Summer 2004

The humid air made the 10-year old Seulgi remove her jacket while walking alone in the streets of Suwon. It was early morning, some people walking past the pedestrians, the sound of car engines, and a few animatedly talking in their phones. It was to her relief that she didn't get lost now that she's near school but still, she wished for her mother to take her to school as she still wasn't familiar with the directions going to school.

She suddenly remembers how her father was always the one who walks with her to school back in their old town, but she knows it won't be the same when it comes to her mother, tired after working non-stop from the busiest day of the week. Being a child she is, she wants to cry in frustration then and there, but tries to stop herself when she sees the green light blink as a signal for her to cross the road. She starts walking alone, when suddenly an arm is hung atop her shoulders. She flinched, and turned her head to see the person, only to see a girl. Not just a girl, but she was absolutely a beautiful girl. Maybe the most beautiful girl she's ever seen. She thinks she's older than her, noticing their height difference. She had jet black hair, with two pink bunny hairclips. She also had the same color of uniform as hers.

"You shouldn't be crossing the road alone, kid." Her voice was soft, caring even.

"Eomma's still asleep and I'll run late if I will wait for her to wake up." They were already walking halfway the pedestrian lane when she muttered a reply.

"Well, there shouldn't be a next time. Who knows if something happens to you? There are many reckless drivers out there." She warns the kid she saw crossing the road alone and she just knew she had to assist her. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard the kid beside her silently sniffing, with her shoulders raising unevenly. She internally panics, and scolds herself after making a kid cry.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scold you that way. I'm really sorry, please don't cry anymore. Uhm, should I buy you food? God, I’m really bad with kids, aren’t I? How about…”

And a perfect idea got into her thoughts.

“…Ice cream?"

The ten year old instantly calms down after hearing the two magical words, and looks up to the girl who made her cry. Technically, she wasn't the sole reason but only her pent up emotions burst out.

"Yes, please." The other girl cooed at the sight: puffy cheeks, red mono-lid eyes and pouty lips.

“Can I also have Pringles?” She continues, and something tells Joohyun that she should take care of this young girl more. How can she be so cute like a baby tiger?

 "Alright, let's head there before going to school, then." She pat the adorable kid's head.

They were past the road and now heading to the ice cream shop near the school. Seulgi could only mindlessly follow along while staring at the taller girl, now grinning. The girl only grinned wider when she caught Seulgi ogling at her openly.

"Am I really that pretty to you?" She asks the younger girl.

"Yes." Seulgi answers right away, always honest and straightforward.

"Well, thank you. You're pretty as well." She tells Seulgi whose cheeks turned tinted lightly with pink.

They headed to the ice cream shop first. And upon entering, Seulgi only realized that the other's arm was still on her shoulders all along until she removed it to open the glass door for them both.

"I know that ice cream's not that really healthy in the morning but, it will be our little secret from your parents, okay?"

"Okay. I barely see them, anyway" She answers quietly. The older girl sensed Seulgi's shift of mood, so she immediately diverted her attention.

"I'm Joohyun, by the way. You can call me unnie from now on. What about you?"

Seulgi nods, taking another bite of her mint Choco ice cream.

"My friends back home call me Ddeulgi, but I'm already a big girl so call me Seulgi instead,

Unnie."

"Alright, Seulgi. I'd love to call you Ddeulgi too, but as you wish." Joohyun shrugs, scooping her yoghurt ice cream.

"Say, you're a primary schooler right? And I'm in middle school. You can wait for me for an hour after school so that we can walk home together. What do you think?"

Wait, she'll walk me home again? Little Seulgi thought. She didn't think that this pretty middle schooler would even dare to walk her once. She was nothing special to deserve such attention and opportunity. And now, she'll walk with her every day? The idea was too good to be true to her that she had not realized that Joohyun was still waiting for an answer from her.

