“Yes, I heard.” Taeyeon says in a stern voice, “I know.” 

 

 

Taeyeon hears a loud sigh over the line. 

 

 

“What are you going to do?” Her friend asks, it’s amusing how Taeyeon can hear the change in Tiffany’s accent now when she speaks in korean. It has been 3- almost 4 years since Tiffany decided to leave for the States, and she hasn’t come back since but she and the girls never lost contact with each other— just months ago, the eight of them went to Japan to attend their manager’s wedding and it was as if all of them haven’t been separated for too long.  Tiffany clears when there was a pause, and she continues, “I mean... I know you said you never contacted her or anything, but now that she’s back in Korea, what are you gonna do?” 

 

 

Taeyeon actually did, but she always made sure the messages would just fall into the drafts. They don’t have to know that. 

 

 

“Really, nothing-“ Taeyeon says, and without thinking she continues, “I’m packed the whole week, anyway, for the ad.”

 

 

The pause in Tiffany’s line is making Taeyeon anxious. 

 

 

She knows Tiffany‘s suspecting her right now and she can’t even blame her. Taeyeon had always been unpredictable and Tiffany knows her too well. 

 

 

“Okay, if you say so..” Tiffany finally says on the other line, “I know you won’t, I was just checking. It’s been like what- 6? 7? years anyway.”

 

 

Has it been that long? Taeyeon thought it has just been fewer than that. She thinks everything is still new, fresh and just yesterday. 

 

 

It’s the first time Jessica has come back to Korea, and Taeyeon won’t lie, the lesser miles between her and a certain Jung Sooyeon is taking a toll on her. It was easier when they were countries away, Taeyeon was able to distract herself before even buying plane tickets. She’d be too ashamed to get caught and be bombarded with stupid reporters and questions too about meeting her ex-member or whatnot. 

 

 

Tiffany hears a snort on the other line, followed by a, “Hey.. of course, I won’t.” 

 

 

“Good, then.” Taeyeon’s just glad Tiffany decided to drop the topic. “Anyway, I’ll talk to you later, my niece is making a mess on my sofa and I swear I’ve been most patient auntie— HEY not with the permanent marke-“ Taeyeon smiles as the call ended.

 

—-

 

 

Taeyeon fixes her shoelaces on the taxi. She decided to wear the oldest shoes she has, a pair of worn out jeans, a hoodie, and a black scarf, just so no one would suspect her or anything. It’s been a while since she went out with just casual clothes too, and she missed it. She remembers going out with Jessica and Sunny alone before when they were in the mood for ice creams late at night and everyone’s asleep. 

 

 

Those were easier times, a manager or bodyguard wasn’t necessary to come along with during those days. Taeyeon has never felt so free since, and then everything changed. It all changes anyway. 

 

 

With a deep breath, Taeyeon decides to scan through her phone to calm herself a bit. The traffic was heavier today, she thinks she’s being given more chance to think about her actions, but she had already made up her mind, this is the least thing she could do for herself after all those years. She reads the most recent text she received. It’s from Yuri:

 

 

“I’m sure you heard. If you are indeed going to see her, at least tell me how it went.... and tell her I miss her, too.”

 

 

Taeyeon smiles. She knew Yuri would be the one to understand her the most as the girl secretly went to one of Jessica’s events in New York, too. She never told anyone, just Taeyeon and she understands. 

 

 

She’s certain if Yuri wasn’t held up in Japan for her solo, the girl would’ve accompanied her. 

 

 

Taeyeon gets off the cab right after paying the driver. It’s good enough that he didn’t recognize her, she thinks she can make it throughout the day without getting caught. 

 

 

It was a clear day, and it was cold. She fixes her scarf one more time as she enters the building. 

 

 

A lot of people came to Jessica’s fansign event, she even recognized some of the fans that came, she’s certain she’d seen them before on one her own. The fact alone that their fans are still supporting Jessica makes her feel warm in this cold day. 

 

 

Taeyeon sits on the farthest upper corner of the venue to avoid the crowd, and there she was— Kim Taeyeon, one of the biggest soloist in this generation, sneaking out snd disguising herself just to see her... she’d never felt this ridiculous in such a long time. 

