Siwon loves mornings. Mornings mean that he can see Yesung again after the hours of sleeping and not seeing him. Siwon opens his eyes and slowly blinks for a moment. Outside is another hot morning and warm sunlight is pouring in the bedroom. The floor to ceiling windows are opened and a bit cold breeze is flowing in the room. It is pleasant, but Siwon knows that soon the breeze won’t be so cold and the day will become hotter with every passing minute. Every summer is hot and humid in South Korea and they are lucky that their house isn’t standing in the middle of Seoul, where every road and pavement turn hot and burn like a frying pan. Their house is standing in a calm neighbor with many trees, parks and cute shops. Siwon bought this house to create his own piece of heaven with Yesung next to him.

Yesung is next to Siwon almost all the time, even when they sleep Yesung always snuggles close to his husband. He usually ends up sleeping on the top of Siwon which doesn’t look comfortable in the middle of summer heat. Their bodies are pressed together and you could think that they feel even hotter and sweatier in such a position. The truth is that they ignore this fact. Yesung simply wants to be as close to Siwon as possible and Siwon isn’t going to stop him because his favorite part of every day is to wake up with Yesung peacefully sleeping on the top of him. Yesung’s left cheek is smushed against Siwon’s chest and a thin string of saliva is escaping from the corner of his mouth. Siwon gently runs the pad of his thumb over the soft and pink lips. Yesung’s lips are perfect, he could write an ode about the bow shaped and full lips which always taste like strawberries. Yesung loves cosmetic which smells like fruit or sweet. He thought that it is childish that an adult is using a toothpaste with strawberry flavor, but Siwon thinks that it is cute. Yesung’s body lotion with chocolate scent, his bath bombs with cotton candy scent, his shampoo with cherry scent, …. walking in the bathroom after Yesung feels like walking into the most delicious sweet shop. Siwon often says that Yesung wants to be even sweeter, that’s why he uses this kind of cosmetic but it isn’t possible for Yesung to become sweeter. 

Siwon is watching Yesung peacefully sleeping and then decided to try to grab his phone to take a picture. However, his plan failed because Yesung moaned something and squirms a bit before opening his feline eyes. He can barely keep his eyes open, but smiles at his husband and quickly squirms to get closer to him and get a kiss. Siwon tightly hugs him and runs his hands across Yesung’s soft thighs. Yesung is wearing only Siwon’s white shirt which is too big for him and looks like a dress on the petite man. The long sleeves are completely covering his small hands and the hem of the shirt reaches under his . On the other hand Siwon sleeps only in a pair of short shorts and nothing more is covering his tanned body. Suddenly Yesung’s stomach rumbles and his pink lips create an O shape. Siwon chuckles and his flat belly before quickly getting up - his babe is hungry and can’t wait. Yesung doesn’t want to get up. He is enjoying the freshl smelling bed linen with a hint of Siwon’s scent. He rolls around the bed before pouting. He hates being alone, he can hear Siwon cooking in the kitchen, but he wants him to be here. Yesung has no other option than to get up. He stretches like a cat and then hurries into the kitchen.

Siwon is cooking an omelet with pieces of mushrooms, tomatoes and paprika, but still managed to hear the sound of pitter-patter of Yesung’s small feet and then something light landed on his back. Yesung wraps his arms around Siwon’s neck while his legs tightly hug Siwon’s waist. The man is hanging on his husband like a little koala bear and Siwon doesn’t mind, he thanks to the long hours he spent in a gym to be strong enough that carrying Yesung around like this is no pain for him. He is only worried that the hot oil from the pan could splash on Yesung’s alabaster skin. The omelets are soon done and Siwon put them on plates. He carries the plates and Yesung to the dining table and put everything down, although it is hard to put Yesung down because he is clinging to Siwon as his second skin. Yesung pouts when Siwon goes to get something to drink, but he is back in the matter of seconds. Yesung got a glass of orange juice and Siwon sips his coffee. He needs energy to work, but first he needs to make sure that Yesung eats well. All the terrifying things which are happening outside force Siwon to keep observing Yesung.

