Chaewon and I have been friends for like i don't know maybe forever? Our parents were best buddies since they were college, Chaewon's parents are my godparents and so does my parents her godparents. Now that I think of it, it's crazy how my life is bonded to Chae and how her life is also bonded to mine. I mean, all of our baby pictures are compiled into photo albums. Chae's a year older than me and our birthdays are only a few days apart. Also, all of our baby clips and homevideos are stored into one hard drive.

We're not supposed to be classmates, but we are! Her parents almost thought of making Chae stop for a year so that we can start high school at the same time but I was smart enough (not to brag) that I was accelerated one year making us in the same level. If I thought we were inseparable even though we weren't classmates back then (we went to school together, we ate lunch together, we study together, we went home together because we're neighbors and by means of neighbors, her family lives in the first floor and my family lives in the second floor), we're literally entangled together forever and ever.

The day I started to inhale Earth's oxygen, was also the day my world started to revolve around her. It's suffocating if Chaewon's not around. My day isn't complete if I didn't get to see or talk to her. Although, it only happened once when she got chicken pox and my stubborn got it also because I insisted to sleep over. We missed each other for like a week and I swore to my switch that it won't happen again.

Okay, my point is this whole situation literally and figuratively makes me crazy. It is maddening, sickening, and frustrating.

Because Chaewon loves me as a friend and I love her more than that.

"Hyejoo-ya~ come on!" Her energetic tone made me snapped myself from drifting to that. From now on, I'll call the frightening situation that. Oh yes, that.

"You know I hate the library, Chae." I protested but still packed my things on my backpack. She grabbed my hand immediately as she enthusiastically dragged me along the hallway. I almost flinched slightly from the contact but I'm not going to blow my cover up.

I realized the that when she slept over three weeks ago. Usually, she sleeps over when something's bothering her and I sleep over to hers when something's bothering me.







We were sitting side by side in my room's fluffy pink carpet (requested by Chae herself because she said it makes her feel more at home) and playing video games for the past two hours.

"Ugh! I really hate him!" I looked at her briefly, unamused by this rant, and pressed a few buttons to do a combo.

  "K.O.!" A knock out sign flashed across the tv screen. My character won again. I almost thought she was frustrated because she lose (she always lose) but to my dismay, it was again, her love life problems.

  Chaewon liked this guy in our class, but this guy is a for not realizing that Chaewon liked him. She gave him all sorts of gifts ranging from chocolates, tee shirts, movie tickets, and limited edition basketball shoes (I can't believe she did this to him). I must say, the Park family is pretty well-off. And the bastard is lucky enough to have half of Chaewon's attention because of course, not to brag, the other half was mine.

  "You know, you could just I don't know, unlike him?" I exited the game and dropped my controller, turning my body to fully face her.

  "But he is so good-looking! Hyejoo, do you understand how good he looks?" She drooled. I shrugged and she gave me a glare. Cute. But in all honesty, he doesn't look that good though maybe a 6 over 10.

  "He looks like squidward, Chae."

  "I hate you!" She grabbed the pillow on her lap and tried to aim it to me but I was fast enough to avoid the fluffy cloud. "Can't you atleast like support me? Encourage me! Do something!"

  And this is where I contemplate my life. Chaewon's my bestfriend, she's almost like a soulmate to me. No, she's my soulmate. Of course, I want her to be happy. But I just couldn't picture her being happy in someone else's arms. Damn, Hyejoo, what are you thinking?!

I held her wrist, stopping her from the pillow attacks and pinched her cheeks. "Stop frowning, dummy. He likes you, too. I just know it." I smiled my most reassuring smile. And just like a magic word, abracadabra, she smiled oh so preciously.

We continued the night doing the normal things girls our age do like, playing more video games, betting our fave socks over the one who can finish first a liter of fruit soda, more pillow fights, rap battles, dance offs, then when the clock hits midnight maybe sleep together? Or maybe we have to shower first.

"What? That's disgusting!" I cringed and shivered from the thought of showering together. I tossed myself on my bed, hiding under the blankets. She lied down beside me and pushed herself inside the blanket. We may be together since we were babies but now that we're highschool students, I never imagined she would see my ness. Oh no no no I am not yet ready for this level up. Not yet.

"But we've seen each other ! Pwetty pwease, Hyejoo~" She pleads as she tucked my shirt. Whenever she used that tone I just couldn't help it. This is crazy!

"That's when we were babies! I can't even remember that!" I squirmed under her evil touches. She laughed as I tried to push her but instead she wrapped her legs to mine that made me unable to move.

"Come on, Hyejoo~ Please, please~ Just a quick shower!" I shook my head vigorously, totally opposed to her idea. How can she even think of it? "I'll let you have pinky for a week!"

Pinky? Her fluffy pink sweater that I love to wear because it smells like her? For a week? Am I tempted? Am I about to agree? What now???

I looked at her as she offered a very very tempting offer. "A month." I fought back. Oh, I hope this is worth it.

"Deal!" Oh god, did I just sell my body over a fluffy pink sweater? I also have that fluffy sweater but mine is black. I told mom that I want the pink one too but she said it fits more to Chaewon. Since then, I always switch pinky (we called mine trashy because no one wears him unless it is -7° freezing cold) from her every winter.

We were face to face in the bath tub. I blew some bubbles and it went to her. She glared at me and I just grinned. She then kicked my leg and I almost lost my balance because of the slipperiness from the soap poured into the tub.

