Soeun had always been there for Soojin. Ever since they were trainees, ever since they shared the same practice room, even when new people came in. She was there when Soojin was doubting herself, when Soojin felt like the world's no longer spacious and that her 'mistakes' filled in the tiny gaps until she can no longer breathe.

 

"I can't do this anymore. I kept on trying but I just.... I can't." 

 

Soeun immediately rushed forward, crouching beside Soojin as she turned the music off. The latter's voice broke, tears welled up on her eyes; she's disappointed, again. But she didn't cry, no. Soojin merely stared at herself through the company's huge mirrors, watching her sweat trail down her face as her body ached. Soeun felt the same, feeling the pain on her legs amplifying the more she crouch, but she stayed still, carefully watching over Soojin with worried eyes. She sat beside her, filling the dead, empty space.

 

"Hey, come here." the younger ushered, extending her arms wide for Soojin to settle herself in (in which the older girl did). Both of them were sweaty, but Soojin have this warmth that Soeun kept on yearning for and she couldn't resist feeling it upon herself. Soeun ran her hands over her head, the older girl's hair, the latter's slick hair feeling like silk under her palms. Seeking for warmth, Soojin moved closer, resting her head into the crook of Soeun's neck.

 

It was a simple act of comfort, the both of them on each other's embrace in the middle of the cold, deserted room. Just her and Soojin.

 

Soeun loves how tranquil it was, how nice Soojin felt, and she thought about how willing she would be to spend yet again another exhausting day if it meant she could be this close to her. Soojin's rag breaths stabled, and if Soeun didn't knew better, she'll think the woman's already asleep.

 

"I'm tired." 

 

Soeun hummed as a response, gently placing her head over Soojin's own, gently running her arms unto the latter's form. 

 

"I know." 

 

When training hours were finally finished, the trainees exhaustingly left the room, however, Soeun stayed, practicing the same routine over and over again. Soojin already left along with the others minutes ago and the woman wasn't informed Soeun was staying for this long. If Soojin knew, she would insist on staying.

 

Soeun would love having her near, but the younger saw how exhausted she was; Soeun couldn't hold her back from resting no matter how much she wanted to.

 

She had been dancing nonstop, shoes shrieking into the wooden floor loudly. She was burning, passionately memorizing each moves, taking it down to precision. Soeun never dared backing off to responsibilites, she's used to finish what she started. After a thousand attempts, the music finally stopped, Soeun's heavy breathing echoing inside the four corners of the cramped room. Her shoulders ached, the same familiar pain she thought she was accustomed to, but turns out she isn't. 

 

Her sweat was trailing down her skin, disgustingly so that she started doubting the reason why she was here. But Soeun heaved a sigh, no matter how tired she was, a smile bloomed on her face.

 

This is for Soojin, afterall.

 

The day after, Soojin was late, and when she arrived, Soeun was already inside the room, beaming about whatever she and Jiyoon was talking about. When she finally noticed Soojin's arrival, she beamed, standing up immediately across her. She looked like the sun, completely in contrast with Soojin's gloomy face.

 

"You look.... bright." was Soojin's greeting the moment she stood infront of her, voice monotone and nonchalant.

 

"I got the moves right, let me teach it to you!"

 

Soeun stayed for hours, not minding the pain radiating her body, all for this. For the wide smile gradually stretching over Soojin's face. And she thought it was worthwhile.

 

Soojin's worthwhile.

 

"That's a great idea, Ssong!" Soojin enthusiastically replied, as if she wasn't close to burning the company down seconds ago. It evoked a new rush of excitement to Soeun, her mind dirfting off to dreamland after seeing how the idea churned the older girl's mood upside down.

 

Soeun smiled and nodded, turning the music on, eventually joined by the others, however, Soeun's attention remained focused on Soojin's form, carefully watching her every move. She had it all memorized. Soojin's dancing lines, the moves she was confident about, the steps she's a it reluctant to execute. A minute into the song and Soojin halted, and Soeun took this as her cue to do her job. Slowly, she went behind Soojin, executing the moves for the girl to follow along.

 

Which was a terrible idea. 

 

"Wait, no. You move this," one rotation of the left hand and Soeun continued, "and then this." she ended. 

 

Soojin merely scratched her head as she heaved a sigh, unable to follow Soeun anymore. The younger was watching her through the mirror; Soojin looked so torn, distress visible on her face. She bit her lower lip, brows meeting in between her forehead as she stared at the floor instead. 

 

'There it goes again.' Soeun thought.

 

"I can't do this. It's too confusing." she complained, frustration evident on the way she narrowed her eyes into the ground, as if blaming the poor floor for not getting the moves right. At first, Soeun felt bad, but the way Soojin adorably quivered in frustration over the matter made her succumb into fit of giggles, which eventually turned into full-blown laughs. She could feel Soojin's glare through the mirror, but she was too busy laughing behind the girl that she can't even steady herself anymore.

