Hands on his knees, Jooheon attempted to calm himself down, which was proving to be more difficult than usual. His head was spinning, his anxiety through the roof and a panic attack was quickly approaching. He used to get extremely excited doing a performance, but lately he was struggling, and struggling hard. He knew he needed to go on stage right now, he needed to give their fans 100% but he wasn't in the right state of mind, not the usual one he was always in anyways. 

He knew what he needed to do, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. How could he possibly take a break when they were beginning all these new projects, performances, shows and promotions. He felt like he was abandoning his group, but he couldn't go on like this. He needed to talk to them, now. 

Jooheon managed to somehow get through the show, faking a smile while he just wanted to crawl in his bed and not have anything to worry about. Be alone, clear his head, frankly be able to breathe. Lately his chest felt restricted constantly, it was caving in and he couldn't take it. 

He gathered the rest of the members in the living room of their door, standing in front of them while they all looked at him with concerned eyes.

"What's going on?" Shownu asked. Jooheon could hear the worry in his voice. 

He took a deep breath, rubbing his sweaty hands together. "I need to take a break from the group for a bit" he whispers. 

"Are you okay?" Minhyuk asks. 

"Do what you need to do man, we'll support you." Changkyun smiles. 

Honestly, Jooheon was surprised at their support. Although he wasn't that surprised. They always have had each other's back no matter what, and supported each other during trying times. But he thought they would have been frustrated at home for backing out of everything they've been working on. He was happy they weren't. 

"Any thoughts on what you're going to do?" Kihyun asks. 

Jooheon is silent for a moment. "Sleep, do relaxing , try and clear my mind." He says, "I'll probably be in the studio, just working on whatever I want. Not having to worry about a deadline or if it's going to be approved." 

"Take all the time you need. We'll be here when you're ready." Shownu says, standing up to give Jooheon a hug. Next thing he knew, all the members had surrounded him, joining in on the group hug. 

He was lucky. 

** 

Opening your mailbox, you were terrified to see an envelope from Starship Ent. This was your last shot, you'd received rejection letters from all other major companies. 

This was it. The moment you'd find out if your life was changing to become a trainee, or if your life won't change and your dream of becoming a singer would remain just that, a dream. 

"You got it babe, this will be it." Your boyfriend Jiyong tells you. 

Forcing a smile at him, your shaky hands begin opening the envelope, your heart practically beating outside your chest. 

"Dear L/N Y/N" you read out loud before quietly reading the rest to yourself. 

"Well!?" Jiyong asks impatiently. 

You drop the letter along with dropping to your knees. The tears are instant, crying into your hands. Crying so hard you're unable to respond to Jiyong. 

"Oh baby." He sighs, kneeling down beside you, his hand rubbing your back. "It's okay. You can try again next year. Just practice hard." He whispers in an attempt to reassure you. 

"No." You whisper. "I got in." 

"What?" He asks, shocked. 

"I got it!" You scream, standing up, now jumping around, adrenaline rushing through your body. 

While you were celebrating, you didn't notice Jiyong not celebrating with you, but instead looking confused and a little annoyed. But when you turned around to hug him, he his happy face, making sure you didn't know his true feelings. He just wanted you to be happy but he knew how much your relationship would suffer now. 

And he wasn't wrong. 

You had to move out and into a community type dorm, leaving the bed you once shared with him empty and cold. Your relationship had to be kept hidden due to the no relationships clause. He never saw you and whenever he did it was only for a few minutes at a time, and all you did was scope out the location to make sure none of the other girls followed you.

He was tired of it. It was a rough first 2 months. 

You knew he was upset and you felt terrible about it. You never meant to make him feel neglected or unloved, so you knew you needed to do something to show him you truly did love him.

You had a day off coming up, and you spent the majority of your free time planning a nice surprise for Jiyong. You were going to pick up his favorite meal and his favorite movie and spend the day with him. Just you and him, like old times. 

** 

Your day off was finally here and you were already on your way to your once shared house. You used your key, entering the house as quietly as possible. You make your way to the kitchen, setting down the food and the movie before sneaking upstairs. 

Standing outside the bedroom door, you can hear a female , but nothing from your boyfriend. You wait a few minutes, listening for your boyfriend. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe he rented out the room to someone and it was her who was ing someone else. 

You still needed to know. 

Grabbing the doorknob you slowly turn it, making sure to be quiet. The door opens a crack, but no one notices. 

You open it a little more. You see your busty, curvy neighbour Jae-In riding someone's face. You hoped it wasn't him, but you knew it was. You could tell by his tattoo's. They were very distinct. 