"You wanna do this, huh?" I challenged her and as I lunged myself onto her, she screamed and I screamed too. I tried to push her down but she kept on kicking my legs making me lose my balance again. We laughed and shouted at the top of our lungs as the tub fight goes on and then I realized something. We were both .

I was holding her slim waist under the bubbly and foamy water. Her hands are dangled on my shoulders trying to push me away and our faces our inches away from each other.

In a span of few seconds, I stared into her honey-dripping orbs, admiring her eyes shaped like the crescent moon. I gazed on her not-that-high bridge and boopable nose. I looked at her half-open pink lips, which was smiling widely. I felt her inhales and exhales from all the exhausting screaming and laughing earlier.

Suddenly, I saw everything in a new perspective. It was fresh and exciting, and the possibilities of the world seemed endless. It smelled like juicy pineapples, tasted sweet like candies. It sounded like my favorite christmas song. It was like our favorite season, spring where flowers bloom magestically. The water was cold but the warmthness on our flushed cheeks was hotter than the summer.

And at that moment, I just wanted to give her my all.

The racing horses in my poor heart went ballistic. The knots in my stomach tied together tightly. The butterflies in my head flew chaotically. My body tensed and my soul just ascended. I never felt that. This strong wave of highness like my actions weren't my actions anymore.

Then, I leaned closer.

My eyes looked into hers and her eyes looked into mine.

And closer,

Closer, closer...

I didn't realize I held my breath when she splashed a large amount of water on my face. Then my new found world stopped spinning.

I blinked hard. I tried to catch my breath as I lean to the tub.

"Ha! Y-you think I'm gonna let you.. uh... bite me?" She laughed. Awkwardly. I laughed too, also awkwardly. I never bite her though, what a lame excuse.

"Haha... your reflexes are improving, Chae!" I said, more confidently dismissing the fact that I almost kissed her and she knew that we almost kissed. We wrapped up our shower and the incident was buried 6 feet below the ground.

We didn't kiss. But I really wanted to.

"Hyejoo, are you with me?" She whispered to my ear sending all kinds of tingles across my body. I slightly jumped on my seat as I try to compose my self and pretend I was taking notes for our finals. "You're daydreaming! What are you thinking of? Tell me, tell me!" She whisper shouted. I hushed her and told her to focus on completing our tasks.

I dozed off a dozen of times and I realized Chae's not on her seat beside me. I checked our desk and saw her things scattered across it. I looked around the library, seeing a few students on some desks but no signs of Chaewon. Her phone was beside a book and I started to be suspicious of this situation.

We've been so long studying or in my case pretending to study that the sun has almost set. It's quarter to 6 and our parents will probably start to look for us. I stood and grabbed both of our phones, putting it in my pockets. Quietly walking along the shelves, I checked around if she's just returning or grabbing a book.

"Chaewon?" I whispered but loud enough to hear by anyone atleast a meter away from me. I turned left, reaching the farthest shelf and there I saw her, sitting alone, hugging her legs, and her head ducked on her arms.

Panic flowed to my body. "Hey, Chae. What's wrong? Hey, hey." I rushed in front of her, getting down on my knees and I instantly hugged her. She was crying. My Chaewon's crying. Her muffled sobs started to get harsher and louder I feel like it was piercing through my chest. "Shh... it's okay, Chae. Shh..."

I rubbed my hand along her back in a circular motion and patted her head with my other hand in a slow pace. I kept on gently shushing her and tried to rock her slightly back and forth.

She burrowed her forehead on my neck and my entirety broke as I felt her tears streaming down. Her uneven breathing and sniffs didn't help at all. I just want to break the person's neck whoever made Chaewon like this. But I already have a hunch who's this person and I can't wait to snap every bone in their body.

"H-he..." She sniffed. I hugged her tightly, closer. "Hyejoo, h-he doesn't l-like me..."

It was silent. I can only hear her quiet cries and little sniffles. But I thought of that and I smiled.

Great! How am I even smiling after hearing that that bastard doesn't like her? How can I even comfort her through all of this heartbreak of hers? How am I celebrating internally while Chaewon's suffering from her sorrows?

She is still crying in my arms. The cries are not for me, but at least she is in my arms. This is the least I could offer, my warmth. I'm such an evil person. I really don't deserve her. How brazen am I to even like her? I like her so much that whenever the guys around her that gives her the happiness she wants breaks up with her makes my unrequited love jump in joy. I know I can't make her happy like those guys. I know I can't give her the satisfaction those guys give her. I know I am not enough like those guys because I'm her friend. I'm just her friend who must support her love life. I'm just her friend who should be by her side if a guy rejected her. I'm just her friend who can never be more than that.

"T-thank you, Hye..." She wiped her tears on her cheeks as she pulled herself out of my embrace. I held her hands and looked into her eyes, reassuring her that I'm always always always by her side no matter what. She squeezed into my grasp, acknowledging my presence but sadly, not my intention.

She means so so so much to me that someday I must be punished because I can't wish for her happiness. I am more than willing to suffer thousands of punishments for her if that means she won't be happy in someone else's arms.

I hugged her again. "It's okay, Chae. It's okay." She hugged me back and rested her head against my shoulder.

Maybe the endless possibilities in my new found world is solely for her, solely for me. But it's not really meant for us because I'm an evil friend.

I like you so much, Chaewon. I like you so much that I'm so happy that he doesn't like you back.

Chaewon-ah,



I love you.