, Hana, and Grace all seem to belong. They are doing the choreography and listening to me." I egg her on. Seeing the way Sara gulps with her fists shaking at her sides, I can tell she is pissed off. Good, the anger shows that she wants this. It shows that there is a fire burning inside of her and she wants to get this right. She does not say anything else to me, she simply takes a deep breath and gives me a nod of her head. That simple nod tells me everything I needed to know. She is ready to get this right.

I start the music back up from the top. My eyes watching everyone in the mirror, a satisfied grin on my lips as Sara tightens up her moves, her face showing the fierce expression that I have been searching for. I am proud of her. She is feeling it just like the rest of the group. I continue running through the dance with them for another two hours- with two 15-minute breaks in between- before I relieve them for the rest of the day. I smile as they bow and thank me. I give Sara a reassuring pat on her shoulder. A pat that lets her know that I am proud of her progress. I watch as they all leave with tired smiles on their faces, probably ready to go home and shower.

I take moment to sit down and stretch out my limbs. I feel a bit sore from repeatedly going through the dance with them, but I am just happy everyone is tightening up and seemingly are getting the dance down. The point of dancing is to throw your heart and soul into it. You are not a real dancer if you cannot feel it in every inch of your body. If you cannot take your emotions and throw it into your dance then what are you even doing dancing? I am proud of them. I know they will probably insult me and call me names behind my back, I am used to it. In the end, they will realize all the pain is worth it.

I finish up my stretching, my muscles feeling relief as I cross the room to grab hold of my bag and now ringing phone. A smile comes across my face as I see the face of my beautiful girlfriend pop up on the screen. Ju-hyun is my everything, the main person I can take comfort in when I feel tired from the pressures of the world. I met Ju-hyun around four years ago. She is a make-up artist in the industry. I was invited to a huge award show since I was nominated for an award. Ju-hyun was the one to do my make-up and it honestly was love at first sight for me. Her cheeky smile and puffy eyes drawing me in. She also drew me in with her tall height and long legs. At the time, I felt that Ju-hyun was probably straight so I did not even bother with trying to pursue her romantically. But then she asked for my phone number after the show and we started meeting up for coffee. Within a year, she finally confessed to me and we started dating ever since then.

"Hello? What's up?" I ask Ju-hyun as I turn the lights off to the dance studio and leave the room.

"Hyo... Where are you?" Ju-hyun asks. I can hear the panic in her tone, something is not right. I rush towards the elevator and press the down arrow so hard that I crack my manicured nail.

"I'm leaving the studio, why?" I ask.

"Hyo, someone... I-i... Someone leaked our relationship." Ju-hyun answers.

I can feel my heart drop to my stomach. I am honestly comfortable with my uality and relationship with Ju-hyun. It is something I am proud of, but Ju-hyun has always wanted to keep us private and for good reason too. Being part of the LGBTQ+ in this industry is like asking to be exiled. It is one thing that had always annoyed me. Why can't people just let people be LGBTQ+ in peace? Ju-hyun and I worked hard at keeping our relationship private. The only people knowing besides us are my friends Soon-kyu and Soo-young and Ju-hyun's friend Yuri. I trusted the three of those women with my life so I knew it would not have been them who leaked anything.

"What do you mean?" I ask as I climb into the elevator and hit the down button.

"There are articles circulating about our relationship. They even have a photo of us kissing when we took our private trip to Jeju-do last year! Hyo, what are we going to do? My parents have been calling me nonstop but I can't even dare to pick up the phone."

"What articles? What? From whom?" I cannot wrap my mind around this. How did a person even get a photo from our private trip of us kissing? Who would even want to watch us this closely? I am literally just a choreographer and Ju-hyun is a make-up artist! Okay, maybe I am one of the top choreographers but still, who would waste their time to write about us?

"Hyo, they are all over online. It is trending on Twitter. Aigoo, what do we even do?"

"Let me call you back, okay? I will be home soon and then we can discuss this. I will figure this out!" I say.

