PHANTASMAGORIA : The Mind Game

-- Nayeon --

"Where were you on June 24, 2020, 10:30 AM?" he asked me dead in the eye. He was suspicious of everyone, including me. I bet; the investigation has encountered a wall. He seemed so desperate to get things out of my mouth.

 

The questioning continued... Until my time was finally up.

 

I was not a suspect but a witness. I don't think I can be called as such. I wasn't present at that moment nor saw what took place. But, if I chose what happened that day, I would have chosen to meet with them elsewhere. If I did, things wouldn't have ended up like this.

 

As I was walking home, my phone rang. I checked who it was. Oh, it's Jeongyeon. She's one of my best friends . I'm older than her but she's the one who takes care of me.

 

"Hello?" I responded,

"Where are you? What's taking you so long?" She asked with a worried tone.

"I'm nearly home. I'm currently walking by Mrs. Watson's house" I answered.

"You walked?? You could at least inform me." She replied

"It's fine. It's not that late, I can shout for help if something does happen. Haha!" I jokingly said and smiled.

"You're too carefree. Be careful, Nayeon," She told me.

"Sure thing." As she heard this, She hung up.

 

Putting down the phone, my smile immediately faded. Well... Maybe at the back of my mind, I wish something will happen. I continued to walk. My house will be at the corner, I can't wait to rest. After all, it has been such a long day.

 

Then all of a sudden, everything went black.

 

"What the... Is there a scheduled power interruption??" I asked myself.

 

My phone rang once more, it's probably Jeongyeon. I was about to answer when car lights beamed towards my direction completely blocking my sight. I held up my hand to see what was happening.

 

Someone grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth tight with a handkerchief. Regardless of my shock, I wanted to break free that's why I kept moving around. After a few seconds of resisting, I felt my strength leaving me. Just... What the heck is going on...?

 

Hey... Momo, Sana, Jihyo, Mina, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu. It's too soon. Still, I'm coming to you...

 

When I opened my eyes, I was standing in a white room. It's empty. There's nothing else here but me. Hmm.

 

"Nayeon!" what? I'm not alone? A muffled sound that seemed so familiar got me thinking about how I got here. As far as I remember, I passed out. Wait, did I die?

 

I guess I should be thankful. It's better than to live all alone. Losing my friends was the same thing as losing my life. For a moment, I started to feel thankful to whoever killed me.

 

A week ago, I and my friends decided to go on a trip to celebrate us passing the board exams for Radiologic Technologists.

 

We wanted to celebrate such an important milestone. We finished college and passed the boards. It was surely something to be happy about.

 

I was the one with the farthest house. Given that, I am the one who gets picked up last. Jeongyeon was with me that time, both of us waited for them.

 

While on their way, an accident took place. The van they rode fell off a cliff.

 

A search and rescue operation was commenced. A day passed, then two, three, and finally a week passed. There was still no sign of them. The bottom of the cliff had a river. The currents might have led them someplace else... I don't know.

 

What I do know is I'm the only one left. Jeongyeon is here with me... But... Losing all seven of them hit us hard.

 

"Nayeon!! Wake up!" who's there? Momo? I can recognize that voice anywhere. Am I bound to paradise? Wake up? No... I don't want to... Instead, let me come with you... Please. Don't leave me.

 

"Nayeon!" the voice became louder and clearer. At an instant all I could see was black. I felt like my eyes were sealed shut so I opened my eyes slowly... The first thing I saw was a girl.

 

Wait... Is that Momo? Am I hallucinating?

 

"Nayeon?? Finally, you're awake. Are you okay??" It's Momo. How could this be? Am I still dreaming?

 

I looked around. She was tied up by a corner. Are we in an abandoned room? There's an old gurney by her left. A hospital room? Just, where am I?

 

Is this the manifestation of heaven or something? I imagined it differently. I tried standing up but can't. My hands and feet were tied up. Luckily, I wasn't gagged so I can talk fine.

 

"Momo? I can't believe this... Is that, you?" my eyes started to swell up from tears "Is that really you?" the feelings we shared; it was mutual. As Momo nodded, she began to get teary-eyed.

"I'm glad you're okay" Momo smiled. Deep within, I was happy. I didn't think I can see her once more. That's weird... I don't see her with any injuries. I thought they fell off a cliff?

"Where the heck is this? Is this heaven?" I asked to make sure. Am I alive? Or is this just a figment of my imagination? A world I made to see them once more.