"What the actual ?" You yell, your eyes wide. You can't look away. You never thought he would do this to you, you thought you knew him, but then again do you ever really know anyone? 

You held back your tears, you weren't about to cry in front of the smug who was looking at you like she just ruined you and Jiyong looking for his boxers. "Y/N wait! Please wait!" He yells. 

You roll your eyes, slamming the door behind you, running down the stairs and away from this house, and the man you once loved. 

Before you're able to reach the handle of the front door, Jiyong grabs your wrist, pulling you back towards him. "Please wait." He begs. "Let me explain." 

"No need for explanations. It was pretty clear what was going on." You snap. 

"Do you know why I cheated? Do you!?" He yells. "Because of you! You disappeared! You weren't around anymore. Was I supposed to wait forever?" He asks. 

You can't control your laughter. How could you have ever been with someone who didn't support your dreams. It was all becoming clear now. 

"You never wanted me to get into Starship did you?" You ask. 

"What? Of course I.." he says before being cut off. 

"You tried to tell me everything I'd miss if I went. How homesick I would be, how much I would miss you and my friends. Just admit it." You say, finally piecing the puzzle together. "You only didn't want me to go because you wouldnt have a guaranteed anymore, that's it isnt it?" You snap. 

"No baby, that's not it! It was a mistake. I'm sorry. I just miss you." He cries, one single tear rolling down his cheeks. 

"You sure have a ty way of showing it. I'm done. Enjoy Jae-In." You say, turning around and walking out the front door, but not before giving him the finger before you slam it. 

** 

It had been 3 weeks since you'd caught Jiyong and he would not give up. Your phone constantly was lighting up with phone calls and texts from him. So much that your instructors were beginning to question your commitment. 

You quickly blocked his number, not wanting anything more to do with him. If you were going to debut you needed to place all your focus on your dancing and singing. 

** 

Jooheon sat in his studio, the silence was deafening. He wasn't used to being in here alone, he usually always had someone in there interrupting his work. 

It was nice to focus, but it was also a little lonely. This is what he wanted though. He needed this time to reflect, get back to himself, the man who was all about the music. He had started to become someone he didn't recognize. He couldn't stop thinking about how he was changing and how he didn't like the change. That's when his anxiety began to be more frequent, then the depression struck like a bolt of lightning. It came out of nowhere. 

He knew his break would be hard on not only him but the group and the fans. It didn't help that Wonho was under fire for some things and announced his departure from the group. Jooheon knew they would both be back but they just needed some time. He had planned a short break, maybe a few weeks to clear his head and come back with some new amazing songs, but what he didn't know was that his break would end up being much longer due to one thing. 

You. 

You were a spitfire with an angelic face, and a hell of an attitude. You had a voice that could make anyone's jaw drop along with the confidence most wished they had. 

The first time you and he met, he had come into the trainee room with Shownu to assess and help in any way they could. The moment he laid his eyes on you, he knew you were something special. He watched you laugh as you easily picked up the choreography that Shownu had been throwing around. His jaw dropped as you sang a requested song, your voice was amazing. His heart fluttered as you mastered a difficult rap on the first try. 

You were a triple threat. You were dangerous but he knew he wanted more. 

**

A few weeks later he had convinced the CEO of Starship to come down to the trainee room and see you. He knew you were ready to debut and once Kim Shidae saw you, he would know it too. Even in the presence of the CEO you still shined brightly like the star you were. You were amazing and Shidae knew it too. 

That evening you were called into the boardroom where your training instructors sat, along with the CEO. Honestly, you were nervous that this was them telling you, you weren't good enough and they were going to be cutting you. 

Nervously you sat down, your fingers fidgeting against the small amount of sweat on your palms. Normally you were extremely confident but a meeting like this doesn't just happen for no reason in your first year. 

"Good afternoon Y/N. How are you today?" Shidae asked. 

"I'm good sir, and you?" You reply, trying to force the lump in your throat away. 

"I'm good, thanks." He responds, not looking you in the eyes but instead sifting through a pile of papers. "Now, the reason we called you here is because I reviewed your progress today." 

"Just me?" You ask. 

"Yes just you. Someone whose instincts I trust told me I needed to see you and so I did." He says, looking up at you. His face was neutral. He didn't look happy nor upset. This was making you feel extremely uneasy. 

"Okay.." you say, taking in a very deep breath. 

"We all firmly believe that you are done as a trainee." He tells you, interlocking his fingers and now looking you in the eyes. 

Your heart sank, they were kicking you out. You truly thought you were doing fine, maybe even better than fine. Why was this happening? 

"Was it something.." you begin before being cut off. 