"Oh, I just thought that you need someone to walk you home too. I won't force you if you don't wan-"

"Yes! I mean no, I want to walk with you, unnie. I just think it would be a bother to you."

"Nonsense, I'd love to walk everyday side by side with a cute kid after all. It's a win-win situation, don't you think?" Joohyun suggests, large anticipating eyes boring into Seulgi's. She nods, and blushes. Again.

So they did. Every day they walked, hand in hand. Seulgi didn't mind anymore that her mother couldn't walk her to school, now that Joohyun was always there, waiting for her every morning. And she in return, waits for Joohyun every after school. They instantly became close, inseparable even.

Seulgi finally found joy again after her parents' divorce. And she found it in Joohyun. Oh Joohyun, if only you knew how Seulgi adores you. She was so attached that she didn't spend much time on anything else other than her. She noticed that it was also the same with the latter. She suggested numerous times that Joohyun should also hang out with her other friends, but the other would decline and say she prefers her company more which of course, would make her red and feel all giddy inside. She felt too giddy that day when Joohyun told her.

And there she knew, she was loved.

Autumn 2010

Joohyun's hands were wrapped around Seulgi's neck while they swayed along the slow music played in the hall speakers. Seulgi basked in the moment, her thumbs soothingly moving up and down along the beautiful woman’s clothed waist in a black silk gown. She’s absolutely stunning, she said to herself for the nth time that night. Joohyun's head was placed above her chest, maybe finding her pacing heart amusing, which is quite embarrassing if she may say. She suddenly remembered how she ended up in a senior prom as Joohyun's date. 

"Seulgi-yah, is it really okay to say no to all those boys? I mean, I find them a tiny bit attractive, yet I just don't think that I could dance with them without being awkward. Ugh, why do I have to be so uncomfortable around them?"

"Hmm, that screams gay, Hyunnie." Seulgi slipped out the words without her knowing and she imagines slapping her own mouth, but Joohyun shrugs it off casually, already used to being thought by others as gay but denies it every time. She absolutely loves girls, but only in a "platonic" way, she says.

"Don't deny it anymore, for the nth time already." She continues.

"Oh c'mon, don't use that on me right now. You're not helping." Joohyun rolls her eyes and slumps her head on her study table.

"Okay, just let them be. It's not your fault that you don't have a liking for them. Besides, you really can't have a prom date when there are barely any boys from your year that don't have a crush on you." Seulgi says, fully knowing how Joohyun doesn't have any idea on how to react to every single person who confesses to her.

In three days, it would already be prom night but she still had not accepted any "promposals" from those who asked her. And when they did, she only would politely tell them that she needs to think about it first. Well, time is running out for her and she doesn't want to be one of those whose prom is going to be a boring experience when it shouldn't be in the first place. She banged her head on the table. Once. Twice. And in the third, she was stopped by a palm now holding her forehead.

"You'll hurt yourself, Hyunnie." She raises her head, distress evident on her face. Seulgi sees this and leans down. She enveloped Joohyun in a hug, patting her back every now and then to comfort her.

"Aigoo, you whiny baby, are you really that desperate to have a prom date?" Joohyun hums in agreement. She settled herself more between the arms of Seulgi while inhaling the smell of fresh laundry on her orange sweater. It automatically calms her senses, now loving the warmth and the soothing smell of her favorite fabric softener on Seulgi's clothes. This unconsciously puts a smile on her face. Seulgi obliged herself to buy and use Joohyun's preferred fabric softener when she was told that it calms her and absolutely loves it. But what she didn't know was that Joohyun finds her the most calming. The latter always felt peaceful with her, especially at times that her emotions get bottled up, but with a single hug from Seulgi could instantly make her feel better. She doesn't want to admit it, but she knows to herself of how special this mono-lid woman is to her, ever since that fateful encounter on the road six years ago.