"O-okay, just... Be careful."

I end my call with Ju-hyun. My heart is racing, my leg shaking as I feel a buildup of anger and shock. I navigate myself to the web search tab, my fingers shaking a bit as I type in my own name. The first suggested search result being: "Choreographer, Kim Hyo-Yeon, a lesbian." I quickly click on the option, my heart thumping harder as I see multiple articles popping up. The photo of Ju-hyun and I's private kiss on the beach being in many articles. The comments are so harsh and the articles are so judgmental. I feel a wave of nausea as I get off the elevator and rush through the lobby of the company. My head down as I read more of these headlines and comments.

'Kim Hyo-yeon is gay.' 'Kim Hyo-yeon has been dating a woman.' 'Kim Hyo-yeon is more than just a tomboy.' 'Kim Hyo outed as gay'

I rush out of the company's building. My phone chirping and vibrating with a multitude of notifications from my social medias. I cannot even bring myself to open my Instagram and Twitter. My eyes stinging with hot tears. I can feel my body shaking from the pure anxiety and frustration. Who were these sites to just post my private photos everywhere? Who are these people to judge me for loving a woman? Why are my accomplishments being overshadowed by the news of my relationship? I must get myself together and stay strong for Ju-hyun. I hope that this will all pass and I will be able to get back to work. But as I see my phone ring with my manager's name dancing on the screen, I know in my heart, this is the end of me and everything I have worked for.

Seulgi

I want to go home and sleep. I have been at work for 14 hours now, I was supposed to leave two hours ago but since one of our nurses called off last minute, I agreed to work until they could find a replacement. I can feel my eyeballs burning with the need to be closed and sleep. My stomach growling from pure hunger and exhaustion. The ER has been busy ever since I started my shift last night. There had been an accidental fire in an apartment nearby and though many people had minor injuries, there were a few cases of first and second-degree burns. I am always willing to help people, that's my duty and obligation as a nurse. But I am so tired and hungry. I just want to go home and get some sleep. I had to be back here later on tonight for my next shift. 

"Seul-gi.~ Are you okay? You're looking like a zombie." Seung-wan, my colleague and friend, says to me. She pinches my back as we stand behind the ER desk, waiting for more people to come in.

"I am so tired and hungry. Soo-young had to call off so I was asked to stay until they can find someone to cover her shift, that was two hours ago." I say. I lean back into Seung-wan's hold as she wraps her arms around me. No one's in the waiting room so we are able to goof off a bit. Seung-wan definitely made working in the ER a bit more easier especially during the dry spells. She is the glue that keeps me together when I feel like running into a break room and hiding for the rest of my life. I know it sounds like I'm complaining a lot. I really do enjoy being a nurse and helping people but sometimes I want to do more. I truly want to dance but becoming a nurse was a more practical dream to my parents. They had went into debt for trying to support my older brother's dream of becoming an idol, so they said no to me when I mentioned I wanted to dance. It honestly , to have your dream shot down because your brother failed. He did not even have true passion for it. His wish to become an idol was based on the fact a lot of women would like him and he could become rich. I knew that my parents invested into the wrong child but didn't dare say it when they were paying for his training. In the end, he never debuted and went into a job as a laborer since he did not have the funds for college. The only reason I was able to get into university and become a nurse was because of scholarships and my savings.

"The queen bee is not around. How about you go hide in the bathroom and get yourself a snack from the vending machine." Seung-wan says as she slips some money in the pocket of my scrubs. Seung-wan, a literal angel and lifesaver. I nod my head as I break out of her gentle hug. I tuck my hands in my pockets and break free from behind the desk. I walk with my head down as I head down the corridor towards the bathrooms. I pause at the vending machine and slip the money inside. At this point, I don't even care what I eat as long as I can eat. I end up selecting Honey Butter chips and I rush into the bathroom. I go into one of the stalls and carefully climb up onto toilet. My feet on the sides of the toilet as I squat slightly. I tear open the bag of chips and begin to eat like a savage. My stomach thanking me for blessing it with food. 