A huge lump of fear is sitting in Siwon’s stomach and tortures him. This fear appeared when a doctor said that Yesung is suffering from leukemia. He feltsick for a few weeks and then went to see his doctor who did some tests and BOOM! Everything just spiraled into a deep black pit full of pain and despair. Siwon remembers sitting in the office of doctor Park Leeteuk who was explaining what does the diagnosis mean. He remembers the feeling when he was sitting there and listening to the doctor. He felt like a fish who was pulled out of water and now gasps for air. The fear is still kicking inside his stomach, not so strong as before but it is still there. What if Yesung catches the stupid virus? Doctor Park said that Yesung is okay only 14 months ago, Yesung isn’t ready to be sick again. It would kill him. Yesung was battling with leukemia for the entire 2 years. Two years Siwon was choked by fear and tried to imagine his life without Yesung. It wasn’t possible. When he closed his eyes and tried to imagine no Yesung next to him, he realized that no life without Yesung exists. Yesung was in a hospital, Siwon got the best possible room for him so he was at least a bit comfy while suffering. Yesung cried, screamed and begged Siwon to help him, to stop the suffering. The poison they were pumping inside his body turned his blood into acid, which burned so badly that he was slowly going crazy. His skin was breaking easily and he wasn’t able to wear clothes because there were none which wouldn’t have caused him even bigger suffering. And Siwon was there, next to him and watching every minute of the torture. The nurses always had to forcibly kick him out of Yesung’s room and then Yesung cried himself to sleep or the nurses discovered him and gave him something to be calmer. They didn’t understand that Yesung didn’t cry because of pain, no, he was crying because he was scared that he won’t see another sunrise. It was terrifying to imagine dying without his husband next to him. Siwon has no idea that there is a very long letter for him. It is hidden in a safe in the living room. In the safe is a box made from black polished wood and inside is a diamond necklace he got from Siwon, a pearl necklace he got from his mother and she got it from her mother. And then there is the thick envelope with a letter for him. The envelope has pastel yellow color and there is written Siwon in Yesung’s elegant handwriting. Yesung wrote this letter when he was in the hospital so there are places where his fat tears landed and there are few words which are written a bit shakily. The letter contains everything Yesung felt. His joy that he met Siwon, his gratitude for the years they spent together and his grief that there won’t be more years. Every kind of treatment was failing and Yesung was near to death, but satisfied that he managed to write the 20 page long letter. He almost forgot about it because the pain was too big and he was suffering from high fever, which caused that he wasn’t able to tell what is real and what is a hallucination. Siwon was begging and bargaining with God, he was promising to build a chapel, no, he was promising to build a whole church if God saves Yesung. However the answer didn’t come from heaven, but from Switzerland. One company in Switzerland discovered a new treatment, but it was completely new, only few people tried it before doctor Park told them about Yesung. The main doctor from the European team arrived in Seoul to be there while the first patient from Asian was about to receive his treatment and a miracle happened. It worked! Yesung felt better after a few days and he was getting strong quite quickly. Siwon didn’t believe it, his husband got another chance! The poor doctor was shocked when the Korean man got on his knees in the middle of the busy hospital. Siwon was crying and thanking to the doctor, he was kissing the doctor’s hands and told him that he owes him a lot. 

After four weeks Yesung was strong enough to go home and since then Siwon doesn’t want to waste not even one minute without him. The virus scared him, he immediately decided to confine both of them in their house and since the begging of the pandemic everything they need is delivered in their house. Siwon told his boss that he isn’t going to step in his office until this chaos ends. The boss was trying to argue, but Siwon is too important to be annoyed. So Siwon works from home. He finished his coffee and then goes in his small office, which is just a table with chair which were bought in hurry. Siwon wears one of his perfectly tailored white shirt and a pair of black leggings and a pair of black Oxford shoes. I know, a ridiculous combination, but it makes Yesung giggle. And when Siwon pulls the tight leggings up so it digs in his crotch and creates a camel toe, then Yesung laughs so much he becomes breathless. Siwon starts to work and his boss needs to admit that Siwon’s productivity is raising. The truth is that Siwon suffers when his work stands between him and Yesung so he works as fast as he can and then spends time with his husband. 