 

"Do you think that's funny, Park Soeun?" Soojin spoke through gritted teeth, finally capturing Soeun's attention on hers. When Soeun glanced up and noticed the older's eyes on her, she immediately stopped. coughing awkwardly in weak defense. She lost the smile on her face altogether, shaking her head stiffly(to which the other trainees subtly chuckled into). The older still have the frown on her face, but there was this glow radiating off her that tells Soeun she wasn't that 'mad' anymore.

 

"In all seriousness, this wouldn't be that hard once you repeat it for atleast a hundred times." Soeun muttered and smiled. "Now, let's try it again."

 

With a groan, Soojin tried again, shadowing Soeun's movements- well, attempting to. The older didn't last long until she turned into a whining mess again, stomping her feet in exhaustion before kneeling into the ground, feeling hopeless. For some reasons, she couldn't do it. It was odd, but having the negativity spread all over your system contributes to the performance, and it just so happened that Soojin had been stressing herself over the moves that she's unconsciously not trying hard enough. 

 

"Oh come on, you weren't even trying." Soeun complained, grabbing Soojin by the arm. She immediately noticed how Soojin seemed to lost a lot of weight lately.

 

To her surprise, the woman turned around, eyes finding hers immediately as they stared at each other in silence, leaving Soeun by surprise. To the hundred list of things Soeun had planned for this day, this wasn't one of them. Soojin's too near that she immediately lost her grip on her arm, both because of surprise and because Soeun was afraid the older could feel how it trembles.

 

Soojin's prettier when she's this close and Soeun was utterly devastated.

 

"Soeun-ah." 

 

Soeun gulped, ignoring the pain on her chest, silencing the entire zoo on her stomach. She have to focus, she thought. Soojin's a friend. A very close and precious one that she couldn't lose. Right now, that's what she should be doing, act like the great friend she is.

 

However, as if this couldn't get even worse, Soojin clutched her hand, placing it back on her arms without averting her gaze. Soeun felt like comitting arson and burn herself.

 

"You have to teach me." Soojin stated with so much resolution that Soeun was unable to decline. Her eyes were burning with passion, loomed with determination that the younger doubts she could say 'no'.

 

Honestly, if Soeun would look back, she never really declined to any of Soojin's demands. May it be with the hardest chores like this or the simplest ones, like tying her shoelaces.

 

"O-Okay." Soeun stuttered, trying her best to keep her emotions caged and neutral.

 

Soojin smiled in delight at the response, turning on her back before grabbing Soeun's other hand, pulling her close. At this time, both of Soeun's hands were already on Soojin's arms, and it looked romantic for the spectators, apparently. Soeun wondered how Soojin's surviving at the extreme closeness, she was never one to like hugs and affection. 

 

A snicker from Jiyoon woke Soeun up from her trance. When the latter turned to the others and saw how they stupidly signalled various heart signs with their stupid grins, she hoped for the ground to swallow her in, cheeks red and burning. 

 

"Shut up."

 

Soeun was there when Soojin hoped, when Soojin beamed brighter than the sun and soared higher than the planes.

 

"Did you hear him? He said I am improving!" Soojin was being loud, Soeun reckoned. It was past eleven and the park was almost empty (except from some couples around). She was exhausted, so much more exhausted than the previous days. Final exams are coming up soon and she had been balancing her time for both; going to school early in the morning, training in the evening and studying during late hours. Soeun was deprived of sleep, and if it's not for Soojin and Hyewon's tight clasp on her arms, she wouldn't be able to walk straight anymore.

 

Jiyoon and Jihan were behind them, Jimin and Jaehee infront, and for once, they looked like normal teens going out for a simple walk. 

 

Except they were exhausted teens trying to escape the scorching pain of their bodies and ignoring the pending negative thoughts by acting like it's non-existent.

 

Amidts Soojin's noise, they looked so solemn for some reasons.

 

The company's head manager came to watch them practice their usual routine, "evaluating" their over-all performance. Most of them were complimented, including Soeun, but it was mostly Soojin being praised for her gradual improvement, something she deserves more than anyone else. She worked hard for that. But the manager's words for the others remained stagnant, the same "you're doing well" and "keep up the good work" thrown off as empty words. It sounds more like an insult rather than a compliment at this point. The more repetitive it is, the emptier it sounds. 

 

"Good for you, Soojin-unnie." Jaehee sighed, frowning at the ground. Jimin her head. Soeun would like to think Jimin stares at Jaehee the way she does to Soojin.

