It was 11:30 PM, Sehun just entered the elevator of his condominium building. It was pretty early for a bachelor who just spent his 26th birthday party in a nightclub but he wasn’t in the mood to party all night. The elevator was playing a familiar tune, an instrumental of Fly Me to the Moon by Frank Sinatra. Sehun was alone in the elevator so he leaned back, closed his eyes and tapped his foot to the beat of the song. He gave out a deep sigh, he felt tired from all the half-hearted smiles he gave the whole day and all he wanted to do was to take a hot shower and sleep. The elevator dinged to signal that it already arrived on his floor, he immediately went out of the elevator and fished for his keys in his pocket. Not noticing the box in front of his door, he almost tripped on it which startled him. He was about to be annoyed when he suddenly remembered that he told the guard to leave all his packages and mail in front of his door this week since he was expecting a number of big packages this week. 

Sighing, opened his door and picked up the box. He went to the couch and placed the package on top of the coffee table. It’s probably the bag I ordered for Mom. He thought. He was too tired to open the package but as he stared at the box, he noticed that there was no return address which piqued his curiosity. Not feeling so sleepy anymore, he grabbed a scissor in his desk and sat down on the couch. He opened the package in one swift move of the scissor. Opening the flaps of the box revealed familiar objects that he hadn’t seen in a while. 

The box contained books, hoodies, vinyls, CDs, and a large notebook. Seeing the items, he immediately knew who sent the package. He hadn’t thought about her in a while, after he broke up with her he considered her as a total stranger whom he doesn’t want to see again. He didn’t love her after all, he just dated her for a year to win a bet. A total move? Yes, he knew he was an and he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t care about her at all. Perhaps he did like her for a bit, but it wasn’t love. This was what he told himself for the past year, although deep down unknowingly, a part of him loved her. 

He started to reach for the objects one by one, each object replaying a memory inside his head. He realized that she returned every single item that he lent her, from the hoodies that she loved so much to the books she traded with him. An overwhelming feeling of sadness came over him, and he took a deep breath to try to calm himself down. He took out a book and flipped the pages, he couldn’t help but smile when he saw her little sticky notes on the book. Her notes usually contain commentaries on her favorite parts of the book, as well as parts that she auestioned. He remembered how she gave him a sticky note set so that he would make notes too on the books she lent him and when he gave them back, she’d be able to read the notes he made. A smile suddenly graced his lips, remembering how they would often have little debates on almost everything. 

“Do you think we have control over our own lives?” Lisa asked while they were sitting in front of the convenience store eating ice cream. 

Sehun nodded, “Of course we do, we were given free will right? So why wouldn’t we have control over our own lives?”  he took a bite of the ice cream and watched as Lisa slowly nodded her head. 

“But if we really had control over our own lives, why do some unwanted things happen to us? Don’t you think everything is already pre-determined by the universe, and we’re only led to believe that we have control over our own lives?”  Lisa asked with a small frown on her face. 

Sehun smiled, amused  at her expression, “What is in the ice cream that made you so philosophical all of a sudden?” 

Lisa shrugged and gave him a small smile, “I don’t know either but I guess I just wanted a sort of logical excuse to believe in fate.” 

Sehun shook his head and tried to fight of a smile, “Never pegged you for the type to believe in fate or destiny, you were always the logical one.” 

Lisa rolled her eyes but gave Sehun a warm smile, “I met you didn’t I? I really think this is fate.” 

Shaking his head, he put the book down and removed the other items inside the box. When he got to the vinyls, the last vinyl he grabbed surprised him. It was a vinyl of Frank Sinatra’s album that he had been wanting to buy for a long time. A small sticky note was attached to the vinyl case which said Happy Birthday Sehun. 

He bit his lip as his chest started to tighten. All he remembered was Lisa’s warm smile on the day he told her how he loved vinyls and why he wanted to get a Sinatra vinyl so badly. 

