But I can see us lost in the memory

August slipped away into in time

‘Cause it was never mine

- August

 

 

It’s August, again! It’s been two years. It’s been two years since our last conversation, been two years since I last greeted you a happy birthday, been two years I acknowledge your existence. It’s been two years but why am I still hurting when August comes?

 

Chanyeol Aser Park, Baekhyun Rey Byun

 

 

June 2018

 

B: Hey, saw you earlier at the market but I’m kind of shy to call you out.

 

C: Yow, Why on earth is that? You should’ve said hi

 

B: Are you on a vacation?

 

C: Yup, I’m on a vacation leave. It’s my niece’s birthday.

 

B: Oh, are you free tonight?

 

C: I believe so.

 

B: Let’s hangout.

 

C: Are you sure?

 

B: What’s with the question?

 

C: How about your girlfriend?

 

B: Oh, we broke up.

 

C: Again?

 

B: Hahaha I’ll pick you up at around 9. I can’t wait, I miss my best friend.

 

C: Whatever, I’ll see you later Baek.

 

It’s always been like that…

 

-

 

We’ve known each other since High School. We were those type of friends who fell in love with each other. But I was too concern about my studies, I’m an honor student. And I have that strict parents typically every Asian kid have. Study first. So we remain friends, scratch that- best-friends.

 

Years went forward Baekhyun pursued his studies and profession in the province while I’m in the city striving. We rarely see each other but we still in keep in touch.

 

I’ve been a good listener to Baek’s rambling in life especially his relationship to his girlfriend.

 

I never complained…

 

June 2018

C: Why did you two broke up again?

 

B: I honestly don’t know anymore, Chan.

 

C: Aren’t you tired?

 

B: I am.

 

C: Then why do you keep on coming back to her?

 

Silence-

 

B: Say Chan, do you still feel the same way? As before?

 

C: You know the answer Baek.

 

B: Don’t you want us to give it a try?

-

It’s no need for me to tell y’all my answer I know you know it. I set aside my doubts because I was too clouded of the idea of us taking a chance.

 

It’s been two months and I thought everything is perfect---

 

August 2018

B: When are you coming home?

 

C: This weekend, my vacation leave got approved!

 

B: Why! It’s our town fiesta you should not miss it.

 

C: I know.

 

B: I miss you, Chan. I can’t wait to see you again.

 

C: Me too Baek, me too.

 

B: Pfft…Softy! Call me right away, okay? When you arrive.

 

C: Will do.

 

-

 

C: I’m in the terminal, finally going home.

 

B: My baby, please be safe on your way home.

 

C: What?

 

B: Hahaha an hour is way too long.

 

C: Drama Hahaha

 

B: I really miss you Chan, I want to hug you already.

 

C: You have no idea Baek.

 

B: I’ll see you in an hour?

 

-

08:00 a.m.

C: Baek, I’m home.

 

08:15 a.m.

C: Are you busy?

 

08:30 a.m.

C: Baek, I’m super sleepy. I’ll take a nap first I’ll message you when I’m up, K?

 

04:00 p.m.

C: Hello? Baekhyun?

 

06:00 p.m.

C: Have you eaten dinner yet? By the way, what time later? You gonna pick me up? Or let’s just meet somewhere?

 

08:00 p.m.

C: I’ll just see you near the park I’ll message you the exact location.

 

08:30 p.m.

C: I’m at the park, near the balloon vendors. Why are you not answering my messages?

 

08:40 p.m.

C: My Aunt saw me, I’ll keep her company, message me ASAP.

 

Auntie suggested that we should take a look around since Baekhyun is still MIA. I sent him again a message saying I’ll be just around the area.

 

After a good 30 minutes of walking around and me and my Aunt went separate ways, I’m on my way back to the park when I saw a glimpse of a very familiar side profile silhouette. I decided to walk past the couple to verify it. And it was Baekhyun with his ex-girlfriend or shall we say girlfriend---he’s holding her hands. His smiling so brightly. Baekhyun is glowing like the star that he is.

 

I did not message him again and went straight home. 

 

I woke up the next day with a very bad headache. I checked my phone and saw Baekhyun’s message.

 

B: Hi Chan, I’m sorry about last night. Did you really went out?

 

C: Why would I joke about it? We’re like planning for it since forever Baekhyun.

 

B: I was with her.

 

C: I know, I saw you two.

 

B: I’m sorry Chan.

 

That was the last conversation that we have. I did not respond to his last message I left Baekhyun on read, because to be honest I don’t know what to say.

 

I was so hurt that impulsively decided to go back to the city that day. Everybody was asking what’s wrong, but I just can’t tell them I was broken hearted to a relationship that didn't happened at the first place.

 

I did not come back home for good 2 months. I worked my off just to forget everything. Until my parents bombarded me with messages saying I am an for not keeping an update to them of my being. Again, I just can’t tell them that their son is still hurting and still can’t move on. Their son is still questioning---how his best-friend, his first-love do that to him. Is he really not that worth it?

The answer has always been at the back of my mind---refusing to acknowledge it,

 

June 2018

B: Why are you so good to me?

 

C: I am?

 

B: I know Chan, I’ve been hurting you over and over for a long time now. I didn’t hear you complaining, you’re still there. Why?

 

C: I wanted to but I can’t Baek.

 

B: You’re too kind Chan.

 

C: I know.---Baek?

 

B: Hmm?

 

C: Why are you hurting yourself?

 

B: I love her Chan.

 

 

 

Back when we were still changin’ for the better

Wanting was enough

For me, it was enough

So much for summer love and saying “Us”

‘Cause you weren’t mine to lose.

- August