"Can't you just be my prom date?" What she said was muffled on Seulgi's sweatshirt but Seulgi clearly understood her suggestion. And it brought her heart to beat at an erratic pace. She pulls away before Joohyun would feel it.

"I'm still in sophomore year, unnie. Plus, you can't have a girl for a prom date."

"Says who?" Joohyun tilts her head, eyebrows raised, clearly being persistent on the idea.

"No one. But people might have a say on it." She dives herself back into Joohyun's fluffy bed, thoughts running in her head but stops herself from coming up with false hope that she'd ever dance with Joohyun.

"Since when did you care about that? Plus, I'll make you wear a tuxedo and a masquerade mask." She says in a matter of fact, proposing the idea more for Seulgi to agree.

"Did you actually plan this out?"

"Not really. Also, it would be exciting to put a show in front of my friends when I have a mysterious prom date with me, don't you think?" She threw herself above Seulgi, who grunts in response.

"Are you really serious about this?" She asks once again, still unsure if Joohyun would really risk only for her to attend a senior prom.

"I am, Seulgi. If you don't want to, I can just ask Jennie instead." Seulgi turns around, with a scowl on her face showing her distaste for the said girl who's also a very close friend of Joohyun who obviously has a thing for her.

"She probably has a date by now, unnie." She rolls her eyes to cover up her growing jealousy.

"Nope, she's as dateless as me."

"You're really going to ask her?" She ensures again.

"Why not?"

Seulgi stares at her for a while, still contemplating.

"Nothing." She rolls away from Joohyun who's now boring holes at her back with her knowing eyes. The older girl approached her again, and wrapped both her arms around the waist of her sulking cub.

"Aigoo, now who's jealous?"

"Jealous, my ."

"I won't ask her if you'd only say yes, Seulgi."

She turns around, now seeing this wonderful woman in front of her. She might have developed a crush on her as time progressed, dawning to her that only Joohyun made her feel things she had never felt before. But she tries to keep it hidden at the depths of her heart. She knows it would only bring conflicts into their peaceful friendship if she ever lets her budding emotions towards Joohyun get the best of her.

She sighs in defeat, "I'll rent a tuxedo tomorrow then."

Joohyun squealed in joy, and tightly embraced Seulgi once again. "Thank you, Seulgi! You're really the best!"

She scoffs. But returns the hug anyway, loving the warmth that enwraps her in the arms of the person she secretly loves. "I know."

Joohyun gently pulled away and cupped both cheeks of Seulgi.

"You know that I love you, right?" She asks without warning that Seulgi’s heart almost burst out of her ribcage, but she knew that it was because of Joohyun’s sudden bliss. Seulgi could only nod reluctantly while blushing. Thankfully, her cheeks were covered with the other’s hands.

“What would I do without you when I’ll be leaving for college, Seulgi-yah?” she asks, her chin now rested on Seulgi’s lean shoulder.

Her prom date subtly stiffens, realization hitting Seulgi that months from now, Joohyun will be living moving in a dorm, new school, new friends, and she won’t be having that much time with her anymore like they used to. These recent nights, she can’t take her mind off scenarios of Joohyun changing, introducing to her a college boy she’s dating, or even forget her in general. She most probably wouldn’t be able to mask her emotions by then—but still, she will stay the same. Joohyun had to go away, thus making her unable to contain the feeling of longing, especially that they were very inseparable for six years.

Still, she answers with a heavy weight on her chest. “You can still call me, unnie. And your university is not that far from here, you know.”

“But still! What if I had workloads that I cannot make it to call you?” She groans. “I won’t have an annoying living tiger cub with me all the time anymore.” She tightens her hold on her tall tiger cub, as if not wanting to ever be distanced away from her.

“Won’t that be a relief?” Seulgi looks at the sullen woman who still managed to look adoring.

“Of course not. My college life will be terribly boring without you.” She defends, and Seulgi hopes that what the older woman’s saying would be true.

