It was a different kind of hurt today. 

She couldn’t quite put her finger on how it was hurting different today, but it was.

Peeling the blankets away from herself, she gingerly sat up and sat her feet down on the cool marbled floor. 

Gently padding across the room, she entered the living hall and sat down at the sofa. A routine she has unconsciously established ever since she moved in 2 months back. 

Everything was the same as how they were on the day she had moved in. Not one single thing was moved from its place. Her belongings were still boxed up, save for the necessities. 

The apartment she was living in was white, pristine, clean. 

The boxes dulled a bit of the white, but still, the elegance of the house shone through if you looked closely.

The only thing blurring the elegance of this house is just me.She thinks once again, bringing her knees together and hugging them. 

The sliding windows were always open at any time of the day, bringing the cool sea breeze in to calm her heart. It did work, for a few days, where her heart would be cooled, cool enough to heal. 

But once the sun sets and the night takes over, the thoughts and nightmares come, fresh wounds open atop of the ones that were closing and she inevitably collapses against the weight of it. 

Like shooting a mindless arrow into her own heart. 

She pierces her self-loathe and self-depreciation deep into the pits of her heart, making sure that she’s reminded of it every single day for as long as she lives. 

**

She doesn’t cook, neither does she lives to eat, just like how she used to, many moons ago. 

The doorbell rings three times a day, each at a specific hour.

Sometimes she opens the door to collect the food, on the other days she lets them pile up on the front door. 

But occasionally, food would be set up infront of the sofa she always sits on. Needless to say, her only two visitors would come through from the sliding windows to put food on the table, when she was asleep, gently prodding her to eat. 

And because she has to live, she eats. 

Even if this is a life that isn’t worth living anymore, I will still live through it. 

You saved my life back then. Throwing it away would seem like an insult to your memory. 

Slowly, I’ll be back to my original self. But this isn’t the time now. 

You’ll watch over me right? Wheein-ah.