 

 

And there Jessica Jung was— near, yet still too far, standing up on the stage, interacting with the people who supported her ever since she went on her own way. 

 

 

Taeyeon smiles to herself from time to time whenever Jessica answers to the questions thrown at her. She remembers Jessica Jung as one of the members who always passed the microphone to the other members before, because she’s not fond of the impromptus, and now she’s here, holding up her own. Everything does change, Taeyeon couldn’t be more proud. 

 

 

Taeyeon’s contented with seeing her like that, just being herself and.... free. She takes out her phone then, and captures the stage from afar. There was a lot of people’s figures in the photo, fans, managers— but Jessica’s was the clearest, the one who was shining the most. Taeyeon will treasure this for a very long time.

 

 

She figures she could have this as a souvenir at least that she indeed, after all those years, finally had the courage to reach out... even if it wasn’t that much. 

 

 

It’s been such a long time since she heard and witnessed Jessica’s laugh, too. Taeyeon’s not quite sure what to feel— she could laugh, for it’s still so ridiculous to her that she’s out here, making a fool of out of herself; she could be mad, for she doesn’t understand why everything happened the way it did. They had plans before it all happened, they were supposed to go on vacation together, they were happy, she was just at ease whenever Jessica’s around and she left; she could be numb, but she can still feel the pain constrict her chest with the emptiness that never left, it’s been patched and filled among other things, sure, but still there nonetheless; or.. she could cry, for it’s been so long but she still feels the same. She misses her, she misses her so much she just can’t admit it to anyone, not even to herself. 

 

 

She’s not certain anymore if coming here and seeing Jung Sooyeon again is for her inner peace or was it a mistake.

 

 

With one last look, with one last breath, she decides to leave. 

 

 

—- 

 

 

Taeyeon finds herself reaching for the wine she had stashed in the shelves of her fridge. She’s been wanting to drink this for so long, but now seems to be the perfect time to do so. 

 

 

 

Taeyeon reaches for her phone on her pocket and types the words: “It’s good to see you. Seeing you happy makes me the happiest.”

 

 

But she didn’t hit the send button, she had long made the decision that she never would. 

 

 

The message falls as one of her drafts, just one of the draft messages among with the hundreds of others, unsent and never will be read by the supposed recipient:

 

 

“You could’ve at least talked to us and let us explain our side.” 

 

 

“Don’t block us out.”

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

 

“The girls miss you.”

 

 

“Wish you were here.” 

 

 

“The girls are getting pets.”

 

 

“I got one for me, too~”

 

 

“Heard Yuri went to see you.”

 

 

“You’re so cruel.”

 

 

“Soonkyu’s telling us about the time you were nowhere to be found and you were just in the restroom. Hahaha”

 

 

“Have you seen ginger and zero?”

 

 

“10th year anniversary! Damn we are getting old.” 

 

 

“Heyyyt arr yiu comimhg?(“

 

 

“My schedule for the day ended earlier than expected, you would like this.” 

 

 

“Juhyun, sooyoungie and fany decided to end their contract. It’s for the best.”

 

 

“Hyoyeon and yoona crashed at my place tonight, and they are so drunk. I wish I could send their pictures to you. You’d love it.”

 

 

“Wrote a new song, it took longer than it should have. You were the one who finds words and rhymes faster than I do.”

 

 

“Feliz navidad!”

 

 

“I loved your solo, I made sure to watch it a lot.” 

 

 

“Don’t mind the comments. I loved it.”

 

 

“Are you doing well?” 

 

 

“I’m freaking 30 years old I can’t believe this.”

 

 

“Was it that easy to forget me?”

 

 

“Heard you’re getting married.”

 

 

“Happy new year!” 

 

 

“Summer in korea.” 

 

 

“Happy birthday jung sooyeon” 

 

 

“Can we meet?” 

 

 

“Should I go to your fansign, instead?”

 

 

 

--------------

PS. The messages were written randomly... depends on Taeyeon's mood or whatever