“I highly doubt that. You’re easy to be friends with.” And she herself is the introvert. Hence, what will she do with Joohyun away?

“Having friends doesn’t mean it could be fun. What if they’re not as funny as you? God, if only I can pack you in my suitcase, I would really love to.”

Seulgi laughs at Joohyun’s childish thoughts. “You’re overreacting, Hyunnie. Trust me, college without me won’t be that bad. You’ll meet new people, and find more interests. Maybe even explore things! Also, I won’t be going anywhere. I’ll stay here as long as you want me to.”

Joohyun looks up with watery eyes at Seulgi. The once kid she knew was all grown up and now giving her a life advice. She should be laughing by now with the mature statement from the younger woman, but she felt a weight lifted from her chest. She was relieved as Seulgi will always be waiting for her back home.

“Since when did you grow so mature, Seulgi? Now I’m getting ridiculously emotional.”

“Maybe that’s what I get for spending too much time with a three-year older woman.”

“Yah! You made me sound so old!” Seulgi chuckles, not feeling much down anymore.

The slow music was now replaced with an upbeat song, and the two danced their worries away that night, hearts in full bliss. Seulgi may not know what the future holds for them, but as long as Joohyun reassures her, she will wait for her.

And of course, she knew. She was loved.

Winter 2013

The cold season seemed endless to Joohyun, wrapped up in a thick comforter. She’s in the middle of a break down, but interrupted when her phone rang. She glanced at the screen, and saw the caller ID was Seulgi.

She picked it up to be greeted with Seulgi’s booming lively voice.

“Unnie! I’m here in front of your dorm building right now. It’s meant to be a surprise but I just thought that there’s a possibility you won’t be home in my arrival. Soooo, yeah, I’m here at the entrance.”

She wants to cry again when she hears Seulgi’s voice, warm and comforting—the voice she longed to hear for so long. She was in her third year college, while Seulgi was now in her senior year at high school. They tried to keep in touch every weekend but as expected by them both, there were several times that Joohyun buried herself in her books for her examinations, forgetting their routine weekend calls. Seulgi understood, although she won’t deny how she misses the older woman.

“Unnie, are you there?” She repeats, but halts her steps when she heard the almost inaudible sniffles from the other line. “I’ll get there soon, Hyunnie. Just hang in there.”

In only a few minutes, Seulgi finally arrived at Joohyun’s room. Her heart breaks as she sees the older woman at the couch, her head buried between her knees. There were used tissues everywhere, and her comforter was damp with tears. She needs to know what caused Joohyun to be this vulnerable. She usually puts up a strong front, but she knows that Joohyun also has her weakest points. And within those weakest points, Seulgi was always there. So she wonders, and is determined to do anything to cheer up the older woman. When she was about to ask her, Joohyun had already spoken with a hoarse voice, suspecting she must have been crying for hours now.

“Seulgi, there’s something I didn’t tell you.” Her heart stops. Joohyun never kept secrets from her. And so she waits, hoping it would be something good rather than something that would break her heart.

It was the latter. Unfortunately.

 “I had a girlfriend.” She was left unmoving. How could Joohyun not tell her?

“What? I’m not hearing things, am I?” She bitterly chuckles, hardly able to shake off what Joohyun had just said.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I just thought you won’t take it in a good way for the reason that I was denying it since highschool.”

What kind of a bull excuse is that? Seulgi mutters in her thoughts.

“You still should have told me, unnie. I would never judge you no matter what, and you know that. But can you please just tell me what happened to you out of the blue?” Seulgi decides to not mind the abrupt aching in her heart to attend to Joohyun’s needs at the moment. She fixes her comforter and takes both of Joohyun’s hands to soothingly it with her thumb in an attempt to ease the woman.

 “It just happened so fast. I met this girl at the library. She was very charming. Tall, gorgeous, and this remarkable woman made me feel something. We had this great connection, spending days and nights together, and one thing led to another. The next thing I know, she cheated on me one night. I just ran away as quickly as I could after telling her to break up.”