 

"He said you're improving too, Jaehee-ah!" Soojin exclaimed, pulling away from Soeun as she strided into Jaehee's place with light bounces on her feet. At this point, she looked like the sun revolving around six dim stars. It evoked a smile to form into Soeun's face at the very least; Soojin's happiness is contagious.

 

"Soeun-unnie, you're warm." the girl snapped out of her thoughts and turned at Hyewon, tilting her head in confusion. 

 

"Maybe you're cold, Hyewon-ah. I feel fine." That wasn't exactly a lie, she felt warmer but nothing more than that. Soeun doesn't like worrying everyone else, especially their youngest, so she stopped right there. Besides, Soojin's radiating energy was enough to make her feel better.

 

Hyewon nodded slowly in response, still eyeing her worriedly but kept silent about it this time.

 

"Guys!" speaking of the sun, Soojin called out, pointing at the nearest streetfoods stall in sight. She was grinning, she looked the happiest Soeun saw her after a very long time. Doctors say a tiny bit of sun is good for your health, and Soeun believed it this time. With a small smile, she nodded.

 

After minutes of arguing over what they should buy with the littlest amount of bills they have, they settled into ordering four corndogs. Two people would be sharing one while the luckiest would get to eat a corndog all by herself. It was a decision presided over a furious game of rock, paper, scissors. Jimin lost first, soon joined by Jaehee- it oddly looked like they purposely lost but Soeun couldn't be entirely sure. The two were off into their usual bench once the corndog was settled. Next was Jiyoon and to Soeun's dismay, was Soojin. Jiyoon immediately ran with the food, Soojin following right after.

 

Which left Jihan, Hyewon and Soeun.

 

"As the oldest, I think I should eat alone." Soeun grinned, shamelessly grabbing the food from the vendor's hand. Hyewon, looking like she wasn't having it, peeled it off her hands, opting Soeun to blink in surprise. 

 

"Let the youngest eat alone, unnie. The baby shouldn't starve."

 

"Then I guess I have to eat alone." 

 

Even before Soeun and Hyewon could stop her, Jihan already ran away with the other corndog on hand, laughter echoing at the dead park. The remaining two simultaenously blinked, looking at each other before simultaenously heaving a sigh.

 

"I can't believe I was scammed." Soeun pouted, staring at her seated friends in a distance. 

 

"That's because you're so naive." Hyewon casually replied, casually leaving the place with the food. Confused, Soeun tilted her head and clicked her tongue. Realizing it was probably one of Hyewon's trick into solo-ing the food, Soeun gasped and jogged into the bench, taking a seat next to Hyewon. Soeun heard someone call her from the distance, sounding more like it came from her own head than the environment she was in. On normal occasion, she would be scared to death, but she figured it was probably because she's exhausted.

 

Ignoring the noise, Soeun sat in the middle of Hyewon and Jihan, taking a bite into the food. 

 

It was a nice, cozy night. They ate, talked, they listened to each other's thoughts. Soeun thought staying in the park did more comforting than the words the staffs kept on saying. Sitting here, with everyone else, felt like the reassurance and encouragement they need. She was grateful she met them; grateful she meet Soojin. But fairytales weren't all good, she thought. No matter how they try acting like it's fine, they all knew it isn't.

 

They were kept inside the company's practice for so long until their sweats flood the place and drown them in.

 

"The manager said I'm nothing more than a pretty face. I heard they're planning to transfer me to the acting department." Jaehee solemnly shared, a bitter smile on her face. Everyone knew, and their hearts broke when they heard about it. Soeun wanted nothing more than to tell Jaehee it's gonna be fine, but she would be lying if she did.

 

"Ey, you're so much more than a pretty face! You could act, you're charming too, you're unbelievably shameless as well! Why are they even lying?" Jiyoon jokingly replied, earning chuckles from them, including Jaehee. Soeun did as well, eyes unconsciously travelling to Soojin. The older gets easily worried over the kids, it's out of intuition. When her eyes landed on the woman, Soojin was smiling, but shadowed occupied her eyes, dimming what once was covered with light.

 

With that, the sun no longer shone.

 

++

 

"Ssong, do you think we're actually gonna debut?" Soojin asked once they found themselves seated on the same bench. It's just the two of them now, no other girls, no passerby. It's quarter to one and they definitely shouldn't be here, but Soojin insisted, saying that she needs some time to think. Soeun can't live the girl alone.

 

Soeun averted her gaze and bit her lower lip, thinking upon herself. She was torn between telling the devastating possibility or to sugar coat it with lies. A sigh stopped her train of thoughts, and Soeun finally turned to the older woman beside her. Soojin have a sober smile on her face as she gazed into the river, as if entranced, enamoured by the sight of the moonlight's reflection, admiring the beauty laying freely on her eyes. Soeun did the same, only it was Soojin she was gazing upon, and oh was the sight prettier. 