I sigh deeply as I take my phone out of my pocket. I'm not surprised to see I have no missed texts or calls. People did not really search for me because they know I'm a nurse and always busy with work. Also, I didn't have a very large friend group. There is just Seung-wan, who is at work with me and my neighbor Ye-rim who worked at a super busy cafe while running a beauty YouTube channel. Besides that, I am pretty much a loner, who went goes to work and then goes home to my parents and brother. I honestly want so much more out of life but this is all I can manage to do until I help my parents pay off my brother's debt. The thought of it makes me want to cry. I've been working at paying back his debut for five years now and it feels like we haven't even put a dent in it. I try to remain hopeful but as time passes, I start to wonder if I will be working to pay back his debt until I am dead. It really should not be my duty as his younger sister but I love my parents so I do it for them.

I eat more chips as I scroll through social media. I've been waiting for the comeback of the girl group, 'Girls' Treasure'. It's an eight-member group that has the best choreography on earth. I am so in love with their main dancer, Momo. She moves so effortlessly and freely. Their last song featured her most iconic dance break ever. The way she flawlessly did a back handspring into a split, always managed to make my heart flutter. Momo is everything I aspire to be if I was able to dance. Honestly, I don't even have the dream of becoming an idol anymore. I just want to dance and be known for dancing. Like Kim Hyo-yeon, she is one of the top choreographers in kpop and she was the one that choreographed Momo's amazing dance break.

I shove another chip into my mouth as I continue scrolling through media. I then pause, my eyes widening at the photo on my screen. It's Kim Hyo-yeon locking lips with some woman on the beach. I blink hard and rub my eyes. I must be so sleep deprived, that I am seeing things. There is no way. I quickly click the link to the article. My lips moving slightly as I read what is written, "Choreographer, Kim Hyo-yeon is a lesbian. A close insider details that the choreographer has been in a relationship with make-up artist Seo Ju-hyun for two years now. The insider also details that the two live together." 

Woah. The news is completely unexpected. I honestly do not have time to sit around and worry about idol relationships or anyone's relationship. I barely have time to come up with a love life of my own. I am 26 and have never dated nor kissed anyone, pathetic, I know. But this news is a bit of a shocker. I feel bad for Hyo-yeon and Ju-hyun, it is obvious they did not come out about this willingly. Who would rat someone's private relationship out? It definitely doesn't sit well with me but I don't have time to dwell on it. I shove the last few chips in my mouth and ball up the bag. I stuff it into the pocket of my scrubs and go to Hyo-yeon's instagram. I go to her latest post from a week ago and leave a message of encouragement for her.

NurseKSGI94: I love you, unnie! Stay strong! I will always support you. 

I hit send with my supportive message and climb down from the toilet seat. I gasp out in pain, my calves aching from squatting so long. I lean back against the stall door and raise a leg to stretch it out. Another gasp coming out as I feel the relief my hamstrings are begging for from me squatting. I drop my leg and raise the other one to stretch it out, slipping my phone back into my pocket. I pause as I hear the bathroom door open. I flush the toilet by instinct. I don't know why but I feel as if I needed to do that so the person would not know I was really in here devouring chips. I pull the stall door open and walk out, pausing at the sight of Dr. Bae. 

Dr. Bae is one of the best ER doctors here. She is so meticulous with her work and led everyone with a calm head in the most dire situations. She's someone who honestly intimidates me. She isn't like other doctors who have formed close friendships, she is a bit of a loner and you rarely see her smile. She's often known as Dr. Ice Princess due to her cold and calculated demeanor, but it honestly makes me admire her more. In my six years of working here, I haven't ever had a proper conversation with her but I've worked next to her on some of the hardest emergencies. She definitely is someone I look up to but I do always wonder why she is so cold.

