“Why are you always humming that song whenever we’re together, Gahyeon?” You ask me one day as you eat your ice cream on my side. My heart picks up as I stop humming my song, turning to look at you with my tired, acting eyes. To see you so close, it makes my heart do summersaults and eat itself alive at the same time, and to hear those damned voices whispering in the back of my head, telling me to do the things I wanted to do with you ever since I realized that I was in love with you, it’s exhausting.

I always wondered why it had to be you who I fall for.

You who…already have someone else in your heart.

“What song?” I feign ignorance I turn my back on you, the only way to keep you oblivious of my falling façade, I don’t want you to see any lone tear fall from my face.

“You don’t say any words, but it goes like this.” My skin crawls and my fingers freeze as you start to hum the song that saved me and ruined me. You continue humming my feelings for you as I keep on ignoring you while we both hold our ice creams, but I’m holding mine a bit too far from me because I was scared it would melt if keep it close to my body.

“It has a good melody, I want to listen to it.” You turn and face me with your bright eyes, the regular ones I always see whenever you’re happy or excited. It isn’t the one I wanted to see, but I guess I think I’ll never see you pointing that certain brightness at me. “What’s the title?”

“It’s nothing. I just made the tune. It’s just a melody.” Lies. There are words in there already. My secret poem had been completed into a song years ago as I go through my suffering of wanting to be the person inside your heart. To be the person she is in your life.

“It seems very…sad.” You say. “It has this very slow melody that seems to carry a very sad tone.”

“Did someone make you sad, Gahyeon? Do I know them, do you want me to talk to them?” A small laugh rings in the back of my mind as I imagine you talking to yourself.

“I’m fine, unnie. The song was just…” I swallow the lump on my throat at the same time I ignored the pain in my heart. “something I whipped up when I was bored.”

You smile that so blinding smile that always gets me so whipped for you. “That’s expected from you, my talented Little Pinky.” You ruffle my hair as you smile wider, not knowing you were tickling my poor heart with it.

“But Gahyeon, seriously,” You stop me from walking. “If something’s bothering you, tell me? I’m always here for you.”