 

"I think there's a possibility we wouldn't. No matter how hard I try, no matter how many compliments I get, I feel... I don't know. I can't explain it." Soojin furrowed her brows, gripping the edge of her seat. Soeun sighed and scooted closer, gently removing each of her hands away from the bench and placed it on the girl's thighs instead. Soojin had her eyes trailed on Soeun, brows easing up immediately at the warm sight.

 

When Soeun looked up with a smile on her face, she was unable to look away.

 

"Don't you think your thoughts are like that because you fear what you can't understand?" Soeun inquired, averting her gaze into the river instead. It gave room for Soojin to openly stare at her features, leaving her time to admire it while the younger was busy admiring the river by herself. She have a chiseled jaw, something Soojin had always been fond of. Her skin's smooth, and even though her cheeks weren't as squishy as it was before, the perfectly lined cheekbones that replaced it was worth it. 

 

And her feline eyes. It's unparalleled.

 

Soojin thinks Soeun's breath-taking.

 

"We tend to fear what we don't understand, and I think the best way to pass through it is to accept the fact that we're scared instead of acting brave." 

 

Soojin slowly looked down, unaware that Soeun's gaze already trailed on her. Soeun's words were always thought off, it's well-constructed. The latter have a way of making things sound like honey even when it's piercing you like a sword. It's a beautiful pain; Soojin listens to it more than she does to anyone else. Nodding, she leaned into the girl, resting her head into Soeun's shoulder. Soojin felt Soeun's hands snake over her form, hugging her sideways.

 

 It's peaceful, she settled. Being engulfed in Soeun's warmth is tranquil.

 

The river had always been wide, but being this close with Soeun, she felt even tinier. 

 

Soeun undeniably felt the same.

 

Soojin wasn't entirely sure unto how and why, but she felt herself calming down, her heart feeling at ease. Maybe it's because of the way Soeun's thumb ran gently unto her arm, or Soeun's scent, maybe the warmth of resting unto the crook of her neck.

 

Or maybe it's just Soeun herself.

 

Soeun was there when Soojin's hope broke. She was there when Soojin broke into fragments and was unable to keep herself whole. 

 

It was postponed. 

 

'Again.' Soeun thought. 

 

"Sorry girls, but the company's preparing for a comeback right now, we can't waste our time." 

 

The staff said more than that, but Soeun didn't understand any of it. It felt like a buzz on her ear. There goes the same tone, same words, same sentence structure, same context- she's tired of it, she's sick of it all. She wasn't entirely hopeful, but the others were, and no matter how hard Soeun wanted to ignore it, she could hear their shaky breaths. With every tremble, she could hear hearts breaking all over the place, the amount of it filled up the place until all of them were too suffocated to reply back. They watched him leave, just like that.

 

And they finally cried. 

 

Their dreams crumbled in pieces, as much as their worlds did. There goes their wasted time, their unpaid exhaustion, the candle of hope blew off in seconds. It's as if their hard work weren't enough. Their best weren't their best yet.

 

Soeun faced the floor, shutting her eyes tightly as she stopped her tears from falling. She could feel her fingernails digging her palms in frustration, head spinning in both exhaustion, pain, anger and everything in between. She stood still, unable to look back, can't fathom the sight of her friends breaking down. Their cries were already enough to pierce her to pieces, seeing them cry would be a lot more painful than a thousand swords plunged deep on her body. She could hear them sob, could hear them weep. Their agony echoed inside the room, sadness, pain and disappointment looming around the atmosphere instead of the usual cheerful one. 

 

Soeun can't face them, not yet.

 

Minutes passed by, but it feel like several centuries had passed. Merely uneven breaths were heard , prompting Soeun to finally open her eyes, welcomed by the sight of three girls sitting into the ground, their back on the wall. They were looking at her through the mirror, smiles on their faces as of the news didn't broke them just now. 

 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Soeun whined, earning her light chuckles from her friends. Their eyes shined through the light, unshed tears evident on them. Their chuckles was of a great contrast; it must've took a lot of will for them to do so.

 

"You look dumb. You were standing there like a penguin, we thought you're already dead." Jimin muttered, smiling at her. Soeun smiled back, but all of them new it wasn't as genuine anymore. Something took a turn the moment the staff let those words escape his mouth. The last string of hope they were clutching into untangled, falling freely into the abyss. Soeun wondered how full of nothingness they all looked right now.

 

They looked fully empty. 

 

"I think you have to find Soojin-unnie." Jihan suggested as she made her way inside the room (Soeun didn't even noticed she was gone). With the mention of the girl, Soeun did exactly what she was told an