"We can't qualify to enter heaven, Nayeon. We can't even enter hell since we're still alive stupid." Momo replied to me with a sarcastic tone.

"It's you alright" we both laughed. It's real...

 

I missed this. I missed them. Now that I see one of my friends alive, I immediately knew something in me changed.

 

It gave me hope that the rest of my friends are alive as well. My encounter with her made me realize how much I wanted to live. I want to get out of whatever this is, and live.

 

Slowly, I moved back towards the wall and pushed myself to sit. After doing so, I looked to Momo's direction.

 

"How long was I out??" I asked Momo.

"I don't know... I can't even keep count on how many days has it been" She answered. I can see that she was scared. I have to think this through... If we plan to get out of here. We need to map out our escape.

"What the heck is happening? Do you have any idea?" being knowledgeable about how things worked out so far for her, might help.

 

Then, she told everything she knew about that day.

 

The van was noisy, as it should be. Everyone was so pumped up and happy. The excitement was clearly at its epitome. Everything was going smoothly until a sharp turn near a cliff. The breaks weren't working and as they approached the curve, they fell off the cliff landing on water.

 

That was all she could remember. She regained consciousness in this hospital. Momo wasn't sure whether the rest was taken with her but she did tell me that someone was delivering food every night.

 

I glanced at the barred window; the sun was shining brightly. Meaning, that person Momo was referring to is not around. This might be a chance!

 

 

"We have to think of a way to get out of here. Do you have the utensils from your last meal? We can use it to br-- Ow" I touched something sharp.

"What's wrong??" Momo asked out of concern.

 

I slowly moved to see what it was. It's a rusted metal pole with a hole in it which has rigged edges. This might work... I scooched closer to that pole and moved my tied hands up and down to hopefully break the rope.

 

After a few hours of rubbing the rope, it was nighttime. I wasn't able to break out just yet. I didn't expect that to be hard. Jeez.

 

I heard footsteps approaching so I stopped and acted like nothing was going on.

 

Someone did deliver dinner through a space below the door, then left. This might be a hospital for prisoners based on such an arrangement. Or worse, an experiment facility...

 

Why am I getting distracted? I need to get out of here with Momo. That's my only goal at the moment. I continued rubbing the rope to the rigged edges of the pole.

 

After a few more minutes, I was successful. I untied my feet then walked to Momo. After freeing her, we approached the door.

 

"It's quiet. Too quiet..." I told her out of the blue.

"Do we need to break out at night? I mean... he might only be around at night." Momo replied.

"Momo??" someone else whispered. Both of us got shocked and covered our mouths just in case it was the bad guy "It's me Sana..." our eyes widened.

"And Tzuyu." after hearing this Momo and I exchanged glances

"For real? Is that you Sana? Tzuyu?" Momo replied clearly with an excited tone.

 

I'm happy to know it too but I became suspicious. I mean it's so perfectly timed and it got me thinking that maybe it's a trap. We can't trust her words just yet.

 

"Prove to us you're the real Sana and Tzuyu," I told her.

"We are such in a pinch and you want proof? Are you serious Nayeon?" Tzuyu replied, and I kept quiet

"Fine... Betty Boop..." Momo and I chuckled. She's Sana, one hundred percent sure.

"Yoda" Tzuyu shortly replied. That tone and her short statements? That's Tzuyu for sure.

"Then, what are you waiting for? Help us get out Betty and Yoda." I teased

 

Sana brought a Betty Boop undergarment set at one of our many sleepovers. We kept teasing her for that since it was just too random for a 23-year-old girl to wear.

 

We successfully broke out of the room with the help of Sana and Tzuyu. After seeing each other, we immediately hugged. We're all smiling and for a moment, we forgot the predicament at hand.

 

Maybe, the uncertainty this situation held seemed so little since we reunited. It felt like we have more hope of overcoming this.

 

"!!" all of a sudden, two gunshots was heard and echoed across the room. I reacted and squatted down. After that, I checked myself. I wasn't hit... Yet, why are there bloodstains all over my shirt? Did someone else get hit??

"Sana!! Tzuyu!!" Momo shouted and as I looked to where Sana and Tzuyu was, blood was oozing out of their heads. Momo kept shouting their name, calling out to them while crying.

 

I looked at Sana... Then, Tzuyu... The bullet went through their heads. All I could do was stare since there was nothing else, we can do. They're gone. They're dead.