"We would like to start promoting you and getting you ready for a solo debut." He smiles. 

Your jaw drops. They were going to debut you, only almost a year into being a trainee. 

"I.. wow.. I'm.. " you stutter, unable to form other words. 

"Your first single, we want it to be noticed and gain traction. So we've arranged you to have a rapper on your track to get it out there better. We have no doubt you're going to do amazing things." He tells you. 

"Thank you, thank you so much. I'll work hard. Who will I be working with?" You inquire. 

"Go to studio four and you'll see." He smiles. 

Your wobbly legs take you from the room and into the hallway where you try to catch your breath. This was the last thing you had ever expected to happen. 

While you were making your way to the studio, there was only 1 person you wanted to call and share your good news with. 

Jiyong.  

It's hard going from having that someone you can share anything with, to out of nowhere losing them. Losing your best friend, and your lover. 

You shook it off as you stood outside studio four, wondering who could be on the other side. Your hand reaches for the door knob, you turn it, slowly opening the door. You see a man sitting with his back facing you, bobbing his head to a beat. You clear your throat, letting him know you were there. The music stops and he turns around. 

Jooheon. Lee Jooheon of Monsta X was going to rap on your very first single. 

You thought you were going to faint. 

You had been a huge fan of Monsta X since their debut and thought that Jooheon was one of the best rappers in the industry currently. 

"Oh my.. um hi." You nervously laugh, reaching your hand out. 

"Hi Y/N. It's nice to finally meet you." Jooheon smiles, ignoring your hand and pulling you in for a hug instead. "I'm a big fan." He smiles, letting you go. 

"You? You are a fan of mine?" You ask, shocked. 

He laughs. "Of course. Shownu and I were only supposed to be there that one day." He admits. 

"But you were there for weeks?" You say, raising your eyebrow. 

"Because of you." He admits, a blush spreading across his face. "Your talent is amazing, you're beautiful and honestly I was and still am mesmerized by you. I think you're going to go far." He admits. 

"Wow." You laugh. "Thank you. Well I'm also a huge fan. Have been since No Mercy." You smile. 

"Oh god, let's avoid that conversation." He laughs. "So.. here what I was thinking for the song.." 

** 

A few weeks later you were ready. The song you and Jooheon created was done and amazing. The choreography was done and mastered. Your music video with him was finished and was dropping at midnight. 

You were terrified. Starship and Jooheon, as well as you had been promoting and teasing parts of the song for so long, trying to get people excited about you. 

And so far the response was amazing. So many people had already decided to support you without even hearing your song. 

You and Jooheon sat nervously in front of his laptop in his dorm, waiting for it to drop. The two of you watched the clock count down each minute closer to midnight, making your stomach's knots become tighter. 

At midnight you received the notification. 

Y/N ft. Jooheon - Vibe

Within seconds you noticed the likes, views and comments flooding in. 

'Omg love her!' 

'This is amazing. I love her and Jooheon together!' 

'Amazing song.' 

You couldn't believe how many people liked the song that you and Jooheon worked so hard on. So many people are sending you positive and congratulatory messages, including someone you no longer wanted to hear from. 

'I'm so proud of you. I miss you. Call me.' 

You couldn't understand why he chose now to reach out to you. Now that you had finally debuted but not while you were a trainee. 

You deleted the message. 

No matter how much you tried to ignore his advances, Jiyong would not stop calling or texting you. Begging and pleading for you to call him back. You were trying to move on, and move on with Jooheon who had expressed quite a bit of interest in you, and you felt the same. 

But Jiyong just couldn't let you be happy. 

Finally when he called again, you answered this time. 

"What?" You snap. 

"Is that how you greet your boyfriend?" He chuckles. 

"Ex boyfriend, who cheated on me. So yeah that's how you're greeted. So again, what?" You snap again. 

"Listen, it was a mistake. I deeply regret my actions and I want to make it up to you." He sighs. "Please let me try." 

You couldn't control your laughter. "What happened? Did Jae-In leave you? Is that why you're reaching out now? Or is it because I've finally debuted and you're craving being in the spotlight?" You ask. "Actually, don't answer because I don't actually give a Jiyong. Stop calling me. Stop texting me. Leave me alone." You finish before hanging up the phone. 

You hoped that would be the end of it. 

You were wrong. 

He continued to call you and text you. You blocked his number to prove that you were serious but he just continued from different numbers. 

**

A few days later, the calls had lessened a little but not by much. You were getting more agitated but not enough to tell Jooheon about it. The two of you were a fresh friendship leading into being a couple, you didn't want to mess it up by complaining that your ex boyfriend wouldn't leave you alone. That was too much baggage to dump on him. 

