"just stay with me" i said. you asked, "are you sure?" "i'm sure" i sternly said. with that, you said, "okay, i'll stay."

 

 

 

 

now playing: streetcar - daniel caesar 2:05 ───⊙─────── 4:07 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

 

the whole world seemed to stop when the clock said 11:11. no matter where we were when that clock ticked at that magical time, we'd put everything on hold just to make one wish. when caught off guard, i wouldn't wish for anything. just because i was content with what i had at the time. most of the time, i would wish for something simple like your happiness. i'm not sure if making a wish at that specific time ever did something, but it's nice to feel like we can wish something into reality, isn't it? our lives can be chaotic. so when that time comes, it feels like we can have some sort of control over it. here i am, kneeling on a soft cushion in this spacious church. the people are all in silence, praying to their heart's content. coming here wasn't my intention. i wasn't the religious type at all, but here i am praying for one thing. and it's you.

✧

when you need them the most is when they let go. the moment when you need a supporting figure in tough situations is when they are unavailable. when the world seems suffocating, there isn't someone to reassure you that everything's fine. i wonder why the world works that way. it only leaves me in this world that used to be ours. the world that used to have vibrant colors scattered around every view. it only grew monotonous. with every heartache, more color seeped out and left an eerie feel to its surroundings. with every mistake came more fear. fear that was larger than any man made building in the world. fear that could easily consume me and leave me isolated with my dark thoughts. fear that will stop me from pursuing my ambitions, my dreams, my life. we just kept missing each other like that. it means we weren't meant to be. if i had been warned before hand, i would still come chasing right after you. you had and will always have this effect on me. no matter how hard i push it all away, it'll come back stronger than before. the unwillingness of letting go. it's a weird feeling, letting go. 'cause before, we were excitedly planning our life together. now that you're gone, along with your feelings, it's all blank. what's next? what's going to happen? was it the right choice? and honestly, i don't know either.

✧

it was my mistake of growing quite fond of you and your antics. it was my choice to accept and pursue my feelings towards you. it was my mistake to keep hoping for our sparks to be lit up again when it was destined to die off. my emotions led me to those choices. seeing you fancy another was a horrible sensation. i heard the man's name more with yours than mine. it became overwhelming as i grew self-conscious. but of course, a crush is a crush. those do die off, right? but as they said, infatuation is the first step towards love. if your heart longs for another, i'll go away so i won't be a bother. we've gone our separate ways, but my love for you remains the same. although it's a pain, it's just better off this