 

The deep breaths of shock I did eventually turned into fear. It's a dream, right?? It has to be a dream...

 

"Sana, stay with us please" Momo started performing CPR while crying. I can feel how desperate she is. But... Hey, Momo can't you see? T-they're long gone.

 

From a distance, I heard footsteps and the sound of a gun being loaded. I looked at our right and saw the one who shot that bullet...

 

It was a girl. I wasn't sure what gun she used but she was holding one in both hands. We had to go... I lost Sana and Tzuyu. I can't lose Momo too.

 

 

"Momo... We need to go" I told her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"NO!! We can't leave them here!" She refused, jerked my hand off and continued CPR "Help Tzuyu, I'll help Sana"

"MOMO!!" I shouted to make her snap out of it. Then, she slowly stopped.

"B-but, T-they're... S-she's..." then she sobbed. I looked to our right and saw the gun being aimed,

"GET DOWN!!" I pulled Momo to make her lie down. Blood once again squirted from somewhere. I checked Momo and it wasn't from her. I checked myself, it wasn't from me either.

 

It was still from the two...

 

She wasn't aiming at us. She was still aiming for Sana and Tzuyu. Just what is her deal?! I was panicking I didn't know what to do next.

 

"YOU MONSTER!!" Momo shouted and tried to get away from me and charge at the girl who fired the gun.

 

If that girl fired from afar and got a headshot, it would be easy for her to shoot us. She was a few meters away. Curiously, she reloaded every time... This is a chance for us, the only choice we have is to run.

 

"Come on!! Let's get out of here!!" Momo was still resisting "MOMO!! I know you're angry. I am too..." I paused and looked at our departed friends

"Sana and Tzuyu wouldn't want us dying because of them. We need to get out of here for their sake as well. Please... I can't afford to see someone else meet the same fate. I know you can't handle that much too. Please..." after I said this Momo calmed down.

 

She reached out and held Sana's hand, saying a final goodbye. Then, we stood up and started to run. Tzuyu's hand was out of reach and all we could do was stare at her one last time.

 

As we're running away from where Sana and Tzuyu was, I heard the gun slide being pulled back and a click. One... Two...

 

It was so loud I couldn't help but be mindful of it. Before turning left at the corner, I looked back,

 

Still... she wasn't aiming at us. She stopped in front of our dead friends and shot them for the third time.

 

It was not a sight to behold. I clenched my fists, I wanted to kill that girl... I stood there looking at how she reloaded another bullet... One... Two... And aimed at Sana and Tzuyu for the fourth time.

 

"NAYEON!!" Momo pulled me and together we ran. As I heard another shot echo, I knew...

 

I knew it was the fourth bullet that pierced the body of two of my beloved friends, Minatozaki Sana and Chou Tzuyu. I was enraged and at the same time, I got scared. Whoever that girl was, she won't give any mercy. I need to get out of this place with Momo.

 

We stopped running. Panting and exhausted, both of us couldn't catch our breaths. As I leaned on the wall, I looked down and stared at my hand. I was shaking all over. The things we witnessed we're so vivid, it kept replaying inside my head.

 

The hope I once thought we had was lost. Now that we are being chased, I don't know if we can get out of this place alive...

 

For a few minutes, we stayed there. Then we decided to look around, splitting up won't be helpful. I suddenly heard voices. I grabbed Momo's hand, hid by the nearest room, and covered Momo's mouth.

 

Slowly, the voice became louder. Momo was curious as well, she peeked with me. I couldn't understand what they we're saying. As they passed by us, I saw a glimpse of who it was.

 

"Mina??" I spoke softly by myself.

"Mitang!!" Momo shouted, ran towards Mina, and hugged her. I walked out of the room and smiled.

"What happened to you?? Why is there blood all over you?" Mina asked and then my smile faded.

"Sana... Tzuyu... T-they're dead" Momo told her

"You're joking right?" Mina asked for assurance. "It's not funny. You're hiding her inside that room, right?" she attempted to look at the room we got out from "Satang? Tzuyu?" she called out.

"N-no... These bloodstains. It's theirs." I added. Momo and Mina looked terrified as I said this. They stepped back from where I was standing.

"N-Nayeon..." Momo spoke up with a scared tone.

"What is it?" I asked.

 

They couldn't answer me. It was here again, the sound of a click. This was it...

