Some part of her screams that this was her leader. Taeyeon. What was she doing? She should stop! But soon that thought is drowned out by their heavy breaths and the way they were so close that they were practically exchanging air. And, of course, Taeyeon’s slick, wet mouth.

Taeyeon’s on her now, pushing her back and her face is so close. All Jessica can compute is the soft lips against her own, and the hand tugging her closer around her waist. Taeyeon's mouth is hot and needy, and she swipes her tongue along Taeyeon’s lower lip and Taeyeon lips part. For a moment she can’t breathe, she’s caught up in the tugging of hair and the insistent urge to be closer, despite the fact their bodies were already plastered against each other. When she manages to come up for air, she's hit with the dizzying smell of vanilla and something that is distinctly Taeyeon. The other girl stares back at her, cheeks flushed, chest heaving and eyes so dark that Jessica feels like she's being consumed by their intensity. She's not sure who moves first but her lips reacquaint itself with Taeyeon's and the other nips at her own, drawing a sharp inhale from her; it ignites something instinctive inside her and she feels the urge to reciprocate in her own way. Following her instincts, she kisses along Taeyeon’s jaw and down her neck; inhaling the smell of the others milky skin, and despite the sheen of sweat that clings to the other, Jessica finds herself intoxicated. Jessica peppers light kisses along Taeyeon's neck, and marking her way across its expanse. Taeyeon whimpers, arching her neck; an open invitation for her continue.

When Taeyeon pulls her back up again and their eyes meet again. There’s something so attractive and insanely hot about the unkempt appearance of the other that they dive at each other with renewed unrestrained vigour, desire colouring their every move, every touch and every breath. 

They don’t talk about it the next morning. Instead, she finds Taeyeon's left her two pills and a glass of water. 

It keeps happening.

They get drunk and find themselves intimately entwined in their familiar dance, falling asleep in each other’s embrace after they’ve exhausted themselves to the point of no return. 

They still don’t talk about it though.

Jessica has a niggling suspicion that her fellow members know, but maybe that’s because she's the paranoid type. 

Then, Taeyeon’s crying in her arms, and she is the one whispering sweet words into the leader’s ears and her hair; the same hair she's used to tugging insistently at. And at that inappropriate thought, she blushes and curses herself.  She wasn’t drunk, so that was forbidden territory for her sober mind. 

Taeyeon’s sniffles die down, and she begins to speak and although there's probably hundreds of words aside from Baekhyun, it’s the only word Jessica hears, and it feels like a lead weight settled conveniently in the pit of her stomach. 

"Baekhyun" she thinks; and feels unsettled. 

Taeyeon spends the night in her bed and despite this, neither make a move to do anything but sleep. 

The blonde girl's still in her bed, in her arms when she groggily opens her eyes the next morning.

Nothing about their love is conventional she thinks, because they're both...attached but they keep falling into each other’s orbit; hopeless drawn together despite any distance between them, like a comet hurtling along its path in outer space.

And it’s so wrong; they both have people who treat them well.

So why did they always end up at this point? —, vulnerable with nothing but a layer of sweat between them, no space between their bodies, or mouths, or minds so it seemed.

Their friendship is far from usual or consistent (the only thing that is consistent is that they always find each beds). This is the cycle continuing. She’s not surprised when they begin talking again, slowly at first, but then frequently again.

(Bless the poor souls of her members.)

Then, they start hanging out again between schedules and late nights in each other’s apartments.

(Most of them have moved out of their dorms by now.)

"I love you." Taeyeon says one night. It sounds like she's testing the phrase out on her tongue, rolling the syllables around and around, as though she were afraid of mispronouncing it or having it misinterpreted.

Jessica raises an eyebrow at the hesitantly delivered phrase, looking up briefly from her sketchbook. As far as Jessica knew, the other girl could’ve been addressing no-one, an externalised thought or soliloquy of sorts; not directed at anyone in particular. It was an idiosyncrasy that Taeyeon possessed and so, she continued without pause to sketch away in her book. 

She didn’t want to get her hopes up.

Hope? Jessica paused at the thought, surprised by the surmountable disappointment she could feel building. But…why?

The cycle continues. Every night, they came apart. Every morning, they were put back together. Winter, to Spring. Summer to Autumn. 

It goes unmentioned and weeks—months even—pass by like a monotonous routine.

Until, it’s just the two of them again.

"I think I might love him, Sica...and you've mentioned that sometimes it’s not just enough to show someone something, but you had to solidify for them, spell it out and label the indescribable, to tell them in language, in words. I think I’m going to tell him that... soon."

Jessica hums, half-heartedly listening. She feels her stomach churning.  

"You need to sound more convincing than that."

Taeyeon stares right at Jessica; the gaze is piercing, unwavering. Just like Jessica had coached her.

"I love you." She says.

"I love you", Taeyeon says again firmly and almost possessively.

Jessica doesn't know how to respond, so she glances away, face hot and a racing heartbeat caged in her chest.

"Go on a proper date with me." Taeyeon demands as she returns to the dorms one day. Jessica almost trips in shock. 

"What?" She asks not trusting her ears at all. 

"Go on a proper date with me." Taeyeon repeats slowly as if Jessica had suffered concussion and at this rate, she's pretty sure she has in fact suffered a concussion and was now hallucinating. 

"Why...?"

Taeyeon reaches for her hand, and Jessica entwines their fingers together on instinct. 

"I like you...a lot." Taeyeon says, a tinge of pink dusting her cheekbones, her eyes brim with a shy sincerity, and Jessica finds this ironic considering the many times they had be intimately acquainted with one another. She's pretty sure she knows the contours of the other girls off by heart now, and without a doubt, the other girl knows hers too, perhaps more than she does herself. But here they were, like two blushing schoolgirls confessing their love for the first time. 

"I know that, you idiot."

"I just felt like I had to say that, like it was something missing, the last piece of the puzzle, you know?"

Jessica pulls Taeyeon in and captures her lips, Taeyeon exhales and parting softly, kisses her back just as tenderly.

Given their track record, Jessica's unsurprised how the two of them managed to get everything so backwards. 

(But at least they get there, eventually.)