Joohyun starts to cry again, and Seulgi could only watch the heartbroken woman while hers broke just the same.

“Hey, you know that this isn’t about you, right? You’re not the reason why she cheated on you. Maybe she’s just a goddamn .”

Joohyun looks up to her, eyes shiny from the welled up tears. “You really think so?”

Since when did Seulgi know what to say when it came to breakups? Are we really getting that old already? She thinks to herself.

“Yup. And trust me, you’ll find a better person soon who’ll treat you better.” And I hope it’s me if you only spare me a chance.

“I guess she really is an . It just that I fell in love for the first time with a terrible person.”

I’m the opposite of terrible, Hyun.

“Maybe I really should have told you about it first before getting into a relationship, I guess.”

You should have.

“Well, what’s done is done. Better luck for me next time, right, Seul?”

I’m such a coward.

“Seul? Are you still with me?” She waves a hand in front of the younger girl who was left looking into nothing, a hint of sadness in her eyes. Except, Joohyun doesn’t take notice of it.

“Yeah, sorry. I guess I was just tired from the trip going here. Our midterms are nearing, so sleepless nights come my way these past few days.”

“You should have not come here if that’s the case, Seulgi.” Joohyun feels bad for burdening with the girl, but it was nothing for Seulgi. She'd do anything to make Joohyun feel better. Even if in full honesty, Seulgi had only got more tired after hearing the news from Joohyun. It was supposed to be a surprise visit anyway after missing her and so that she’d regain strength after meeting and spending time with her. On the contrary, it was her who got more surprised in the end. But of course, she doesn't mention any of those.

“And just let you be here bawling your eyes out? It could have been worse if I actually didn’t come, unnie.”

“So what now? Are you going to pamper me?” Joohyun rolled her eyes good-naturedly. It wasn’t the first time the younger girl did pamper her after all. She admits that she misses the good old times with Seulgi who was everywhere wherever she went. And she doesn’t mind.

“Willingly.” Seulgi smiles, flashing her most genuine smile, reserved only for her first love, her Joohyun.

Just like the old days, they spent the whole day watching TV, bickering every now and then, and Seulgi cooking for Joohyun though the older woman strongly insists that she’d rather do it because she knows how Seulgi gets chaotic in the kitchen, but Seulgi says that she’s been taking cooking classes so she can cook food for them both. And her heart warms at the girl’s efforts.

And when evening came, the two felt their hearts once again filled with gladness, content with each other’s presence.

“Thank you for coming at the right time, Seul.”

They were huddled up in the small dorm bed, knees and elbows touching, and their faces inches apart. Seulgi can’t help but marvel at the older woman’s face up close. She truly looked divine even with the lights off and the only thing that served as a light source was from the small window.

“Anytime, Unnie.”

In the same manner, Joohyun gazed at the young girl she was so familiar with. She knew by now how Seulgi’s eyes turn into crescents whenever she smiles, how she tries to learn how to wink (she’s undeniably cute when she does so,) and the girl’s undying love for Pringles. They’ve known each other for so long but Seulgi was unchanging. Her whole self stayed the same even after years, and that’s what she admires the most about her. Joohyun acknowledges the fact that she has changed with herself as time passes by, but Seulgi was there in all those phases she faced. And she wishes she’ll still be there for more years to come. She loves this younger girl.

Seulgi may not hear the thoughts of the older woman, but still, she knows. Joohyun loved her.

 Seulgi wished she didn’t hear the hazy words muttered by the older woman while caressing her face, as she almost drifted into sleep.

“I’ll always love you like my own younger sister, Seul. Sweet dreams, my baby tiger.”

Spring 2018

Two women, hearts and minds apart. A 24-year old Seulgi and a blooming 27-year old Irene, presently no longer called Joohyun.