 

Imagining what comes next, my heart began to race. Beads of sweat began to race down. My hands were shaking from fear. A sound of a gun being pointed, the ominous feeling led me to a conclusion, someone was pointing a gun behind me.

 

I took deep breaths. I look at Momo and Mina, their tearful eyes pleaded 'No'

 

It was the end.

 

The trigger was pulled. I heard a bullet shell bounce on the floor. One. Two. Three.

 

I closed my eyes at the loud sound and once I opened them. I was standing in the same place. Looked at the same people. Except, Momo was lying on the floor. It was another headshot...

 

I could hear my heartbeat. It was faster than before. I wasn't sure what it was about. Was it fear? Anger? I don't know.

 

"Mina... RUN!" I shouted and she did. I turned back and saw the girl smile. I closed the door at her and followed Mina.

 

She was running way ahead of me. I was burned out during the last time Momo and I ran. I was nearly at my limit.

 

Mina turned left and as I was nearing that turn my thoughts couldn't keep up. When I turned left, at the end of that corridor I saw an exit.

 

Mina and I can escape. I felt a little spark of hope. I reached the exit.

 

Panting and exhausted, I kneeled just by the entrance. I was catching my breath. Along with my fatigue, I was devastated. I failed to protect Momo...

 

I punched the entrance door out of anger. We are the only ones left...

 

I saw Mina from a distance, she stopped running. And someone was helping her. That short hair... Chaeyoung??

 

Did Mina see Chaeyoung on her way out? Damn. All the more reason we must get out. With the three of us we can do this.

 

I need to catch up with them. We need to escape. I stood up and started to jog towards them.

 

Mina stood up with the help of Chaeyoung and ran. Mina was limping. Did she stumble earlier? . I don't have much stamina. At this rate, I can't reach them. But when I do and they waited for me all of us will die.

 

It's going to be me or them.

 

There's only one way to get out of this...

 

"MINA! CHAEYOUNG! KEEP RUNNING! I'LL STALL HER!" I shouted. They looked back at me. They stared at me, it was clear they're terrified. Who could blame them? There's a lunatic with two guns chasing us around. Who wouldn't be?

 

That look they gave... It bothered me. But still, I have to push through this. If they live, maybe she can ask help from a nearby police station and arrest that psycho.

 

I faced the abandoned hospital. Ready to die. "MINA! CHAEYOUNG! DON'T STOP!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. A tear fell from my cheek. I couldn't stop myself from shaking. I was trembling in fear.

"NAYEON!!" Chaeyoung shouted I kept myself from looking back "STOP!" She continued

 

No... If I failed to protect the other three, I could at least protect you two. Please go... Don't make this hard for me. I've already decided.

 

"PLEASE STOP THIS!" Mina shouted this time. Her voice was loud and much clearer. Did they walk towards me? I turned to look. I was right, they approached me. . That psycho will catch up to us at this point.

"PLEASE!" As I shouted, they stopped walking. We're facing each other and the distance between us is just a few meters.

 

What were they thinking??? I don't want things to end like this. If I have to die for them to live, I will. Even if it's hard for me to throw away my life like that.

 

"You need to go... Please" I pleaded to them, hoping they understand. I've seen enough blood. I've had it seeing my friends die before me. I've had my fill...

"Nayeon... Don't. Please..." Mina told me with a soft tone. Is she begging? No... She's asking me to stay with them.

"Please. Just leave. I'll stall her as much as I can. You need to find help" I told her and looked down to prevent me from looking her straight at the eye.

"Nayeon??" She spoke in a different tone. She's now begging.

 

There it goes. A click. She's here.

 

"RUN!" I shouted. They finally got the idea and started running. Mina was limping badly while doing so. She might've hurt her knee. Good thing Chaeyoung was there to help her move faster. I smiled.

 

Then it immediately faded. I took deep breaths. I was ready to die.

 

She's close to me.

 

Another click was heard. Maybe that was the slide being pulled. Even I don't know. She's once again behind me and ready to fire.

 

Mina... Chaeyoung... Please be safe.

 

I need to stall her. I faced her. She was pointing the gun at me at point-blank range.

 

"Who are you??" I asked and she didn't bother to answer me. Weirdly, she seemed familiar. I can't remember where I saw her, but I remember that face...

"Why are you doing this??" I asked again. She still wouldn't bat an eye. How can I stall her if she isn't answering at all??