Yesung is also busy, he takes care of the house. Right now he is filling the washing machine and then he goes to water the plants. Siwon is following him with his eyes and his fingers are flying over the keyboard. Yesung is cooking pasta with chicken meat for lunch and hums a song. The lunch is soon ready and Siwon comes into the dining room. 

“You should rest and not bother with cooking.”

Yesung only shrugs because he enjoys cooking for Siwon. They start eating the delicious pasta and then Yesung feels really tired so he goes to take a nap. Siwon works for a bit longer, but then angrily sighed. He can’t work when his babe is so close. Siwon walks to the door of their bedroom and a cold hand clenches his heart. He gulps and tries to fight with his friend, he is always scared that one day he will find Yesung not breathing. He slowly opens the door so the hinges won’t creak and he peeks inside. Yesung is lying in the middle of their bed, his limbs are sprawled and he is slowly breathing. Siwon watches the steady rhythm of Yesung’s chest - inhale, exhale, inhale … Siwon sighed in relief and comes closer to the bed. He carefully lay down next to him and closed his eyes. Of course, there are few aftermath of the long illness, it left problems with memory, fatigue and osteoporosis behind. Siwon wants to put Yesung in a room full of softest blankets and pillows, only there he could be fully safe and Siwon would be fully satisfied. After a while Siwon closed his tired eyes and soon fell asleep. 

He woke up and doesn’t know what is going on. Something wet and warm is continuously landing on his cheeks and lips until Siwon opened his eyes. Yesung is smiling at his husband and Siwon smiles back. He loves how Yesung’s eyes shine, he looks at Siwon like he is Yesung’s entire world. And he is right.

“How was your nap?”

Siwon smiles again and presses his petite husband closer to his chest.

“Heechul is coming soon, we should get up.”

Heechul is the husband of doctor Park. He is a nurse, well he was, a nurse before he and his husband adopted two sons. Kyuhyun who is 8 months old and Ryeowook who is soon going to turn 4. Heechul sometimes feels like a coward, he is at home, safe and comfy, but he can’t imagine leaving his sons alone. Leeteuk is in the first line and Heechul needs to survive this show for his sons, no matter how bad he feels. Yesung needs his regular check ups and he is terrified of going in a hospital or a doctor office. Yesung knows that he isn’t strong enough to survive the virus so Heechul was so kind to offer that he will come in their house every time Yesung needs his check up. It means that Heechul will arrive, he will put on a face mask and latex gloves Siwon gives him. Siwon sprays disinfection on him and only then Heechul can enter the house. He asks Yesung how does he feel, he will take a sample of his blood. Yesung hates needles, he wasn’t scared of them before, but after the long months of being locked in a hospital full of probing and touching he is tired of seeing any needle close to him. However Heechul is the only safe way how to do this. The man spends all the time locked with his kids and mom, Leeteuk is living in a hotel so he won’t risk the lives of his family. After Heechul takes the samples, he will take them in a private lab where he meets no one. It is similar to throwing a letter in a mailbox and in two days they have results. 

Siwon is nervously walking around them. Yesung is sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen island and Heechul is trying to be not nervous with Siwon watching him like a hawk. Or like a mother goose watching her little gosling.

“Imagine that Kyuhyun said his first word, mom says that he was only babbling something but I hear mama. I am sure.”

