i. Denial

It isn’t that she hates Kang Seulgi.

Sure, Joohyun finds her to be lazy, and annoying, and more than a bit offensive, but that isn’t why she’s begging Jennie for a reprieve.

“Any other guitarist would be fine,” she says, “Even Sooyoung.”

Jennie purses her lips and shakes her head. “It’s not about personal feelings, Hyun,” she reminds Joohyun, who huffs a sigh. “Even if it was, when Nayeon introduced the idea of cross-band practice, she wanted us to form better relationships with other members. It’s why they have me paired up with Yongsun, anyways.”

And that’s how Joohyun finds herself scheduled to practice with Kang Seulgi for the foreseeable future.

So they practice together. The first occasion brings nerves for Joohyun. She knows that her own practice methods are grueling. The last thing she wants is for Kang Seulgi to think she’s a tyrant, but at the same time, she isn’t willing to let down her usual standards.

Seulgi is already at SM when Joohyun arrives, which strikes her as odd. Even odder is the stamina Seulgi has when she practices, on par with Joohyun herself. They play for two hours straight,

until Joohyun swallows her pride and calls a break.

She doesn’t mention it, but Joohyun knows: Playing for that long is impossible unless you’ve worked at it before. She knows all too well the work that goes into it, the diligence it requires.

So that’s where her respect for Kang Seulgi begins.

And, for Joohyun, she couldn’t begin to feel anything, anything, if she didn’t respect the other person.

She doesn’t let herself dwell on the pounding in her chest or the flush of her cheeks. It’s just the summer heat, or the fact that she was walking quicker than usual. Nothing to do with seeing Seulgi on her way to SM.

That’s what she tells herself anyways. It becomes harder to deny when the weather falls colder and colder, and Joohyun still finds herself blushing as bright, but she’s still adamant–Kang Seulgi is nothing more to her than a nuisance, who is slightly tolerable.

Sometimes.

Perhaps she has a heart murmur.

ii. Anger

Okay, maybe Seulgi is a hard worker. That doesn’t change how absolutely infuriating she is.

She never lets Joohyun off the hook for anything, and is constantly poking at her and teasing her. For anything. Sometimes, Joohyun is impressed by the way Seulgi crafts a jibe (that is, for a millisecond before she starts reprimanding the other girl.)

To make matters worse, the blush on Joohyun’s cheeks and the pang in her chest won’t go away.

To make matters worse, Seulgi begins to notice.

“Joohyun-ssi, you must have a crush on me, huh? with how red your cheeks are whenever we practice~” Seulgi sticks her tongue out at the other girl.

Joohyun freezes. Seulgi says something about tuning their guitars, but Joohyun can’t hear it over the pounding in her ears.

“A-A-Absolutely not! How could you even think of something so ridiculous?” she manages to spit out.

“Don’t worry, I won’t blame you if you fall in love with me. After all, I’m irresistible!” Seulgi flashes a lazy grin, her eyes turning into crescents, which only adds to Joohyun’s irritation.

Joohyun can’t–won’t allow herself to fathom it. A crush on Seulgi, of all people? Even with their practices, which have become more and more casual, and their few meetups at cafes here and there, there’s no way…

There’s no way, right?

But then, the next time they meet up, Seulgi makes some stupid joke, and Joohyun finds herself laughing at it. Not just a giggle, either– a snorty, stupid laugh.

Seulgi stops in her tracks. “Joohyun, you alright there?”

Joohyun blushes, attempts to hide her face in her jacket. “I’m fine.”

For once, Seulgi doesn’t push it and , but when Joohyun finally gets home and lays down on her bed, she admits the truth to herself.

She has a crush on Kang Seulgi.

Tragically.

iii. Bargaining

It’s illogical and embarrassing and Joohyun wants to reject it, to push it far away or lock it up in a box and forget about it.

Kang Seulgi.

Why couldn’t it have been anybody else? A month ago, Joohyun would have said her ideal girl was someone kind, caring, compassionate, genuine. Someone who Joohyun could at least understand.

She imagines introducing Seulgi to her parents. A moment later, Joohyun rolls over and smashes her face into a pillow.

Before she falls asleep, head full of despairing thoughts, she makes a wish that her feelings will disappear when morning comes.

…it doesn’t come true.

iv. Depression

Jennie finds out. By extension, Jisoo also finds out.

Joohyun really, really doesn’t want to talk about it.

