“Let’s break up.”

This was not the line he expected to hear from the other. Well, correction, he would be lying if he didn’t overthink and end up expecting the small probability that the other would just give the relationship up. But he held onto the fact that they had gone through a lot together and this was not supposed to be a big mistake. This was supposed to be just another small quarrel between a pair of lovers.

“Did you really mean what you say?” It was hard to hide the quiver in his voice as tears started to well his eyes. He was trying to hard not to break down here and there.

“Yeah,” a short cold answer was given, but Hyukjae’s eyes refused to meet the younger’s.

Silence. A grim silence.

Donghae kept biting his lower lips while his hands went back and forth between clenching and unclenching his fist. He wasn’t ready for this. Never.

“I thought we were gonna talk about it,” he had to swallow the big lump in his throat that didn’t seem to disappear anytime soon.

“We are,” Hyukjae’s jaw tightened, he shoved his hands into his pockets before finally bringing his gaze to fall onto the younger’s stature. “Aren’t we talking right now?”

Donghae wasn’t quite sure how to put his feelings into words. Disappointment? Anguish? Anger? Shock? One thing for sure, the pang on his chest kept coming, especially when he saw just how cold and emotionless the other’s gaze towards him was.

A short dry laugh was emitted from the younger’s lips, “I didn’t expect you’d say it that easily,” he now could no longer contain the tears that flowed down his cheeks, “Fine. Let’s have it your way.”

Hyukjae’s eyes twitched. Now he was the one who went speechless from the unexpected response he got. He thought Donghae, being Donghae, would at least ask ‘why’ or shout at him or something. But Donghae... was awfully way more quiet and calm to what he had imagined.

“Wow, you didn’t even put up a fight. If you have always wanted this, you should have said so,” he scoffed.

“What the ?” There, a scowl on Donghae’s teary face, “Shouldn’t that be my line? We’ve been together for almost 6 ing years and it seemed so easy for you to end this between us.”

Donghae snapped. He didn’t care if he looked ridiculous from the amount of tears running down his face, or the fact that he had to breathe through his mouth since his nose was literally blocked from him crying.

“I love you, everybody knows that! And the last thing I want is to lose you. But if you no longer want me in your life, then there goes my fighting spirit.”

Hyukjae went silent. He wasn’t quite sure what to say. And it had always been like this. Whenever they had a fight, he would always be lost for words, and went to give the other a cold shoulder while Donghae obviously preferred to pour his feelings out.

“If you’re not happy with me, then I have no choice but to let you go. I love you, and I want you to be happy. But if all I’m giving you is pain and you want me out from your life, then you’d better off without me.”

And again, for not being good in choosing the right words, Hyukjae would find himself hurting Donghae as he tried to defend and shield himself from getting hurt. Did he really want the break up? That was a question he was afraid to find out, and couldn’t actually find a concrete answer.

All these fights had been draining him, and the thoughts of Donghae feeling unsatisfied nor unhappy with how he proceeded with the relationship kept haunting him. He didn’t say it out loud, but deep inside, he feared the rejection he could possibly receive, especially from the person he loves the most.

He was not ready. Never.

“I can’t do this. Us. At least not now,” he peeled his eyes away from the younger, he couldn’t meet those teary eyes or he would feel like he deserved a life-sentence for hurting the person he loves the most.

But he needed some time, to get himself into the right mind. Or he would only end up hurting Donghae more and more.

“... So it’s final, huh?” Donghae bit his lower lip, trying to hold himself from crying out loud. The corners of his lips twitched. He didn’t want this to end, but if it had to, then he didn’t want it to end this way. He should at least send you off with a smile, shouldn’t he?

A mere nod was given as an answer, as Hyukjae couldn’t bear to see what kind of face Donghae made as he had just delivered the final blow.

“Alright,” Donghae took a deep breath as he brought his face up to look at Hyukjae. He was trying so hard to smile, but within seconds, that smile would dissipate into a cry. “Then... thank you for all the memories you’ve given me... for everything...”

Stop. Hyukjae screamed inwardly. He didn’t want to cry, and he could feel his eyes getting hot by any seconds.

“I...” Donghae’s voice cracked, the man could no longer continue what he wanted to say, as his voice was nowhere to be found. “... I’m sorry...”

He lowered his head as he could no longer contain his silent cry.

“Me too. Thank you, and I’m sorry for everything.”

For hurting you. Again.

Yet those words remained unspoken as he decided to finally turn his heels around after staying in the silence for a minute. He needed to go, or he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back and keep his composure.

As Donghae saw the feet walked away from him, his legs finally gave in. The cry was no longer silent, the anguish of losing the man he loves was way too much for him to handle. He felt like a big part of him had just got ripped away, leaving him heavily wounded.

It hurt. It hurt so ing bad.

His worst fear and nightmare had just come to a reality.

Rejection.