“My grandfather loved vinyls. He had a whole collection of it, I probably listened to his whole collection. My favorites were his Sinatra vinyls.” Sehun said as he was browsing through vinyls in his favorite vinyl shop. Lisa was behind him, also looking for vinyls she can add to her collection. 

“Do you have some of his vinyls?” Lisa asked. Sehun shook his head “They were caught in a fire that broke out in my grandfather’s house.” His voice suddenly got softer and softer towards the end which got Lisa’s attention. She reached out for Sehun’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly. 

“I’m sorry for asking.” Lisa said softly. Sehun turned around to face her and ruffled her hair, “It’s okay, it was a long time ago. I still have a Sinatra album that I can’t seem to find anywhere though.” 

Lisa looked up to him and smiled brightly, “I’ll find it for you then, I promise.” 

‘She never breaks her promises.’ Sehun thought as he put the vinyl down. He knew he was an who hurt her, and here she is, still fulfilling a promise that was never meant to be kept anyway. He looked down on the box and saw that there was only one item left. He picked up a large notebook and opened the first page. 

The cover page read, Happy Birthday Sehun. He flipped the next page and saw numerous pictures of him and her. He started to flip to the next page and realized it was a scrapbook for him, with each page containing a short message for him. 

I didn’t know when or how I fell for you. Was it your voice? Was it your never-ending jokes? Was it our little banters? Or was it your eyes that pulled me to you? 

His heart started racing as he flipped through the next page. Pictures of their trip to Lisa’s hometown were there. 

You were so fascinated when we went here, I kept on laughing at you that time because your city boy vibes kept on showing. Thank you for stargazing with me that night, the night breeze was cold but all I felt that night was your warmth. I hope I could see more stars with you. 

He flipped through the next page and pictures of their first concert together were there. 

I practically begged you to come with me to this concert, you acted annoyed the whole night but you can’t deny that you enjoyed. Thanks for coming with me and for holding my hand during the last song. I think this was the moment I confirmed to myself that I loved you. I love you, I hope you know that. 

The next page contained random pictures of their spontaneous road trips. 

Thanks for putting up with my want to go on spontaneous road trips, for complaining only for a short while then coming to pick me up even if it’s 3 AM in the morning. To more spontaneous trips with you, my love. 

The next page was the last page and it contained a single picture of his silhouette. He doesn’t remember when this was taken. 

Thank you for loving me for me. I love you so much. 

Sehun was close to breaking down, sadness and the feeling of regret was crashing down on him. He never really processed his feelings after the break up, always dismissing it to nothing. That he didn’t feel anything for her and that he never cared. Flipping the page to close the notebook, he noticed a letter attached at the very back cover of the notebook. He opened the envelope hastily and he felt his heart break when he realized it was written a few months after they broke up. 

April 12, 2019 

Hi Sehun, 

Have you read the scrapbook I made you? I’m sorry that I still decided to send it to you, I hope it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. I was supposed to give it to you for your birthday this year but I guess I can’t anymore. I never got to say this to you because you ended things so abruptly that day. I just wanted to say thank you to you. Even if what you showed me was fake, what I felt for you was real. I can’t help but think that maybe some of it was real, I’m hoping that maybe even just one of the things you told or showed me was real. You really made me happy, you made me feel loved even if it was all just an act for you. Thank you for making me happy, even if it was only for a while. Thank you for letting me love you. I have a favor to ask of you though, please don’t hurt anyone else like what you did to me. No one deserves that. 

I hope that I returned everything that I borrowed from you, if you think I still missed some stuff, you can send me an email at [email protected]. I don’t know when I will send this honestly but rest assured when I do, I have finally let you go. I sincerely wish you the best in life. 

Sincerely, 

Lisa 

She was all he could think about at that moment. Her smile, her laugh, her voice, her habits, and the way she cried that night he broke up with her was all engraved in his heart. Then it dawned on Sehun, that he loves her too. But it was too late now, he had already lost her.