Jisoo really, really does.

“Joohyunnie, you know, Seulgi and I have the same part-time job, and we talk a lot while on shift!” She says cheerily, touching Joohyun’s shoulder. They’re sitting at the tables outside SM, with Jennie mischievously watching the two of them.

Joohyun presses her lips together, trying not to ask–

“She talks about you a little bit, actually. Seulgi says “Joohyun-ssi is totally strict, but with a fun side” Jisoo leans in closer, pointing at Joohyun, “and is super cute.”

Jennie snickers. Joohyun chokes on her soda as she tries not to flush bright red.

“I can put in a good word for you if you want!” Jisoo adds, smiling knowingly.

Joohyun frowns. “You haven’t already?”

“Well, of course, but–”

“Seungwan says that Seulgi-ssi also speaks of you frequently.” Jennie cuts in, smirking pointedly at Joohyun.

“Since when do you even talk to Seungwan?” asks Joohyun, incredulously.

“Let’s not change the topic here, Hyun. What’s important here is that you act on your feelings, since Seulgi appears to return them. Then you can go back to focusing on ReVeL.”

“All of that doesn’t mean that she likes me!” Joohyun says, raising her voice, “Just because Seulgi speaks of me sometimes, doesn’t mean we’re suddenly going to date or something. So let’s just drop it.”

From across SM’s courtyard,  Moon Byul-i’s eyes go wide.

Joohyun, realizing her volume, turns around slowly. As she makes eye contact with Byul-i, her face blooms red.

…Oh no.

v. Acceptance

Joohyun is certain that Seulgi must know by now.

On an unrelated note, she’s spent the last 24 hours in her room, feeling generally miserable and pathetic.

…Honestly, this is ridiculous. It’s just a little crush, Joohyun thinks. Nothing to get so worked up about. No reason to curl up on her bed with a pint of ice cream, phone firmly face down on her nightstand.

A sliver of light enters the room, followed by a soft, “Unnie? Someone’s here to see you.”

Joohyun frowns. “Who?”

“Um.” Yeri seems to be figuring out what to say. “A…friend?”

“Bae Yerim.” Joohyun says forcefully, stomach curling. “who?”

“You’re not gonna like it…um, Seulgi-unnie is waiting downstairs.”

Joohyun blinks once. Twice.

“Yerim?! Hold her off! I need to– oh god, I look so awful. Give me a moment to clean up. Can you– I don’t know– entertain her?” Joohyun asks frantically, pushing herself up into a standing position.

“Roger that, unnie!” Yeri laughs, shutting the door behind her as she bounds down the stairs.  

Fifteen minutes later, Joohyun’s mostly presentable, and Kang Seulgi is standing in front of her.

“Hi, Joohyun-ssi,” she says, drawing out her words.

“Um.” Joohyun answers. “Do you want to go on a walk?”

“Huh?”

Joohyun expects a joke about her coming on to Seulgi. She really does not think she can take it.

“Lead the way, then.” Seulgi answers.

Outside, the night is cool. There’s a full moon.

Seems auspicious, Joohyun hopes.

“So,” she says, as they cross the street, “I suppose you know by now.”

“Know what?” Seulgi says, so innocently that Joohyun almost believes her.

“Don’t make me spell it out for you!” She snaps playfully. As they walk, her hand brushes against Seulgi’s.

She wants to take her hand.

She doesn’t.

“Ah, Joohyun-ssi, do you want me to spell it out for you?” Seulgi sounds somewhat urgent, even through her drawl.

“Spell what out?”

Seulgi stops walking.

“Maybe the fact that I asked Nayeon to rig it so we’d have to practice together? Or that this entire time, I’ve been harboring a big, fat, lesbian crush on you, too?”

Joohyun turns around. Seulgi’s fists are clenched, her eyes turned downwards.

“You can’t be serious,” Joohyun gasps, stepping towards Seulgi.

Seulgi nods. “Serious as, well, you are.”

Joohyun reaches for her hand. And grasps it firmly. “I– I don’t know what I’m doing. But you know that I like you too, yes?”

“Based on what Byul-i and Seungwan and Jisoo told me? Yes. You’re not so subtle, you know?” Seulgi laughs, looking at Joohyun.

“Well, I– I don’t– Ugh, Seulgi. Would you, um, like to go out sometime?” Joohyun blusters, gripping the other girl’s hand.

Seulgi grins. “Yes. I really, really would.”