"Seul-gi." She simply says as she heads into one of the bathroom stalls. I feel my face flush, I totally just stared at her and didn't say anything. She probably thinks I am some sort of creep for staring. I am always just impressed by how she never looks tired. She always looks like she has stepped off the runway even when her hair goes from its neat to messy bun. Her lips are always a shade of pink and her nails are always done. Unlike me who as Seung-wan said, looks like a zombie. I have no clue how Dr. Bae keeps it together but it definitely impresses me. I rush to the sink to wash my hands and leave the bathroom. I scramble back to the desk where Seung-wan is still. 

"Seung-wan! I just saw Dr. Bae." I say in a whisper-yell. I move behind the front desk and fall into the seat next to Seung-wan.

"Oh? Well, did you say something to her?" Seung-wan asks with this cheeky grin.

"No. I just stared at her like an idiot." I say, a pout on my lips.

Seung-wan lets out a laugh, her arm wrapping around my shoulders. "You've been here six years and you still haven't had the guts to start a conversation with her?" She teases.

"She is like... Out of my league, I can't just strike up a conversation with her." I say with a soft whine.

"I'm sure she is really easy to talk to once you get past her cold demeanor." 

"I doubt it." I mumble softly.

We both quickly log into nursing systems as the charge nurse comes back. We call her Queen Bee because she runs us ER nurses with a sharp stinger. She never fails to point out what we should improve on every shift. She also has a habit of making us work when there practically wasn't any work left to do. Kim Tae-yeon is almost as intense as Dr. Bae, but Tae-yeon is vocal about her frustrations versus Dr. Bae. Both women never fail to make my inner gayself quake. Seung-wan says I have a thing for tsundere women in power and honestly, she's right. We sit up tall as Tae-yeon stands behind us, her eyes undoubtedly focusing on our screens to see if we are working. 

"Seul-gi, Yoon-ah just came in. You're free to go home." She says, her hand landing on my shoulder. I can feel my body tense up from the contact. My cheeks growing flush. The Queen Bee is touching my shoulder and it's sending me into a panic. I can feel Seung-wan's foot nudge me under the desk. I nudge her foot back as I stand up and quickly turn to bow to Tae-yeon.

"Thank you so much, sunbaenim." I say. 

I rush off to the break room and grab my belongings. I get to finally go home and get some rest. I can also have some of my mom's japchae and eat myself into a food coma. I set my phone down in my locker as I pull my jacket on and grab my empty lunchbox and purse. I pause as my screen lights up, my heart thumping fast as a notification from instagram pops up.

X_Hyoyeon_X has liked your comment. 

I let out a loud squeal. Kim Hyo-yeon liked my comment?! Was today my lucky day or what? I take a screenshot of the notification and quickly shut my locker. All the tiredness and hunger in my body replaced by excitement and nerves. I run out of the break-room and bid Seung-wan a big wave to say good-bye as I race to the bus stop to get home and share my excitement with Ye-rim and Seung-wan in our group chat.

Momo

"Ahh, I feel so bad for Hyo-yeon unnie." Na-yeon says as she leans against me. It has been about five hours since news of our choreographer's relationship has came out. I feel bad for her as well. The media is not being nice to her. The comments on the blogs and social media ranging from really rude and mean to really supportive and understanding. It's a scandal that has been taking the internet by storm all day. It's quite a shame that people are so focused on who she is dating, that all her achievements and hard work gets thrown out the window. But it isn't anything new. Any scandal- whether its big or small- causes society to toss stones at you and ignore all the good you have done. I have watched many of people I've trained with fall into scandals where they have apologized but continued to receive public scrutiny. I've even seen it happen with my own group members. 

Just last year someone falsely accused of Jeong-yeon of bullying them in high school. Even though our company proved the rumor to not be true, Jeong-yeon had to go on hiatus from all the mean and threatening comments. It really put a huge wave of depression on all of us because we felt sorry she was being hated for something that was not even true. I can't imagine how Hyo-yeon unnie feels in this moment because there is photo evidence. There is no disputing that she is locking lips with make-up artist, Seo Ju-hyun. I can only sigh out as I hear staff talk about Hyo-yeon. I try to tune out the gossip, my eyes scanning the giant warehouse where our music video is being filmed. The sets are incredible and so are the visuals we have shot for our teasers but I cannot focus on the greatness of it all with so many people gossiping and bad mouthing Hyo-yeon.