Three years felt awfully long for Seulgi while waiting for Joohyun but the latter didn’t come back as she was already caught up with work and other adult stuff she doesn’t want to know about when those were most probably the sole reasons the older woman had not spared her a conversation nor a visit. In simple words, Joohyun forgot about her. And she sadly hopes that Joohyun didn’t do it intentionally. The young Seulgi was left alone, cooped up in her room, painting. She took a break after graduating, wanting to lay back awhile before engaging into the world of working. She constantly remains anticipative, knowing that one day, Joohyun would come knocking at her door, or give her the most-awaited text or call she badly wants to receive. Then why didn’t she reach out to her, you ask?

She frequently forced herself to, but fails everytime.

How could she not when the love of your life only thought of you as their younger sister? Now that is nothing but heart wrecking. Or maybe, she wanted to test things out if Joohyun would reach out to her first. Which regrettably, the older woman didn’t. Thus, she stopped herself from butting into Joohyun’s life for once.

Do I really mean nothing to her at all? Seulgi questions every middle of the night. Her inner thoughts were the ones that accompanied her in her sleepless nights. She must have been a fool for hanging on to someone she is not sure who will love you back at all. But still, she waits, though lonely and forgotten.

“Joy, take a picture of me, quick!” Irene excitedly shouts to the tall girl while running to the spot in front of the tall grass she spots while walking.

“Hyun, are you serious now? In the tall grass?

“What? I’ve always wanted to go camping with you so I’ll take pictures in any place I can find here.”

“Alright, you bunny. Three, two, one, smile!” Irene flashed her prettiest smile, and with different poses she posed for the camera. She loved spending time with the other and going to places they can take pictures to keep as a remembrance.

Joy took a glance at the pictures she’s taken, and a sweet smile paints her face.

“How can you look pretty at any angle, Hyun? Teach me your ways, will you?”

Irene could only chuckle at the faint flirting of her girlfriend.

“What are you talking about? At least you don’t have to look for an angle that will make you look taller anymore, Sooyoung-ah.” Joy slightly groans, hearing another complain from the other woman about their very evident height difference.

“Your height is nothing but cute, Hyun and I love how your face fits perfectly in my neck.” Joy drew the petite woman closer to her, encircling her arms around Irene’s torso as the latter hugged her back with the same effort while they relished in each other’s warmth.

Joy did nothing but love the entire woman she truly has given her heart to after failing once. She was young when they met in a library, all playful and mischievous, given that she was five years younger. She was effusively captivated by Irene ever since their first meeting. When they got together, she was ecstatic, lucky to have found an amazing woman coincidentally while browsing for novels in a library. Sadly, she made a huge mistake one night. She didn’t mean to hurt the older woman when she was all drunk with her friends including a past lover. She came running back to her after weeks of being miserably self-condemning, when she gained courage to ask for the older woman’s forgiveness and another chance was given to her. Since then, she did her best to give her all to her girlfriend.

And Irene couldn’t ask for more.

Joy was all enough for her.

“What are your plans for our fifth anniversary, Hyun?” They were now preparing to go home from their camping trip, the sky almost dark and trees leaving tall shadows in the vast land where their camping van was parked.

“I’d actually love to take you to Suwon. There are lots of places there we can go to, and have walks around. Oh! We could also go to that art exhibit Seulgi and I used to go to and we’d eat ice cream after then our parents would scold us for coming home late at nigh-“.  Then something hits her. Hard. She realizes it's really been awhile since she had last seen Seulgi. It’s been what, five years? She felt awful, thinking she must have hurt the younger woman’s feelings for forgetting her.

“Oh .”

“Hyun, are you good?” Joy glanced at her, concern shown in her face.

“You know Seulgi, right? The kid I told you about way back?” Irene asks her, and the other nods.

“I just remembered that I have never reached out to her ever since. God, how could I forget? Ugh, I feel horrible.” She slumps in her seat, guilt washing over her.

