“Why are you here? Don’t you-- aren’t you going home?”

Jeongyeon closed the van door and ignore Nayeonie’s question and went next to Momo and put her arm around the girl and the other arm on her waist. She didn’t say anything, didn’t need to. Momo just melted on that hug and snuggled on Jeongyeon’s shoulders, despite the seatbelt hindering her to snuggle closer.

The events of the previous hour brought toll to her body, and the tears freely fell now, the tears which she was preventing to fall so not to worry the fans. Humiliation, stress, fatigue, everything had snowballed to tonight. And she’s tired, very tired. If she’s only selfish enough, she would have disappeared.

Her anchor, pulled on her arm, hard

As if telling her that these thoughts are not allowed.

 

They reached the dorn and Nayeon and Sana went out, waiting on their roommate but Jeongyeon was on her feet, holding unto Momo until the latter got off the van. Momo looked questioning at the taller girl and quietly asked is she’s staying the night.

 

She gave her that look and a kiss on the forehead

Do you even need to ask?

 

Jeongyeon had been her roommate for years before they moved to a bigger dorm and the two needn’t need to share a tiny bed. These days, Jeongyeon had been going to and fro from her parent's house, Seungyeonnie, and sometimes, if needed, to their dorm which she shared with Ji Hyo and Mina. Momo loved that she could sprawl on her bed freely without hitting another person but admittedly, she missed another person’s warmth beside her (Though Sana has already occupied that space most of the time, it still feels different). Since the move, Jeongyeon had never slept there, and Momo just learned to deal with the change.

The trip to their dorm was quiet, with Sana and Nayeon exchanging knowing glances, but Sana knew her place tonight is in her bed. They said their goodnight quietly, with Jeongyeon went to her former roommate’s room and closed the door behind her. Momo just went straight to bed and laid down, and Jeongyeon just let her eyes wander around the room. It was not as messy as their old room, but her compulsive self had to arrange the make-up on the vanity table and smoothen a t-shirt hanging on the bed frame, something that Momo probably just threw to get out the room in a hurry.

Jeongyeon smiled, somethings never changed.

She went to where Momo is laying and removed the shoes she’s wearing. Momo is known to be a klutz when walking, she is prone to tripping to slipping, but it’s the 8^th wonder of the world how stable this girl is when she’s dancing. That’s why it was surprising that despite their other members slid on the slippery stage earlier, none of them even fell to their knees.

Except for Momo.

She gently massaged Momo’s feet, from her leg down to her heel. She saw how Momo struggled onstage that’s why when she was near enough, she held Momo’s hand to keep her upright. As that person who values her craft very much, she knew how disappointed Momo was that she was not able to show her 100% performance.

She knew why she’s distracted, but she cannot do anything about it.

She stood up and went to the bathroom and prepared the tub. She heated some water and when it was warm enough, she went back to the bedroom.

“Momo-yah, come on, your bath is ready.”

“I don’t want to.”

“C’mon, I’ll shampoo your hair.”

Momo begrudgingly let Jeongyeon pull her to the bathroom. She helped Momo strip her clothes and carry her to the tub. Jeongyeon picked her shampoo and gently massaged it to her hair.

“Jeong?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you even here?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because I told you not to.”

“Ah, that speech wherein you said that you are a grown woman and not needing to be taken care of, yeah, I remember.”

“Then why---"

“Because today is not that day.”

“I am not a child—”

Jeongyeon’s eyebrow raised and looked at her from head to foot.

“That I am aware of, don’t worry.”

Momo blushed. “But—”

“Hirai Momo, are you going to soap yourself, or you prefer me to do it for you?” Momo glared at Jeongyeon but did it anyway. She’s too tired for anything, and she’s afraid Jeongyeon will really do it. Jeongyeon smirked and helped her to rinse the shampoo and the soap off her body. She bundled her in her robe and covered her hair with the towel. She then gestured Momo to head back first, she needed to tidy the bathroom first.

Momo nodded and when Jeongyeon came back to the bedroom, she’s in her pajama already.

“Yah! The pillows will get wet because of your hair! Dry it first!”

“But I am sleepy!”

“Aish! Move over.” Momo scooted over and Jeongyeon sat on the bed and placed the towel on her lap.

Just like the old times.

It was like déjà vu, or maybe the over-familiarity of the situation brought tears to her eyes. It was their routine before they go to sleep, this or Jeongyeon singing her to sleep.

It was too painful to revisit.

Jeongyeon then felt that there something warm trickling her leg and not the cold liquid she was drying of her roommate’s hair.

“Momo, are you alright? I something wrong?”

“I—I don’t know. Technically, there’s nothing wrong, but why do I feel like nothing is going right as well?”

“Momo…”

“I—I cannot feel like this. Not when Ji Hyo and Mina—”

“You are entitled to feel like this—we cannot be strong all the time.”

“I have to.. now that you are not here anymore—”

Momo stiffened when she heard Jeongyeon sighed and stood up beside the bed. She knew it, Jeongyeon would leave her as soon as she said it—

Jeongyeon offered her hand and when Momo took it, Jeongyeon eased her up from the bed and hold her in eye level. She took her hand and circled her waist to hold her place.

“Jeong--?”

“Shhh, let me just hold you.”

Baby want you to stay with me

Don’t leave me

Until the rainstorm ends

Stay with me,

don’t let go of my hand

When the serene morning comes

It will feel like a dream...

 

They shuffled to and fro on Momo’s bedroom, with Jeongyeon softly sings and Momo leaning her head on the other girl’s shoulder.

“Momo-yah?”

“Remember that day when we first moved to our old dorm?”

“Hmm, the one when we had a cake?”

“When we made a wish, what did you wish for?”

“That we will succeed, as nine. How about you?”

“That your wishes will come true.”

“Jeong—”

“Your happiness is my happiness, Momo-yah. There’s nothing I wish for but to see you smile and laugh. And when I see you having a hard time—” She sighed. “That’s why I always do things for you. To make it easy for you. I never knew there will come a time that you would not need me anymore.”

But I still need you, Momo wanted to say but her pride doesn’t let her. She figured out she needed to stand to her two feet and stop relying every time on Jeongyeon’s help. Her members are younger than her, why does she always need to be assisted? She was not being taken seriously because of that, that’s why she decided to tell Jeongyeon that. She knew she hurt the girl and their relationship had kind of strained after they moved to the new dorm—Jeongyeon kind of distanced herself from her and they barely talk. This is actually the first time, after a long time that they talked, just the two of them.

They continue to shuffle left and right, on a slow dance led by Jeongyeon’s humming, lost on each other’s thoughts—of different memories that contain each other.

I need you

You need me

Please stay by my side

I want to be with you

To the place where the sea sleeps...

 

Momo slept peacefully with her head pillowed on Jeongyeon’s arm and the older’s arm holding her close.

Just like old times.

Tonight, it felt like nothing had changed.

And yet, it also felt everything has changed.

They didn’t need to say anything, nor promised anything. But they know after tonight, they both understood what their hearts said that their lips can’t:

 

Don’t leave me.

I will still always be here for you.