Hyo-yeon has choreographed some of our hardest dances. We have won about three awards for our dancing under her name. She helped choreograph my greatest dance solo yet. She gave me the encouragement I needed when I felt nervous about doing the backhand spring into the splits move. The company worried that I was not capable to do it and even I worried I was not capable to do it but Hyo-yeon encouraged me. I did that move effortlessly in the music video and a few of our live stages until our company decided to substitute it with a spin and splits due to the fear of me possibly getting injured. I remember how our fans were a bit sad the move got replaced but many were just happy that I was remaining safe. 

"She doesn't really deserve this. She's been such a supportive person to us." I finally say.

"I know. I really wanted to work with her again. We always win best dance with her." Na-yeon continues with a pout.

We stand up as Jeong-yeon approaches us. She has just finished filming for her teaser, something that typically leaves her drained. I notice a look of annoyance on her face as she steps close to Na-yeon and I. I can tell she's about to gossip by the way she turns her head and looks around. She then looks at us and pulls us off further to the side with a sigh. 

"Eun-bi is still sneaking around with Joo-young." She complains. Eun-bi is one of our group members, she has always been rebellious when it comes to the rules. Joo-young is part of one of the hottest boy groups and he is also rebellious. Eun-bi brings me so much anxiety and stress. She sneaks out the dorm often to go meet-up with different guys and sometimes the guys aren't even other idols but regular people. Ji-hyo, our leader, has tried to warn Eun-bi about engaging in such risky behaviors but Eun-bi never listens. Na-yeon, Mina, and Chae-young want to report Eun-bi to the company but then it would mean all of us would be put on punishment. 

"How do you know?" Na-yeon asks leaning into Jeong-yeon.

"I saw the text on her phone. Aish, I don't think anyone else knows besides us now. Don't tell Ji-hyo yet, she will get mad in front of everyone." Jeong-yeon mumbles.

I glance towards Eun-bi, who is still filming her shots for the teaser. I shake my head slightly. I don't understand girls like her. Why would she train so hard and get to debut just to break company rules and put all of our careers at risk? I'm not saying that it's fair for us to not be able to find love but she knows how much is at risk for all of us. Mina, Sana, and I can't afford to go back to Japan. It will bring a lot of trouble on our families if we returned due to foolish scandals that lead to a possibility of disbandment. Even if we don't disband, the thought of Eun-bi being kicked out of the group is also stressful. We have all been together as sisters for  many years now, so it's worrisome if any of us get removed. I can't help but look for Sana and Mina. We all have to stop Eun-bi before anyone finds out. But I can't think of what would make her listen. 

"She's really putting our careers in jeopardy." I whisper. 

"What if she gets outed like Hyo unnie?" Na-yeon suddenly asks with panic in her voice.

"Hyo unnie? What do you mean?" Jeong-yeon asks.

"She has been outed for having a girlfriend." I mention. 

"Wahhh! Really?" Jeong-yeon asks with wide eyes. 

"Yes." I say with a nod with a feeling of shame. Now I am being no better than the staff that is talking about it. Before any of us can continue on about anything, we are called to take a break. I smile as the rest of our members join us. We loop arms with each other and head to the lunchroom. Eun-bi really wouldn't mess this up for all of us, right? She couldn't. I decide to put more trust and faith in Eun-bi, hoping that Jeong-yeon is simply confused as we all sit together to eat and talk about the excitement of our comeback. I do my best to stay out of the gossip about Hyo-yeon unnie. I keep my head down and simply eat but I can feel eyes on me. I am the one that has spent the most time with her.

"Momo, did you know?" Eun-bi asks me. 