 

She slowly put force on the trigger with the use of her index finger. My heart was pumping so loud I can hear it in my ear. This is it. I hope they find help and get as far as they could.

 

Shockingly, she moved the gun and pointed at something else. I closed my eyes due to the loud sound of the gun.

 

Another gunshot echoed. When I opened my eyes, I was unharmed.

 

I looked back to the direction they ran and saw both of them on the ground. Did she shoot them instead? !!

 

I ran towards her. As I ran to them, I noticed that Chaeyoung got shot on her knee both of them are now injured. I don't know if they can run anymore.

 

"Chaeyoung!!" I knelt beside her. She was writhing in pain. I looked to her she was in so much pain.

"GET AWAY!" Mina shouted and helped Chaeyoung panicking on what to do next. She was crying. Is she trying to tell me to run in their stead?? No... I can't.

 

What do I do now?? The slide was once again pulled. I looked to my left. The girl was standing beside us and pointed the gun. Completely ignoring me. She shot the gun without hesitation.

 

First was Chaeyoung...

 

Then Mina...

 

No...

 

Not them too...

 

Why??

 

Why did it have to be my friends?!

 

I was ready to die! I was ready to sacrifice my life for them... Why are they the one lying lifeless on the ground? It should have been me.

 

I've lived through this night in the goal of getting out of here with my friends... Now... They're gone.

 

I've had enough!!

 

"JUST KILL ME INSTEAD YOU BASTARD!" I shouted. I was breathing heavily while I stared at them.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? KILL ME!!" I shouted once more. I don't have any reason to live...

 

What else does the world want to take away from me??

 

Sheer silence encapsulated me while near Chaeyoung and Mina. I looked to where she was previously standing. That girl... She's nowhere near me. Did she leave me to bear with this pain? Alone?

 

"Nayeon..." It's her. That psycho... I looked around looking at places where she could be hiding "Run... I'll give you a head start" she said then let out a wicked laugh "Things will be boring if you aren't a moving target" she continued.

 

She's crazy... What is she talki—!

 

She shot her gun; it was a warning. I looked down at Mina and Chaeyoung and I decided. I need to find help and quick...

 

I'll come back for you guys I promise... I stood up and started running. For a few minutes. I ran. This was an abandoned location. I don't see any houses at all. After a few more meters, I was at my limit. I was running all night. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally.

 

I stumbled and scraped my knee. I was lying at the ground panting. With this exhaustion, I think I'm near to death. I... I need to find help. Nayeon come on, stand up... I slowly stood up and continued to walk.

 

Minatozaki Sana, she was the source of fun. Happiness was always tailing her.

 

Chou Tzuyu, even if she's a bit aloof and quiet she's really thoughtful and makes us laugh.

 

Hirai Momo, she's my partner in crime and a great friend.

 

Myoui Mina, she was the most thoughtful. She kept doing DIYs instead of buying us gifts. Which was appreciated by all of us.

 

Son Chaeyoung, the listener. She's very good at hearing out our grievances and even advice us on what we should do.

 

It was fun... I let out a weak smile. I'll avenge your deaths in another way...

 

I saw a light from a distance. Is that what I think it is?? A Police station!! Energy started flowing to my body and I walked faster. Once I reached the counter, I looked for the ones on-duty.

 

 

"Please... Please help me" I pleaded to the two officers in front of me "My friends... They're..." I paused since didn't know where to begin

"Nayeon. Calm down" the officer on the right told me. I know... I am trying to. I was panicking and I was so confused about what to tell.

"There's a psycho on the loose. She killed all of my friends. You have to help me..." I pleaded

"You have to write the details in a report. Calm down, Nayeon" the officer on the left replied to me with such a cold tone. What is she talking about?? It's already an emergency and asks me to write a report???

"You don't understand. If you don't do something, she'll come for me and--" I was talking and she interrupted me.

"There's a protocol for everything Ma'am. You need to write a report first this is also for--" why don't they listen??? I got so frustrated and let it out

"You have to help me!!" I shouted out of anger then everything went quiet. The officers in front of me were shocked.

 

I was pointing a gun at them.

 

What?

 

Why am I holding a gun?

 

"Nayeon... Calm down" the officer told me once more... Wait, now that I realized it... I haven't told them my name. How do they know? Then I recognized her...

 

Dahyun? She's the one at the left and on her right... Jihyo? I was confused... Why are they in police uniforms??

 

"There's no one chasing you Nayeon. It was you who killed them." Jihyo told me in such a calm tone.