Heechul is speaking about his sons and hopes that Yesung won’t be so anxious. He is filling ampoules with Yesung’s blood and then put everything in a box. Siwon is ready to push him out of the house, but first opens a can of soda for Yesung who became very pale. Yesung is sipping on the soda and calms down while Heechul is leaving. Yesung looks down at the white plaster and sees a red dot appearing. His blood seeps through it and he knows that the blood already stopped flowing, but he thinks about the chance that it won’t stop. What if he sits here with his own blood gushing out of his vein and he feels sick. Luckily Siwon came and disturbed Yesung from his gore ideas. 

“What about watching a movie?”

Yesung wordlessly nods and let Siwon to lead him in the living room. Siwon turned the TV on and they watch Crash landing on you. Yesung curls up into a small ball next to his husband and thinks about the test. What if his blood show that he is sick again? 

Suddenly he feels Siwon’s big and warm hand on the top of his head and looks at him. Siwon kissed him on the forehead and the one kiss says everything. It says Everything is going to be okay. They watch the TV and Yesung let Siwon to calm him down, Yesung is almost melting thanks to the comfort he gets from his husband. Maybe that they will enjoy some fun tonight but it isn’t sure. Yesung is often sleepy and sometimes he just doesn’t feel good enough to have but Siwon is okay with that. Marriage or love aren’t about , it is about feeling safe, comfortable and loved. 

They finished watching the TV and Yesung decided to bake something delicious for his husband. Siwon told him that it is okay but Yesung  wants to show him how much he loves him. He wants to bake a chocolate cake for his husband because Siwon loves chocolate. Siwon goes to work until the cake is ready and everything is fine until Yesung grabs a tea towel and opens the oven. Yesung wanted to pull the baking tray out of the oven but then screams in pain. The tea towel somehow moved a bit and his forefinger touched the baking tray. It was hot and a red spot immediately appeared on Yesung’s tiny finger. Siwon is next to him in the matter of seconds and immediately grabs his husband and sat him down on the top of the kitchen counter. He examines Yesung’s delicate finger and then wraps few ice cubes with a tea towel. Yesung hissed in pain and Siwon kissed his cute cheeks.

“It is fine babe.”

The cake is forgotten, his husband is injured and Siwon looks like he is ready to call an ambulance. Yesung’s pain level is very low so few tears left his eyes but Siwon is there to kiss his cheeks and blows on the injured finger. Yesung sniffles for a while before pointing at the cake.

“Do you want a coffee?”

Siwon chuckles and kissed his cheeks again.

“Milk is fine, don’t worry.”

Yesung cuts the cake and they dig in. It is delicious like always and then they go out in the garden. The weather isn’t so hot anymore and evening is slowly coming. They sit down on the green grass and Siwon puts his head in Yesung’s lap. Yesung is playing with his hair and Siwon is watching the blue sky. They don’t know how long they sit there like that, but after few hours they got hungry. Siwon goes to heat up a pizza and then comes back with two cans of soda. Meanwhile Yesung put few candles around the terrace and on the table and they sit down. They eat while listening to the birds who started to sing again after the whole day of tiring heat. Yesung is getting sleepy, so he goes to take a shower and Siwon stays outside. He is just scrolling through the Internet before getting mad at mosquitoes, which are trying to eat him. Yesung is already lying in their dark bedroom so Siwon silently takes a shower and then slips under the thin blanket. Yesung opened his eyes and gives a sleepish smile to his husband. Siwon wraps his arms around his 62 kilos of happiness. He would run out, he would run through the streets and whole Seoul and he would yell how much he loves Yesung. Siwon watches Yesung whose eyes are slowly closing. He wants to continue looking at Siwon but his eyelids are too heavy. No matter how much he fights, they keep closing. Siwon kissed Yesung’s button nose and Yesung pressed his face to Siwon’s chest. No pillow is so soft or warm and nothing smells so nice and comforting. Yesung wraps his short arms around Siwon and holds him as strong as he can while smiling. This pandemic is terrible, so many people are dying and so many bad things are happening, but spending every day, 24 hours, with his husband is a good aspect of this crisis.