I shake my head and stuff my mouth with more food. I really didn't know. When Hyo-yeon spent hours working with me,  it was always strictly work. We had met for lunch a couple of times but we only spoke about my work in Girls' Treasure and how dancing has always been her dream. She never showed any signs of dating a woman or anyone for that matter. I just hope that this scandal can bring some sense to Eun-bi. I really want to stay a group for a long time.

Lalisa

"If I hear one more thing about stocks, I am going to blow my brains out." I say with a dramatic huff as I sprawled out on my bed. 

"Lalisa, we both know you would not do that." My roommate, Rose, says. 

I prop myself up on my elbows as I look at her. "What makes you say that?" I ask.

"You'll miss Jennie too much." She teases me. 

"Yo! It's not even like that." I say with a dramatic roll of my eyes but the flush color of my cheeks give me away.

Rose knows that I have a huge crush on Jennie Park. She's a fashion major and we met each other in one of the various business classes I have to take. My dad owns a successful chain of hotels back in Thailand and he is know just getting pretty international. He plans on opening up business in Korea, hence why I had to pack my bags and move to Korea to undergo a business degree. I'm honestly so tired of it. The only reason why I am still alive and managing to do this thing is because I met Roseanne, Jennie, and Jisoo. Those three girls are my ride or dies and I seriously cannot think of any other people I rather be around than them. Rose is majoring in business as well, her hopes to starting her own make-up company and brand. Jisoo, is technically my Korean tutor, but she became my friend through our love of music. In fact, all of us love music. 

Music is my heartbeat and dance is my soul. I really would rather be going to auditions in Korea to be a back-up dancer. It's too late for to try and become an idol so becoming a back-up dancer is the second best thing. It means I would get to dance onstage in bomb outfits and tour the world. It honestly is a dream come true- except, I'm not allowed to have that dream come true. I am the heiress to my father's hotel chain so I had to follow in his footsteps instead of my own.

"But it is like that. I mean, did you see how close you two were dancing together at the club?" Rose continues to tease me.

"You can't hear Cardi B in the club and not twerk on your best friend! It doesn't work like that!" I say as I grab one of my pillows and lunge it at Rose. She quickly ducks with a laugh, the pillow hitting the wall and falling into the black office trashcan by the desk. I growl out in mock frustration as Rose quickly pounces on top of me and wraps me in a tight hug. I pretend to wiggle free but then I relax into her hold. 

"You didn't shake your on me." She says with a mock pout. 

"That's because you were busy trying to get Jisoo drunk!" I say my fingers tickling at her sides. Rose and I spend a few moments wrestling each other on my bed. Our laughter loud and probably annoying to the people in the dorms around us. But I don't care too much. I needed some type of stress relief from all the boring classes of the day. I chose to take all my classes in the morning so that I can experience the nightlife of Seoul. So far, it's been paying off, if I don't take an eight hour nap afterwards. That's why I'm glad Rose is my roommate this year. I came here last year and had a really boring roommate, who didn't care too much to get to know me. I had met Rose last year and we kept talking about how much we wanted to stay together and so, we made it happen. Jennie has her own apartment not too far from campus and she's been begging for us to move in but I haven't agreed yet due to my crush.

Jennie is just so cool and chic. She's real and funny as well. She's different from all the girls I've met in my life time. I wouldn't say I am a lesbian or even biual. Rose says I am "Jennie ual" because she has literally been the only woman I've ever been attracted to. If Jennie asked me to jump into a pit of fire to prove my love for her, I would do a backhand spring into the fire while covered in gasoline. That is how much I like her. That is simply why I haven't taken up her offer to move into her apartment with Rose. 

"Yah! Lets stop being so cringe." I say with a laugh as I manage to push Rose off me and off the bed. I sit up and look down at her as she falls into a fit of laughter, her nose scrunching up as she snorts a bit. I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous she sounds. I hold my hand out to her and she grabs it, I pull her up and we both calm our a bit. A moment of silence filling the room as she scrolls around on her phone and I scroll around on mine. 