 

What? I did??

 

I was confused. My breaths became labored and I was panicking.

 

Did I kill them??

 

Then, everything flashed through my eyes.

 

Wait...

 

No...

 

I did...

 

Momo was with Sana and Tzuyu then, I let them out of that room and killed Sana and Tzuyu.

 

Sana was so distracting in class that I couldn't listen well. She was so energetic and bubbly it annoyed me. Tzuyu, she's quiet and reserved but her disrespectful bravado sometimes got me pissed.

 

Then, seeing this... Momo ran. When I caught up to her, she was resisting and I pulled her into a room. Mina passed by and Momo got her attention. Momo was able to get out that room and hugged Mina.

 

I paused to see and when both of them were staring at me, I pointed the gun at Momo first and shot her even with their pleading eyes. Momo was the reason my ex and I broke up. She was getting too close with him and at one point he broke up with me and revealed he only had a relationship with me to get close to Momo.

 

Mina kept running. Chaeyoung was around the exit then. Seeing Mina, they ran together. Away from me. And all those time, they were begging me to stop the massacre not stop me from pointing the gun at myself.

 

Mina and Chaeyoung was always compared to me. I hated that. Their strengths were always compared to me.

 

I smiled.

 

I didn't expect myself to...

 

Imagining and recalling everything weirdly felt fulfilling.

 

Then, I heard a messenger tone.

 

What? I don't have a phone with me. I don't remember having it.

 

Then the sound became repetitive. Like a group chat booming with messages. I looked down my right hand, I was holding my phone.

 

Suddenly, another hand guided mine to hold the phone up. I looked to see who it was. Jeongyeon? Why is she here?

 

I looked at the chat head.

 

Oh...

 

It's our group chat. No wonder it's so loud...

 

Today iss the release of the results of the recent board exams.

 

And...

 

I...

 

I didn't pass.

 

Our group chat was loud... Everyone else passed but me. I looked around. I was in my room sitting on my study table. I was in front of my laptop, staring at the results.

 

What in the world??

 

Did I... Imagine all that?

 

Which is the real one? Am I in the real world this time?

 

Is that a problem? Right now... I don't know how I should handle this.

 

I didn't pass the boards.

 

How am I going to face my parents now? They worked so hard to get me in a good review center and financed my needs. What should I do??

 

At that moment, I was so uncertain. I felt mixed emotions. I was angry, sad, anxious, and happy. I became confused.

 

I closed my eyes and slowly drifted away with my thoughts by the wave of my hand holding something sharp. It changed once more.

 

I was with my friends this time. We're holding hand in hand and lined up in a straight line. Then, one by one they walked forward. I wanted to follow but my feet got embedded in the ground.

 

I was shouting and telling them to wait for me but they continued walking.

 

I felt betrayed. As I stood still, I was being engulfed by an unknown entity. It was dark and cold. I was pulled down and I wasn't resisting at all.

 

I succumbed to the dark depths of my mind. I couldn't tell whether I was awake or not.

 

"Ms. Nayeon," a familiar voice called out to me. At the moment I blinked, the setting changed. I was lying down a comfortable chair staring at a painting. I recognize this place "Where were you on June 24, 2020, 10:30 AM?" oh... I know him. He's my psychologist.

 

I remember now... I was telling him the things I saw, dreamt, and what I felt. I was telling him all of it. I can't remember how many times but he kept asking me about that day. That fateful day I started to lose my sanity.

 

"I was in my room. Staring at the results for the board passers..." I answered. It was still painful for me to say it.

"Did anything else happen before or after that?" he asked. Then I told him I wasn't sure at all. I didn't know what was real and fake. I was so confused. But I did tell him that it feel like I woke up from a long dream.

"None of those things happened Nayeon. It was a series of events made from your imagination." What? I... I did that? I killed my friends while I was in that trance what does it mean??

"Have you heard of 'phantasmagoria'?" I shook my head from side to side since I didn't.

 

He leaned back on his chair, clasped his hands together, and looked at me smiling.

 

"It's a sequence of real or imaginary images like those seen in a dream. That's what you experienced. Everything you saw, it was remodeled and formulated by your mind. Most probably, to let out your inner grudges and the feelings you accumulated. If we compare it to a mental disorder, it's similar to Schizophrenia." he told me

"To put it in easier terms, they're hallucinations. It's a good thing that you sought treatment immediately, these 'phases' could have been much worse" he continued. I kept quiet since I wanted to know more.