“Well, you’re awful.”

“Thanks for reminding me, babe.” Joy laughs at the very distressed state of her girlfriend, but she understands what Seulgi might have felt. No one would ever want to be forgotten, especially if you were once treated special to a particular person.

“Let’s pay her a visit then. I think it’s about time that you introduce me to your childhood friend. Also, I miss eomeoni and abeoji!”

Irene snorts, finding her girlfriend cute for being so fond with her parents.

“How can you not miss them when they basically love you more than their own child?”

“You know how much they love you, baby. I didn’t even expect that they’d accept our relationship that welcomely.”

They had this fond look in their faces, reminiscing the moment Irene had come out to her parents with Joy beside her at the dinner table.

“I guess we really should pay them a visit.” Irene says, and took Joy’s hand in hers as she interlocks their fingers.

Seulgi was out in the IPark Museum of Art, wanting to get her mind off things by luxuriating in art pieces she sees. She came once in a while, as she can still recall the times she and Joohyun walked around the various paintings hanging on the walls, complex emotions hiding for the people to interpret. Joohyun tried her best to engage in the art world Seulgi found very interesting. And Seulgi appreciates the extra effort the older woman would exert to learn and understand artworks.

She was in front of her favorite artist’s work when she heard a familiar voice from meters away. It was the voice she can distinguish in a single moment, even from a far distance. Her heart continues to consistently skip a beat, but she doesn’t turn around, fearing she won’t know what to say. The voice gets closer but not close enough and she noticed that the owner of it was talking to another person and she has never heard this person’s voice before.

“I still don’t get how paintings like this actually get into museums when it just consists of messy colorful lines.” The unfamiliar woman says.

“They call it abstract art, babe.” Seulgi felt her heart break again for the second time even after all those years she tried to forget.

“But yeah, I don’t get it either. Seulgi would always just say that it represents ideas by means of geometric and other figures instead of the usual natural forms.”

“I guess I like how there are green and pink colors here.”

Irene chuckles at this. Joy always loved to incorporate their favorite colors into their real lives even in random situations.

“Let’s just move into the other paintings you’ll find interested in, then.”

Seulgi wants to stop them, but she settles on the fact that she might be disturbing their date. The woman Joohyun was with is very tall, beautiful, and had a model-like stature. And she speculates that this could be the same woman Joohyun once dated years ago who cheated on her. What a lucky she is. Seulgi thinks.

She ridiculously followed the pair the whole time, only to see how affectionate the two awfully lovely couple was. She could not turn her eyes away as Joohyun always smiled warmly at the taller woman in random times such as walking, or while taking in the paintings, she'd gaze at her lover. And Seulgi thinks it could have been her. But now she knows why Joohyun drifted away from her.

As she was about to separate ways from the couple, the two turned their heads toward her, as if knowing they were being followed. Seulgi internally facepalms, but managed to smile cheekily after being caught. Joohyun was stunning as ever, more even. And the taller woman was as stunning as she is. God, how could two people look so good together? She felt bitter all of a sudden, but Joohyun caught her in a bone-crushing hug.

“Aigoo, why did you keep on following us like a stalker, Seul? We were just waiting for you the whole time to approach us.” Joohyun’s face was buried into her neck, getting emotional after meeting her again. And of course, Seulgi can’t miss this chance as she hugs her back, a melancholic smile in her face.

“I just didn’t want to bother your date, Unnie.” Joohyun smacked Seulgi’s upper arm forcefully with a scowl on her face while Seulgi grunted in response.

“Aish, this kid. You should have not worried about that if you really missed me. God, I ing missed you!”

While Seulgi loved the hug she was receiving, she also pulled back when she saw Joohyun’s alleged girlfriend.

“Oh, right! Seulgi, meet Joy. Joy, this is my childhood friend, Seulgi.”