I watch as my favorite dance crew do a dance cover to 'WAP' by Cardi B. My eyes glued to the screen as Natasha effortlessly goes to the ground and does the fist pounding, booty popping move. It only takes one watch for me to get off the bed and start the song up. Rose covering her ears as she tries to drown out the lewd lyrics. I stick my tongue out at her as I break into the dance. I follow the same rhythm and flow as Natasha, my facial expressions as y as hers. I run through the dance another time and laugh as Rose gets up to try and join me. 

"Honey, you gotta add more booty movements." I say as I jokingly critic her. Rose lays on her stomach on the floor, her hand in a fist as it pounds the floor, her moving up and down so stiffly that I can't help but laugh. I stand over her as I place my hands on her hips and try to help her pop her in a more free flowing manner. We both end up falling into another fit of laughter, our laughter becoming silenced by the ringing of my phone. I quickly stand up and shriek as I see it's Jennie calling me.

"Answer it!" Rose says with a wide smile.

"Duh! Shhh." I say as I pick up the call. "Whats up, baby girl?" I say jokingly to her.

"Nothing much. I just got out of class and I'm so annoyed." 

"What happened?" I ask with concern. The thing about Jennie, it's hard to get her bothered. She is so chill and relaxed, things do not bother her easily and when they do, it means it has really struck a nerve in her. I am prepared to fight someone for Jennie as I hear her sigh. I can tell she is walking from campus because I can hear wind in the background of the call. 

"Okay, so like... I don't even keep up with gossip about idols or whatever. I couldn't care less but today in class, I guess news about some choreographer came out and apparently she's like gay. I have no problem with that- I love a good LGBTQ+ queen. But these stupid bastards in my class would not stop talking about her and how she's a freak and probably creeps on idol girls. Like, how ed up is that?" Jennie rants in my ear. 

I sit down on my bed as I take in her words. Jennie is frustrated that there were some people in her class being homophobic. I can honestly understand how she feels. I do not really think uality is something people should be judged on. Why do people care who the people make out with? They are not asking you to be in their happy queer relationship, so why should you care so much? I can empathize with Jennie as she continues to rant, I stay quiet since she does not like to be interrupted when speaking. I glance at Rose as she sits next to me and presses her ear against the phone, her face frowning up with concern at how frustrated Jennie sounds. 

"Jennie, I totally get what you mean. It's like, who ing cares? Why do people even care that much? Don't let a bunch of idiots mess up your day, how about you come chill with Rose and I?" I offer. 

"Ugh, that sounds so good but I have to study. I honestly cannot even focus on studying. Why is Korea like so ed up? Lets all meet up in Itaewon tonight. I'll text Jisoo. I honestly just want to have fun tonight." Jennie says.

"Lets do it, babe. We will have a fun night in Itaewon and say those homophobes!" I whoop out.

" those homophobes!" Rose repeats with a cheeky grin.

I can hear the sound of Jennie laughing. A smile on my lips because I cheered her up. We wrap up the call by talking about how class went for Rose and me. Then I hang up. 

"Looks like we are going to Itaewon." Rose says with a grin.

"What I need, I guess I won't blow my brains out if I hear about stocks. At least not for today." I say with a cheeky grin.

"Oh, Lalisa! You're so crazy." Rose teases.

"But you love this crazy." I tease back.

The both of us get ready to meet Jennie and Jisoo in Itaewon. My mind focusing on how frustrated Jennie sounded. It was a bit comforting to know that she is passionate about the LGBTQ+ community. It gives me some sort of hope that maybe I can confess to Jennie someday, or just watch her fall in love with a guy and become heartbroken for the rest of my life. That sounds dramatic but I am joking... kinda. Either way, I know in a society like this, I just cannot tell Jennie how I feel without making things awkward or having people talk. It's not like I care what others think but I have to think about her future and mine. I already know my dad is looking for some rich Thai boy to marry me off to unless I meet a Korean prince. If only he knew I met a Korean princess, who I totally feel and maybe she is feeling me? I don't know, it's so hard to tell sometimes. But still, that is all me living the dreams of my father and not my own dream.