He still found out anyways. The two of you were sitting in his studio messing around with some lyrics and beats when your phone rang again. 

"You sure you don't want to get that?" He asks.

"I'm positive." You sigh. 

"You can talk to me if you want. I hope you know that." He says with a smile. 

You sighed, fighting an internal battle. You wanted him to know about your psycho ex but was it too early? 

No. But your mouth blabbed about it anyways, against your will. 

"It's my ex." You begin. "He's been non stop calling and texting me since I debuted." You say, beginning to feel relieved. 

"You broke up with him recently?" Jooheon asks. 

"2.5 months into being a trainee.. I went to surprise him at our old shared house before I moved out.. he had the neighbor girl riding his face when I walked in." You explain. Now talking about it, it didn't hurt anymore. Not like it used too. "So I hadn't spoken to him in like a year and then I debuted and he tried to hit me up and hasn't stopped. I've told him to stop, blocked his number but he keeps getting new ones to continue, it's exhausting." You say, throwing your head back in annoyance. 

"I can imagine. I'm sorry you have to deal with this." He partially smiles. "But at least you don't have to deal with it alone." 

"I don't?" You ask, raising an eyebrow. 

"No baby girl, you don't." He smirks, standing up from his chair. "You've got me now." He whispers, leaning over you as you sit in your chair still. 

"I thought we were just friends?" You smirk. 

"No no. You know I want to be more than friends." He smiles. You stand up, walking away from him moving to the soundboard. 

"We should be working." You whisper. 

"We could.. or we could do something a little more fun?" He suggests from behind you, pressing himself and his hard against you. 

You and Jooheon attended a showcase, not together but you talked as friends in front of people. You weren't ready to come out and announce your relationship. Especially since you were so new, you knew his fans would make it seem like you were only after him for exposure. 

You weren't. You really really liked him. 

** 

A few days later, you and Jooheon performed your new song at a Showcase, and the positive feedback the two of you got was completely amazing. 

As the showcase ended you left alone, making your way through the crowd of fans that hung out at the door waiting to see their favorite celebrities. You feel a hand on your wrist pulling you closer to the crowd. Looking up you're met with the familiar face of Jaein, Jiyong's girlfriend. Her grip on your wrist tightens as she glares into your eyes. 

"Stay the away from Jiyong. You had your chance and now he's mine so back off." She snaps through gritted teeth. "Understand?" 

She let's go of your wrist, shoving you to continue walking. You see the stares and the whispers of other idols who witnessed the incident. You stop and turn to face her, pissed off because you're not the one doing anything. 

"How about you tell your man to stop calling me. Clearly your isn't satisfying enough." You snap, now walking away to your van, while listening in the distance to the people praising your comeback. 

** 

The next day you were sitting in your studio, your head in your hands as you rubbed your temple. Jiyong was driving you ing crazy. He had texted you off and on for the majority of the night. 

What did you say to Jae-In? 

She says she hates you

If you tell me to leave her, I will right now. 

You wanted to scream. 

When you woke up this morning, you had 27 missed calls from him. On your way to the studio he tried calling again. You wished you could just throw your phone out the window but unfortunately you couldn't risk someone getting a hold of it. So you turned it off, making it so no one could reach you. There was a weird sense of relief that came along in disconnecting from your phone. It was almost freeing. 

"You okay?" You hear from behind you, a voice that could melt your heart and make you smile anytime. 

Jooheon. 

"Yes.. no." You sigh. "Crazy ex and crazy ex's girlfriend." You say, turning your chair around to face him.

"I heard about your little altercation with her." Jooheon laughs. "That comeback was fire, babe." He laughs. "There's a video. Everyone is saying she looks psychotic. And they're all praising you." He smiles. 

"I feel kinda bad, but like I'm not trying to get him back. I don't want his toxic ." You laugh. 

"Good. That's good." Jooheon says. 

"Why's that good?" You ask, just joking with him. 

"Because I want you. And I don't want you to want anyone else." Jooheon says with a serious face. 

"Well, lucky for you, I don't want anyone else. Just you." You smirk. 

"And how do you want me?" You ask. 

"Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I want all of you." He answers, his lips. 

You knew this was a dangerous game you were playing. You hadn't been sure in the past if you wanted to sleep with him yet or not, but the way you were playing now,not was setting up I for just that and surprisingly you were okay with it.

"How do you want me physically?" You ask, tilting your head to the side. 

"Stand up and I'll show you." He smiles. You stand to walk towards him. Once you reach him he immediately attaches his lips onto yours, guiding his tongue into your mouth without hesitation. You moan into the kiss as he wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you in closer. 

