the stressful summer term made me do this. 

also, cavetown's talk to me accompanied me while writing this. highly recommended to listen! it suits well. 

– 

when the news of the enhanced community quarantine broke, seungwan was in her room, preparing and arranging her stuff for tomorrow's classes. the newly bought 15x150 pyrex test tube was safely wrapped in a bundle of newspapers and placed in between her sweater, the sweater that her girlfriend would probably snatch from her bag in the middle of her biochemistry class, reasoning as she's wearing a lab coat, and it would make her feel stuffy anyway.  

when the news of the enhanced community quarantine broke, seungwan had already set their date, the sooner she gets out her last class by 12:30 PM, for burgers and fries and milkshakes. a declaration for all the days they've been busy and missing. 

when the news of the enhanced community quarantine broke, the day before, seungwan played it cool. she didn't divert her eyes from her book, but her heart rate picks up with excitement. she had been in a haze of delight since her girlfriend cleared her schedule, had been so pleased when she arrived ten minutes ago with a dazzling smile on her face and began asking what would they do after their tremendous carb and cal lunch. because, of course, there was more than that. 

when the news of the enhanced community quarantine broke, the morning after, as seungwan watches from her window the overrated cafe that everyone hangs at, her fingers unconsciously grasped her mug of tea far too tight that it burned her. she read the sign closed, matching the headlines on the news for every establishment. 

when the news of the enhanced community quarantine broke, seungwan was trapped in an in-between state of disbelief and anxiety. she knew, she could admit the countless times she wished for a class suspension over her six-day classes and twenty eight units and oh, to just run away from all of it, and give up all the things she'd invested. but that was when she was tired, when she can get over of that exhaustion by sleeping on it. unlike everything else that can be immediately be identifies as a problem, quarantine loneliness was an insidious issue. 

now it's been a hundred and eight days when the news of the enhanced community quarantine broke, and here she was, missing the sizzling warmth of the sun whenever she takes a step outside, of teeters of heels and sneakers in the hallway of arts and science building, the buzz of people around.  

each day she spent in isolation slowly strips any semblance of normalcy away. for some moments now, she can't breathe, the troubling thoughts that creep up on her when the decision to stay indoors wasn't really her decision kept pressed hard on her skull. the prolonged isolation and monotonous routine were starting to make her feel emotionally unhealthy again, reaching to the extent that she was struggling to accomplish even simple activities. it was unnerving, overwhelming.  

the bed was cold, which was ridiculous because she has never had a problem sleeping alone, but that was months ago, when everything was normal by then, when she could settle down next to her, hold her close to her chest when she curled up in her arms as if she was her refuge. when she could drop a kiss to her forehead and her fingers through her hair, listening to her sigh against her neck. then maybe, maybe her hand wouldn't feel the need to drift towards the other side, fingers spanning over the cool, empty sheets that were supposedly covered by the warm of another person. 

god, she missed her.  
 
the only person who made her feel existing when she felt nothing, empty. 

she pursed her lips, steeled her heart against the quiet space of her room, in the moonlit darkness beneath the sheets, blinking past the building tears in her eyes.  

her phone buzzed on her nightstand by then, a shot of them sharing a playful kiss with her girlfriend's smile pressed to her cheek, fingers curled around the collar of her shirt while she hold the phone's camera above them with an outstretched arm briefly flashed on the screen. it must be just another notification by her friends on social media, those friends who would ask her to make up for all the sleep she'd missed, the same people who takes the same course as hers and tell it must be her cortisol level responsible for the overwhelming need of touch has to offer. 

it was during those gaps between the songs on her playlist, the silence that confronts her when she walks across her dorm, alone, the bit of time it takes to wait for her to boil water for that another mug of tea, those were all opportunities for the silent spaces to be filled with anxious thoughts. then there was a sobering mix of fear and loneliness this pandemic brought, sometimes it tolerable, most days its ugly and heavy. seungwan perfectly knew