Sometimes I really hate it here; but then I look at Jennie, Rose, and Jisoo and remember that life can be bearable with the right people on your side. 

Chungha

Do you ever feel like you're drowning in a black sea? You try to fight the strong waves and tides but the sea keeps pulling you down. The water so cold and harsh, suffocating your lungs. The water making your body feel as if you are being stabbed by pins and needles. You try to scream out but the water swallows you and drags you down to an abyss of forever darkness; You can see the light but you cannot grab it because the water has its claws in you. If that's how you have ever felt then you know what it feels like to be me. I thought ever since I was a little girl, that I wanted to be a ballerina. I wanted to be as pretty and elegant as the ballerinas I saw in the shows my parents would take me to. They saw all the admiration and awe in my eyes and enrolled me into ballet once I was five. It's something I practically grew up doing and yet, the joy is not there anymore. 

All the ballet teachers would comment on my perfect form and technique. How beautiful I am when I dance, they comment on the way I intricately tell a story throw my dance. My spins and leaps flawless. I was sent to New York when I was 15 to dance in an academy. I was the top student, which caused others to be jealous of me. I was bullied, I had rumors spread about me, I was pushed around but none of that mattered because I was on top. It's what I had been working for since the age of five. The ballerinas looked so elegant and flawless but they do not show you the hidden truths. They do not show you the blisters on their feet, the callouses, bunions, broken nails, and stress fractures. They do not show you how they starve themselves to stay fit or purge all their food after a meal. They do not show the girls who admire them; all the blood, sweat, and tears they had to endure. They do not tell you the chances of you becoming a successful ballerina is pretty slim to none. They just let you go at it until you are drowning in that black sea. 

I've been drowning for five years now. All my training as a teenager did not drown me. It was rising to the very top and becoming a professional elite ballerina that drowned me. It was walking among all the wolf in sheep clothing. I want to break free from all of it. I want to be able to dance as freely as the people I see on the internet and the idols I have watched on stage. I want to break new boundaries with my body. Boundaries that go past arabesques,assemblés , développés, and pas de chats. I want to know what it feels like to pop my back and move my hips in an unlady like way. I want to know how to do the fancy footwork that comes with freely popping. I want to swim out of that black sea. I no longer wish to drown. I want to know what it's like to truly fly and move freely with my body. 

I breathe out deeply as I land on my knees from a high jump. I stare at myself in the mirror of the dance practice room. My usually neatly bound bun, unraveled causing my hair to cascade down my shoulders and back. I am not being ballerina Chungha. I am being free Chungha. I push my hair out of my face as I push myself from the ground. I grab my phone to play back the hard hitting song. I throw my head back, my feet gliding back against the floor as I throw my arms down in the direction of my hip movements. My feet moving to a new beat that is not classical. My lips muttering the lyrics of the song as I glide forward and swing my upper body downwards, my hands sliding down my legs and coming back up with my upper body. I swing my arm in a roundabout way above my head as I continue doing the moves to the dance. My hips gyrating in smooth circles as I continue to follow along to the beat. I am freed from the black sea as I continue to move my body about. My abdominal muscles and thighs burning as I dance with passion and flare. 

My eyes shoot to the clock. Mrs. Choi will be here soon to make me, help her teach a group of middle schoolers. I turn the music off and twirl on my toes to the mirror. I grab my brush and quickly work at putting my hair back into its tight constricting bun. I kick off the sneakers from my feet and strip out of the crop top hoodie and leggings I am wearing. I manage to quickly change into the proper tights and pale pink leotard I am supposed to wear. I fall on my as I slip into my ballet slippers and gather all the evidence of me being free. I force a smile on my lips as Mrs. Choi enters the room, I am once again back in that black sea. I am no longer free to flap my wings. 

(A/N: Thank you for getting this far! Thank you for clicking on my story and giving it a chance! Please leave a comment and upvote if you are feeling generous enough to do so! Let me know what you think of this first chapter and who you're liking so far! I cannot wait to see you for the next update!~)