"You didn't pass the exam to get your license as a Radiologic Technologist but all of your other friends did. It became the gun that started a false race. A race that only happened inside your head" I was confused. So... I out from reality?

"This is good. You are making progress. The last session we had, you refused to talk and didn't share about anything" he stood up, walked to a cabinet near us and brought back with him a tray with two teacups with their saucers and a teapot. He poured me some tea and handed it to me.

"The abandoned hospital from your dream was a place you wanted to be in but couldn't. Your friends were there with you, but you refused to accept their help that's why you lashed out on them. At one point, you saw a way out but it was false. The turning point, when you realized that you kept grudges and admitted that to yourself... It made you look back on what was happening at that specific moment." he elaborated. Then it all came to light

 

He was right. All of my friends reached out to me and I refused. I was so angry at how things turned out. All the negativity took over.

 

"I suggest you keep this up. Be honest with yourself. Speak up if need be. Give yourself and other people a chance." he sipped from his teacup and let out a sigh "There's more to this world, societal standards are always there. Failing once does not justify your whole self. Don't let it get to you, success comes from many different forms." he continued.

"What if it isn't? What if I... What is I fail, if I tried again?" I asked him.

"Failure is our way to learn as human beings. Everyone will have to sip from that cup someday. What comes after? Its yours to decide. It's either you let yourself drown or try to swim back up" I get what he meant by these words.

"If I did try again... And succeed, would it change the fact that I failed the boards once?" I asked. You see, board results are crucial in applying. I mean. It would be seen in the transcript that you are a retaker.

"Have you ever heard this? 'An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So, when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great'. It's a quote from an anonymous person and that's what I always tell my patients" he smiled at me and let down his cup.

"These draw backs will launch you someplace you'd be happy in. You just have to hang in there and get ready for your launch" he continued.

"Your friends are waiting for you outside. If you can't talk to me, you can talk to them. They're more dependable than you think." he filled his cup with tea, picked it up, and sipped once more.

 

Then, he handed me a paper. Probably, my prescription medicine. After a few more minutes, we said our goodbyes.

 

 

-- Jeongyeon --

"She'll be out any minute now," Chaeyoung told us.

 

We are so worried about her. She kept ignoring our messages starting from that day when the results were out. And in the day after that, her mother talked to us about what happened. Nayeon had a mental breakdown.

 

"You've been saying that again and again for hours. Just sit tight and be patient" Tzuyu replied.

"I can't keep calm as well. How can I be? She refused to tell us anything... Then, we get the news from her Mom" Chaeyoung responded.

 

It's been over three months after the board results. She had a mental breakdown and tried to hurt herself. She was in the hospital for a month. When she was better, she kept seeing a psychologist in the months that followed.

 

"Chaeng you are making me anxious. Stop~" Jihyo told her and Chaeyoung nodded.

"That's weird. I feel excited to see her again." Dahyun told us.

 

You see, we recently planned to free this day of anything with our present commitments for her since today was a special day... It's her birthday. September 22, 2020.

 

We wanted to surprise her. We asked if it was okay and her psychologist agreed. If there's something that we can help her with, it would be this. We are the best of friends after all.

 

"Look who it is!" Sana exclaimed.

"Welcome back, Nayeon-unnie!!" Mina shouted as well.

"Happiest birthday to you, Nayeon! We missed you!" Momo added.

"Ready to go?" I asked her then smiled.

 

All of us smiled at her, and she smiled back. She walked towards us and all of us did a group hug. It was an emotional moment so, almost everyone shed a tear.

 

 

-- Nayeon--

I get it now...

 

Regardless of how we are then, regardless of how far they've reached now, they're still the same group of people I spent all of my college life with...

 

What made us nine stronger was the bond. It was our friendship. All of the things we argued about, all of the hardships we've been through, all of it.

 

When we argue and not agree in somethings, we made amends every time. Just because we cared for each other so much.

 

Our differences and uniqueness are what made us stronger as friends. Both the good and the bad sides of each one was also a contributor to how tight the knots were between us.

 

Maybe... Instead of focusing on the negatives, I should focus on the opposite since there's so much to cherish.

 

They have my back might as well make sure I have theirs. I was not alone, I never have been, and I will never be.

 

My psychologist was right, this is just a setback. A set back that will launch me somewhere even greater.

 

- - - END - - -