“At last. Nice to meet you, Seulgi-ssi. We also intended to pay you a visit and I suggest it would be great to have lunch with you.” Great. Just great.

Joy (not really intentional to be insultingly) leaned down to whisper something to Seulgi. “Please do tell me about the embarrassing childhood stories of Irene.” And she gives an overly charming wink while Irene could only roll her eyes at her girlfriend’s loud request.

This is one hell of a wrong decision. Seulgi came up with the conclusion as she watches Joohyun feed Joy every now and then with the food on her plate. She feels like she’s suffocating, with no air to gasp when bitterness and jealousy were around her neck, eating her up. She drinks her iced tea and decides to come up with a conversation so that the two wouldn’t suspect of her unusual behavior.

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask, why does Joy call you Irene?”

“It’s my new name, Seul. I use it in work so, yeah. I just forced Joy to get used to it. And she’s surprisingly obedient.”

“Of course I’m obedient. I’m submissive to you after all.” Joy flips her hair confidently, and shows a sly smile.

“Since when?”

“Our first time in bed.”  Joohyun immediately turns red, and pinches Joy’s side repeatedly.

“Ouch, ouch! Alright, alright. I’ll stop now, you bunny. Geez, you’re violent today.”

Seulgi thinks she can no longer contain this and plans to excuse herself to the comfort room, but Joohyun beats her to it. Now, she’s face to face with Joy who was scrolling through her phone while sipping her cola.

What Joy says to her next is what she didn’t expect to hear.

“You’re a coward.” Joy blatantly says.

“Excuse me?” Seulgi slightly raises her voice, eyebrows raised and she wants to be mad at the taller woman, but she no longer has the energy to do so.

“Your face would always seem to contort in discomfort the whole time we’re having lunch, Seulgi-ssi. I’m not blind, but I think Irene can be really oblivious sometimes.” Joy sighs.

Seulgi thinks she has to deny it, but it would already be too late as Joy laid it all out in the open already. Plus, it won’t matter now anyway, right?

“Please don’t tell her.” She looks down in shame, in front of the woman who gave the world to Joohyun when she also wished she could do the same.

“Of course I won’t, Seulgi-ssi. It’s just that I feel bad for you. It must have been hard.”

It was absolutely ing hard.

“I know I’m not in the right place, but I want you to know that Irene would always love you. Even if it’s not in the way you want it to be. You have that special place in her heart as I am too. Maybe in two different things, but she genuinely cares and thinks of you as a great person she spent years with while she stayed here. You were there to comfort her, make her happy, and love her when I still wasn’t around. And I’m thankful she met a person like you.”

Joy offered a genuine smile, and she came to terms that Joy was a wonderful person, even if she broke Joohyun's heart once.

Though it hurts, she knew. She was loved.

Spring 2020

It was one special day for Irene as moments ago, Joy finally proposed to her. In pure shock and delight, Irene quickly said yes and pulled Joy for a chaste kiss. She didn’t think she could ever find someone like Joy who made her feel loved every single day. They had fights of course, but they both have come to the point where they knew how to make up at the end of the day.

For 7 years, their relationship was one hell of a rollercoaster ride, but they rode it together anyway, and it was worth it.

Seulgi stood afar, beer in hand, her elbows in contact with the stairs railing of Irene and Joy’s house. She was happy for the two, finally deciding to take it into eternity. She was there the whole time, Joy calling her to come to their lovely abode as she was already planning to put a ring on Irene’s finger.

She had second thoughts, but she thinks she also needs this to finally accept the fact that she no longer stands a chance and has to move on from her longtime hopeless love. The two looked gleeful, greeting their friends that Joy invited to witness the momentous event of their relationship.

And just like in a movie scene, Irene looked her way, she smiled like she always used to do. Like she loved Seulgi. When she loved her, everything was just beautiful. Every hour they spent together lived within Seulgi’s healing heart.

And Seulgi knew, that Joohyun will always love her.