Jooheon turns himself around, his lips still on yours as he moves backwards to sit in the chair, motioning for you to climb onto his lap and straddle him. 

You'd never been so happy to wear a skirt. 

You begin to rock your hips back and forth, grinding your already wet onto his growing hard .

“Oh baby, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to even just kiss you." He mumbles, his lips still close to yours.

Jooheon breaks the kiss, moving his head down to kiss your jawline, before moving down to your neck as you continue to slowly grind yourself on top of him. You throw your head back with a low moan escaping from your throat. Jooheon smirks at how little it takes to make you into a puddle. He slides you from his lap, leaving you standing in front of him with a pout on your lips, thinking he's stopping the fun here  

“Don’t pout baby." He chuckles. He grabs your hand and takes you to the sound board, motioning for you to sit on there. 

"Are you sure?" You ask, a small giggle escaping your lips. 

"I want to record your moans." Jooheon smirks. 

He wiggles in between your legs, giving you a small quick kiss on your lips before moving slowly down your neck, your collarbone, your chest. He unclasps your bra, throwing it to the side before cupping your perky and latching his lips to your , hard.

“Oh god" you cry now, feeling your throb, desperately needing some kind of touch. “Please." you beg.

"Of course." Jooheon smiles, pressing the record button before spreading your legs wide. 

Jooheon kneels down, moving your to the side before spreading your lips with his fingers.

He leans in a long slow strip up your , causing you to melt in pleasure. He wraps his lips around your harshly. Seconds later he let's go, before flicking it with this tongue, making you squirm beneath him. 

“You taste amazing.” He says before you again, up your juices. 

Jooehon pauses for a second, before on your again, this time with zero intentions of stopping and teasing you. 

“ yes, oh my god" you cry out, one hand resting on the the board, the other one gripping his blonde hair tightly. “Please don’t stop" you beg, feeling your approaching quickly.

Jooheon quickened his pace, his tongue moving around your sporadically. You grip his hair tighter as you all over his face. "Mhmm." He groans, releasing your to up the mess you made on your thighs.

“That was so ing hot" he growled, standing up to pull his pants down.

“Do you have a ?” he asks, before yanking them down.

“Don’t worry, I’m on birth control" you huff. You watch him pull his pants, along with his boxers down, letting his long, thick spring free. You gulp as you stare at the large muscle, more excited now than ever. 

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll go slow.. maybe.” he smiles, pumping himself a few times before lining himself up with you. 

He steps towards you, helping you place your legs over his shoulders, giving him better access to your . 

Jooheon slowly pushed his large into you, causing you to cry out and moan in pleasure as he stretched you beyond belief. Your hands grip the board so tightly your knuckles begin to turn white.

Jooheon fully s into you, filling you up completely.

“ your is so tight” he groans, pulling out of you half way before slamming himself back into you.

“Your feels so ing good" you cry out. 

Jooheon throws his head back as he s himself into you over and over again. You can feel your seeping out of you, coating his , and the surface beneath you. 

Jooheon continues to grunt as he rams his inside of you, hitting your G spot every time.

“Please don’t stop. Play with my " you beg needing to again. He takes his hand from your leg, placing it in-between your thighs and rubs his thumb over your .

“Oh " you cry out, grinding yourself in sync with his s. 

“I think I’m going to " you moan.

Jooheon's thumb works furiously, bringing your quicker. “" you cry out, your body begins to tremble as it washes through your body. Your eyes roll back as extremely loud moans leave your mouth.

“ baby" he moans, ramming himself into you, chasing his high now. “ I’m going to " he cries out. Jooheon reaches up, wrapping his large hand around your neck as he cums inside of you. 

The two of you remain there for a second, catching your breath. Right before Jooheon is able to pull himself out of you, the door to the studio opens widely and with a slam. 

Jiyong angrily walks in, having troubles comprehending the compromising position he had caught you in. 

"What are you doing to the love of my life?" He scoffs, staring at Jooheon. 

" off Jiyong." You spit, pulling Jooheon closer to you. 

"Oh this is him?" Jooheon asks, a humorous smile appearing on his face. 

"Yeah I'm him. You know, her husband." Jiyong scoffs. 

"Husband?" Jooheon asks, looking at your unimpressed face. 

"Oh my god. It's not even legal. We got 'married' in Vegas and he won't leave it alone." You explain. 

"Actually I checked, and it's very legal." Jiyong smirks. "You're my wife." 

You sit there, staring at Jiyong for a moment before whispering "." 

What did you do now?